The Cake is a Lie (10 page)

“
It’s soo good,” He said
enthusiastically.

“
What part are you at?” I
reflected on the irony that he was reading this huge book and yet
he’d hardly done a day of homework in his life.

Before he could answer, his littlest
sister, Julita, came running up the stairs shrieking, “Jonsen.”
Julita was a year younger than us. When we were younger she would
have done anything just to play with us in the backyard. Even then
I knew it was only a matter of time before she became hella
ghettoized just like her older sister. Cut off belly white-t and
sweatpants that have been rolled down from the waist
ghetto.

“
Hey Marco,” She said warmly
when she noticed me.

“
Jonsen.” She screamed
again. I cringed. “Krissi wants to know if you’re rolling with us
to Stacia’s later. She said she’s down if you bring that
5
^th
cause’ she wants to get bent.”

“
Is Nicki gonna be there
Chiquita?”

They were talking about people I didn’t
know using words I didn’t know. I zoned out, I’d be gone soon
anyways.

I’d been a busy bee that summer since I
started smoking pot, working to get Jonsen back. Brandon was gone
for the summer at his dad’s. In his absence, Avi, Tysen, Devin,
Brian, and I had formed a loose association of a summer friends.
But, by far, my new favorite pursuit was going over to Jonsen’s for
weed every two weeks. I couldn’t push it more than that, I didn’t
want to come off as desperate. By no means were me and Jonsen
friends again. Drug buying 101 was the more you bought at once, the
more you got. Jonsen and his friends had the connections, and I had
a 20 dollar a week allowance. I was walking the fine line between
being a business acquaintance and being a friend.

There was a rumbling downstairs and
then a big boom of laughter. A group of stampeding footsteps
charged up the creaky staircase. I pushed myself flat against the
wall to avoid Kace, Tim, and Jonsen’s brother Josh as they came
blowing past me into the room. Julita went back
downstairs.

“
Jonsen.” Josh exclaimed as
he sprinted through the door first. “Kace said he’s gonna let me
hit it.”

“
You got it?” Jonsen
excitedly asked Tim and Kace.

“
Chaaa dawgy” Kace said.
Kace talked with that gangster twang, like every syllable was worth
fighting over. His whole butt was hanging out into his boxers. He
jumped on top of Jonsen, straddling his prone body. “It took us so
long cause we had to stop off at Lita’s on the way cause lil’ Timy
is trying to beat those cakes.” Then Kace began demonstrating by
dry humping Jonsen from behind, circularly grinding his boxers on
Jonsen’s butt. Jonsen started laughing uncontrollably.

Tim had an oversized
sweatshirt on and a baseball hat tipped back, barely holding onto
his head. Neither of them acknowledged me or even made eye contact
with me. It was always like that when I was around them. Tim sat
down on top of one of the piles of clothes and pulled a bag of
weed, a scale, and a box of Ziploc baggies out of his huge
sweatshirt pocket. Tim’s childish baby face couldn’t have been more
out of place holding all that paraphernalia in his lap. Like me,
Tim still hadn’t even started puberty, he looked like a
5
^th
grader. According to the odds, this made his popularity not
only an anomaly, it was a sin. He was the epitome of cool, he’d
made it farther than anyone, and we’d just started. Tim was nice to
me sometimes, too. He knew what it was like.

Kace had never been on the bottom, he
never lowered his gaze. Kace had peculiar good looks, mainly
because of his hawk nose. If you caught him out of the corner of
your eye something was off just enough to make you look again, and
again, and again. I hated him. He was such a dumb bully. He failed
ridiculously easy middle school classes. I’d love to see him try
and write a paper on themes in “Kite Runner,” I thought.

Kace sat up to a sitting position on
top of Jonsen’s body. “Where’s that tonsil tickler piece at
Palmer?” Kace might not have known much about history or politics,
but he could think up twenty different words for partying, skating
or girls on the spot.

Tim and Kace had the full slick talking
repertoire, they knew all the slang words. They had something to
say about everything, even cars. When nice cars rode by I couldn’t
think of anything to say to save my life.

