The California Club (41 page)

'Falling for all his "my friend's a pilot" nonsense!' Elliot sneers.

'Oh I suppose the plane is imaginary, is it?' I scoff.

'Forget it!' Elliot tries to walk away.

'Don't do that!' I block his exit. 'If you've got something to say, say it,' I hiss, trying not to cause a noticeable scene. Fortunately we're no match for Joel and Zoë in full flow.

Elliot runs his tongue along his teeth then glares at me. 'I don't like him.'

'I don't like Elise,' I counter.

'I just told you I'm not marrying her!' Elliot blurts then hushes himself and looks guiltily in her direction.

'Does she know that?' I ask.

'Not yet.'

'We're leaving in five minutes. When were you planning on saying something?’

‘It's not that simple,' Elliot says quietly.

'Well I wouldn't rush into it,' I ooze sarcasm. 'You might find you change your mind five minutes later.'

I can't believe we're at each other's throats like this, especially after our blissful magnolia-scented encounter. How is it possible for things to sour so quickly? Does this mean we were never meant to be? We experience the merest hint of togetherness and then instantly self-destruct!

'I'm sure Joel can give you the money for the B&B,' Elliot taunts, angling to have the last jibe.

‘Oh yeah, I know for a fact that it's his dream to own a clapped-out townhouse in a country that rains nine months of the year,' I spit. 'I bet he's never even seen a pebble!'

'You two coming?' Helen calls over.

Elliot and I trip over each other trying to get to her first.

I am seething! I've never seen Elliot like this before. What an arse! It just goes to show – you think you know someone … Well, Elise is welcome to him. Not that he wants her any more. I should be over-the-moon but I don't care. I hope he stays miserably single for a very long time. I can't believe he'd give me false hope like that. He knows how I feel about the B&B, never mind about him. What a bastard!

'Joe!!' I call.

'What, my darling?'

'Piggyback!' I jump on board and laugh maniacally as we hurtle past Elliot and Elise. You want to see me look foolish – you've got it! I squeal as Joel offloads me on to the top bar of the paddock fence and then swiftly turns round to face me, keeping me balanced by placing his hands on my thighs.

‘Glad to see you're not getting any more mature with age,' Joel puffs.

I grin back at him. He couldn't have said anything better. I lean forward and cup his face.

'I'm so glad you're here!' I say, before planting a firm kiss on his lips.

Did you see that, Elliot? That's me bouncing back. You think I'm crushed? I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm still trying to quell my irritation as we pull up at the airfield. I've never once argued with Elliot in the ten years I've known him and consequently I found myself distracted as I said goodbye to the others. I realize now that I meant to get more of the lowdown on Sasha's fundraiser plans – all I know is that she wants us at Tiger Tiger by 6pm tomorrow. I hope it's a success. If it is, maybe she and Zoë could think about arranging a fundraiser for me and the B&B … Another flare of indignation sparks within me. I hope Elliot gets his bottom chewed off by a bear.

'This is Richard, our fly guy,' Joel introduces us to the pilot. We shake hands with the happy face in the check shirt and take our position in the plane – me alongside Richard for the privileged front-seat vantage point, Joel in the back with Elise so he can use his big muscles to restrain her in case she gets hysterical and tries to throw herself out the window.

Now there's an idea. Disappointingly, I don't get nearly as much satisfaction as I normally do conjuring Ways to Zap Elise.

'Up we go!' Richard seems to be willing the plane to part with the tarmac as we trundle and whirr down the runway. For a moment it seems a physical impossibility that the four of us and a hunk of metal could get airborne but he levers us upwards and miraculously we don't bump straight back down.

'Don't forget to breathe!' Joel leans forward to remind me as we climb on invisible rails, up into the sky.

How did he know I've been holding my breath since take-off? I also haven't moved so much as an eyebrow hair for fear of unbalancing the plane. I consciously try to relax my body, lowering my shoulders a millimeter at a time. I can't believe I'm up here, hovering above where the verdant land of California cuts haphazardly into the sea, creating one of the most raw and refreshing coastlines in the world. Joel's done it again – sent my spirits soaring against all odds.

