The Carpenter's Daughter (19 page)

“Hey.” I didn’t try to force a smile. That would be manipulative.

She drew back, placing a hand on the door like she was thinking about closing it. “You.”

“Yeah, me.” I swallowed. “Can we talk?”

Her eyes burned into me. Angry still, but the intensity seemed to be more than that. I drew away from the wall and slid a palm on the door. “Please, Sarah. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I wasn’t thinking.”

“You mentioned that already.” She stepped away from the door but didn’t push it closed. Was it okay for me to go in?

Wisdom, God. Please?

I pushed the door back and filled the entry frame, which gave me a full view of Sarah. Whoa. Dark slim jeans that hugged her long, feminine legs, flat shoes, and a gauzy white flowing top. So beautiful. Energy surged through my veins, and a replay of our kiss passed through my mind. My lips tingled, and hot desire flooded over me.

“You look…” Amazing. Tempting. Why did she look like that? Oh. Heat froze. “You’re going out.”

Her mouth twisted to the side. “Seems I clean up well. Been a good week for me.” The flat tone of her voice said exactly the opposite of
good
. She tucked one side of her hair behind an ear and drew in a long breath. “Look, Jesse. Forget it, okay? It was just a kiss.”

My chest collapsed. I couldn’t forget it. And people said
it was just a kiss
all the time. It was never true. You didn’t get to go around messing with other people’s emotions and have it not mean anything. That was not the way life worked.

“Sarah…”

“No.” She held a hand up. “I don’t want to dive into it, okay? You didn’t mean to. Fine. I don’t want to be your next Laine Fulton.”

“What does that mean?”

“Forget it.”

“No. What do you mean by that? I told you what happened there—which was nothing. She needed a friend, and I was it. That’s all.”

“That was not all.” Fire sparked from her eyes. “I’m ignorant about a lot of things, but I saw how she looked at you—both before you brushed her off and after. That wasn’t all.”

Every heartbeat hurt. She thought I was… “I don’t play games, Sarah.”

She blew a contemptuous laugh through her nose. “Right. Everyone plays games. Some don’t know the rules, but everyone plays.”

I took a step toward her. “Do you?”

Crimson poured into her cheeks, and she looked to the floor. “I’m still new on the field.”

Now breathing hurt. Cynicism hadn’t been a part of her character before today. I’d done this.

“You’re not that kind of woman.” She moved back as I came closer. “And I’m not that kind of guy. Which is why I’m trying to make things right between us.”

A silent shudder moved over her shoulders, and she sniffed. Suddenly I understood that an explanation, no matter how well put, wouldn’t help. Only a sincere acknowledgment of what I’d done would maybe bridge the gap I’d carved.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you, Sarah.” I reached to touch her arm and then thought better of it. “I do want to be your friend. Please forgive me.”

Her lips worked under her teeth. I forced myself to endure the silence as she worked through her emotions.

A knock at the door—which I’d left open on purpose—stole the awkward moment. Sarah looked up, and I turned my head.

Troy.

“Hello, hottie.”

No.
After a hard, long look at the womanizer, I turned my gaze back to her.

“Hey,” she said, avoiding me. “I’m about ready.”

No she was not.

Troy slithered into her room, smelling like a boy’s locker room, and slid a hand around her narrow waist.

I wanted to vomit. Right after I broke every one of his trespassing fingers.

“What are you doing here, Chapman?” He tugged her against himself. “Evangelizing?”

My eyes found Sarah’s and held. A tiny peek of remorse darkened her stare before she looked away. “He was going to check over the drawings for me. We’ll only need a minute.”

She was forgiving me. I took what seemed like my first breath of oxygen since Troy had tainted the room.

“Can’t he do it later?” He turned Sarah flush against his chest but pinned a glare on me. “Like during work hours?”

Sarah pushed away from him and removed his arm from her body. Amen. “No, we work on the house during work hours.” She scurried toward the laptop sitting closed on the desk.

“Come on, gorgeous.” Troy stepped behind her. “Fun times await. Don’t let the Bible drill sergeant rule your every waking hour.”

Sarah leaned to open her computer, and Troy’s tentacles vined around her waist again.

Enough.
“Knock it off, you oozing bundle of hormones. The grown-ups are having a big-people conversation.”

“You’re tighter than a spring, Chapman. Chillax, dude.” With a mocking grin, he nuzzled her neck and kissed the exposed skin under her ear. “I think your stalker is jealous.”

My fists clenched tight as fury exploded in my chest. I’d never wanted to hit something so badly in my life. However, before I could blink, Sarah stood straight and pushed him away again.