Worst of all, Kace always had the best
things to say when he was up in somebody’s face. “You can’t even
chew gum your teeth are so spaced out homie. Straight Jurassic Park
teeth. How have you not bitten off your gums yet with those?” They
called it “street smarts,” and Kace was a street
prodigy.

“
It’s in my sweatshirt,”
Jonsen wheezed breathily under Kace’s weight. “Get it,
Josh.”

Josh started going through
one of the piles of clothes until he pulled out a pipe made out of
taped together plastic tubes. “Oh yeaa, I forgot you had this
busted thing. It totally does look like a mushroom tip,” Josh
agreed with a chuckle. It was supposed to be funny because the
shaft of the pipe was very thick and long like a penis. Penis jokes
are
so
clever, I
thought.

“
Weigh Marco out a twamp
Timy,” Jonsen instructed while pushing Kace off him to roll up. A
twamp meant twenty dollars’ worth of weed. I’d been soaking up the
slang like faster than feathers in an oil spill, even though I
refused to use it myself.

“
I gotcha, cutty,” Tim
glimpsed up at me smiling. He was juggling three different baggies
while holding the scale in his lap. I felt a sense of relief. The
biggest fear was that you would get jacked. That they would decide
you weren’t worth it anymore and just take your money as a parting
gift. It wasn’t about the money, it was about them not liking
you.

“
So Lita’s jockin?” Jonsen
asked Tim. “You hit it, Timy?”

Lita was arguable the
hottest 7
^th
grader at Einstein. She was half-Mexican and the perfect
amount of exotic. She’d grown her curves before all the other
girls. I had math class with Lita and would steal glances at her
all period. She was so nice and sweet to everyone. She loved to
flirt, even with me when we were in the same group, she’d touch
your arm when she laughed and look you right in the eye. My ears
had perked up to full alert at the mention of her name, deep down I
started hoping she didn’t get with Tim. Lita was the end all be
all. Kace, Tim and Jonsen might have been light years ahead of
everyone, but the game wasn’t over yet…

“
Timy W was all like ‘Girl
what’s up with the domes,’ and when she wouldn’t give it up we
bounced,” Kace blurted out in his best half-kidding cocky persona.
Everyone laughed. I knew what dome meant, blowjob, Loren was always
using that one. I laughed loudly in the hopes Kace would see me
laughing. Look at me, I hoped, I know what dome means
too.

Embarrassed, Tim didn’t look up from
his work, super chill he said, “Nah, nothing happened.” Very few
kids could act as unfazed as Tim Wright. [4]

Josh reached the pipe out towards Tim
and said, “Load that shit.”

Tim was putting the final touches on my
baggy, licking and crisply rolling it up. “1.4 grams” Tim told me,
“Cause this shit’s fire.”

[4]
As Jay-Z would
say, “The nets could go 0 for 82 and I’d look at you like shit’s
gravy.”

“
Okay,” I said in my most
monotone voice as I walked over to take the bag, making it clear to
everyone I wasn’t an idiot.

Kace’s gaze accidently ran into mine as
I walked back across the room. I immediately looked away, but not
before catching the sneer on his face, the hint of
disgust.

What did he hate the most? I thought.
Was it my clothes, my Quicksilver, navy blue long sleeve shirt? My
pitiful attempt to kind of sag, with my boxers more hanging out the
top of my jeans than actually wearing my pants that low? It must
have been my beaded metal necklace, or just my general chubbiness,
my crooked and gapped teeth. Maybe it was because I was proud to be
book smart. Maybe it was just everything combined; he must have
hated one most of all though. Someday I was going to find it and
make him like me.

“
Want to match a bowl?”
Jonsen asked me out of formality as I turned towards the
door.

“
Nah, I’m late to get to
Duncan’s,” I wasn’t late and I purposely name dropped Duncan
because he was my most popular friend, even if he was at Kellogg. I
wanted to stay, these were the three coolest
7
^th
graders at Einstein. But I had some dignity, and they clearly
didn’t want me around.

“
Thanks Jonsen. Bye Kace,
Tim, Josh.” With my head held high I politely addressed each one of
them as I said bye, they weren’t taking that away from me, I didn’t
give a fuck.

