The Calling (3 page)

*****

When her plane landed at the airport at Kansas City, David and her parents were waiting for her arrival. Her mother and father greeted her with kisses and hugs first. Next, David hugged and kissed her.

“I’m so glad you’re home. I’ve missed you so much.” David looked deeply into her eyes.

Cate turned away as she answered. She was afraid that he would see the truth in her eyes. “I‘ve missed you too,” she said, attempting sincerity. The truth was she
had
missed him, but there was also another truth, that wouldn’t be said, at least not yet. Cate felt guilty; she was sure he had suspected something. If he did suspect anything, he never said so. He was very happy to see her and quite ready for them to get on with their lives.

The week after she returned home, Justin called, and even though he said he was just calling to say hello to an old friend, his call gave Cate a glimmer of hope. Subsequent calls fueled those hopes.

With Justin’s calls came questions, first from David, and then her parents.

“Cate, this guy that keeps calling you, who is he?” David’s face clearly revealed his irritation.

“He’s just a guy who worked at the camp in Tahoe.”

“Why does he keep calling?”

“Because we’re friends, can’t I have male friends? Don’t you trust me?” Cate decided that pretending to be hurt by his questions would be the best way to handle the situation.

“I’m sorry. Of course I trust you. ”

Justin’s calls not only bothered David, but also her parents. They were concerned that there might be more going on than Cate was telling them. When her parents asked about Justin, she told them the same thing she’d told David. She rationalized it by telling herself that she and Justin were only friends. Regardless of what
she
wanted, Justin never hinted that he wanted to be anything more.

The situation took a more complicated turn, when Justin surprised Cate by coming to Kansas City; he’d decided to transfer to the University of Kansas. Cate was overjoyed to see him, and hoped that his transfer was evidence that he loved her and had chosen to pursue her. Indeed, he seemed eager to resume the relationship that began in Tahoe.

David was not happy to hear that Justin had become a student at the University of Kansas. With clenched jaw, tight mouth and rigid stance, he confronted her. “Cate what is
he
doing here?”

“He’s here to go to school.” Cate’s answer was curt.

“Don’t they have colleges where he’s from?”

“He said he liked what the University of Kansas had to offer.”

“And, what would that be?”

“I don’t know. He didn’t tell me.” There was a touch of sarcasm in her answer.

“I think it’s you.”

Cate shook her head feigning exasperation. “I told you;
we’re just friends
.”

“I don’t think
he
thinks that.”

Her hands on her hips, Cate asked, “What are you saying?”

“You know what I’m saying.”

“Don’t you trust me!”
It worked before, maybe it’ll work again.

“It’s
him
I don’t trust.”

“You don’t know him.”

“Nor, do I want too.”

“David, I can’t believe you said that. That’s not at all like you.”

“I’m sorry.” He sighed heavily, closed his eyes and bowed his head as if praying. “You’re right. I guess I’ve got a problem where this guy’s concerned.”

Cate looked at him intently as he reproached himself for his jealousy and his dislike for Justin.
You have more of a problem than you know, and I can’t admit it to you because I’m a coward.

Cate kept hoping that Justin would tell her that he loved her and wanted to marry her. At the same time, she feared that the time would eventually come when she would not only have to tell David that she couldn’t marry him, but that she was going to marry someone else. As much as she hoped that Justin would ask her to marry him, she dreaded the time when she would hurt David.

Caught between her love for Justin and her reluctance to hurt David, Cate lived a secret life, or so she thought. It wasn’t a secret to her parents, and they lovingly confronted her, first her mother and then, her father.

“Cate, what are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean it’s clear to me that you’re involved with two men at the same time,” her mother said. “And, I expected better of you.”

“I know, but I care about both of them.”

“Well, you need to make up your mind which one you care more about and cut the other one loose.”

“I know which one I love more,” Cate paused and bit her lip, “but I don’t want to hurt the other one.”

“Cate, what you are doing is not fair to either of them. You need to straighten this out.”

Cate knew her mother was right, but couldn’t find the courage to hurt David, so she continued to keep him in the dark. She was in her room waiting for David to arrive for New Years’ Eve when her father gently tapped on her door.

“May I come in?”

“Sure,” Cate said.

“Catie, I know that your mother has spoken with you about the situation with David and Justin. I also know that she encouraged you to straighten things out, but you haven’t.” Cate stopped what she was doing as he continued, “Cate, I’ve never been ashamed of you, but I am now.”

Cate hung her head. She had always been daddy’s girl, and his words hurt.

“Cate, what you are doing is not right and I think you know it.”

Her head still down, avoiding his eyes, Cate murmured, “Yes sir, but I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“But, you are. You’re hurting David, Justin, yourself and your mother and me. We expect you to be straightforward and honest in all of your dealings with people. You need to make up your mind which man you want, and tell the other one that you can’t see him anymore.”

“I’ll tell David tonight.”

“David,” her father said.

Cate heard the disappointment in his voice. She watched him as he took his glasses off, rubbed his face, ran his hand across his hair and let out a deep breath.

“Catie, do what you have to do, but straighten this thing out.”

“Yes, sir”

She watched him leave her room with a look of disapproval on his face. Her mother had reacted the same way when she confessed that she thought that she was in love with Justin. Cate knew he was not their choice for her,
but he’s my choice
.

Cate couldn’t put off telling David any longer, and it wasn’t just because of her parents’ insistence. Justin had proposed to her the night before. She had met him at a restaurant on campus and he’d finally confessed his love and proposed. Cate immediately said “yes” to his proposal.