“Troy, just give us a few minutes.” She caught his advancing hands and pushed them back. “I’ll meet you in the lobby.”

Ha. Dismissed. His haughty expression fell, and I couldn’t help but smirk.

He kept a grip on her hands. “How about you show me the drawings?”

Great idea. Have the
can’t keep out of a bar fight
,
didn’t graduate from high school
,
forever seventeen-year-old
guy look over house plans. “Are you a master?”

He scowled. “Are you a loser?”

Oh, that was so low. I might never recover. “And that’s why you don’t need to be in on this conversation. Good-bye, Troy.”

The air in the room froze, and both of us looked at Sarah. Her eyes collided with mine and then darted away. “Two minutes, Troy. I promise.”

He snagged her chin with one hand and brushed her lips with his thumb. “I’ll be counting.” That horrible, satisfied grin of his settled on his mouth, and then he brushed hers with it.

My gut burned, and every muscle coiled tight as he passed by me.
Breathe. Deep. And don’t explode.
I waited until the door clicked and then faced Sarah. She stared at the computer screen as if that was actually what I was there for. Careful to control my movements, I stepped next to her until our shoulders touched, and mirrored her leaning posture as we both braced against the desk.

“What are you doing, Sarah?” A hoarse whisper was all I could manage.

“Going out.” She continued to stare at the screen. “You knew that.”

“With
him
?”

Her bottom lip went under her teeth.

“Why?”

Stoic. Nothing. Except her jaw moved—hard.

I swallowed, the desire to wrap her in my arms making my biceps quiver. “Don’t do this.”

She inhaled and then stood straight. “Do what?”

“You know what he wants.” I kept both my palms glued to the desk.

“So?”

Agony ripped through my chest. Had I done this? Pushed her into his razor-sharp talons set on soul destruction? Slowly, I pushed off the desktop and turned to hold her gaze. “You won’t find what you’re looking for in his bed.”

Though her brows shot up in a challenge, a sheen of tears glazed her eyes. “And what am I looking for, Jesse?” She stepped nearer, the heat of her body tempting mine. “Will I find it in your bed?”

“No.”
God, help.
I curled my fingers into my palms.

Silence wrapped around us, somehow invisibly cording us closer. Looking into her eyes, nothing else mattered. Her beautiful, aching, searching soul reflected there, and helpless longing pulsed warm through my heart. I wanted so much more than to hold her. What could I do to make her whole, happy?

Nothing. Wholeness was not mine to give.

Sarah

It happened again. I died. Staring at Jesse, standing near enough to inhale his just-showered scent and to feel his body heat, I left the reality of my life and discovered a place that felt warm and mysterious and safe all at once.

But then he blinked, broke our connection, and cast his gaze to the side.
No.
He was saying,
You can’t stay there with me.

My heart dropped, splattering all over the reality of who I really was. A butch carpenter girl. Not a woman Jesse wanted. Why did he keep doing this to me?

Fine, Jesse Chapman. Someone wanted me though. Even if it was only for tonight, I’d take it. Didn’t care about Jesse’s moral compass. Didn’t do me any good. No, worse than that, whatever it was inside of him that was dictating his actions was killing me—and not in the good way anymore.

I straightened my shoulders, swaying away from the alluring aura of his warmth, and grabbed my little clutch thingy off the hotel bed. “Shut the computer down when you’re done, and make sure my door’s closed.” Wishing the space between him and the exit was more than a narrow hall, I moved to pass him.

His hand caught my wrist, and he tugged me to his side. “He’ll leave you in little coiled-up ribbons scattered on the ground.” His breath fanned over my neck as he leaned in to whisper. “Don’t give yourself to him.”

I stared at the door. Not because I didn’t want to see the intensity that was pouring from his voice and rippling off his solid body. But because if I saw it, I’d crumble. I’d throw myself against him and beg him to want me.

He didn’t. Whatever this emotion was that was winding him tight and turning him into something I wouldn’t have expected, it wasn’t jealousy. Holy fire, maybe? Self-righteousness? Probably. Not desire—not for me.

I twisted free from his grip. “Have a nice night, Jesse.”

Three more steps took me to the door, and I didn’t look back. Brushing back the hair that fell over my eyes, I strode through the hall to the lobby. He was messing with me in a game I didn’t understand. What was he gaining by drawing me in and then pushing me away? At least with Troy, I knew the rules—mostly. I knew what he wanted, and I could play him back. Mutually beneficial, that was what this interlude would be. Two adults satisfying their desires and moving on with life.

Don’t do it.

