âSettled? Shall I ever be?'
âOf course you will! It will not be easy, but you'll do it. How will you manage for money?'
âI don't know,' Molly said. It was a worry which loomed large, and now had to be faced. âI earn next to nothing at Mrs Adare's, barely enough to pay the rent. We shall have to rely on Breda's wage for most things. Though James never earned much â well, 'twas not his fault, there was not the work to be had â it made the difference.'
Privately, Josephine thought that James O'Connor had never rushed to meet work, even as a young man, but not for the world would she say so. And anyway, he had made her sister happy all these years. There was something in that.
âHe was well liked, your James,' she said kindly. âJust look at the number of people at his funeral, and everyone with a good word for him!'
âAnd remember,' she continued, âif the worst comes to the worst, if you want to leave Kilbally, you will always be welcome in Akersfield. As welcome as the flowers in spring!'
âOh, Josephine, however would you manage?' Molly asked.
In fact, in all her life she had never wanted to leave Kilbally, but now she wondered, would she? â'Tis wonderful of you,' she said. âBut there is Mammy to think of.'
âI know,' Josephine admitted. âBut when and if . . . I'm sure you and Breda would both get work in Akersfield. There are more jobs there than in Kilbally.'
When Josephine returned to Yorkshire the house seemed quieter than ever.
âYour Auntie Josephine has a heart of gold,' Molly said. âDon't I miss her sorely!'
While Josephine had been there she had, somehow, for the both of them, taken the edge off their grief, acted as a buffer between them. Now they had only each other to lean on.
âWe shall have to try to balance each other,' Breda said. âWhen you are down, I will try to be up, and when I'm down, you must be up.'
âFor all the world like a seesaw!' Molly said. âBut you are right, and that is what we will do.'
Molly, unless she was waiting up for James, had always gone to bed early, and Breda always a little before her. Now, as the days went by, Breda noticed that her mother was reluctant to go to bed at all. She would stay up until midnight or later. The reason why was not far to seek, and Breda decided she must stay and keep her mother company.
It was not easy. She had always needed a long night's sleep, and also she had to be up early in the morning to get to work. They would sew together, or read, or sometimes to pass the time they would play a game of cards, but always by ten o'clock Breda's eyes were closing.
âGo to bed,' Molly would say. âI'll not be long. I'll just finish this chapter.'
They both knew that that was not true. Molly knew that she would not move until she was so tired that she could hope to fall asleep quickly, not lie in the dark, her mind full of worried thoughts.
Breda was well aware that after she had gone to bed Mammy would as like as not start to do something in the house; clean out a cupboard which did not need it, or even rake the fire under the oven and bake a cake. What she did not know was that one of the things her mother did most frequently was to try to work out just how they were going to manage.
On an evening six weeks after James's death, Molly knew she would have to pull herself together. Breda was looking pale and weary, her brightness was dimmed. And it is not only that she is missing her father, Molly chided herself. Some of it is my fault. I am taking too much from her. But she too was fatigued, and that also was her fault because she would not go to bed. Also, their finances were at the lowest possible ebb. If it had not been that Luke O'Reilly gave them things from time to time â things he couldn't sell, Breda insisted, but that didn't matter in the least to Molly â it would have been even worse than it was.
Well, she told herself briskly, there were small things to be done which would help all three problems.
They were playing cards.
âAnother hand, Mammy?' Breda said, trying not to yawn.
âNo!' Molly said firmly. She gathered up the cards and put them back in the box.
âWe are going to change our ways,' she announced. âFrom now on, we go to bed in decent time. Ten o'clock at the very latest. You look whacked, and you have for weeks!'
âI am quite all right, Mammy,' Breda said.
Molly shook her head. âNo, you are not â and neither am I. And there is something else. Here we sit, night after night, the lamp lit, the fire burning. Isn't it just like burning money, and doing us no good into the bargain? And have you not noticed that when we stay up late, we get hungry again? So things must change, and we can start by going to bed this minute!'