After her conversation with her mother, and still dreading to hurt David, Cate decided to do the cowardly thing and break things off in a note. She carried the note around in her purse for days, but her father’s confrontation reminded her that David deserved to be told face-to-face.

However, her plan to tell him face-to-face never materialized.. Before she could tell him, he found the note that she had written. It had fallen out of her purse and when he picked it up, he realized that it was for him. Cate entered the room just as he was reading the note. She could tell he was upset and pleaded with him to give her the note; trying to explain that she hadn’t meant for him to see the note.

“David, I never intended for you to read that note. I–I, wanted to tell you in person.”

His shaking hands held the note and his voice quivered, “So tell me.”

“You’ve got to believe me. I
never
meant for this to happen. I love you-”

“Love me,” he held the note to her face, “how can you love me and let this happen?”

“I’m sorry,” she stepped back. “I do love you, but I love Justin more, and he wants to marry me.”

“So, do I.”

“Yes, but
I
want to marry
him
,” Cate confessed, a wellspring of tears filling her eyes. “David, I tried to tell you that I wasn’t cut out to be a pastor’s wife, but you wouldn’t listen. I know you don’t believe that I love you, but I do. That’s why it’s been so difficult for me to tell you about Justin. I didn’t want to hurt you. I knew you’d react this way.”

“How was I supposed to react, Cate?”

“I don’t know,” she clenched her fists and wiped at the tears on her cheek, “but please believe that I never meant for this to happen. It just did. I’m sorry. Please believe how sorry I am,” Cate tried to take him by the arm, but he refused.

“Well, I guess, there’s nothing else to say, but have a good life.” He quickly walked from the room.

Cate shook her head, knowing that she’d hurt him deeply. She told herself it couldn’t be helped. As she continued to think about what had happened, she found herself experiencing a sense of profound loss and sadness. She was confused as to why, and decided to deal with it by hurrying to see Justin. That seemed to work, at least for a while, but the whole episode left Cate very unsettled. The memory of the hurt look on David’s face haunted her, and she continued to feel sad and guilty.

Three

She was jarred back to the reality of the present by David moving in his seat as he slept. Cate watched him; after what had transpired that night seven years ago, she’d never imagined that she would one day be on the way to Ecuador-with him, that she would be serving as his daughter’s caretaker when he was away on mission business, or that she would become a teacher at the mission school. She thanked God for His grace.

As she continued to watch him, her thoughts again drifted slowly to the past. First one, then the other came, vying for her attention. She felt as if she was careening through the kaleidoscope of her life after her rejection of David.

After she had been painfully honest with David, she refused to face the sadness and guilt that she felt. She chose, rather, to stuff those feelings deep inside. When she began to have reservations about her marriage to Justin, she ignored them.

She refused to acknowledge anything that would deter her from achieving her desire to marry the type of man whose goal would be to make her happy; Justin was that type of man. He confessed to her that he came to Kansas City not to go to school, but to win her. She liked that attitude; Justin putting her first, being the center of his attention.

Her parents had reservations about her marriage to Justin, but she assured them that everything would be fine. Her father interviewed both of them before he would give his blessing and agree to marry them. Justin gave all of the right answers, as did Cate. Her father and mother acquiesced and withdrew their reservations.

She and Justin were married in her home church; her father performing the ceremony. Everything that day
seemed
to foreshadow a happy marriage. It was on the honeymoon, when Cate began to be aware of things that she
should
have been aware of, and would have been, had she taken time to get to know Justin before she married him. Justin had hidden his attitude toward alcohol and Christianity.

Cate remembered the argument that she and Justin had as they sat down to enjoy their first honeymoon dinner.

“Bring us your best bottle of champagne,” Justin told the waiter.

“Champagne?”

“Sure this is a celebration. We’ve got to have champagne,” he replied.

“Justin, I don’t drink. I never have.”

“You don’t drink?” Justin cocked his head, his brow furrowed. “Everybody drinks.”

“Not everybody. I was brought up to believe in abstinence concerning alcohol.”

He shrugged, “Your parents’ idea. Cate, you’re a married woman now; you can do what you want.”

She straightened in her chair, “And I don’t want to drink!”

“Cate, don’t you love me?”

“Of course I do.”

“Don’t you want to celebrate our marriage?”

“Yes, but I don’t want to celebrate with alcohol.”

“How can you be so against drinking if you’ve never tried it?”

“I just am.”

“Please, Cate, just celebrate with me tonight. Try the champagne; if you don’t like it, don’t drink it,” he pleaded.

Because she loved him, and against her better judgment, she gave in to his request and agreed to try the champagne. The waiter brought the champagne and poured each of them a glass. Cate tried it, and didn’t like it. Justin, however, seemed so happy at her willingness to please him that she continued to drink. Consequently, the celebration did not have a good outcome for Cate. She became very ill. Justin thought it was funny; Cate did not.

With Cate still ill the following day, Justin continued the honeymoon activities alone. Cate protested and pouted, and Justin apologized and returned to his charming self. Once again, he catered to Cate’s every desire and things were fine—for a while.

After the honeymoon, Cate and Justin moved to Baton Rouge to finish college at Louisiana State University. Once Justin was back in Louisiana, with his friends, his drinking became an issue in the marriage, and Cate found out quickly that alcohol use was a big part of Justin’s life. As far as he was concerned it wasn’t just for celebrating, it was for all occasions. Anytime they socialized with friends, at their home or their friends’ home, alcohol was served. Cate felt uncomfortable and out of place, and Justin was embarrassed and angry at his wife’s attitude toward alcohol.