The Cauliflower (8 page)

Ah, he's momentarily spooked and so is heading straight for the holy Ganga. Technically speaking this is actually the river Hooghly, which is a large, tidal tributary of the Ganga but is considered equivalently holy and sacred (because it originates at the same source and contains the same water). You will observe
two
(count them!) bathing
ghat
s. A
ghat
is a series of twelve shallow steps (both of these are constructed from a lovely red brick) leading down directly into the river so that pilgrims and visitors can remove their clothing and bathe in the holy Ganga water (an act which is believed to purify the soul and wash away one's sins).

Oh dear. Are the high-pitched screams of the circa-1855 swift bothering you at all? Perhaps I might … yes … just turn the volume down a little … uh … good … that's better.

At the top of the main
ghat
is a large, open portico or
chandni
, a place where the many bathers can find shade, undress, get dried, oil their bodies, and chat. You will see … whoosh … (as the swift quickly jinks under the
chandni
) that some women bathers leave their
sari
s to dry in the warm, large, tiled courtyard which lies beyond, creating a dizzying patchwork quilt of explosive color. The tiles in this grand central courtyard area often get so hot that barefooted pilgrims are liable to singe their soles on them, and the temple authorities spread out grass mats to prevent … uh …

If we could just …

The swift has doubled back on itself in pursuit of a midge … but this is good. Yes. It allows us to see that on either side of the
chandni
, facing the water, is a grand line of twelve individual white, ornate, double-red-dome-roofed Shiva temples (six either side). Each of these contains its own natural stone
lingam
. Shiva, Lord of Destruction (although it should always be borne in mind that destruction is an essential/inherent part of the creative process, too), is traditionally depicted and worshipped by Hindus in an abstract form. Possibly these objects (these
lingam
s) are held to represent a phallus or a pillar or a sacrificial post. Whatever their origin, they are generally worshipped with simple offerings of
bael
leaves and milk.

Ah, there you go … we're now actually
inside
one of the—
oops
—an irate temple guard is running around trying to hit the swift with a giant fan.… He'd certainly better—
ouch
—the tiny camera just got a bit of a
thwack
and then the swift flew straight into the—
oooh
—that isn't … that wasn't—
go-aan
, me lad! Another quick …
yup
 … and we're out!

Phew!
Although the camera is slightly wonky now …
uh
 … just tip your head to one side if you will … yes … the circa-1855 swift is heading at pretty much full pelt (if you press the green button on your remote you'll see a small reading of his current speed) toward the dramatically flowering oleander which stands close to the water's edge, and just beyond it, the two huge and quite magnificent palms.

He's just … he's gradually … there's quite a bit of wind from the river at this altitude, and it seems to be making the slightly damaged camera vibrate pretty rapidly …
wooooah-woooah-woooah-woooah
.… I'm going to turn the volume down completely because I'm finding that noise strangely disturbing. It's something of a teeth rattler.

In truth, I rather regret not fastening the camera (which has actually taken up over 76 percent of this book's total budget) to something a little more sedentary—a sparrow, perhaps, or a cat … although—
woooop!
Here we go—we're back inside the main courtyard … to your left is the large, flat-roofed, many-arched white and red Radhakanta Temple, which contains images of Krishna and Radha (the great lovers). If you get a chance to peer through the—no, we've moved on. The floors (I'm reliably informed) are marble, and there are chandeliers covered in sackcloth to prevent—

Now
that's
the
Nat Mandir
or theater hall.… It's on the other side of the … the Kali Temple compound and it … it echoes the Radhakanta temple architecturally with all of the … you know … the grand flourishes: a series of majestic pillars supporting a flat roof, the smart white-and-red finish.… But if you just—Quick! While you have the chance: In the far right-hand corner of the screen you can see the magnificent wedding-cake form of the nine-spired Kali Temple, which stands on its high platform, accessible via a grand flight of stairs. It's in the—you probably can't see from this angle; we're suddenly flying up rather close—but it's in the traditional Bengal style and rises to a height of over thirty meters
.
…

