The Color of a Dream (12 page)

Jesse glanced at me. “Sounds like you
already have this figured out.”

I shook my head. “Oh no. Not by a long shot.
He lives on the other side of the country, so how is that going to
work? He wants full custody. It feels like a war with all sorts of
little battles to fight in different places, and I really don’t
feel up to that right now. It’s been a rough year.”

I gazed out the rain-soaked window and
listened to the sound of the tires swishing through puddles on the
streets.

“How so?” Jesse asked.

I don’t know why I suddenly felt a need to
clam up when I’d been blathering on for the past five minutes, but
something kept me from telling him about my surgery. Maybe I’d
simply shared enough for one day.

I turned my gaze to meet his and he stared
at me for a few seconds.

“Never mind,” he said. “It’s none of my
business.”

Was I that easy to read?

I shrugged, as if to make light of it. “It’s
no big deal. I just never expected to be a single mother. It wasn’t
exactly what I planned, you know?”

He nodded.

“So what about you?” I asked, needing to
change the subject. “Do you have kids?”

“No.” He grinned at me. “But not for lack of
trying.”

Baffled and somewhat amused by his response,
I laughed. “I’m not sure how to take that.”

He flicked the blinker and turned left at an
intersection with a flashing green light. “Me neither. I guess I’ve
had a rough year, too.”

Suddenly, my interest in Jesse Fraser
quadrupled. As I watched his profile in the hazy gray light, I
noted that he looked nothing like Rick, who was ridiculously
charming and classically handsome with his striking dark
features.

Jesse didn’t possess the same
whack-you-over-the-head charisma. He had a quieter personality and
far less striking coloring and facial features. It was almost
difficult to believe they were brothers.

He turned to glance at me and began to
explain the rough year he’d had. “I was with a woman for five years
and I proposed more than once, but she was never sure. We finally
agreed to pack it in and move on.” He paused. “Well,
she
agreed to move on. If it had been up to me, we’d be married right
now with a kid on the way.”

The wipers snapped vigorously back and forth
across the windshield. “I’m sorry to hear that,” I said.
“Sometimes, love sucks.”

“Tell me about it.”

He turned onto my street and I pointed.
“Keep going a little further. Just a bit more. I live right there.
The one with the flowers in the window boxes. They’re getting a
good soaking today.”

Jesse pulled over and I reached for my purse
on the floor. “This was really nice of you,” I said. “Not just the
ride home, but for meeting us today.”

“I don’t know how helpful I was,” he said.
“Everything I know about Rick is old news, over a decade old. And
people change.”

I locked eyes with him. “Do you really
believe that?”

“Of course.”

“Then why haven’t you spoken to him? Or to
your parents?”

He inclined his head. “Good point, Nadia.
And why haven’t they spoken to
me
?”

I smiled. “We could go back and forth with
this all day.”

“But we won’t,” he replied with a grin,
“because you have a baby to get home to.”

I smiled. “Yes.” I opened the door to step
out, but halted when my foot landed on the wet curb. I pulled my
leg back in and quickly shut the door.

“She’s your niece, you know.”

“I know that,” he replied. “That’s why I
agreed to meet you today.”

I paused. “Did you think I was going to
bring her?”

He tapped his thumbs on the steering wheel.
“I didn’t know.”

Maybe it was foolish of me—which was nothing
new because I had made more than a few stupid decisions in my
life—but I reached out and touched Jesse’s arm. “Would you like to
meet her now?”

His eyes clouded over with intensity, then
he shut off the car engine and unbuckled his seatbelt. “Yeah, I
would.”

Ellen was a child who thrived on routine, so
it came as no surprise to me that she was asleep in her crib when
we walked through the door.

I paid the sitter, thanked her, and said
good-bye at the door, then I took Jesse’s coat and hung it on the
hall tree.

“She probably won’t wake up for another
hour,” I said, “so can I offer you a cup of coffee? Or you could
come upstairs with me now while I check on her.”

“Really? If you don’t mind…?”

“Not at all. She’s so cute when she’s
sleeping but we’ll have to be quiet. We’ll tiptoe.”

