The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (452 page)

ANTONIO

Thou know'st that all my fortunes are at sea;

Neither have I money nor commodity

To raise a present sum: therefore go forth;

Try what my credit can in Venice do:

That shall be rack'd, even to the uttermost,

To furnish thee to Belmont, to fair Portia.

Go, presently inquire, and so will I,

Where money is, and I no question make

To have it of my trust or for my sake.

You know that all my money is invested in my ships,

And I don’t have the money on hand or the goods

To raise the cash you need. So, let’s go

And see what my good credit in Venice can drum up:

We’ll get as big a loan as possible

To provide what you need to get to Belmont and beautiful Portia.

Go ask around, and so will I,

Let’s find out where the money is and I won’t hesitate

To sign for it in my name.

Exeunt

Enter PORTIA and NERISSA

PORTIA

By my troth, Nerissa, my little body is aweary of

this great world.

My word, but my little body is so tired of this big world.

NERISSA

You would be, sweet madam, if your miseries were in

the same abundance as your good fortunes are: and

yet, for aught I see, they are as sick that surfeit

with too much as they that starve with nothing. It

is no mean happiness therefore, to be seated in the

mean: superfluity comes sooner by white hairs, but

competency lives longer.

You would be tired, as well, if your troubles were in

the same proportion as your fortunes are, and

yet, from what I see, people who have too much get as sick

from having too much as those who starve and have nothing. It

is no small happiness, therefore, to be right in the

middle: having too much ages one faster, while

having just enough extends your life.

PORTIA

Good sentences and well pronounced.

True words, and well spoken.

NERISSA

They would be better, if well followed.

They would be even better if you followed them.

PORTIA

If to do were as easy as to know what were good to

do, chapels had been churches and poor men's

cottages princes' palaces. It is a good divine that

follows his own instructions: I can easier teach

twenty what were good to be done, than be one of the

twenty to follow mine own teaching. The brain may

devise laws for the blood, but a hot temper leaps

o'er a cold decree: such a hare is madness the

youth, to skip o'er the meshes of good counsel the

cripple. But this reasoning is not in the fashion to

choose me a husband. O me, the word 'choose!' I may

neither choose whom I would nor refuse whom I

dislike; so is the will of a living daughter curbed

by the will of a dead father. Is it not hard,

Nerissa, that I cannot choose one nor refuse none?

If it were as easy to do as it is to know what good to

do, small chapels would be great churches and poor men’s

cottages would become prince’s palaces. It is a good priest who

follows his own instructions: I can easier teach

twenty people of the good that can be done than be one of the

twenty to follow my own teaching. The brain can

come up with laws for the blood, but a hot temper overtakes

a well-thought out decision: just like a rabbit,

young people jump over the nets of good advice

held by crippled old men. But thinking in this way is not the sort that

will help choose a husband. Oh, my! The word ‘choose!’ I can

not choose who I’d like or refuse who I

don’t like; such is the fate of a living daughter restricted

by the wishes of a dead father. It’s hard, isn’t it,

Nerissa, that I can’t choose one or refuse any?

NERISSA

Your father was ever virtuous; and holy men at their

death have good inspirations: therefore the lottery,

that he hath devised in these three chests of gold,

silver and lead, whereof who chooses his meaning

chooses you, will, no doubt, never be chosen by any

rightly but one who shall rightly love. But what

warmth is there in your affection towards any of

these princely suitors that are already come?

Your father was a good man, and religious men at their

death sometimes have well-intentioned ideas, and that’s why we have the lottery

he came up with using these three trunks of gold,

silver and lead, where whoever can figure out the right answer

chooses you and the trunk won’t, don’t doubt it, be chosen by any

except the one who is right for you. But

are you having warm feelings toward any of

these princely suitors that have already arrived?

PORTIA

I pray thee, over-name them; and as thou namest

them, I will describe them; and, according to my

description, level at my affection.