I scampered down the stairs and out the
door, just relieved I didn’t get jacked. I’d lived to see another
day. They could stand me just enough to take my money.

I‘d been planning this day
for three weeks. We were supposed to get drunk for the first time
before Jordan Gillette’s big “end of summer/start of
8
^th
grade” house party. Everyone was gonna be there, Seconds to
Failure was even performing. Jordan Gillette was an aspiring
7
^th
grade socialite at Einstein. She knew how to smile big with
wide open eyes. Jordan was quick to get along with anyone and she
loved Brandon, they’d grown up from kindergarten together. But
Jordan’s party started at six, there was no way Brandon and I were
going to be able to get drunk and make it there on time now. We
were going to miss the whole thing.

At Eleven that morning Brandon had
given Kace his money and we’d watched him walked off to meet his
“people”. I’d been so happy then, so excited. It was now five and
Kace wasn’t answering our calls, not even when we called from Tim’s
cell. With every passing hour I’d drifted further into a state of
absolute agony. I was now in mental purgatory, sitting on Jonsen’s
couch watching “Saving Private Ryan” for the tenth time. Becoming
more certain by the minute we were getting jacked. The gears in my
mind were churning fast, the plan was falling apart. We’d made
promises, bragged about how we were getting drunk, even told people
we’d save them some.

Jonsen and Tim didn’t know what was
taking Kace so long, or why he wasn’t answering his phone. But they
reassured us not to worry. Maybe, just maybe, there is still time,
I hoped. If Kace can get here right now we can still pull it
off…

Jonsen and Tim were waiting with us.
They made an effort to keep it a secret at first. But all Tim and
Jonsen wanted to do while they waited was see how many times they
could say “mushies” or “shroomies” in secret code right in front of
Brandon and me. They were waiting on magic mushrooms, a hundred
dollars’ worth. Once they’d realized what they’d done they swore
Brandon and I to secrecy. It would’ve been a reputation damaging
rumor if it got out. Alcohol and weed were harmless and cool, magic
mushrooms were dangerous and stupid. Jonsen, Tim and Kace cared
less what was cool though, they made cool.

To pass the time we’d been smoking a
ton of weed, Brandon bought a ton with the money he’d made working
at his dads over the summer. No matter how much we smoked it didn’t
help. Waiting for our alcohol was worse than waking up for school
in the morning, going to church, and doing homework
combined.

I looked over at Tim, he was lying on
his back on Jonsen’s dirty wooden floor with his feet propped up
against the front screen door. Occasionally he unleashed a barrage
of kicks to the screen. The waiting was clearly getting the best of
him too.

“
Jonsen.” Tim cried,
pretending like he was dying. “Can you believe we’re finally going
to actually do mushies, dawg?”

“
I know right. We’ve been
talking about it for soo long.”

God they were so far ahead of us, it
wasn’t even fair. A ping of jealousy hit me, I wanted to be a part
of their big new adventure. Magic Mushrooms were supposed to take
you to a whole other world. I could only imagine the stories. But
everyone said it made your brain bleed. Like permanent brain damage
stuff.

Tim let out a preemptive burst of
laughter before speaking, “Remember when Marty bought those mushies
from your bro Jonsen?”

“
Ya Dude. He was running
around the house screaming about how sharks were chasing him, he
finally barricaded himself in the bathroom all night.”

We all laughed, it sounded like a
living nightmare. But how bad could they be if Marty did them? He
was 12. I concluded very logically that I would let Jonsen be the
guinea pig before deciding. Besides, shrooms were hella
expensive.

A car pulled up in the driveway. Jonsen
perked his head up and looked out the window. I froze with
anticipation.

“
I think that’s Choppy,”
Jonsen exclaimed. Choppy or Chops is what they called
Kace.

I was overjoyed, I smiled at Brandon
and then got up and looked out the window. There was a red mustang
parked just outside the driveway, a really fat guy that looked like
he was thirty got out with a skinny tall blond girl. Kace finally
appeared climbing out of the back seat. The trio walked in the
front door.