Was I mad, inviting a perfect stranger into
my bedroom when there was no one else in the house? Probably. But
for some reason I couldn’t yet explain, I trusted this man.

I led the way and he followed me up the
creaky stairs. “We share a room,” I told him when we reached the
top. “This is actually Diana’s house but she lets me stay here. I
don’t know what I’d do without her.”

When we reached my room, I was relieved to
see that I had made my bed that morning and there were no clothes
or toys flung about.

Together we approached the crib and looked
in on Ellen who was sprawled on her back in her light pink pajamas.
She looked so adorable I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and
slobber all over her.

I gripped the top of the crib rail. “There
she is. I love to watch her sleep.”

He stared at her for a moment. “She’s
beautiful.”

We didn’t stay too long before we quietly
tiptoed back downstairs.

“I can still make some coffee,” I said when
we reached the bottom, “if you want to stay until she wakes
up.”

“I’d love a coffee if it’s not too much
trouble,” he replied.

“Not at all.”

He followed me into the kitchen and I
withdrew the grounds from the cupboard, then scooped them into the
top of the coffee maker.

“I suppose someone who does shiftwork must
drink a lot of coffee,” I said.

“I don’t mind working nights,” he replied,
“if I can stick to that schedule for a while. Your body gets used
to it. It’s when they move you around from days to nights… That’s
when it’s rough.”

I filled the coffee maker with water and
pushed the start button. Then I pulled two mugs from the shelf.
“Cream or sugar?”

“Just milk,” he replied.

I retrieved the milk from the fridge and set
everything on the table, then leaned against the counter to wait
while the coffee brewed.

Jesse sat down and picked up the saltshaker
that was in the shape of a bird house. He examined it briefly, then
set it down and said, “I really can’t understand how my brother—how
any
man—wouldn’t want to know his own child. Your sister
said he gave you money to stay away? He asked you never to contact
him again?”

“Money and a car,” I explained. “Which is
why I was surprised to get his petition this week.”

Jesse shook his head. “He and I were always
very different. He would flit from one girl to another and I don’t
think he ever had his heart broken. Not while I knew him.
Meanwhile, I always had a hard time letting go. I never wanted to
lose anyone.”

The coffee pot gurgled noisily and then grew
quiet. I poured two cups and carried them to the table.

“It makes you wonder about nature versus
nurture,” I said. “You and Rick share the same genes, were raised
in the same house by the same parents, yet your personalities and
how you interact with people turned out to be very different. Diana
and I were born as twins, reared apart, and our lives had very
little in common when we met, yet deep down, I think we’re alike. I
guess at the end of the day every person is unique, and how they
respond to their environment can vary.”

Jesse poured some milk into his coffee.
“I’ve often thought about that too. But all the pondering in the
world can’t help me understand how Rick could send you away like he
did, or how he could have treated Angela the way he did all those
years ago—and then not even go to her funeral.” He shook his head.
“I thought I was over it, but seeing your daughter just now…
His
daughter…” Jesse slowly sipped his coffee.

“I know,” I said. “There’s a resemblance
there.”

“The dark hair,” he said.

I poured milk into my own cup. “Not to
complicate matters, but here’s my next question: Can a leopard
change its spots? Because suddenly Rick wants to be involved and I
don’t feel the least bit equipped to fight him.”

Jesse’s eyes lifted. “Why not? Your sister’s
a lawyer.”

“Yes, but I mean…emotionally.
Ethically.”

He leaned back in his chair to wait for me
to elaborate.

“Remember when Diana mentioned that we were
separated at birth?” He nodded and I continued. “Well I was born
with a heart defect that couldn’t be repaired right away, so I
wasn’t adopted until I was four years old. Unfortunately that
situation wasn’t ideal either and my father left us a few years
later. I never saw him again. My adoptive mother died of lung
cancer when I was nineteen and I never knew a single blood relative
of my own until Diana contacted me. Now I have a child of my own
and I don’t want her to ever be without a family. I don’t want her
to be abandoned like I was. Rick is her natural father. Isn’t blood
thicker than water? I don’t want to deny her that. Or deny
him
for that matter. Shouldn’t I give him a chance?”

