The Club Sin Series 4-Book Bundle (37 page)

She'd shut down, she'd changed, she'd hurt…
all for him
. How to even process that? He'd thought she had a problem. He couldn't accept what she'd done for him.
Christ
, what had he done to her?

“See.” Her eyes widened, showing the whites. “If you hadn't gotten all nosy, things wouldn't have changed. Now everything is different and we can't ever go back.”

“Cora.” Again, he reached out to her. “Please…”

She recoiled and snapped, “Don't touch me. Your touches are lies.” Her skin molted, her voice cracking on a sob. “I can't stand it any longer.”

Aidan pushed off the bench, taking a step forward. He craved holding her, making them both feel better. His scalp prickled as he tried to find the right words to soothe her. His mind betrayed him. “Please, come here—”

“No,” she shouted with her bright red cheeks. “I'm done listening to you talk but saying all the wrong things. No more, Aidan.” She took another step back and her chin quivered. “I can't fucking take it.”

She paused, and at his silence, her shoulders dropped. She covered her face with her hands, letting out a cry so consumed with misery that ice laced Aidan's veins. He fought to breathe and stepped toward her, but, in that same second, she turned and ran toward her car.

The cemetery spun around him and blurred his vision. He battled against himself.
Go after her
. Yet his body held no strength to follow her. Demons buried in his soul pinned him to the spot. He turned to the tombstone.

Lily Hartsworth

She walked in beauty
.

A longing so intense ripped through him and stole his strength. He dropped to his knees, unable to draw air into his lungs, and pressed his hands against the soft grass below. Reality smacked into him like a freight train hitting at full speed.

The pain Cora had seen developed the day he'd buried Lily, and it was still there. He'd thought he'd overcome it. But he hadn't beaten his demons…

They had consumed him.

In the four days that had passed since the cemetery, Cora had immersed herself in work. She had received dozens of texts and telephone calls from Presley and Kenzie. Cora had told them pieces of what happened with Aidan but left off the fine details.

She needed to accept what this all meant before she could spell it out to someone else. She had to cry before she could even think. Aidan had crushed her that day at Lily's grave, and Cora wasn't ready to talk about anything just yet.

Though she wanted time to process, she promised she'd let them both know tonight in the dungeon what happened between her and Aidan. After the first dozen conversations, both friends let her have the time she asked for. They'd checked in daily, giving her strength. But all that seemed to matter to them was that she was okay, and Cora was slowly pulling herself back together.

While she had locked herself away from the world, she wasn't foolish, nor was she naïve.

Life was tough.

She was tougher.

Just because two people were so right together didn't mean a relationship was good. Mentally she accepted this, but her heart ached as if shards of glass cut into her. She'd given Aidan two years of her life. Over the past nights she'd sobbed away her pain as she'd dealt with his dismissal. A life without Aidan was upon her, and she had finally accepted it.

In the dungeon and facing the night she'd dreaded, the erotic scenes didn't capture her attention. Cora didn't want sex, she needed her friends. Two of her closest came to her rescue the second she entered the dungeon. She needed to admit to them what happened, so she could, in fact, face the reality of it all herself.

As she sat with Presley and Kenzie on the couch in the far corner of the dungeon, she'd told them what had happened at the cemetery. Even though she had reconciled it, she still couldn't believe she'd misread Aidan. It wasn't that she thought he didn't care for her, it was that he couldn't move beyond Lily's death—that's the part she'd totally misread.

He didn't want to get over it. That couldn't be helped. And she'd be an idiot to stick
around and be hopeful anymore. The conversation at the cemetery told her all she needed to know—to wait for him any longer would only hurt her.

With a long sigh, she looked from Kenzie to Presley. “I stood there in front of him”—she glanced to her hands—“and told him exactly how I felt. He said…
nothing
.”

“Nothing at all?” Presley asked.

Cora lifted her head, giving a halfhearted shrug. “Barely a word.”

As a pair of Doms strode by Kenzie, she gave them a wave before she flicked her strawberry-blond curls over her shoulder. “I think it's good that you finally told him how you feel.” Her brows rose over her sparkly hazel eyes. “How we all knew you felt.”

“I just can't hide from it anymore.” Cora lifted her chin. “I couldn't stand him touching me in the way he used to. I needed it to be real—hell, I needed that and more from him.”

Presley regarded her with a long look, fixing the lacy shoulder strap of her lingerie. “You deserve more.”