Oh. We've nipped around the back. Up ahead is the big tank (or reservoir) with its plate-washing
ghat
; this is basically the business end of the structure. If we'd had a chance to get a better … if we'd … because the courtyard of the Kali Temple is fenced in on three sides by a neatly balconied rectangular wall of offices and kitchens and guest rooms and temple stores.… In fact … just to the right of this vast tank you can get a fleeting glimpse at a big pile of construction materials. The Rani started building in 1847, so it's taken her almost eight years thus far and there's still plenty to …

Oh. These are the orchards. This really is a prodigious plot—almost twenty acres, in total, and it was originally the site of an ancient, but long abandoned, Moslem cemetery. In fact if we could … if we could just fly a little higher for a moment (we can't—we aren't—forgive my mordant laugh/groan) you'd see that the whole thing is in the shape of a giant tortoise shell (lower on the edges, higher at the center), which is considered highly auspicious to the …

Another orchard. Everything newly planted and incredibly lush. To the right (or the east) are the imposing main entrance gates, although we probably won't get a chance to—to the left … ah … the
kuthi
—can you…? No. Well, it's the beautiful mansion the Rani had built for when she and her family are in residence. It will mainly be used to house important guests and host lavish events. Although for many years Sri Ramakrishna himself will inhabit a big room on the ground floor to the western corner of …

Two more tanks … yes … One is the goose tank.… We're heading north—no, south—you'll see the tiny compass rotating crazily at the base of the screen.… I'm not sure if … oh! Yes. And this is actually quite a significant area in the Ramakrishna story—that's … to the top left … that's the ancient
bael
tree (or
vilwa
) in the densely forested area, or “wilderness,” at the northern boundary of the compound, where Ramakrishna first removed his sacred thread (much to his poor nephew Hriday's abundant horror) while meditating, alone, at night, and where, if you look—sharp right! Very quickly—you will see the Government Magazine just beyond the boundary, with its affable Sikh guards whom Ramakrishna became very friendly with during the course of—and the …

Oh—oh no. Oh dear. Please, ladies, gentlemen, avert your eyes. We've jinked into the pine grove which is used principally for defecation. That's—oh dear … oh no … uh … oh goodness gracious me, that's just … There are a fair number of little insects in the vicinity, and so the circa-1855 swift is rather drawn to—uh …

Ah! We're now rapidly approaching an area where—in the not-too-distant future—Ramakrishna will experience some of the most important moments in his
sadhana
(or spiritual journey). Peel your eyes! To the left! Quick! Quick! That's the site of Ramakrishna's small, thatched meditation hut, and just beyond it he will (in 1868, after a pilgrimage to Vrindavan) plant his famous
panchavati
. He will collect some dust in that most holy city—the site of the ancient forest where Krishna spent his happiest childhood days—and scatter it here, in this spot. The word
panchavati
refers to the forest home of Rama (seventh
avatar
of Vishnu), but in plain English, it is a small grove of five trees—the
banyan
, the
peepul
, the
amalaka
, the
asoka
, and the
bael
—and is considered to be a perfect, peaceful, shady venue for spiritual pursuits.

Oh. To the right. That's the other
ghat
 … the second
ghat
, the Bakul Tala Ghat, which is very close to Ramakrishna's corner
kuthi
room, and also close to the northern
nahabat
, or music tower (there are two, one situated on the northern and the other on the southern side of the main courtyard; they play holy music there during various phases of the day's worship). Ramakrishna's mother, Chandradevi, and then later on his wife, Sarada Devi (aka the Holy Mother—yes, he did marry, and the union was blissful but unconsummated), would live for many years (in considerable discomfort, I imagine) in the tiny storeroom at the base of the northern
nahabat
.