Jesse stared at me with concern. “Are you
still in love with him?”

“No!” I blurted out. “Good Lord. It’s not
that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure.”

He sipped his coffee again and watched me
over the rim of the cup.

“I’m thinking of Ellen’s future,” I
explained. “I want her to have lots of family, not just me, because
all I had was my mom, and when she died I was left alone. At least
until Diana showed up.” I paused. “Do you understand?”

“I do,” he quietly replied.

The lights on the baby monitor flickered and
I heard Ellen begin to chatter.

“She’s awake.” I set down my coffee mug.
“Wait here. I’ll go get her and bring her down.”

“You invited him in?” Diana asked when she
arrived home from work that evening. I was in the kitchen, feeding
Ellen in her high chair. “Are you sure that was wise?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” I asked. “Didn’t you
think he was okay at lunch? Because I really liked him. I had a
good feeling about him and remember what you said about never
ignoring a gut feeling.” I handed Ellen her spoon, hoping she’d eat
some mashed potatoes but she patted them down with her hands.

Diana stood over us. “How did it go, then?”
she asked. “Did he stay long?”

“About an hour,” I replied. “Ellen was
sleeping when we arrived so I made coffee. When she woke up I
introduced them and we played with her in the living room until he
had to go to work. We listened to some music and Jesse played
elevator with her.”

“What’s
elevator
?” Diana asked.

“It was so cute,” I explained. “He lifted
her up, high over his head, gently set her down, then lifted her up
again. And get this, she told him her blue blanket had a name. She
calls it Ouwix.”

“
Ouwix
!” Ellen said, raising her arms
over her head.

“That’s your blanket, isn’t it!” I excitedly
replied.

She laughed and nodded.

Diana smiled and sat down. “That is
definitely cute. Here, let me finish with her.”

I handed Diana the spoon and stood to go
load the dishes into the dishwasher.

“He’s certainly different from Rick,” Diana
said.

“Yeah. He’s much more down to earth. Do you
know he works for an air ambulance company? He flies rescue
helicopters. Remember that kid that fell through the ice with his
dog last winter? We saw it on the news and it went viral on
YouTube? That was Jesse flying the bird that lowered the basket and
pulled both of them out.”

“Really? Wow, he didn’t tell us that.” Diana
paused. “But just remember we still don’t know that much about him
and you have to be really careful right now. Your evaluation is
coming up. It’s important that you make the right impression.”

“You mean it’s important that I don’t have a
revolving door with a string of new men coming in and out of
Ellen’s life.”

She glanced up at me. “Not that I think you
would do that, but yes, that’s what I mean. Appearances are
everything.”

“So I’m not allowed to have a
boyfriend?”

She handed the spoon to Ellen again, and
this time Ellen hung onto it and stirred her potatoes and meat.
Diana turned in the chair to face me. “Is that where you see this
going? You only met Jesse today.”

Hearing the concern in her tone I plugged
the sink, ran the water and squeezed the plastic dish detergent
bottle. “Is this going to become one of your judgmental moments
where you lecture me about not being an idiot?”

“No,” she defensively replied. “I just want
to know what to expect after today.”

“You don’t need to expect anything.”

For the first time since I moved to Boston I
wished I had my own place because suddenly I felt like a teenager
who had to follow house rules. But I was in no position to
complain. I was a single mother. I had no job, no money and I’d
have no help with childcare if Diana wasn’t a part of my life. I
reminded myself how much she had done for me. I might not even be
alive without her.

“He came in for coffee,” I said. “That’s
all. And he was curious about Ellen because she’s his niece.
Wouldn’t you be curious in his shoes?”

“I suppose.” She turned around to help Ellen
finish her supper while I dipped the plastic cups and bowls into
the bubbly hot water to wash them.

Though I was grateful to Diana for
everything she did for me, I was still annoyed with her for not
trusting me to behave responsibly. At the same time, I found myself
smiling as I remembered how Jesse had played hide-and-seek with
Ellen that afternoon, and how she had laughed until she rolled over
on the floor, kicking her legs.