The Brain in Love: 12 Lessons to Enhance Your Love Life (21 page)

A major component of Hindu tantra is meditation stemming from a yoga tradition. In general, yoga is a Hindu practice that teaches practitioners to quiet activity of the body, mind, and will so that the individual may realize its distinction from them and attain liberation. Meditative yoga schools include hatha yoga (body posture) and bhakti yoga (devotion). Many yoga schools advocate a nonsexual approach to worship, in which visualizing a deity, chanting of a mantra, concentrating on symbols called yantras, and the practice of tapas (discipline) are the foremost activities. During a sexual approach to worship, yoni puja, the practitioner may meditate on a yantra—often a downward-pointing triangle—that symbolizes the vulva of the goddess.

Some tantra yoga teachers recommend meditative practices that also share elements with kundalini yoga, where subtle streams of energy are raised in the body by means of posture, breath control, and movements. Teachers in this school of tantra typically advocate retention of semen even during sexual excitement as a prerequisite for spiritual advancement.

Can meditation and prayer really enhance the brain and in turn enhance your sexual experiences, as suggested here? Research studies by Andrew Newburg from the University of Pennsylvania and others have shown that prayer and meditation can indeed
influence brain function in a positive way. Studying Tibetan monks and Franciscan nuns, Dr. Newburg found that these meditative activities dampened the outside world (parietal lobes) and brought the focus internally by enhancing the prefrontal cortex.

With the sponsorship of the Alzheimer’s Prevention Research Foundation, my colleagues and I teamed with Drs. Dharma Singh Khalsa and Nisha Money to study the impact of meditation on the brain. We chose a simple twelve-minute form of kundalini yoga meditation, Kriya Kirtan, that is easy for busy people to practice. It is based on the five primal sounds:
saa, taa, naa, maa
(
aa
being the fifth sound). Meditators chant each sound as they consecutively touch their thumb to fingers two, three, four and five. The sounds and fingering are repeated for two minutes out loud, two minutes whispering, four minutes silently, two minutes whispering, and two minutes out loud. We performed SPECT scans at rest one day and then after meditation the next day. We saw marked decreases in the left parietal lobes (decreasing awareness of time and space) and significant increases in the prefrontal cortex (which showed that meditation helped to tune people in, not out). We also observed increased activity in the right temporal lobe, an area that has been associated with spirituality and sexuality, which our meditators found amusing. “Of course,” one said, “that is why we meditate.”

Best known in the West are the several forms of tantra yoga in which worship services take the form of sexual rituals featuring slow, nonorgasmic intercourse as a prelude to an experience of the divine. This broad category of tantric sex ritualism, which derives from the pre-Hindu religions of Shaktism and Shaivism, has in turn produced two schools of practice: the “right hand path,” a meditational, monogamous rite; and the “left hand path,” in which dozens—or more—couples engage in the ritual sex act at the same time, sometimes following the lead of a pair of teachers.

Tibetan Buddhism, Taoism, and Tantra

A version of tantrism can be found in contemporary Tibetan Buddhism, where a blend of pre-Buddhist goddess worship is
interspersed with rituals from the ancient Tibetan religion Bon. Like Hindu tantra, Tibetan Buddhist tantra encompasses schools of practice that range from the meditational to the sexually active.

Taosim has several tantric schools with different views on the role of sexual activity. One form of Taoist tantra, sexual alchemy, places emphasis on the search for a long life. Taoist tantric alchemy involves breath and muscle control and emphasizes the retention of sperm as proof of spiritual attainment. Other Taoist tantra teachers, working out of a paradigm that seems to be derived from Shaktism, claim that Lao Tzu, the founder of Taoism, was in fact advocating a form of yoni puja or worship of the vulva when he wrote about “the valley spirit.”

Religious and Sexual Ecstasy:
Practical Applications

If the right side of the brain is involved in both religious and sexual ecstasy, how can you use this knowledge to enhance your own and your partner’s sexual experiences? Since the right side of the brain helps us process music and rhythm, soft tunes and a romantic dance may help you and your partner get in the mood. The right side of the brain also sees in pictures, instead of in words, so being in a beautiful environment is usually another plus. The right side of the brain also tends to be the anxious or nervous side of the brain, so calming worries, through a warm bath, relaxing back or foot rub, or a reassuring talk, can be helpful.

You can also stimulate the right side of the brain by kissing the left side of the body. This intervention can be tricky, because sometimes the right side of the brain is associated with anxiety and it might be better to kiss the right side of the body to stimulate a person’s left side. I recommend you run a series of experiments on your partner’s body to see what side he or she likes stroked or kissed better. Actually, this principle of experimenting is one of the best strategies you can use. See what turns your partner on … write it down … talk about it … and remember it.

Creating Rituals: Practical Applications

Creating sacred rituals for your sex life can yield many long-term advantages. These rituals do not need to be rigid, which stifles creativity, but rather can provide a fun, safe, intimate environment in which to more fully explore your sexuality. Start by setting the boundaries of what is acceptable behavior; talk about what is comfortable and not. It is important for you and your partner to discuss the things that make you feel relaxed, comfortable, excited, and sensual. It is important to create a safe environment in which to play. Some partners do this by agreeing on a code word which tells the other that they want to stop or are feeling uncomfortable, without breaking the mood. As well, it’s important for you and your partner to talk about the things that make you feel good, uncomfortable, or that you are just plain unsure about. Sex, at its core, is a form of communication between two people.