âIf you say so, Mammy!'
With great relief Breda rose to her feet, kissed her mother and was in bed and asleep in ten minutes flat. Not so Molly, though she went at once to bed. But as she lay awake she had the comfort that at least she was no longer harming her daughter. The savings on the fuel would be small, but every penny helped and somehow they would manage. And at any rate their financial situation could not get worse.
A week later, she was proved wrong.
When she went to Adare House for her morning's work she was met with the news that Mrs Adare was leaving; selling up everything and going to live with her daughter in Waterford. She would go at the end of the month. The house would be put on the market, but who knew if it would sell, or how long it would take?
And will the new owner, if any, want me? And how will I pay my rent until then, Molly asked herself? It was the regular money she earned at Adare House which kept the roof over her head and Breda's. She was trembling from top to toe with the shock, so much so that Mrs Hanratty made her sit down and gave her a cup of tea there and then.
âAnd what will you do, Mrs Hanratty?' Molly asked presently. â'Tis a blow for you also.'
âSure and it is,' Mrs Hanratty said. âHave I not worked here forty years? Well, I could go to my son in Derry. He would be glad of it, and so would the grandchildren. Or I wondered, would I ask Luke O'Reilly if he wanted a housekeeper? 'Tis my belief he could do with one. He only has Mrs Milligan doing the rough, and she was never much good.'
Molly's heart did a double somersault in her breast! Luke O'Reilly! She could do it! If he wanted someone, she could do it. And they had always got on well. Why had she never thought of it?
âDo you know that Luke O'Reilly wants a housekeeper?' she asked cautiously.
âNo,' Mrs Hanratty admitted. âBut if 'twas put to him he might decide that he did.'
And if he did, and if I got it, would I not be doing Mrs Hanratty out of a job, Molly asked herself? â though she has her son in Derry and she might prefer to go to him in any case. But if she gets to Luke O'Reilly first I might lose the only chance I can see in front of me.
It was Wednesday, so when she reached home soon after dinner Breda was already there.
âIs it Luke's week to go to Ennis?' she asked quickly.
âNo. He went last week.'
âThank heaven for that!' Molly said.
âWhy, Mammy? What do you mean?'
âI need to see him. This very afternoon.'
She explained the situation to Breda. For some reason or other, Breda was immediately against the idea, but as Molly reasonably asked, what other choice was there?
âHe might not want anyone,' she said. âBut I have to find out.'
âIs there
nothing
else?' Breda asked. âI don't like the thought of it.'
âWhy ever not?' Molly said. âAnd can you think of anything better? For I cannot. I have to try.'
She washed her hands and face, combed her hair and changed into a clean blouse.
âDo you want me to go with you?' Breda asked.
âI think not.' If Breda showed her reluctance, or Luke sensed it, it would go against her.
The shop was closed. She rang the house doorbell and waited, her knees knocking. She had no idea how she would begin. Never before in her life had she had to beg for work.
When Luke opened the door and saw her standing there he looked surprised and concerned. âWhat's the trouble?' he asked.
âTrouble? Oh no, no trouble!'
âI thought perhaps Breda . . . '
âBreda is fine. 'Tis with yourself I wanted a word, if I might step inside.'
He stood aside to let her enter, then preceded her along the passage and into the living room.
âSo what is it, Molly?' He was mystified. All the same, he was pleased to see her. âSit yourself down,' he said. âI was doing the accounts.'
She perched on the edge of a chair. âI'm sorry to interrupt.'
âNot at all,' he said politely, waiting for her to begin.
âI was wondering . . . ' she said. âThat is, now that I am . . . now that James . . . '
âI am sorry about your husband,' he said.
âYes, well . . . now that I am not so busy, I was wondering if . . . '
âYes?'