I shut the echo of Jesse’s voice out. What did he know? He didn’t know what it was like to be the only woman in a group of men and yet never be noticed. Didn’t know what it was like to hear other women questioning what you were. For one night, I wouldn’t be the carpenter’s daughter. Not the butch reject. I would be beautiful, desired. And it would be amazing. Like dying in Jesse’s heated stare.

My breath hitched as that feeling washed over me again. Why did he look at me like that?

My pace slowed as I neared the lobby, and I glanced over my shoulder. The hall was empty. Had I hoped he’d come after me? Stupid girl.

Rounding the corner, Troy came into view. Leaning up against the wall, arms crossed over his chest, he smiled. Jesse’s smiles washed me in warmth. Troy’s smile sent a chill through my arms.

No, it didn’t. The air-conditioning vent was right above me. Probably. I didn’t check.

“Hey, sexy.” Troy pushed off the wall and sauntered to me, his eyes unashamedly wandering over every inch of my body. One arm slid around my waist, and his thumb anchored in my jeans pocket. “Let’s go.”

I ignored the way his touch made me stiff. Wasn’t used to it, that was all.

He tugged me to his truck, opened the passenger door, and then dropped both hands around my waist. His thumbs moved in circles over my abs, which made them jump without my permission. I sucked in a breath, and he chuckled from deep in his chest. He closed the space between us and then backed me up until I bumped into the side of his truck.

Games. I could play. My hands slid over his arms and under the sleeves of his T-shirt as I tossed my look up to him. His grin…so self-satisfied. As if he thought
he
was playing
me
. I smirked, which he must have thought was an
I want you
look. His mouth pushed hard against mine, and he dove in full force.

Games. I could play. I kissed him back, noting that his heart rate shot up. Mine didn’t. At all. When his hands began to explore my body in more detail, I nudged him away. “Were we going somewhere?”

A cockeyed smile fixed on his smug face. “It’s going to be a good night.”

Yep. I leaned in so that my mouth was close to his ear. “I’ll hold you to that.”

The vein in his neck jumped. So easy, this little game we were playing. I spun away from him and climbed into his truck. Lust smeared over his face. He shut my door and held eye contact as he rounded the front of the vehicle. With one motion he climbed in, leaned over the center console, and gripped the back of my head. Another heavy kiss. He moved like he thought he’d set my world on fire.

I let him think that he did before I pushed him away again. “I’m hungry.”

That dark, throaty chuckle escaped from his chest again. “I can tell.” He winked and then started his truck.

We finally pulled away, leaving that scared, innocent carpenter girl behind.

Jesse

What had I done? I stared at Sarah’s computer, trembling.

Please protect her.

Nausea swirled hot in my stomach as I unplugged her laptop and shut the screen. I’d take it with me. She’d have to come find me to get it. Wouldn’t be tonight though.

The image of her body coiled against Troy’s forced the bile into my throat. I moved for the bathroom and coughed over the toilet.

What would I do when I saw her in the morning?

Wiping my mouth with a handful of toilet paper, I leaned against the counter. Troy would use her and be done with her. On to the next conquest. Did that really not bother her?

No. She could put up a wall of indifference, but deep in her human soul, she’d writhe under the rejection. She wasn’t calloused. She was lost, and this would cut deep.

Pain seared in my chest, as if the wound she was about to submit to had sliced across my heart too.

What would I do? My head fell forward, and my eyes slid shut.
Help me show her Your love.
Harder than it would seem. Because while I was standing there feeling sick, knowing exactly what she was getting herself into, I also felt a burn of anger. I’d warned her—and she knew even before that. She flushed it. Didn’t care. Was willing to give herself to some guy in exchange for a couple of drinks and a night of being held. Why would she do that?

How did I get into this? Pushing my hand into my hair, I stared up at the ceiling. Pain continued to throb over me, and it hit me. Like a bundle of shingles tossed off a roof, the truth pounded hard and sank deep into my heart.

I looked up to the ceiling of Sarah’s empty bathroom. “I love her.”

I. Loved. Her.

That kind of realization was supposed to be sweet. Mine was riddled with agony.

“God, I love her.” My voice shook, and I dug my fingers into the counter. What was He doing to me?

Me too.

Hold up, what? Oh. Yeah. He loved her too—loved her first. Loved her best.

“Does it have to hurt like this?”

That night on Avery’s deck stirred in my soul again.

Do you trust Me?

The answer didn’t come as readily as it had that evening. Yes, but…but why? What are You doing? If I’d written this story, Sarah would have been interested in the Jesus that had been born to a carpenter when I told her about Him earlier that day. She would have asked about Him, gotten to know Him, ultimately accepted Him as her savior, and she wouldn’t be chasing wholeness from some abusive, self-seeking vulture. And I wouldn’t be left alone writhing through all of it. Why couldn’t this be that kind of a happily ever after?