After you have agreed to safe boundaries, you can take sex to a new level by investing in a few books or magazines. I write for
Men’s Health
magazine and it is always filled with great sex tips for couples.
Cosmopolitan
and other magazines have playful ideas as well. Books on tantric sex or role-playing games can also be fun. Page through them together, talking about and exploring new ideas and techniques for inspiring passion.

Once you’ve agreed on the existing and new areas of interest to play in, begin creating your plan of action for that evening (or afternoon or morning). Often, simple rituals can be very exciting, such as a beautiful bath filled with rose petals and floating candles, along with sensual music, titillating aromas, oils for massage, and an aphrodisiac tea or treat. This alone can create a mood of irresistible desire. There are times, though, that more excitement is required to bring on the feelings of arousal. This is where doing something outside of the norm can take a really exhilarating form. For instance, going to the ocean or a lake in a private spot and skinny-dipping, pulling the stop switch on an elevator (that doesn’t have surveillance cameras) and making love in a unique setting, or
playing out a sexual fantasy. This is an area of unlimited possibility and fun, if both partners can agree to cooperate with each other on hidden desires. Again, the word
cooperation
is a very important one. It’s crucial for both partners to feel comfortable but also be willing to be a bit flexible, as long as the method doesn’t compromise a core value or involve unwanted pain for a partner. Sometimes by opening oneself up to new possibilities, whole new worlds of sensuality are unleashed.

Remember, ritual is symbolic of the experience to come, so it can take just about any form—a phone call to your partner at work, homemade cookies as an afternoon snack, or a walk through the park holding hands. This is your unique bonding which takes place in order to open up the channels for deeper love and connection between you and your significant other. Let go, be creative, and use your brain to have fun.

Lesson #8: Sex can be a spiritual experience
.

BRAIN SEX TRICKS

Sex Potions, Passion, and Finding the “Damn Spot”

“Just find the damn spot. All you have to do is find the spot.”

—JOY BEHAR,
The View

A
ccording to Greek myth, Uranus, the father of the Titans, was castrated by his son Cronus. When his severed genitalia was thrown into the sea, the waters began to churn. From the sea foam (known in Greek as
aphros
), Aphrodite was born, the goddess of love and the mother of Eros (known by his Roman name as Cupid). This is the origin of the name
aphrodisiacs
, the term that describes the many methods reported to enhance libido, potency, and sexual pleasure. This chapter explores the neuroscience of the foods, drinks, drugs, scents, or devices believed to enhance sexual interest and performance.

Aphrodisiacs

Viagra, and his pharmaceutical brothers, Cialis and Levitra, have drawn international public attention to aphrodisiacs. You cannot turn on the television or listen to a radio show without hearing about these medications. We are constantly reminded of our
desire for sex. Images of baby boomer men grace the screen as they relax by the beach. The suggestive tag lines include “Let the dance begin” and “Relax and take your time.” Viagra even has a frequent-buyer card and you get your seventh prescription for free. It may seem as though there is a new obsession with sex, but mankind has been focused on sex—and ways to make it better—since the beginning of time.

The search for aphrodisiacs dates back at least five thousand years and has included useful remedies as well as ones that have hurt and killed people, and cost many animals their lives. For example, there are two reports on the effects of swallowing a substance containing toad secretions. Of seven previously healthy men who took the drug, the active ingredient in the West Indian “love stone” and the Chinese medication “chan su,” four died. Toad secretions contain a substance that causes abnormal heart rhythms in people, which may be responsible for the high they feel when taking it. Unfortunately, it can also stop the heart fatally. Which aphrodisiacs are helpful, practical, and have research to show efficacy, and which are dangerous or illegal?

One aphrodisiac to avoid is Spanish fly (cantharidin), which has been used for a thousand years as a sexual stimulant. It is one of the best known and infamous modern love potions. Made from the dried body of blister beetles, so named for causing blistering of the skin, it irritates the urinary tract, sending a rush of blood to the genitals, causing the feeling of excitement. However, it is also a poison and illegal in the United States. While most commonly available preparations of Spanish fly contain cantharidin in negligible amounts, if at all, the chemical is available illicitly in concentrations capable of causing severe toxicity. Symptoms of cantharidin poisoning include burning of the mouth, trouble swallowing, nausea, blood in the urine, and painful urination. Priapism (painful erections that won’t go away), seizures, and heart abnormalities are also possible. The practice of eating live beetles in Southeast Asia and “the kissing bugs” (triatomids) in Mexico may work in a similar way. Similarly, these bugs are also dangerous and should not be ingested.

For increasing libido, ambrein, a major constituent of a gray, waxy secretion (ambergris) found in the digestive tract of some sperm whales, is used in Arab countries, but it is illegal in the United States. This substance increases the concentration of several hormones, including testosterone. It was once used as a fixative in perfumes, and is used as an aphrodisiac in some parts of the world. When given a dose of ambrien, male rats got a lot more interested in sex, even when no female rats were nearby. When receptive females were put into the cages, the male rats had “recurrent episodes of penile erection, a dose-dependent, vigorous, and repetitive increase in intromissions and an increased anogenital investigatory behavior.” The rats went into a mating frenzy. The researchers from King Saud University in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, concluded that ambrien is indeed a sexual stimulant, adding legitimacy to similar claims by Chinese traditional medicine. Historically, Chinese noblemen would drink ambrein dissolved into a draught. Ambrein is illegal in the United States, where sperm whales are listed as an endangered species.