I’ll tell you what—go over their names, and as you name

them, I will describe them, and according to my

description you will be able to guess how I feel about them.

NERISSA

First, there is the Neapolitan prince.

First, there is the Neapolitan prince.

PORTIA

Ay, that's a colt indeed, for he doth nothing but

talk of his horse; and he makes it a great

appropriation to his own good parts, that he can

shoe him himself. I am much afeard my lady his

mother played false with a smith.

Yes, now there’s a foolish youth, for sure, who does nothing but

talk about his horse, and he makes a big deal

that he has the unique ability of being able to

shoe the horse himself. I very much fear the woman

who is his mother had an affair with a blacksmith.

NERISSA

Then there is the County Palatine.

Next is the County Palatine.

PORTIA

He doth nothing but frown, as who should say 'If you

will not have me, choose:' he hears merry tales and

smiles not: I fear he will prove the weeping

philosopher when he grows old, being so full of

unmannerly sadness in his youth. I had rather be

married to a death's-head with a bone in his mouth

than to either of these. God defend me from these

two!

He does nothing but frown, as if to say ‘If you

do not choose me, I do not care.’ He hears happy stories and

does not smile at them: I suspect he will be the sad

philosopher when he grows old since he is so full of

inappropriate sadness in his youth. I would rather be

married to a skull with a bone in it mouth

than to either of these. God forbid I end up

with one of them!

NERISSA

How say you by the French lord, Monsieur Le Bon?

What do you think about the French lord, Monsieur Le Bon?

PORTIA

God made him, and therefore let him pass for a man.

In truth, I know it is a sin to be a mocker: but,

he! why, he hath a horse better than the

Neapolitan's, a better bad habit of frowning than

the Count Palatine; he is every man in no man; if a

throstle sing, he falls straight a capering: he will

fence with his own shadow: if I should marry him, I

should marry twenty husbands. If he would despise me

I would forgive him, for if he love me to madness, I

shall never requite him.

God made him so let’s call him a man.

Truth be told, I know it is a sin to make fun of people, but

him! He has a horse better than the prince

for Naples and a better way of frowning than

the Count Palatine; he is every man you’d want in no man. If a

bird begins to sing, he begins to prance; he will

fence with his own shadow to show off. If I were to marry him

I would marry twenty husbands. It he were to hate me

I would forgive him, and if he were to love me to madness, I

would never give him the same love.

NERISSA

What say you, then, to Falconbridge, the young baron

of England?

Well, what do you say about Falconbridge, the young baron

of England?

PORTIA

You know I say nothing to him, for he understands

not me, nor I him: he hath neither Latin, French,

nor Italian, and you will come into the court and

swear that I have a poor pennyworth in the English.

He is a proper man's picture, but, alas, who can

converse with a dumb-show? How oddly he is suited!

I think he bought his doublet in Italy, his round

hose in France, his bonnet in Germany and his

behavior every where.

I really have nothing to say about him because he does not understand

me, and I don’t understand him. He doesn’t speak Latin, French,

or Italian, and anyone in the court knows

I don’t know English of any value at all.

He’s really good looking, but who can

talk with someone who doesn’t understand them? And he was dressed so weirdly!

He must have bought his jacket in Italy, his tights

in France, his hat in Germany and his

way of behaving everywhere.

NERISSA

What think you of the Scottish lord, his neighbour?

What do you think of his neighbor, the Scottish lord?

PORTIA

That he hath a neighbourly charity in him, for he

borrowed a box of the ear of the Englishman and

swore he would pay him again when he was able: I

think the Frenchman became his surety and sealed

under for another.

I think he has a neighborly generosity about him, because he

took a slap to the ear by the Englishman and

swore he would pay him back as soon as he was able. I

think the Frenchman guaranteed he would help the Scotsman

and then added a slap of his own.

NERISSA

How like you the young German, the Duke of Saxony's nephew?