The Complete Mapp & Lucia (168 page)

“It shall look lovely. Another thing. I’m going to stop my financial career for the present. I shall sell out my tobacco shares—realize them is the phrase we use—on which I have made large profits. I pointed out to my broker, that, in my opinion, tobaccos were high enough, and he sees the soundness of that.”

Georgie silently interpreted this swanky statement. It meant, of course, that Mammoncash had recommended their sale; but there was no need to express this. He murmured agreement.

“Also I must rid myself of this continual strain,” Lucia went on. “I am ashamed of myself, but I find it absorbs me too much: it keeps me on the stretch to be always watching the markets and estimating the effect of political disturbances. The Polish corridor, Hitler, Geneva, the new American president. I shall close my ledgers.”

They climbed in silence up the steep steps by the Norman tower. They were in considerable need of repair, and Lucia, contemplating the grey bastion in front, stumbled badly over an uneven paving-stone.

“These ought to be looked to,” she said. “I must make a note of that.”

“Are you going to have them repaired?” asked Georgie humorously.

“Quite possibly. You see, I’ve made a great deal of money, Georgie. I’ve made eight thousand pounds—”

“My dear, what a sum. I’d no notion.”

“Naturally one does not talk about it,” said Lucia loftily. “But there it is, and I shall certainly spend a great deal of it, keeping some for myself—the labourer is worthy of his hire—on Tilling. I want—how can I put it—to be a fairy godmother to the dear little place. For instance, I expect the plans for my new operating-theatre at the hospital in a day or two. That I regard as necessary. I have told the Mayor that I shall provide it, and he will announce my gift to the Governors when they meet next week. He is terribly keen that I should accept a place on the Board: really he’s always worrying me about it. I think I shall allow him to nominate me. My election, he says, will be a mere formality, and will give great pleasure.”

Georgie agreed. He felt he was getting an insight into Lucia’s schemes, for it was impossible not to remember that after her gift of the organ she reluctantly consented to be a member of the Church Council.

“And do you know, Georgie,” she went on, “they elected me only to-day to be President of the Tilling Cricket Club. Fancy! Twenty pounds did that—I mean I was only too glad to give them the heavy roller which they want very much, and I was never more astonished in my life than when those two nice young fellows, the foreman of the gas works and the town surveyor—”

“Oh yes, Georgie and Per,” said he, “who laughed so much over the smell in the garden-room, and started you on your Roman—”

“Those were their names,” said Lucia. “They came to see me and begged me to allow them to nominate me as their President, and I was elected unanimously to-day. I promised to appear at a cricket match they have to-morrow against a team they called the Zingari. I hope they did not see me shudder, for as you know it should be ‘I Zingâri’: the Italian for ‘gipsies.’ And the whole of their cricket ground wants levelling and relaying. I shall walk over it with them, and look into it for myself.”

“I didn’t know you took any interest in any game,” said Georgie.

“Georgino, how you misjudge me! I’ve always held, always, that games and sport are among the strongest and most elevating influences in English life. Think of Lord’s, and all those places where they play football, and the Lonsdale belt for boxing, and Wimbledon. Think of the crowds here, for that matter, at cricket and football matches on early closing days. Half the townspeople of Tilling are watching them: Tilling takes an immense interest in sport. They all tell me that people will much appreciate my becoming their President. You must come with me to-morrow to the match.”

“But I don’t know a bat from a ball,” said Georgie.

“Nor do I, but we shall soon learn. I want to enter into every side of life here. We are too narrow in our interests. We must get a larger outlook, Georgie, a wider sympathy. I understand they play football on the cricket ground in the winter.”

“Football’s a sealed book to me,” said Georgie, “and I don’t intend to unseal it.”

They had come back to Mallards, and Lucia standing on the doorstep looked over the cobbled street with its mellow brick houses.

“
Bella piccolo città!”
she exclaimed. “Dinner at eight here, isn’t it, and bring some
musica.
How I enjoy our little domestic evenings.”

