The Carpenter's Daughter (21 page)

Jesus? We were talking about Jesus in a moment enveloped with intense emotion? Maybe the intensity level on his part didn’t match mine. Certainly not. I pulled in a shaky breath as I studied his expression. Seemed every bit as severe as the storm in my heart. Why would he bring up God in such a moment?

“You confuse me.”

His look softened but didn’t shy away. “I know.” He reached for my hand and then squeezed. “But I’m praying that you’ll understand. Soon.”

Suddenly I wanted to understand. Desperately. “I think you’d better pray harder.”

Jesse

You know the rain that continues after the fiercest part of a storm passed? It was like a soft soaking that let you know life would continue, no matter how much damage the winds had done earlier.

My life had changed that night. Forever. I loved Sarah, and realizing it had resculpted the landscape of my heart. But I wasn’t sure what to do with it. She was a fragile rock. Tough, solid, and yet prone to shattering. If I loved her selfishly, I’d likely break her. Or maybe worse, I’d smother the drive she had right now to find what would truly make her whole.

I tossed aside the covers that had twisted around me in the few hours of sleep I’d found. My feet on the ground, I leaned onto my knees. This thing with Sapphira was a tricky business.

“God, help.”

Sometimes the most powerful prayers were short. Because you had nothing in you to dress up the need. I needed help. Sarah needed help. It was really that simple.

Inhaling a long breath, I pushed off the bed and found my work clothes. The sky outside my window had become layers of promising colors—orange, which bled into a light blue, which built in intensity to a darker hue as the dome of sky reached upward.

Breaking day. A new day. I found myself praying that it wouldn’t be as emotionally charged as the one before. I couldn’t do roller coasters like that all the time.

Snagging my ice bucket, which still had a few cubes swimming in the cold water, I drained the liquid and filled it with four yogurts. The hall was dim and empty when I stepped toward Sapphira’s door. She’d been up at this hour yesterday, but I hesitated with my knuckles poised to knock. It’d been a long night. Maybe she’d finally drifted off to sleep, and if that was so, and she was still out, I didn’t want to wake her.

Without permission, I wondered what it would be like to hold her while she dreamed. The muscles in my shoulders jumped, and warmth spread through my chest.

Couldn’t go there—not right then.

Your love, God. Please, help me show her Yours.

I looked down as I prayed. Light touched the outdated carpet that ran under her door. She was up.

Pushing away the image I hadn’t invited and now didn’t want to let go, I rapped on her door. After a moment of rustling, the light poking through the peephole darkened, and then she opened the door.

“Hey.” Her soft voice drifted over me like a warm spring breeze.

Every molecule in me begged to reach for her, to pull her close and hold her.
Self-control.
I curled my fingers tight and leaned against the doorframe.

“Morning.” I swallowed, tipping the bucket toward her. “Breakfast?”

“Sure.” She wouldn’t make eye contact. “I need to brush my teeth. Want to wait, or should I meet you down there?”

I crossed my feet in front of me. “I’ll wait.”

She left the door open, and I stayed propped up against the frame, examining her profile while she applied toothpaste to the brush. Her face seemed to sag—tired, but more than physically. Soul worn.

That overwhelming urge to wrap her close rushed over me again. I shut my eyes and pressed my back harder against the wall. Her image remained behind my closed eyelids—tanned complexion, cute straight nose, high cheekbones, soft dark hair.

Not helping the self-control front.

“Tired?” She shut the water off.

I opened my eyes again. She tapped her toothbrush against the sink and placed it back in her plastic bag. She’d been looking at me, but her eyes darted away as soon as my vision landed on her.

“Just a bit.” I pushed away from my leaning post.

With sagging shoulders, she came back to the spot where I waited. “I’m sorry you stayed up because of me.”

Her sad whisper, drawn expression…an irresistible need to touch her saturated me. With one knuckle, I traced the outline of her face and tipped her chin up. She hesitated, refusing for a moment to meet my gaze.

Can I please take her in my arms? Please, can I fix this breaking heart?

Wholeness. That was what she needed more than my feeble comfort. Wholeness wasn’t mine to give.

Those deep and glassy sapphires finally settled on me. A breathless moment passed, and I hoped that she would sense my heart even if I couldn’t share it with her right then. Wouldn’t it help to know that she was wanted? Loved?

My chest squeezed at the thought of the
L
word. What would happen if I blurted it out?

Love her enough to let her love Me first.

The air caught in my lungs. The demands of unselfish love…harder than I’d imagined.

She blinked and started to pull away from my touch.

“Sapphira…” I caught her before she could retreat entirely. “We’re friends, right?”

The sheen in her eyes spilled onto the corners near her nose. She bit her lip, and I felt her disappointment like a sharp slash across my heart.

I’m not rejecting you.

My gaze moved from her eyes to her lips.
If I kiss her…
Blood pulsed hot through my veins, and that warm, tingling desire washed over me.

Why was self-control so hard? I looked to my feet, moving my hand away from her soft skin.

She touched my arm. “Yes.” Her weak smile did very little to disguise the ache. “We’re friends.”

Sarah

Jesse vulnerable. I hadn’t seen that coming. When I didn’t answer him right away, he retreated, as if I’d rejected him.

If he only knew how humiliated I was for the way I’d behaved. Maybe then he would have understood why I’d hesitated.

He tipped the ice bucket he carried toward me. “Ready?”

I nodded. Guessed we were moving on.

We walked toward the lobby, the halls of the hotel quiet and mostly dark. I prayed—I think—that Troy wouldn’t show up this morning like he had yesterday. If I never saw him again, that would be okay. I glanced to Jesse as we passed the stairway. He was looking at the stairs. Did he see me sitting there where I’d been the night before, or was he looking for Troy?