We stop for a drink just a mile or two from Breathe, perched at cliffside tables watching the surf thrash and spray. Even the typically drag-me-down presence of Elise can't touch me. I'm overwhelmed with feelings of well-being. No wonder this place is such a mecca for those seeking spiritual enlightenment – the scenery does half the work for you.

'I suppose we ought to be getting on,' Elise says, looking at her watch.

I suck down the last of my pink lemonade. If I didn't know better I'd say she was actually keen to return to Breathe. Joel is good enough to escort me to the room I'll be sharing with Elise, just to make sure I'm not going to be painted orange and offered up as some sacrifice to the sun. As it turns out, long robes and daisy-chained hippie hair are conspicuous by their absence.

'I think you're going to be okay,' Joel assures me. 'But if there's any naked bongo drumming make sure you call me,' he adds with his trademark saucy smile.

‘Elise!' A group of three middle-aged female students hurry over to embrace their clanswoman.

'How are you feeling?' The first gives her a sincere arm rub.

'You were so brave the other night,' the second coos. 'I just know you're about to have a breakthrough!

‘You're just in time to come to Family Circle with us,' the third chimes in.

'Lara,' Elise turns to me. 'You'll join us, won't you?'

Four heads tilt in enquiry. This is spooky. I reach for Joel.

'Sorry babe, I gotta fly,' he shrugs. 'You go have fun!'

'Just give me a minute,' I tell Elise, pulling Joel off to one side.

'Take me with you,' I beg him.

Joel laughs and shakes his head. 'Come on, just one more night and you'll be a California Club graduate. Think of that beach-house!'

I wheeze a resigned breath and ask, 'Are you coming to the Tiger Tiger fundraiser tomorrow night?'

'You bet – Sasha told me all about it while you were off colluding with Elliot. What was going on there?'

'Don't ask,' I groan, refusing to relive the vexation.

'I told her I'd bring along a few wealthy friends of mine,' Joel continues. 'See if we can get them drunk enough to make a donation.'

'Lara!' Elise calls over, tapping her watch.

'Go!' he encourages. 'I'll see you tomorrow.'

I wave him off and then turn towards Elise. Here I go, then, about to get in the Family way.

After an initial meditation where I very nearly drop off to sleep, all the women in the group are instructed to hold hands and form a large circle around the cluster of men. The men are then asked to pair up, one taking the role of father, the other the son. Apparently our role is to provide a protective circle of female energy around them so they feel safe. Fine, so far. Then we are all asked to sit down. Better still. The lights dim. Maybe I will get that nap after all. But then I hear what they are asking the men to do – the 'father' takes the 'son' in his arms and rocks him and tells him that he loves and is proud of him, that he will always be there for him no matter what. The sight of one grown man cradling another like an infant is quite bizarre. At first I feel uncomfortable to be watching, especially embarrassed for the toddlers but then I see how much they all seem to need to do this, how perhaps only a handful of these guys ever heard what they really needed to from their fathers, and my heart goes out to them.

'Now the women in the center …' The group leader instructs.

Oh no! I can't partner Elise. I look to my left for an alternative but the skinny redhead has already been snapped up. Surely Elise will refuse to participate. This is everything she claims to despise.

'Obviously this is completely ridiculous,' she hisses at me under her breath, 'I just play along to keep them happy.'

'Right!' I nod, stepping forward with a sense of dread.

'Mother or daughter?' Elise asks.

I'm torn – on the one hand being the daughter just requires being cuddled and cooed over but at the same time I don't want to hear Elise's voice replace my own mother's, not even for a minute.

'Mother,' I decide.

'Okay. You sit down first.'

I sit cross-legged on the floor and wait for Elise to climb into my lap. Other than our perfunctory kisses hello and goodbye I've never really touched her before so it feels odd to have her lean so deliberately on me, and weirder still for me to be placing my arms about her like I cherish her. I pray to Julianne Moore for some acting skills to get me through this.

The group leader waits for us all to settle into position then nods for us to begin. Voices instantly start cooing and encouraging around me. The old devil in me would be tempted to lean close to Elise's ear and curse, 'I always wanted a boy!' but the mood in the room seems strangely sacred. Instead I close my eyes and pretend I am returning the favor to my own mother.