“Domestic”: just the word “domestic” stuck in Georgie’s mind as he touched up his beard, and did a little sewing while it dried, before he dressed for dinner. It nested in his head, like a woodpecker, and gave notice of its presence there by a series of loud taps at frequent intervals. No doubt Lucia was only referring to their usual practice of dining together and playing the piano afterwards, or sitting (even more domestically) as they often did, each reading a book in easy silence with casual remarks. Such a mode of spending the evening was infinitely pleasanter and more sensible than that they should sit, she at Mallards and he at the Cottage, over solitary meals and play long solos on their pianos instead of those adventurous duets. No doubt she had meant nothing more than that by the word.

The party from the bungalows, the Mapp-Flints and the Padre and his wife, came into Tilling next day to see the cricket match. They mingled with the crowd and sat on public benches, and Elizabeth observed with much uneasiness how Lucia and Georgie were conducted by the town surveyor to reserved deck-chairs by the pavilion: she was afraid that meant something sinister. Lucia had put a touch of sun-burn rouge on her face, in order to convey the impression that she often spent a summer day watching cricket, and she soon learned the difference between bats and balls: but she should have studied the game a little more before she asked Per, when three overs had been bowled and no wicket had fallen, who was getting the best of it. A few minutes later a Tilling wicket fell and Per went in. He immediately skied a ball in the direction of long on, and Lucia clapped her hands wildly. “Oh, look, Georgie,” she said. “What a beautiful curve the ball is describing! And so high. Lovely… What? Has he finished already?”

Tilling was out for eighty-seven runs, and between the inningses, Lucia, in the hat which the
Hastings Chronicle
had already described, was escorted out to look at the pitch by the merry brothers. She had learned so much about cricket in the last hour that her experienced eye saw at once that the greater part of the field ought to be levelled and the turf relaid. Nobody took any particular notice of Georgie, so while Lucia was inspecting the pitch he slunk away and lunched at home. She, as President of the Tilling Club, lunched with the two teams in the pavilion, and found several opportunities of pronouncing the word Zingâri properly.

The bungalow-party having let their houses picnicked on sandwiches and indulged in gloomy conjecture as to what Lucia’s sudden appearance in sporting circles signified. Then Benjy walked up to the Club nominally to see if there were any letters for him and actually to have liquid refreshment to assuage the thirst caused by the briny substances which Elizabeth had provided for lunch, and brought back the sickening intelligence that Lucia had been elected President of the Tilling Cricket Club.

“I’m not in the least surprised,” said Elizabeth. “I suspected something of the sort. Nor shall I be surprised if she plays football for Tilling in the winter. Shorts, and a jersey of Tilling colours. Probably that hat.”

Satire, it was felt, had said its last word.

The
Hastings Chronicle
on the next Saturday was a very painful document. It contained a large-print paragraph on its middle page headed “Munificent Gift by Mrs. Lucas of Mallards House, Tilling.” Those who felt equal to reading further then learnt that she had most graciously consented to become President of the Tilling Cricket Club, and had offered, at the Annual General Meeting of the Club, held after the XI’s match against the Zingâri, to have the cricket field levelled and relaid. She had personally inspected it (so said Mrs. Lucas in her Presidential address) and was convinced that Tilling would never be able to do itself justice at the King of Games till this was done. She therefore considered it a privilege, as President of the Club, in which she had always taken so deep an interest, to undertake this work (loud and prolonged applause)… This splendid gift would benefit footballers as well as cricketers since they used the same ground, and the Committee of the football club, having ascertained Mrs. Lucas’s feelings on the subject, had unanimously elected her as President.

The very next week there were more of these frightful revelations. Again there was that headline, “Munificent Gift, etc!” This time it was the Tilling Hospital. At a meeting of the Governors the Mayor announced that Mrs. Lucas (already known as the Friend of the Poor) had offered to build a new operating-theatre, and to furnish it with the most modern equipment according to the plan and schedule which he now laid before them—Elizabeth was reading this aloud to Benjy, as they lunched in the verandah of their bungalow, in an indignant voice. At this point she covered up with her hand the remainder of the paragraph.

“Mark my words, Benjy,” she said. “I prophesy that what happened next was that the Governors accepted this gift with the deepest gratitude and did themselves the honour of inviting her to a seat on the Board.”

It was all too true, and Elizabeth finished the stewed plums in silence. She rose to make coffee.

