The Candidate's Affair (29 page)

“Audrey? Wait. Can I ask you something?”

“Of course. What’s going on?” I sat back on the bed.

“Do you think my mom knows what I’m doing?”

I brushed the hair off her forehead. “What do you mean, honey?”

“Like, can she see me?”

“I guess so. I’m sure she can.”

“I hope so. It makes me feel better. Because then she won’t be so sad. If she knows I’m here with you, then maybe she’s happy too.”

I didn’t know what I believed anymore. “Wherever she is, she’s happy when you’re happy. That I know.”

“She told me you’d take care of me.”

My heart hurt. “Of course I’ll take care of you. I promised your mom and I meant every word.”

“She told me you’re a good person. You’re a good mom for someone who’s never been a mom.”

“I’m trying.” I bit my bottom lip.

“I’ve been thinking of names for you.”

“Names?”

She smiled. It had started happening more often. Her melancholy eyes would spark from time to time, and I knew she was finding bits of happiness in this new life we had given her.

“Yes, for the baby. I mostly know French names, but it could be cool if my little brother or sister had a French name like me too. Want to hear some?”

I nodded in silence. This sweet innocent child whose life had been filled with devastating grief was clinging to the hope of my baby. I sat while she recited her list.

“There was a girl named Josette and I didn’t really like her, but it’s a pretty name for a girl and maybe Jacques for a boy or does that sound weird? It’s not weird in France.”

I listened as she told me all the names of the students in her school. I had never been to France. I always wanted to go. Maybe a French name would be the perfect choice. I tried to imagine what this child would want. This baby Pax and I had created. What would it want?

I started to wander. Along the corridor. I circled our bedroom. I walked down the stairs. In a fog, I ended up in the garden. I sat, unable to stop the images from haunting me.

The blood was everywhere. Splattered across his face, running down his neck. Soaking into his expensive suit. I looked at my palms, knowing it was there too. But in the dark, it was hard to see. It was there I told myself. I was coated in his blood.

“Audrey, what are you doing out here? I’ve walked all over the property looking for you.” Paxton’s shoes crunched over fallen magnolia leaves. “It’s freezing. Come inside with me. I want to tell you about the conference. I need your take on the alliance we’re proposing for the coastal states. I think you’re going to be excited about it. It has your liberal vibe all over it.”

The air numbed my face. I must have been in the garden for hours. Sitting. Waiting. Planning.

“Audrey?”

“I know, Pax.”

“Want to elaborate?” He sat next to me on the concrete bench and put an arm around my shoulder, kissing my cheek. “I wish you had been with me. Some of the other spouses were there. But I’m glad Avery drove up. You two need some time together.”

I didn’t move. My muscles clenched with paralysis.

“What’s going on with you? Is it the baby? You feeling ok? What happened with Avery? I thought she would still be here.”

“She left.”

“Oh, ok. That was a quick trip. I checked in on Corinne. She’s already asleep. I don’t want to leave you out here, but I’m ready for a nightcap and I was hoping to go to bed a little early. I really missed you.” He squeezed my thigh. “Let me take you to bed.”

“Don’t fucking touch me.”

He jumped. “What is wrong with you?”

“I know. I know everything. All of it. Spence. I know what you did to him.”

“I didn’t do anything to Spence. What is going on?” He moved on the bench so he could see my face.

I didn’t back down. “I’ve gone over it so many times. I convinced myself two years ago there was no way. It wasn’t possible. You would never do anything to hurt me. It wasn’t even conceivable you would be capable. But I knew. God, I’ve known. I just didn’t want it to be true.”

“What in the hell are you talking about?”

“You killed Spence.” An acrid taste filled my mouth.

“Whoa. That came out of nowhere. Who is feeding you this?”

“It doesn’t matter, does it? Just tell me. Look me in the eye and admit it.”

He shook his head, his eyes narrowed. “Admit what?”

“There are pictures. I saw them. All the blood. How he was slumped over the steering wheel. You were there at the crash site, making sure he was dead. I saw you standing next to him.”

“We’re not going down that road again. Is this the Hughes shit coming back up? Or was it a reporter? You’ve been trained to spot these things. I thought you had the hang of it by now. Come on.”

I balled my fists in my lap; it slowed the shaking. “That night. I woke up and you weren’t there. You weren’t there, Pax!”

“You’re saying that I left you in bed and drove out to Tranter’s Creek and killed Spencer?”

“I know you did. I know it with every fiber in my body.”

“I don’t see how you can remember anything from when Spence died. You were completely out of it. You drank bottles of wine, and took sleeping pills. You barely ate. The only reason you’re alive is because I took care of you.”

“And that’s what you wanted. You wanted me to need you, to be completely dependent on you. And I was.”

“That’s not fair. I was in love with you. I hated seeing you hurt like that. I took care of you because I wanted you to live again.”

“You seduced me back to you. I couldn’t see it then, but I see every move you made now. You planned it. You plotted it. You executed it perfectly.”

It was clear. Two years of clarity ripped through me. “You planned that entire night. The reason you took me to the upstairs guestroom was so I wouldn’t hear you leave the house. And that expensive wine you gave me made me sleep heavier than I ever had. You didn’t want me to wake up and find you gone.” I forced myself to relive it. “And all the security. What a fucking expensive waste of money! All of it was just a show so that I would think I was in danger. I lived in fear of my life because of you.”

