The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (1082 page)

man born in April.

I'll swear it's true; he will cry for you like the April showers.

CRESSIDA.

And I'll spring up in his tears, an 'twere a nettle

against May. [Sound a retreat]

And I'll grow from them, like a nettle

growing in May.

PANDARUS.

Hark! they are coming from the field. Shall we stand up

here and see them as they pass toward Ilium? Good niece, do,

sweet niece Cressida.

Listen! They are coming back from the battle. Shall we stand up

hear and see them as they pass on their way to Troy? Good niece, do,

sweet niece Cressida.

CRESSIDA.

At your pleasure.

As you wish.

PANDARUS.

Here, here, here's an excellent place; here we may see

most bravely. I'll tell you them all by their names as they pass

by; but mark Troilus above the rest.

Here, here is an excellent place; here we can see

very well. I'll tell you who they all are as they pass

by; but look out for Troilus most of all.

AENEAS passes

CRESSIDA.

Speak not so loud.

Don't talk so loudly.

PANDARUS.

That's Aeneas. Is not that a brave man? He's one of the

flowers of Troy, I can tell you. But mark Troilus; you shall see

anon.

That's Aeneas. Isn't that a great man? He's one of the

greatest in Troy, I can tell you. But look out for Troilus; you shall see

him soon.

ANTENOR passes

CRESSIDA. Who's that?

Who's that?

PANDARUS.

That's Antenor. He has a shrewd wit, I can tell you; and

he's a man good enough; he's one o' th' soundest judgments in

Troy, whosoever, and a proper man of person. When comes Troilus?

I'll show you Troilus anon. If he see me, you shall see him nod

at me.

That's Antenor. He's a clever fellow, I can tell you; and

he's a good man too; one of the best thinkers in

Troy, as good as anyone, and a fine figure of a man. When does Troilus come?

I'll show you Troilus soon. If he sees me, you shall see him nod

to me.

CRESSIDA.

Will he give you the nod?

Will he give you the nod?
(Slang for "make you a fool" - Ed)

PANDARUS.

You shall see.

You shall see.

CRESSIDA.

If he do, the rich shall have more.

If he does, you will be even more so.

HECTOR passes

PANDARUS.

That's Hector, that, that, look you, that; there's a

fellow! Go thy way, Hector! There's a brave man, niece. O brave

Hector! Look how he looks. There's a countenance! Is't not a

brave man?

That's Hector, there, there, look, there; there's a

man! Good for you, Hector! There's a good man, niece. Oh great

Hector! Look at his expression. There's a face! Isn't he a

great man?

CRESSIDA.

O, a brave man!

Oh, a great man!

PANDARUS.

Is 'a not? It does a man's heart good. Look you what

hacks are on his helmet! Look you yonder, do you see? Look you

there. There's no jesting; there's laying on; take't off who

will, as they say. There be hacks.

Isn't he just? It does a man's heart good to see him. Look at the

dents on his helmet! Look over there, can you see? Look over

there. That was no play fighting, those were heavy blows,

there's no denying it, as the saying goes. Those are gashes.

CRESSIDA.

Be those with swords?

Were they made with swords?

PANDARUS.

Swords! anything, he cares not; an the devil come to him,

it's all one. By God's lid, it does one's heart good. Yonder

comes Paris, yonder comes Paris.

PARIS passes

Look ye yonder, niece; is't not a gallant man too, is't not? Why, this is brave now. Who said he came hurt home to-day? He's not hurt. Why, this will do Helen's heart good now, ha! Would I could see Troilus now! You shall see Troilus anon.

Swords! It could have been anything, he doesn't care. If the devil came to him it would be the same to him. By God, it does one's heart good. Here comes Paris, here comes Paris.

Paris passes

Look over there, niece; that's a brave man too,

isn't it? Well, this is amazing. Who said he came

back wounded today? He's not wounded. Why, Helen will be

pleased with this! I wish I could see Troilus

now! You shall see Troilus soon.

HELENUS passes

CRESSIDA.

Who's that?

Who's that?

PANDARUS.

That's Helenus. I marvel where Troilus is. That's

Helenus. I think he went not forth to-day. That's Helenus.

That's Helenus.I wonder where Troilus is. That's

Helenus. I don't think he went to battle today. That's Helenus.

CRESSIDA.

Can Helenus fight, uncle?

Can Helenus fight, uncle?

PANDARUS.

Helenus! no. Yes, he'll fight indifferent well. I marvel

where Troilus is. Hark! do you not hear the people cry 'Troilus'?

Helenus is a priest.