Cora tucked her hair behind her ear. “I thought he couldn't admit his feelings because of Lily. I thought he wasn't ready, but I was wrong.” The memories of him letting her leave sent goose bumps down her arms. “He's only acting as my Dom. He doesn't want anything more than a D/s relationship.” She looked from Presley to Kenzie. “Who knows, maybe that's why I haven't said anything. Maybe I always knew he didn't feel the same way.”

Kenzie crossed her long legs, which were covered in black stockings attached to a garter belt. “I don't know about that. You probably shocked him when you told him.” She squinted, her eyes searching Cora's. “Everyone knows Master Aidan has an intense connection with you. I mean, really, it's so obvious. You play only with each other.”

While Cora couldn't deny the connection, apparently everyone, including her, had misread it; his actions spoke volumes. “It's been four days since we talked. The shock should've worn off by now, so why hasn't he come to talk to me?”

Kenzie and Presley frowned.

“Exactly,” Cora muttered.

He'd proven his determination time and time again, so his lack of accounting and refusal to talk with her grated. When he wanted to be, he was relentless.

He doesn't want you. Accept that
.

She ground her teeth together and looked out to the busy dungeon. The rich scents of hot
and musky sex, plus the sweet aroma of leather, didn't stir a tingle. Aidan hadn't arrived tonight, and somehow that made it worse.

Her insides quivered with the need to see him and get it over with. The anticipation was slowly sending her to the grave. Each one of her breaths became shallower as every minute coasted by.

“I did this,” Presley whispered. Cora glanced to her, and Presley stared at her lap as she added, “I thought I was helping when I first asked about your relationship with him. I'm so sorry. I thought—”

Cora raised her hand. “What happened was inevitable. I'm not mad at you. You were trying to make me happy.” She hesitated, cursing how Presley's shoulders dropped. Presley was not responsible. “This just…sucks!”

“I'd say so,” Kenzie muttered in agreement. “He's a stupid, thick-headed Dom.”

“Is he, now?”

Cora jerked her head to the side, spotting Dmitri's stern gaze. His eyes narrowed on Kenzie. “Go and find Master Miles. Tell him what you said.”

Kenzie grinned from ear to ear. “Sure will, sir.” She jumped off the couch and bounced her way to Master Miles.

Cora rolled her eyes. The woman did like her punishments.

Master Dmitri sat down on the coffee table. He rested his elbows on his knees, steepling his fingers under his chin, and his gaze searched Cora's. “I'm sorry to say I overheard some of your conversation.” His features softened, as did his voice. “I apologize if that information wasn't mine to hear.”

Cora shrugged, casting her gaze downward. “Best you know what's going on.” With the truth of her hidden emotions exposed, she lifted her head and said with hesitation, “Are you upset with me for hiding stuff from a Club Sin Master?”

“No, Cora, I'm not,” Dmitri replied with a pinched expression. “It's good to finally have the truth between you and Master Aidan.” He dropped his hands and leaned in. “A truth we have known for a long time.”

She heaved a sigh in relief and shut her eyes. The last thing she wanted to add to her list of troubles was a pissed-off club owner. When she lifted her head to Master Dmitri she noticed his frown before he asked, “Is there anything I can do to help you, Cora?”

Yeah, make Aidan love me
.

Since that was her heart talking, Cora went with logic. She didn't want to move on, but she knew that was her only choice. “I want to add Master Aidan to my hard-limits list.”

Dmitri's eyebrows shot up. “Cora, this is extremely drastic.”

She fought to hold on to her logic as her heart twisted. “The D/s relationship isn't enough anymore. I can't pretend that it is.”

“He's a douchebag.” Presley scowled, gathering Cora's shaky hand into her warm touch. “I'm so angry at him.”

“Presley,” Master Dmitri muttered.

Best friend to the rescue, Presley glared at her Dom. “We're talking as friends, you big, bad Dom. I'm allowed to call him out for being a complete ass.”

“Might I remind you that you're in the dungeon?” Master Dmitri arched a brow. “Later, I'll show you what happens when you insult Club Sin Masters.” With a smirk, he added, “Perhaps it's also time to show you what a big, bad Dom looks like. We don't want any misunderstandings, do we?” Presley shot up from her seat, and he continued with a harsh tone, “Go to the spanking bench. Wait for me there.”

Presley's shoulders slumped, and a not-so-delicate curse escaped through her lips. Then she turned to Cora, leaning down and whispering in her ear, “He
is
a douchebag. I love ya, babe. You'll get through this.”

Cora watched Presley stride off, swaying her bottom covered in crimson lace. She suspected that soon that butt would match the color of the lace. Though Presley was right—Aidan might have rejected Cora, but he wouldn't break her.

