Authors: Kevin Malarkey; Alex Malarkey
In 2008, near Christmas, a team from Christ Our King Church came over to install new flooring in Alex’s bedroom. Sometime during the day, one of the workers approached me and said, “You don’t know me, but we go way back . . . about four years.”
My mind raced a little trying to place him.
“Have we met before?”
He held out his hand. “Dan Tullis,” he said as he shook mine and nodded. “Well, yes, but you might not remember. It was on the day of your accident. We hadn’t been home from church that long when we heard this deafening crash. I ran to the intersection, just a couple hundred feet from our house. When I got there, I climbed into the backseat with Alex. I prayed over him and tried to comfort him, even though I didn’t know if he was alive. I stayed there until the paramedics arrived. He wasn’t breathing, that I could tell.”
“And here you are, four years later, working on my house and telling me this. And did you say that you were a member of Christ Our King at the time?”
“Yes. When our church family helped buy the van, I had no idea who it went to until you came to church a couple of years later.”
“So we’ve been going to the same church for a while now, but you never approached me with this story?”
“This just seemed like the right time, I guess!”
“Dan, thank you so much for your ministry to Alex.”
“You bet, brother.”
I had now met two people sent by God to the scene of the accident to pray for Alex in the most amazing, “serendipitous” ways. I serve an awesome God!
Heavenly Languages
When it’s time for him to sleep, we often place a sheet over Alex’s face. He likes to sleep in total darkness. One evening after Alex had been asleep for quite a while, strange noises came from under the sheet. Looking up from what I was reading, I laughed. Was this Alex’s way of saying, “Could you open the curtain for me, please?” Pulling the sheet back, I was surprised to see that Alex was still sleeping, yet the unfamiliar sounds continued. Was this some new way of snoring? I began to listen closer. There was a pattern, a cadence to the sounds he was making, like a garbled dream or mumblings from another language.
He was in no discernible stress, so I didn’t wake him. The murmurings continued. About ten minutes later Alex opened his eyes wide.
“Daddy, I was just talking to God in Heaven.”
“Were you really, Alex?” I asked. “That’s pretty cool, because we could hear you speaking—it sounded strange!”
“You could hear me?” he asked with surprise.
“Yes. It sounded like words from a language I don’t know.”
A few minutes later, he drifted off to sleep again, and the strange sounds resumed. Aaron, who was seven, walked into the room. One look at Alex and he began laughing. Then he realized that Alex was asleep.
Alex was awake again a few minutes later with Aaron sitting next to him.
“What were you doing?” Aaron asked, a little unsure.
“I was talking to God in Heaven,” he said. “It’s in another language.”
Not long ago, Alex made another surprise announcement: “There’s a spirit here, in the bedroom, but I can’t tell what kind of spirit it is.”
Since his otherworldly experiences had begun, Alex had always known an angel from a demon. But this time was different.
“Well, what does it look like?” I asked.
“Like you,” he answered.
This caught me off guard, so I laughed. “Got to be an angel, then,” I said, smiling.
But Alex wasn’t laughing. His brow was wrinkled.
“Why don’t you use your Heaven language and ask?” Aaron suggested.
Alex thought for a moment, then turned to Aaron and said, “Do you promise not to laugh?”
Aaron gave a very solemn promise. I shook my head in wonder at this conversation between a nine- and an eleven-year-old.
“Would you cover my face?” Alex asked.
Soon after Aaron placed the sheet back over his face, the language from Alex’s earlier sleeping experience was audible once again. He continued speaking in his “Heaven language,” as Aaron had called it, and then he fell silent. After a moment, Alex’s normal voice asked us to pull back the sheet.
“It was an angel,” Alex said. “He came here to comfort me. He touched my head.”
Ongoing Angels
We’ve had these little adventures from time to time, but the presence of angels has been a consistent reality. From the time of the accident, Alex says, the angels have graced our home. Up to the time he was about eight—the period of Alex’s most serious physical struggle—there was a particular group of angels that would surround his bed in our master bedroom.