“I think I need to take you inside, get you in bed. Maybe get you something to eat. I’ve heard pregnancy hormones make women emotional, but I wasn’t really prepared for this. I’ll help you through it.” He slid an arm around my waist, trying to hoist me to my feet. “All right, let’s go.”

I growled at him. “I said don’t touch me. I’m calling the police. I’m telling them everything.”

He let go.

“Think about what you’re saying, Audrey.” He was calm, his words smooth and clear.

“I have thought about it. It’s all I can think about. The images are burned in my eyes. You killed him because you were jealous? Or because you needed me to be free? Why? Tell me why.”

“I would never hurt you. We’ve talked about this. You asked me all these questions back then, and I answered them.”

“I’m turning over the pictures I have. I’m telling them you killed my husband.”

“This is ludicrous. Let me get you inside.”

“You killed Spence.” If I said it enough times, he would have to hear it.

“I think you’re forgetting that you helped me.”

“I didn’t help you. What are you talking about?”

“You planted evidence. Remember that?”

“Evidence you told me proved Hughes had Spence killed.”

“Evidence you wanted. Evidence you needed.”

“Only because you told me it was the truth. Justice—that’s what you said was on that flash drive.”

“It was justice. Hughes was a criminal.”

I shook my head. “But he wasn’t a murderer.”

“Think about it. That’s not all you did. You testified in court. You perjured yourself. Are you willing to go to prison? Is that where you want to deliver our baby? In a prison hospital.”

I clutched at my stomach. “You’re just trying to scare me.”

“And what about Corinne? Have you thought about her? You’re ok destroying her life? We’re all she has. She thinks of you as her mother now. You put me in jail and you go too, then what? She goes to a children’s home? Our baby will end up there with her too, I guess.”

“Stop it. Stop! You’re lying again.”

“Am I? Think about it. You planted evidence in a murder investigation. The murder of your husband to help your lover send the police on a different path. You think they’ll believe you weren’t involved? Of course you were. You knew. You helped me plan it. You called Spencer and told him you were going to leave him. That’s why he was driving back in the middle of the night. He was frantic to get home to talk you out of it. Then when you knew he was headed back to Charleston, you told me the route. You told me exactly where I could drive to find him, what his car looked like. We planned it together. Trying to pin it on Hughes, spinning it so that we both looked like victims. You the grieving widow. Me, the man with a vision trying to be undermined by old politics.”

He sat on the bench beside me and looked up at the branches hanging over us. “I think that’s what the police will believe. Don’t you?”

“You’re disgusting.”

“Am I? Why, because I fell in love with you? If you want to be mad at someone, be angry with yourself.”

“How can you put this on me?”

“Because everything I did was because I was in love with you.”

“Love? How do you call it that?”

“Because I knew that first night we kissed we belonged together. The walk back after book club was the slow seduction. You were pulling me in, dangling the forbidden fruit in front of me. Daring me to kiss me. And you know it. It may have taken you longer to figure it out that you loved me, but you did.” He placed a hand on my coat, over my belly. “And now we’re going to be parents together. We’re bringing a person into the world together. There’s no stronger testament to our love than this baby. This was fate. You are my fate.”

“I won’t stay.”

He swung one leg over the bench, straddling it like a horse and leaned toward me. “You will. Because this will die down. It will fade. You’ll need me again. You’ll want my help.”

“You’re sick. I’ll never ask you to help me.”

“God, I know you better than you do.” I could feel his breath across my cheek as he whispered in my ear. “All those nights you were helpless. You couldn’t sleep. You wandered the house from room to room. You used me. You were so lost and broken that you begged to be in my bed. I knew what you were doing, and I let you. Fuck the memories away, right? It was never enough. You’d cry and then sometimes you’d laugh. You’d drink an entire bottle of wine then ask me to screw you all night.” His eyes hardened. “I gave you what you wanted. Every fucking time.”

My breaths were shallow, fighting for air.

He continued. “You’re not innocent in this. We built this life together. You helped me every step of the way. And I love you for it. I love you, Audrey. I won the senate race because of you. And governor, hell did you know the polls showed voters were eight times as likely to vote for me if I married you? You got us here.”

“I never wanted to be first lady. I didn’t ask for any of it. You know I don’t even like politics.”

“But you’re so good at it. That’s what brought us together, right? Yin and yang? Opposite sides of the aisle? Blue versus red? I always thought it was what made things so hot between us.”

“I just wanted a normal life. I just wanted to be happy. This isn’t—”

“You had that. You had ‘normal’ and it wasn’t enough for you. It was never going to be enough. There’s something else inside you that you weren’t willing to unleash until you met me.”

“I wanted it to be enough.” My voice was raspy. “I did.”

He kissed my temple, his lips pressing hard. “Look, I’ve always promised to keep you safe and I mean it. Nothing means more to me than you. But, you can’t talk to anyone about this. Not the police. Not the press. Not your sister. Do you understand? I can’t protect you if you tell anyone.”

“How could you want me to stay? How can you think I’d want to be married to you now?”

“Because despite everything, you love me. You need me. You can’t make it out there without me. And I don’t want you to. I need you too. It will take a little time. I know that. But you’ll come back to me. You always do.”