Once Presley knelt by the spanking bench and bowed her head, Master Dmitri turned to Cora. “Now, Cora, let's make a deal, all right?”

She crossed her arms. “The deal is to put Aidan on my hard-limits list.”

Dmitri's gentle gaze searched hers. “I've never had someone make a request like this. Club Sin Masters are typically sought after, not refused.” He regarded her with a long look with squinty eyes. “Given your history with Master Aidan and what you're feeling now, I'd like you to wait a month. Once the air has cleared and emotions are calmed, you can add him if it suits you.”

Cora couldn't live another day in this hell. She needed the control. She needed to ensure
he would never hurt her again. She needed to prove—even to herself—that she didn't love him. “I can't wait a month.”

Master Dmitri sighed dejectedly. “I will forgo my promise to him that you can't play with anyone else. You can refuse him. I don't want you making such a big decision when you're this upset.”

Why wasn't he listening to her? “I don't think I can—”

“I know you're hurting, Cora.” Dmitri leaned in closer and stared at her intently. “Please trust me that I think this is best.”

“I do trust you.” She swallowed hard, wiping away the moisture in her eyes. “I feel—”

“Aidan needed to hear what you've done for him these past years.” He gave a gentle smile exuding comforting warmth. “You've taken care of him, hmm?”

Yeah, I have
.

And he let me fall
.

Dmitri added with a sharp voice, “If Aidan can't see how good you are for him, he is a damned fool.”

Knowing that did nothing to mend the broken pieces of her heart; she loved that damn fool. These past weeks it seemed as if she was in the permanent state of sub drop, where emotions didn't make sense and thoughts were all jumbled.

A wave of exhaustion slid over her and the empty sensation of his dismissal sunk into her. Her desire to stand above it all battled within. That's all that made sense. Everything else seemed to spin around her, completely out of control.

“Christ.” A low, angry voice snapped her into focus. Porter's arms were folded and his glare was fierce. “Now, this I don't like to see.” He turned to Dmitri, and they exchanged a look.

Cora couldn't read it. Hell, she couldn't understand her own feelings, let alone anyone else's. She had one focus: Get over Aidan. How would that happen if she couldn't add him to her hard limits? If she couldn't take the control from him?

Porter stepped in close to Cora. “To your knees, sub.” At Cora's hesitation, Porter arched a brow, dominance blazing in his gaze. “That was not a question. Do as I've told you.”

I don't want to play with you
.

Even so, she found herself moving without thought, sliding into a role that had been forged long ago. Though her heart hammered, her shallow breaths slowed. Once her knees
pressed firmly against the carpet, Porter tucked a finger under her chin. His features were cold and stern. “Tonight, you will remain at my side. Do I make myself perfectly clear, Cora?”

Her crushed heart could not refuse him. Her mind was desperate to be silent.
I don't want to struggle anymore
. “Yes, sir.”

A slow beat of the drums carried Aidan through the dungeon. His footsteps matched the rhythm of the music and set his stride. As he strode farther into the club, a loud slap against flesh followed by a deep moan caught his attention.

Master Miles smacked Kenzie with a cane in strategic placement on her bottom. With her fingers laced behind her head and legs spread wide, she stood in a typical posture Miles used during punishment.

Each hit of the rattan cane turned her bottom a mix of red and deep purple. Aidan noted that the punishment wasn't working. Miles wasn't holding back his force, and Kenzie enjoyed going to those extremes. Her lips weren't open with a scream, they were parted in pure pleasure. She shuddered with each crack of the cane, eyes wide open, pupils dilated.

Aidan shook his head. He'd never understood Kenzie. She teased and tempted Doms to make her hurt. He thought there was more going on with that submissive, but Kenzie had never interested him.

Only Cora. She was his.

Or she had been at one time.

Now he had no idea what he had.

He returned to the constant mind struggle since Cora's admission. He hadn't dealt with the fact that this entire time she hadn't been the problem, he had. How could he? His mind spun out of control.

He walked by a couple submissives, who smiled at him, and he spotted Dmitri on the couch with Presley kneeling beside the coffee table. At this point, Aidan had no idea how to deal with Cora. As a Dom, how should he proceed knowing he was the reason for her problems? What was the best path to ensure he didn't hurt her further? Dealing with what she admitted to him was another conversation he wasn't ready to have, of that he was sure.

Dmitri had insight Aidan respected.

Once he reached him, Aidan's eyebrows raised at the gag in Presley's mouth. She glared at Dmitri, who grinned at her. Apparently, Kenzie wasn't the only one facing punishment.

Aidan tilted his head toward Presley. “What did she do?”

“Tell him,” Dmitri said to Presley.