Alex knew them all by name, and he would carry on conversations with them. John, Vent, and Ryan were names he mentioned. A typical reaction, of course, is to observe that a little boy on a ventilator, who has a baby brother named Ryan, is going to give those names to his imaginary friends. We know that children create imaginary friends to help them cope with new and difficult situations. Passing tedious hours in a wheelchair without the use of anything below his neck would surely inspire a child’s imagination as a coping mechanism. Couldn’t this explain these bizarre angel adventures, as well as the suspiciously familiar names? I wrestled with these doubts for a long time.
In the end, if what we see, hear, or read strains credibility, we must choose whether to believe it. It’s not my job to convince you. But in fairness, I’ll make this point about the veracity of Alex’s claims. Just as when you see a tree swaying mightily in the wind, you know there is a powerful force behind the movement, so the look that comes across Alex’s face when he sees angels reveals that he is in powerful yet unseen company.
Margaret, our friend who was in the hospital room when we first became aware of Alex’s heavenly visitors, wrote the following words on our Web site after that first amazing experience: “I wish everyone reading these words could see Alex’s face. He was truly radiant!”
Radiant
, like the face of Stephen, whose face was as bright as an angel’s when the Holy Spirit came over him (Acts 6:15). The paths of many people have crossed our own during these months and years—as many as one hundred people have been present during the kinds of experiences I’ve described. I haven’t met a single one who has doubted that Alex was speaking the truth or suspected that he was delusional.
One day when our friend Laryn was at our house playing checkers, I asked, “Laryn, you’ve heard Alex describe his visits to the heavenly realm. What is your honest opinion . . . about what Alex reports?”
“Kevin, I have no earthly idea what that boy is talking about. But the deepest place in my heart that is aware of God
screams
when Alex’s lips move.”
That’s quite a statement, but I know precisely what he’s talking about: Alex’s experience has an infectious component to it. You
feel
what he’s talking about.
It’s hard to say, “You had to be there” and to expect that to suffice. I can only hope God’s Spirit communicates through our words in this book so that you can picture yourself in the room with my son.
We’ve come to believe there are angels around our family at all times. The Bible hints at “guardian angels.” For example, we read, “For he will order his angels to protect you wherever you go” (Psalm 91:11). And Jesus once said about children, “Beware that you don’t look down on any of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels are always in the presence of my heavenly Father” (Matthew 18:10). An angel protected Daniel from the lions (Daniel 6:21-22), and when Peter was miraculously released from prison, his friends heard his voice at the door and said, “It must be his angel” (Acts 12:15). It’s clear in the Bible that angels often minister, serve, and protect people, but we can’t be certain whether there is a lifelong guardian angel for every believer.
We observed a pattern in the ministry of angels to our family. When Alex’s life is calm, the angels are silent and discreet, if not altogether absent; when Alex struggles, their activity increases. During his first year home, when we went back and forth to the hospital so often, there was almost daily talk of angels. That pattern actually undermines the idea that angels are the figment of a bored child’s imagination—our angels arrive with the problems and excitement. Every single time Alex was in the hospital, I heard about them. When he is at home and doing well, weeks may pass with no mention of them.
I know that we have more courage and less anxiety when we feel the assurance that angels are watching over us. We feel strong in the Lord.
But there are other visitors, too—and those aren’t as friendly.
The boy who came back from Heaven was the son we knew, but something more. He had been “away from [his] earthly bod[y] . . . [and] at home with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5:8), and the experience had changed him forever. It took us some time to understand that.
When Alex emerged from his coma in January 2005, he rejoined our world gradually. It was like seeing someone slowly push out of a fog separating two different realities. He was present without being fully aware. Like a newborn baby, he had to learn how to make sense of this world.
As the days went by, Alex’s mind began interpreting the information from his senses. His conscious mind was going back to work. He quickly learned how to communicate, using rudimentary signs for yes and no. Soon he was capable of forming words with his mouth, giving him access to a world of more complex ideas and expressions.
Even at this point, as basic as his messages were, he was signaling to us that he had been to places and seen things that we couldn’t imagine. Yet so much was still beyond his ability to explain.