“The
Hastings Chronicle
ought to keep ‘Munificent Gift by Mrs. Lucas of Mallards House, Tilling,’ permanently set up in type,” she observed. “And ‘House’ is new. In my day and Aunt Caroline’s before me, ‘Mallards’ was grand enough. It will be ‘Mallards Palace’ before she’s finished with it.”

But with this last atrocity, the plague of munificences was stayed for the present. August cooled down into September, and September disgraced itself at the season of its spring tides by brewing a terrific southwest gale. The sea heaped up by the continued press of the wind broke through the shingle bank on the coast and flooded the low land behind, where some of the bungalows stood. That inhabited by the Padre and Evie was built on a slight elevation and escaped being inundated, but the Mapp-Flints were swamped. Nearly a foot of water covered the rooms on the ground floor, and until it subsided, the house was uninhabitable unless you treated it like a palazzo on the Grand Canal at Venice, and had a gondola moored to the banisters of the stairs. News of the disaster was brought to Tilling by the Padre when he bicycled in to take Mattins on Sunday morning. He met Lucia at the church door, and in a few vivid sentences described how the unfortunate couple had waded ashore. They had breakfasted with him and Evie and would lunch and sup there, but then they would have to wade back again to sleep, since he had no spare room. A sad holiday experience: and he hurried off to the vestry to robe.

The beauty of her organ wrought upon Lucia, for she had asked the organist to play Falberg’s “Storm at Sea” as a voluntary at the end of the service, and, as she listened, the inexorable might of Nature, of which the Mapp-Flints were victims, impressed itself on her. Moreover she really enjoyed dispensing benefits with a bountiful hand on the worthy and unworthy alike, and by the time the melodious storm was over she had made up her mind to give board and lodging to the refugees until the salt water had ebbed from their ground-floor rooms. Grebe was still let and resonant with forty-seven canaries, and she must shelter them, as Noah took back the dove sent out over the waste of waters, in the Ark of their old home… She joined softly in the chorale of passengers and sailors, and left the church with Georgie.

“I shall telephone to them at once, Georgie,” she said, “and offer to take them in at Mallards House. The car shall fetch them after lunch.”

“I wouldn’t,” said Georgie. “Why shouldn’t they go to an hotel?”

“
Caro,
simply because they wouldn’t go,” said Lucia. “They would continue to wade to their beds and sponge on the Padre. Besides if their bungalow collapsed—it is chiefly made of laths tied together with pieces of string and pebbles from the shore—and buried them in the ruins, I should truly regret it. Also I welcome the opportunity of doing a kindness to poor Elizabeth. Mallards House will always be at the service of the needy. I imagine it will only be for a day or two. You must promise to lunch and dine with me, won’t you, as long as they are with me, for I don’t think I could bear them alone.”

Lucia adopted the seignorial manner suitable to the donor of organs and operating-theatres. She instructed Grosvenor to telephone in the most cordial terms to Mrs. Mapp-Flint, and wrote out what she should say. Mrs. Lucas could not come to the telephone herself at that moment, but she sent her sympathy, and insisted on their making Mallards House their home, till the bungalow was habitable again: she thought she could make them quite comfortable in her little house. Elizabeth of course accepted her hospitality though it was odd that she had not telephoned herself. So Lucia made arrangements for the reception of her guests. She did not intend to give up her bedroom and dressing-room which they had occupied before, since it would be necessary to bring another bed in, and it would be very inconvenient to turn out herself. Besides, so it happily occurred to her, it would arouse very poignant emotion if they found themselves in their old nuptial chamber. Elizabeth should have the pleasant room looking over the garden, and Benjy the one at the end of the passage, and the little sitting-room next Elizabeth’s should be devoted to their exclusive use. That would be princely hospitality, and thus the garden-room, where she always sat, would not be invaded during the day. After tea, they might play Bridge there, and of course use it after dinner for more Bridge or music. Then it was time to send Cadman with the motor to fetch them, and Lucia furnished it with a thick fur rug and a hot water-bottle in case they had caught cold with their wadings. She put a Sunday paper in their sitting-room, and strewed a few books about to give it an inhabited air, and went out as usual for her walk, for it would be more in the seigniorial style if Grosvenor settled them in, and she herself casually returned about tea-time, certain that everything would have been done for their comfort.