Presley sighed heavily through her nose and mumbled something incoherent beneath the black ball in her mouth.

Aidan arched his brow. “Pardon?”

Dmitri chuckled and unclipped the gag from around her head. Presley grunted as the ball dropped from her mouth. He said again, “Tell him.”

Presley looked to Dmitri's chest. “I called you a douchebag.”

“Did you?” Aidan asked.

She lifted her head and stared him dead in the eye. He swore that gaze threw daggers at him. “Yes, I did,
sir
.”

“Naughty tonight, you are.” Dmitri shook his head slowly. “Go to the bathroom and wipe off your chest. It looks”—he smirked—“a little bit wet.”

She glanced down. “Great. I drooled. Wow. That's sexy.” Not giving her Dom another look, she took a step forward.

“Presley,” Dmitri called.

She glanced over her shoulder, and he added, “I hope this lesson won't be repeated. You never insult Club Sin Masters. Is that clear?” At her soft nod, his eyes blazed. “Once you're done, return to the spanking bench. The other issue still needs to be resolved.”

The loudest sigh escaped her mouth. “Yes, sir.” She turned to Aidan. “I apologize for calling you a douchebag.”

No, she really wasn't sorry. Those daggers in her gaze killed him where he stood. After she hurried off to the bathroom, he glanced to Dmitri. “Don't be too hard on her. In this regard, I think she might be right.”

“Believe me, I know she's right,” Dmitri replied. “But rules are rules.”

Christ
, he deserved the reprimand. How had he not seen what Cora told him? Dmitri had suggested it. Kyler had told him of it. But Aidan had never noticed because at the time she shut down he'd drowned in his pain. He'd never seen the change in her and he thought she'd been okay with what they shared.

Aidan crumbled against the couch next to Dmitri. “I take it you heard what happened.”

“I overheard Cora telling Presley and Kenzie.” Dmitri replied, his voice ice cold. “It's
best to tell you that Cora asked to add you to her hard limits.”

The world somersaulted around Aidan. For one second, everything stopped: his heartbeat to the noise in the club to time. He thrust his hand into his hair, forcing the buzzing in his ears away. “Did she?”

Dmitri gave him a long look, cocking his head to the side. “I told her I'd give her a month to cool down. If she still wants you added, then I can't stop her.” He leaned in to Aidan, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I see that idea upsets you. As your friend, I'm asking if you can live with that.”

Aidan rubbed the back of his neck.
Fuck
, she'd dropped a bombshell on him. Instead of giving him time, she completely shut him out.
You did the same to her
. While logically he accepted that, this wasn't as easy as Dmitri suggested. Those demons within had won, and they taunted him. “If I knew the answer to that, I wouldn't be sitting here with you.”

Dmitri gave Aidan a hard slap on his back. “I suggest you figure it out soon.” He gestured to the left. “Or you'll be seeing a lot more of
that
.”

Aidan followed his gaze and his muscles went rigid. There, on the other side of the dungeon, Cora knelt beside Porter as he sat on a stool. Logic vanished from Aidan's mind. His muscles strained against his skin and his pulse elevated.

For fuck's sake, he'd gone to Porter to find out Cora's problems. Now he'd unknowingly led her right back into her ex's arms. “Why is she with him?” he asked through gritted teeth.

Dmitri cupped Aidan's shoulder, giving it a hard squeeze. “She needs comfort. She's not dealing with this well.”

A gut-wrenching sensation made it impossible for Aidan to breathe. To know she struggled ruined him. He had inadvertently destroyed the strongest submissive. More than that, her kneeling for Porter and how he touched her head gave Aidan tunnel vision.

Her posture was tense and her shoulders curled forward, caving in her chest. She didn't belong there. Nor did she lean in to Porter's touch. Part of Aidan wanted to go to her, force her to his side. The responsible Dom in him knew better. Porter offered her a safe place—stability Aidan couldn't give her.

He had done enough damage already. Clenching his fists in his lap, he refused to look at an image forever burned into his mind. “Fuck,” he muttered.

“Cora isn't playing with him,” Dmitri replied. “He's there to let her mind quiet. She
doesn't want anyone else. She's waiting for you.” His features hardened, voice firmed. “What are you going to do about it?”

Aidan ran his hands over his face.
What am I going to do?
Cora had given so much to his life, but could he reciprocate, was he good for her or for anyone?—that answer remained unknown. “I didn't know—”

“You are not stupid,” Dmitri interjected sternly. “Please don't act like it.”

Aidan glanced to his friend's dark eyes. Of course, he'd known he had something special with Cora, but he believed she was happy as things were. Though he could deal with her feelings for him, without a doubt, he'd have to face his demons first.