From our perspective, our son had been a sleeping six-year-old boy in a hospital bed. Our prayers were focused simply on bringing him back, on seeing his eyes open, and on being able to tell him we loved him. Then, knowing we serve a loving God, we dared to hope that the Alex we had raised from infancy, our unique and recognizable Alex, would return to us.
Dwelling in the invisible world had sharpened Alex’s spiritual senses far beyond what is ordinary for a little boy. It left him with a powerful longing to be with his Lord and Savior once again, whether in the flesh or in the spirit. It even endowed him with a new sense of humor that was the substance of inner joy.
Even before Alex emerged from the coma, people would come out of his room after prayer and tell us they had experienced something spiritually powerful, just from speaking to God beside his bed. Today many more are being transformed by Alex and his life. He has opened up just a little bit about what he saw and learned, though there are aspects of it he still won’t discuss—in some cases, details about Heaven that he has been told not to share.
Jami Kreutzer, a family friend from church
In late 2006 and into 2007, Alex began to tell us more about angels, demons, and Heaven itself. We already had a basic understanding of his experience—his trip to Heaven, his encounter with spiritual beings, and so on. We knew he’d had what is commonly called a near-death experience, and we realized he wasn’t the first person to come back with such an account. It was true that he had spoken of seeing angels during the time he was emerging from his coma. And we knew miracles had already occurred: the vertebrae in his neck had returned to their normal position without medical intervention, for one thing.
At that point, however, what we knew about the whole matter was only the tip of a vast, astonishing iceberg. As Alex regained the ability to communicate with more than labored, one-syllable words, he could tell us far more. For instance, Heaven is not the “next” world; it is
now
. Heaven is not in “the heavens” or the sky. It is everywhere and nowhere. Alex says it’s hard to explain.
Our earthly minds struggle to understand a “place” that is not a place and a “time” with no past, present, or future, but only the eternal now. The earth, the sky, the cosmos, and time—these are things that God made. They are the home He made for us, and He enters into them to interact with us, but He doesn’t live in space or time. Time will end, and even this universe will end. But God, His angels, and all of us who accept His gift will live together forever in Heaven.
Yet we didn’t view these events as particularly unusual. For us, the time itself was unusual. Watching our son sleep for seven weeks—that was unusual. Our everyday lives had been turned upside down, and in a way, there
was
no usual—not for us. When life careens off course, we tend to expect the unexpected. So what was happening around Alex was probably less surprising to us than it may seem to you.
The years following Alex’s return to our home, then, were about endings and beginnings—it was the end of Alex’s coma and our dependence on the hospital. But it was also the beginning to a new and challenging kind of family life. Even more than this, it felt like the beginning of our awareness of another world, the powerful reality that continues to permeate our son’s life.
I’m Not Allowed to Tell You
“I’m not allowed to tell you.” I guess that I’ve heard that phrase several hundred times during the past five years. You see, I tend to pester Alex with a lot of questions. Who wouldn’t? When someone in your household professes to visit Heaven, to see angels, and to watch demons flee, it piques your interest. But Alex doesn’t appreciate questions that are asked merely to satisfy a curiosity rather than to draw near to God. I’m always intrigued by the kinds of questions Alex will answer and the kinds he won’t. The details he gives are often surprising and unpredictable—the devil’s having three heads when manifesting directly to Alex, for example, or angels’ wings that look like “masks.” Such things don’t come from picture books, movies, or video games.
Alex knows where his boundaries lie, which subjects he is not to reveal. But there are other reasons he chooses not to speak. Alex often says, “Daddy, this isn’t about me.”
Alex truly doesn’t want to make a big deal out of what he has seen. I think that when he first began sharing, he had no idea what the impact would be beyond his mommy and daddy. He is a shy boy, and what seemed to him like a pebble tossed into a lake created ripples that fanned out further than he could have ever expected. He’s not crazy about the attention.
He’s also well aware that others cannot see what he sees, and I know he wishes they could. I suppose it feels strange for him to know he has the only eyes that see certain realities. It has been said that in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. Alex definitely has a sight most of us do not, but there is nothing in Alex that enjoys being “king.”