Somehow I knew right then. Jesse would shield me, and this time I’d let him. He knew things I didn’t understand, and while I would have liked it better if I wasn’t clueless, I’d hide under his wisdom when I didn’t get it.

Jesse’s hand brushed my arm, and reassurance settled my rolling stomach. It occurred to me that I’d never known someone like him. Mysterious and yet safe. Guarded and yet open. I realized again how badly I’d made him out to be yesterday. I still didn’t understand our kiss and then his regret, other than he didn’t mean to give me the impression that he wanted me when he didn’t, but my trust in him as a good person had rebounded and solidified. Jesse Chapman was the best person I knew.

What would Aunt Darcy think of him?

We sat at the same table he’d taken yesterday. He placed his bucket in the middle and settled a look on me. “Would you mind if I pray for you this morning?”

We’d been praying over meals since I’d met him, but this was a first. “For me?”

“Yeah.”

I shrugged, wanting to ask why but figuring I’d find out if I just let him roll with it. Which he did.

“Jesus, You’re good. Thank You that You love us. Please, let Sarah see You. Let her know You know her and love her. Amen.”

Huh. That was it? Jesus knew and loved me. I didn’t even know me, so that seemed strange.

Wait. Could Jesse actually see this Jesus guy?

“Isn’t He dead?”

Jesse paused, his hand in the ice bucket. “Who?”

“Jesus.”

A grin tugged on one corner of his mouth. “Nope. Alive and reigning over creation.”

I felt my forehead scrunch, and then cynic me took over. “I thought you said He loved me enough to die for me. Or was that just one of those exaggerated claims people make about emotions?”

He sat back, a yogurt container in hand, unrumpled. “He did. On a cross, for you and me and every sinner, which would be all of us. But lots of men died on a cross throughout history. Doesn’t make them all saviors. Jesus proved He is God, and the Savior, by rising from the grave.”

I pictured zombies wandering the dirt roads of ancient Rome. Very weird. “You really believe that?”

“Yep.” His stare stayed on me for several breaths. Sincere, no gimmicks, his silence felt convincing. What if this rock-solid peace and balance he lived with had something to do with this conviction I felt taking me captive?

What if my aunt Darcy had been right?

What if God had allowed this gaping wound in my heart so that I would start paying attention—looking for Him?

My pulse skipped. Did wounds bring healing? Did God work in contradictions?

Seemed like a wild stretch. But…if giving this carpenter-Jesus-God a chance meant finding out who I really was and being okay with it, then maybe it was worth a chance.

Jesse

She didn’t turn cold and shut down. Hope began to rise in my heart, but I had to put a tether on it. That hope was more me-focused than her-focused. This couldn’t be about my emotions, what I wanted for me. This was my point of failure over the last few days.

I breathed deep and plunged into my breakfast, shifting into work mentality. We had the roof stripped and needed to replace a few of the truss beams before we could resheet it and get the shingles on. It’d take a couple of hours to get that first part done. From my back pocket, I retrieved my phone to check the forecast.
New message
flashed. It was pretty early in Tennessee. Maybe one of Shane’s girls had gotten ahold of his phone. I’d check it later.

AccuWeather said rain was in our future. Like tomorrow night. That put a pinch on things, and I could really use Sarah’s hammer. Except, I didn’t want her up on the roof if Troy’s community service wasn’t done.

Dilemma.

I set my phone down and leaned my arms against the table. “Do you know what Mack has you doing today?”

“No.” She scraped the bottom of the yogurt container. “Did you need me?”

“Just trying to formulate a plan.”

Her head bobbed slowly, and she didn’t look up. I watched while she twisted her mouth, and her skin shaded a warm pink. Finally she drew a long breath and spoke. “Do you know how long Troy will be around?”

And there was my answer.

“No.” I almost spit the word out. Anger solidified in my chest so suddenly that it took me back. Man, I had to get this situation with my emotions under control.

She nodded again, and her jaw moved.

I reached across the table and brushed her arm. “I’ll take care of it, okay?”

She didn’t answer. Just looked out the window—or maybe in the window. I wondered if she could see the beautiful woman I saw.

I doubted it.

We finished breakfast in silence. I gathered my gear and met her at her door, and we left for the rehab house. She worked on her laptop, which I’d brought because I hadn’t returned it yet, as we made the short drive, and then stayed in my truck to “fix a few flaws” after I parked.

Seeing Mack’s truck parked a bit down the street, I figured he was already orchestrating a strategy for the day. I found him inside, near the demoed kitchen, writing a list on a bare stud.

“Morning.”

He looked from the frame to me and back again. “Is it?”

Man, he was really set on this deal. “Sure. Same as always.” Only not really.

“Bring that carpenter girl back?”

“Yeah.”

He stopped writing and nailed a look on me that said
Did you finally fix whatever you did?

No, I hadn’t. It wasn’t fixable. We’d moved on, that was all I could do. That’d be an interesting conversation with a monosyllabic kind of guy.

Evasion was a solid tactic. “What’s your plan for the day?”

“You’ll be on the roof.”

Yeah, no kidding.

Mack started scribbling again. Some things had to be taken on directly.

“I want Troy up there with me.”

His fingers stopped, and his eyebrow cocked. “You’re friends now?”

A loaded question, and he knew the answer. I didn’t respond. Mack lowered his hand again and turned back to face me. “And the carpenter girl?”

“Figured you’d have her working in here.”

His eyebrows hiked even higher.

“I don’t want him near her,” I blurted. That hard anger inflated in my chest again.

Mack studied me. “What’s gotten into you?”

I was a hot ball of emotions, that was for sure. Talking about them with Mack seemed like a humorous left turn. I didn’t feel like laughing, so I walked.

“Jesse.” Mack didn’t leave his place, and he still faced me when I looked back. “I’ll keep an eye on her.”