Could he survive that?

Did he want to face that pain?

Whatever Dmitri saw cross Aidan's expression drew his brows together. “Stop punishing yourself, you're not betraying Lily. She'd want you to be happy.”

Aidan shrugged off Dmitri's hand. “This isn't about Lily.” No one understood what he'd suffered and what continued to haunt him. Dmitri had his submissive. “You don't understand.”

Kyler's low growl broke through the thick air. “I've fucking had enough of this shit.” He gestured toward the dungeon's door. “Come with me. Now.”

Pushing off the couch, Aidan followed Kyler out of the dungeon, more than happy to get the hell out of the club. He didn't glance at Cora; one look at her on her knees for another Dom had been more than enough.

Once the dungeon door slammed shut behind Aidan, he growled, “What?”

Kyler pointed, narrowing his eyes. “You don't get to talk. You only listen.” Aidan pressed his back against the stone wall, and Kyler added, “We all know you had a shit deal and we mourned with you when Lily died. You're a lucky fool to have had two women that willingly submitted their hearts and bared their souls to you, and what do you do with it? You tarnish Lily's memory by not being happy.” A fierce glare stormed across Kyler's face as he thrust his hands into his pockets. “Live the fucking life she would've wanted for you.”

Aidan swallowed as the seconds drew out like minutes. “I—”

“I told you to shut the fuck up,” Kyler roared, spittle building in the corner of his mouth. “I get it. You don't want to betray Lily. Well, guess what, a submissive has fallen in love with you—you idiot.”

A tense moment passed as Kyler's eyes blazed, then he said through gritted teeth, “Cora admits a truth that she's buried inside for two years—to protect you, let's not forget that. Then you crush her when you know she's cared for you from day fucking one.” He hesitated, his voice sliding into a sneer. “If you dare tell me you're only friends, I swear what happens next won't be pretty. That lie has run its course.”

“I'm not going to say that,” Aidan retorted, grateful for the stone wall at his back supporting him. “Knowing we share a connection isn't the problem.”

Kyler disregarded Aidan, as if he wasn't standing there and hadn't spoken. Perhaps Aidan deserved that, too—to feel what Cora had been feeling and to understand what it felt like not being heard.

Jabbing a finger into Aidan's face, Kyler sucked in a sharp breath. “Cora isn't only your friend, she's mine, too. If you're too wrapped up in your damn head to protect her, then that role falls to me. If you cannot get your shit together, and I mean quickly…” He planted his feet wide, and his skin mottled. “Then back the fuck off.”

Aidan dropped his head. He should, shouldn't he?

“You did not see her tonight—I did.” Kyler's voice lost a smidgen of heat. “She's a submissive who depends on a Dom—a Dom who's turned his back on her.” Aidan lifted his head, and Kyler's neck corded. “Stay away from the dungeon and get your shit sorted out.”

The logical choice
.

At the moment, Aidan wasn't thinking with logic. He heaved a sigh. “I need to—”

“
You
need to do nothing,” Kyler's fists clenched. “It's not fucking about
you
.” He pointed to the dungeon. “It's about
her
.” Lifting his chin, looking like a cop deep in an interrogation, he added, “You demanded honesty from her, dug into her life, stirring up shit. Man up and do the same.”

Aidan shut his eyes, ignoring his inability to fill his lungs completely.

“No!” Kyler thumped the wall beside Aidan's head and roared, “You don't get to hide.”

Aidan dug his nails into his palms so he wouldn't shove Kyler. Though how could he fault Kyler for being a good friend and looking out for Cora's best interests?

He couldn't.

You deserve his wrath. You broke her
.

With that thought alone, he opened his eyes and swallowed his pride. Kyler leaned in
nose-to-nose and added, “I don't give a shit that you're in love with her but also suffering with guilt. If you can't face the truth, let her forget about you.” He shifted on his feet, crossing his arms. “For all she's given you…” He raised his brows. “Yeah, remember what you used to be like? She brought you back from hell and made you smile again.”

“I've never forgotten what she's done for me,” Aidan stated.

“Really?” Kyler snorted. “You sure have a terrific way of showing gratitude.” His lips pressed into a white slash before he snarled, “Figure it out! Or stay the hell out of the dungeon.” He turned on his heels and headed for the door.

When the dungeon door slammed shut behind him, Aidan's breath startled from his lungs. The loud noise didn't rattle him; what Kyler muttered before the door shut dropped the floor out from under Aidan.

“You've done right by her as her Dom. Now be the man who deserves her.”