'You are a unique and special gift to me,' I begin, wondering where the words are coming from. 'Wherever you go, please know that I am always loving you, always watching over you in my heart, wishing the very best for you.' Wow. I'm good. I'm a mom! 'I watch everything you do with pride.' I pause, I wonder if Elise's mum knew about her dalliance in Carmel and if she did, did she judge her along with everyone else? Dare I speak the words she may most need to hear? 'I will never judge you, darling. Whatever you do, whoever you choose to love I will support you.' I sneak an eye open expecting to find a sneer on Elise's face but instead I see a tear sliding down her cheek. Oh my god! My own eyes well up with compassion. She is human, after all. What do I do now? I look imploringly at the group leader as she passes by. She gives me a 'keep going' nod. I squeeze my eyes closed again.

'You'll always be my little girl, Elise.' I surprise myself by saying her name. 'And I'll always be your mum. Your happiness is my priority. Just be happy and you'll make me happy.'

Elise's body starts chugging with sobs in my arms. I've gone too far!

'There, there!' I soothe. Oh bloody hell! I look frantically around me but I'm not the only one getting a sodden lap. Girls who've never heard their mums say I Love You surround me. I squeeze Elise tighter and she grips me like a vice. I feel my loathing of her morph into pity. What has she been through to end up like this? I think of my own mother, always so easy going about my choices. I never felt an ounce of pressure from her. Fleetingly I wonder if I should rustle up a quick abandonment complex on account of her moving to Spain but realize it's entirely unnecessary. I know I'm loved, she could move to another solar system and I'd still feel that.

Elise suddenly sits upright and wipes her face. 'They're just not content unless you blub here!' she sniffs crossly as the lights come up.

'Are you alright?' I ask.

'Of course! This isn't for real!' She gets to her feet, avoiding eye contact. 'I've got to make a phone call, I'll see you later.'

I watch her hurry out of the room, head down. She's going to call her mum, I'll bet you anything. I look at my watch. She better be a party animal – it's 1am in the UK. Hope she doesn't shout at her while she's feeling so vulnerable. I know my mum would just take it in her stride but I don't want to disturb her sleep. I'll call her tomorrow – still 24 hours for a B&B miracle to occur. No worries.

I stroll out and assess the chart for the evening classes to see if there's anything that might prove inspirational, while sneaking a sideways glance at the students around me – who else can I turn into a blubbering wreck?

'I'm going for the
White Lotus Poetry Workshop
,' a shrimpy fella informs me.

‘Lovely,’ I smile. But not for me.

Think Like an Ocean
. That sounds groovy.
Returning to the Simplicity of Life
. Great in theory but I have a feeling the reality means living in a shack.
Inner Goddess
. Love it – there's got to be glitter involved.
Self-Betrayal
. Bet that's a good 'un – high cry potential. Ooh, I like this
Life Maps
one – you do a chart of your life so far to see how you got to where you are today and then use that information to plot your most creative future. The teacher – Ann Sayre Wiseman looks nice enough. I reach for the pen to add my name and in doing so see Elise has put herself down for the
Radical Honesty
workshop running at the same time. That's tempting. She might blurt everything out and save me the trouble of hiring that private detective. I suppose I could always try and catch her directly after … Then I spot my name in Elise's handwriting under the heading
Banish Body Hang-Ups
! The cheek of it! I wonder if she's trying to get me back? All the same, it does have a certain appeal. I’ll pop along right after dinner.

With just ten of us (including three men) in the group I thought this might be the chance to make some real progress regarding my dimpled thighs. And, you know, if the nudity hadn't been compulsory I might have even stayed for longer than sixty seconds.

I shudder as I get back into the open air. What now? I've missed the start of the
Life Map
class so that's no good.
Ritualistic Dance
involved covering yourself in clay, as I recall. I could press my ear up against the
Radical Honesty
workshop. Or maybe I'll just tiptoe back to the room for a sneaky kip – I only had a few hours’ sleep last night and it's taking its toll.

There's a man (I think) doing a headstand in the corridor and in trying to avoid him I walk straight into a large pair of cushiony breasts.