âI was wondering if you needed help in the house â oh, I know you have Mrs Milligan but Breda said you were never very happy with her, but in any case I don't mean a charwoman, though of course I would do whatever was asked . . . '
Stop babbling she told herself. Get to the point!
âTo put it plainly,' she said. âWould you be wanting a housekeeper, and if so, would I do?'
There, she had said it!
Luke's mouth dropped open. âA housekeeper?'
âThere is nothing in a house I can't do! Clean, bake, do the laundry â I'm very good at ironing shirts. Cook the meals, darn the socks . . . '
âI'm no good at darning,' Luke said.
â'Tis woman's work,' Molly said. âWhy should you be? And who cooks for you at the weekends? Who gets your breakfast?'
A vision arose in Luke's mind of Molly serving him with two rashers, a fried egg, new-baked soda bread and Irish butter on the table, a pot of tea on the side.
â . . . And I could be here in time to cook your breakfast, and would stay until I had prepared your supper,' she was saying.
He came to with a start. âOh! I thought a housekeeper would live in!'
âI had not thought that,' Molly said swiftly. âThere is Breda to think of. I could not leave Breda on her own. And besides . . . ' She hesitated, âwould it be proper? I mean . . . '
She didn't know how to continue. She sounded so foolish. She was sure Luke O'Reilly never had an improper idea in his head.
âI would expect Breda to live in too,' Luke said. âI had not considered otherwise.'
But what would Breda think to that, Molly asked herself? Not much!
âAnd there is Kieran, and Kathleen,' Molly said. âIt would not happen often, but what if they wanted to visit me?'
Luke shrugged. âWe would manage that. Or they might stay with your mother, who knows? But as you say, 'twould not happen often.'
âThat is very kind. And also you do know that Breda needs to keep on her job in the shop,' she said.
She felt for someone who desperately needed the job she was laying down too many conditions, but it had to be done. She had wondered whether Luke, if he took her on as housekeeper, might expect her to do the shop part also.
âI know that,' Luke assured her.
âThen . . . then do you need a housekeeper, would you like one?'
âIn fact,' Luke admitted, âhasn't it entered my head more than once? 'Tis not easy for a man on his own, with a business to run. But I will still have to think about it. Sleep on it.'
Molly tried to cover her disappointment with a boldness which was not natural to her.
âOf course! But I would take it kindly if you would let me know soon. In case something else comes up!'
âIndeed I will.'
He was smiling at her now. He knew, and he knew that
she
knew, that nothing else was likely to come up. Didn't they both know there wasn't another soul in Kilbally wanting a housekeeper, who could also afford one?
âWell then!' Molly said. âI'll be off. Unless you would like me to scald a pot of tea for you?'
âI would take that kindly,' Luke said.
âIf I had thought,' Molly said artlessly, âI could have brought you some of my fresh soda bread to go with it.'
âI
think
,' she said to Breda, an hour or so later. âI
think
he might decide on it. I believe that if I agreed to live in, the job would be mine. He is lonely, poor man. I'm beginning to know how that feels.'
Breda was shocked. âBut you have me, Mammy! We have each other.'
âI know. And where would I be without you?'
But for how long, she asked herself? One day she will fly the nest. 'Twas only natural, and not too far ahead at that. And above everything, she must never let Breda feel tied, obliged to stay with her when she wanted to fly.
âHow could we possibly leave this house?' Breda persisted. âI have lived here all my life! I was born here!'
âDo I not know that? And
I
came here as a bride.
All
my children were born here. But we still have to pay the rent.
âHowever, we will look on the bright side,' she continued. âPerhaps tomorrow Luke will offer me a job as a daily housekeeper, in which case the problem will be solved. When you go in to work in the morning, tell him I will call to see him after dinner.'
When Molly entered the shop early the next afternoon, Breda was serving a customer and Luke was hovering near. She could tell by the expression on Breda's face that she was anxious to speak to her, but there was no chance. The moment Luke spotted her, he broke off what he was doing. âCome through!'