Helenus! No–yes he can fight reasonably well.

I wonder where Troilus is. Listen, can't you hear the

people crying ‘Troilus’? Helenus is a priest.

CRESSIDA.

What sneaking fellow comes yonder?

Who's that creep over there?

TROILUS passes

PANDARUS.

Where? yonder? That's Deiphobus. 'Tis Troilus. There's a

man, niece. Hem! Brave Troilus, the prince of chivalry!

Where, over there? That's Deiphobus. It's Troilus. There's a

man,niece. Ahem! Brave Troilus, the Prince of chivalry!

CRESSIDA.

Peace, for shame, peace!

Be quiet, you're embarrassing!

PANDARUS.

Mark him; note him. O brave Troilus! Look well upon him,

niece; look you how his sword is bloodied, and his helm more

hack'd than Hector's; and how he looks, and how he goes! O

admirable youth! he never saw three and twenty. Go thy way,

Troilus, go thy way. Had I a sister were a grace or a daughter a

goddess, he should take his choice. O admirable man! Paris? Paris

is dirt to him; and, I warrant, Helen, to change, would give an

eye to boot.

Look at him; make a note of him. O brave Troilus! Look carefully at him,

niece; look how his sword is bloodied, and his helmet is more

dented than Hector's; look at the way he looks, the way he walks!

What a wonderful youth! He is not yet twenty-three. Good for you,

Troilus, good for you. If I had a sister or a daughter who were

goddesses, he should have his pick. What a wonderful man! Paris? Paris

is like dirt to him; and I bet that Helen would give an eye

to swap them.

CRESSIDA.

Here comes more.

Here come more.

Common soldiers pass

PANDARUS.

Asses, fools, dolts! chaff and bran, chaff and bran!

porridge after meat! I could live and die in the eyes of Troilus.

Ne'er look, ne'er look; the eagles are gone. Crows and daws,

crows and daws! I had rather be such a man as Troilus than

Agamemnon and all Greece.

Asses,fools, idiots! Cannon fodder, cannon fodder!

Soup after meat! I could live and die in Troilus' company.

Don't bother looking, don't bother; the eagles have passed. These are crows

and jackdaws! I would rather be a man like Troilus than be

Agamemnon and rule all of Greece.

CRESSIDA.

There is amongst the Greeks Achilles, a better man than

Troilus.

The Greeks have Achilles, a better man than

Troilus.

PANDARUS.

Achilles? A drayman, a porter, a very camel!

Achilles? A carter, a servant, an absolute beast!

CRESSIDA.

Well, well.

Well, whatever.

PANDARUS.

Well, well! Why, have you any discretion? Have you any

eyes? Do you know what a man is? Is not birth, beauty, good

shape, discourse, manhood, learning, gentleness, virtue, youth,

liberality, and such like, the spice and salt that season a man?

Well, whatever! Haven't you any taste?

Have you got eyes? Do you know what a man is? Isn't

birth, beauty, a good figure, good conversation, manliness, education,

gentleness, virtue, youth, generosity and so on the things that

go to make a tasty man?

CRESSIDA.

Ay, a minc'd man; and then to be bak'd with no date in

the pie, for then the man's date is out.

Yes, a minced up man; one who should be baked without

dates, because he's past his sell by date.

PANDARUS.

You are such a woman! A man knows not at what ward you

lie.

What a woman you are! Nobody can get past your defences.

CRESSIDA.

Upon my back, to defend my belly; upon my wit, to defend

my wiles; upon my secrecy, to defend mine honesty; my mask, to

defend my beauty; and you, to defend all these; and at all these

wards I lie at, at a thousand watches.

I'll lie on my back, to defend my virginity; use my wit to defend

my cunning; I'll defend my chastity by protecting my secret places;

I'll wear a mask to protect my beauty; and I'll have you to defend

everything; I'll keep all these defences around me, for a

thousand nights.

PANDARUS.

Say one of your watches.

Say what keeps you awake.

CRESSIDA.

Nay, I'll watch you for that; and that's one of the

chiefest of them too. If I cannot ward what I would not have hit,

I can watch you for telling how I took the blow; unless it swell

past hiding, and then it's past watching.

No, you can keep awake for that; and that's one of the

chief defences as well. If I can't ward off the attack,

you can make sure fact of it is kept secret; unless

I swell up beyond hiding, and then it will be too late.

PANDARUS.

You are such another!

What a woman you are!

Enter TROILUS' BOY

BOY.

Sir, my lord would instantly speak with you.

Sir, my lord wants to speak with you at once.