Um … There seems to be something … I don't really like to mention it, but you may have noticed a certain amount of, of breakup in the visual transmission…? Some kind of dark … black … a shadow, almost, in the top right-hand corner of the…? I'm just hoping against hope that if we continue moving forward for a couple more seconds we may actually get to fly past the small room just beyond the northern
nahabat
, which is situated at the end of the northern wall of kitchens/stores/offices et cetera, with its wonderful southeastern verandah looking directly into the main temple compound, and its other northeastern one with views of the gardens, the
kuthi
and the
nahabat
, not to mention its grand semicircular porch to the fore which looks straight across the holy Ganga.… This was to be Sri Ramakrishna's second main residence during his long stay at Dakshineswar. It's now open to the public in its original state, virtually untouched—although they upgraded the floors, which is a great shame—and a site of pilgrimage for many thousands—nay, millions—of loyal devotees from all across the …

No. Nope. Sorry about that. The swift has suddenly doubled back and is rapidly returning to the
panchavati
. If you glance to the left you'll be able to feast your senses upon the farthest reaches of the extensive and perfectly heavenly flower gardens which the Rani has planted to run along the riverbanks either side of the main
ghat
and the
chandni
, and which fill the humid air with the heady perfumes of rose, hibiscus, and Arabian jasmine. Just close your eyes for a second and imagine inhaling the intoxicating perfume of …

Ouch!

Thwack!

Crunch!

Eh?! What the—?! I think we may … it—it seems like … We were heading on our way back to the
panchavati
, minding our own business, when that persistent black shadow which had been dogging us for—for quite some time now suddenly grew darker … more intense, and then—then it appeared to collide with … to tangle with … Brace yourselves! I'm going to turn the audio back up again to try and identify what on earth might be—

Gracious me! What a dreadful—! I think that's the ground. And I think that's a claw. And a giant beak. Just jabbing and jabbing at … And the sounds! And the
blood
! And the feathers! Those heart-rending
squeaks
 … And in the distance a deafening and victorious caw-caw-cawing. But how could—? Why would—?

I'm going to quickly mute the … If you're of a sensitive disposition I suggest you turn away for a second, because from what I can tell a murderous crow seems to have—it seems to be … they will sometimes … if they're hungry, or simply for the sport—or maybe because it caught a quick glimpse of something fascinating and reflective at the circa-1855 swift's throat as it flew.…

Hang on …
what
?! See that?! The shadow has lifted, very suddenly, and if you look to the left of the screen … Is that—? Is that a man approaching, at speed, holding a homemade catapult? Am I correct in deducing that he seems to have shot a pellet from this primitive contraption toward the crow while it busied itself tormenting the … and now he's running to the spot—barefoot? That's his toe. Do you see his toe? I'm going to turn the volume up again.… Yes,
yes
, I know the picture keeps cutting in and cutting out. But you must see the man, surely? A young man, skinny, with a pretty, golden complexion and a moon-shaped face, peering down at our wounded, our fatally injured—our poor dead circa-1855 swift (RIP). He looks very concerned. That's his—that's his index finger, gently poking at the bird.…

I'm not sure if he's noticed the—has he spotted the camera? Tiny as it is? Do you see his eye gazing straight at us? He is picking us up. He is holding us in his hand! Yes, the camera keeps cutting in and cutting out and—yes … yes … the swift is dead. But that's not … just … just quiet down your wailing, please—over there, at the back.… Because if I've not completely lost the plot—and I don't
think
I've completely lost the plot—the hand that now holds us … the camera … the swift … belongs to none other than a nineteen-year-old (although we can't be sure that's his precise age) Gadadhar Chatterjee (if that
is
actually his real name), who will eventually become—who will eventually be hailed as …

Ahhh
. Do you see the tenderness in those brown eyes? Such beautiful eyes! Such intelligent eyes! Fringed with such an abundance of luscious lashes! There remain very few images of him—very few … just three or four … and those only from when he's much, much older.… But to see this boy … this little
Krishna
, this artless
Mowgli
, and to sit in his warm hand, like this, to lie in his revered palm …