Sometimes life just didn’t make sense.

Sarah

“Have you played before?” With a bottle in his fist, Troy snugged an arm around my waist.

I’d been scoping the cue sticks, looking for a shorter one. Guess he took that as ignorance. At least, I assumed he was talking about pool. “Not much.” Enough to know how to choose my weapons, but I was trying a whole new game plan here.

Troy reached with his other hand to the rack and chose a stick that was too long for me. “Here.”

I looked up and he winked. “Don’t worry. I’ll show you.”

I bet he would. After a swig of my hard cider, I twirled out of his hold and took the stick. “Hope you’re a good teacher.”

That snake of a grin slithered over his face. “Oh, don’t you worry, honey. The things I’m good at, I’m really good at.”

My stomach shivered. I thought about the phone in my little purse thingy, and pictured Jesse’s name in the contacts. He was just a few minutes away…

Not an option. I could play
this
game with Troy. Jesse’s game—too dangerous. He’d already made me feel too much of nothing good.

Troy racked the balls, and the game commenced. I painted stupidity on my face, and he draped himself all over me to
show
me how to shoot. I’d never been touched so much by another human being in my life. Didn’t particularly enjoy any of it. But his interest assured me that I was at least somewhat attractive.

“That’s the game.” He’d sunk the eight ball in the side pocket. I still had four stripes scattered on the tabletop.

I blinked and then gazed up at him, fixing what I hoped looked like some version of adoration. “I’m not good at this.”

Sauntering toward me with his cue stick posted over his shoulders, Troy zeroed a heated look on me. His body pushed against mine, sandwiching me between him and the table. With slow, deliberate movements, the cue stick came over his head and lowered behind me until he had it flat on the table.

Pinned. His head lowered. “I can show you a few things.” His fermented whisper brushed hot across my mouth.

“I’ll bet.” My stomach rolled. What was I doing?

His mouth crashed on mine, and the weight of his body pressed against me. He demanded. I gave, even while the sickish feeling inside me swirled fiercely. His hands roamed, landing on my waist. For a tiny moment, his body shifted away, and I was lifted to sit on the pool table. The muscles in my thighs jumped when his fingers made a trail from my knees upward. He wrapped my legs around him and quickly closed the small space separating us.

Heat poured over me. The bar was crowded, and the sounds of people and music and glasses clanging together seemed to increase as I became more acutely aware of how obnoxious this scene was. Yet I kept kissing him, letting him believe his desire was mutual. His fingers found the hem of my shirt and slid beneath the fabric. I squeaked in my throat. What was I getting into?

That dark laugh of his rumbled through his chest. “Hungry little thing.” His mouth moved against mine as he spoke. He leaned against me, and I was forced to cling to his neck as he dipped my back closer to the table.

“Hey,” someone barked from the bar. “No sex on the pool table.”

I jerked away.

Troy laughed, pulling me upright.

Humiliation dumped over me, and I started to tremble. I wiggled off the table, but he stayed in front of me, his hands back on my hips. He leaned in again. Really? But instead of kissing my mouth, he trailed his lips over my jawline until his mouth was near my ear. “Let’s get out of here.”

Yes. Let’s. Quickly, before I had to look at anyone in the room. I nodded, sliding through the very narrow space between him and the pool table to grab my clutch. Troy stepped right behind me. Right. Behind. His hand landed on my hip to guide me out.

We got to the truck. More kissing. Eventually I pushed him away.

He nuzzled my neck. “Back to the hotel?”

Don’t do this.
Jesse’s whisper buzzed in my mind. What did he know?

“Yes.” My voice quivered.

What was I doing?

We got to the hotel. The side parking lot was not well lit. In the semidarkness, Troy pinned me against the wall beside the entry door. His hands explored without reservation, as if my body belonged to him. Because I was giving it to him. My heart slammed against my ribs.

What was I doing?

I ducked from his insistent kisses, bowing under his arm and sliding away from his rigid body.

His hand caught me and slid over my stomach. With my back to him, he pulled me hard against him. “Upstairs?”

My room was downstairs. But I nodded.

Don’t do this.
Had there been pain in Jesse’s plea? Why did he care?

Troy barely had me in his room before he tugged my shirt off. I trembled violently.
Don’t give yourself to him.

Nausea rolled in my stomach.

“Stop.” I pushed Troy’s shoulders.

His hands fell away, but only to pull his own shirt over his head. His hot skin stuck against mine as he pulled me against him again.