When I try to talk to Alex about heavenly things, he is almost always uncomfortable. Some items he isn’t permitted to discuss; other times he struggles to find the needed vocabulary. It can be difficult for him to determine what falls into those limited areas and what he can reveal.
Another reason Alex is sometimes reluctant to share all he has seen in Heaven is that he feels as if he’s telling everyone, if you will, what’s under the gift-wrapping of their Christmas presents. Alex has seen Christmas morning. He’s had a sneak peek at wonderful, shining gifts marked “Do not open before Christmas” for the rest of us. He doesn’t want to spoil the great joy we will all experience when we ourselves arrive in Heaven and toss away the ribbons and wrappings.
Thinking about that point, I asked, “What about you, Alex? Will your current experience of Heaven take anything away from the day when you go there forever?”
A massive smile came across his face. “No way. I can’t wait to go!” That wonderful day pulls upon his heart with an irresistible spiritual magnetism. I then pointed out to him that if Heaven is too wonderful to be spoiled for him, the same could be true for the rest of us. So why not tell
us
what’s inside a couple of those packages before Christmas?
He got the point and became slightly more generous with his details. But some matters remain off the record; his lips are sealed this side of eternity.
One day, as we talked over all these chapters, Alex said, “Daddy, are you sure we should really write this book?”
“Well, I did pray about it, Alex,” I said. “But if you’re uncomfortable with it, and if God doesn’t give you a clear go-ahead, then we won’t publish it. Can you tell me what you’re struggling with?”
“I don’t want people making a big deal about me.”
“Well, I agree with that, and you know, no matter what we do or say, some people are probably going to do that anyway. What we have to share, though, is encouraging others. We want to help them think about God in new ways, and we want to bring honor and glory to His name. Even if some people make a big deal over you, won’t it be worth it if many, many more of them make a big deal over Jesus?”
Alex remained quiet, betraying a continuing sense of unease.
“Alex,” I began, attempting to help him see a broader picture, “some people in the Bible saw Heaven too. Take John, for instance. He traveled to Heaven and saw amazing things that he came back and wrote about for millions and millions of people to read. People are encouraged when they read about Heaven because they get a glimpse of the awesome majesty of God and are reminded that Heaven is a real place. In Revelation 4, John tells about how he saw angels with six wings—”
“I saw that!” Alex grinned.
I asked him to tell me more . . . and you have now heard his testimony in this book. We hope it brings the majesty of God alive for you in new ways so that your life can continue to grow in discipleship to Christ.
Alex is always delighted to discover that what he has seen is also described in the Bible. Naturally, Beth and I know exactly what Alex has and hasn’t learned about the Bible, since we’re the ones who have taught him from birth. And Alex has described countless details about Heaven that we know he had not previously learned from the Bible. For example, we never taught him the book of Revelation. We spent our time with Alex in the Gospel of John.
“Daddy, I’m just a kid!” Alex says. “I don’t know all the stuff that’s in the Bible. I just know what Jesus shows me.”
Alex’s Trips to Heaven Continue
Perhaps by now it is clear that Alex has been to Heaven several times, but the first trip on the day of the accident was different from what occurs now. At the time of the accident, Alex proceeded through a tunnel of light and had a series of interactions with angels and with God. At that time, he could also observe earthly events such as what happened at the accident site (even after the MedFlight chopper had already taken his body from the scene) and the emergency room, where he and Jesus watched as doctors operated on Alex’s own body. He remembers the discussions concerning whether he would stay in Heaven or return to earth. Many of these reports seem fantastical, but they are not unprecedented in the realm of near-death/life-after-death experiences. Others who have gone to Heaven have described many details similar to Alex’s experiences.
Alex’s experiences have one major difference, however: he still periodically goes to Heaven. When does this happen? Mostly in his sleep. It also happens occasionally when he lies in bed awake. There’s a certain regularity about how the visits progress. He arrives just inside the gates. He talks with the angels who stand guard. Those angels are usually buzzing with excitement about the day when Jesus will return to earth. And as usual, they always tell Alex not to be afraid.
“Alex, why do the angels always tell you not to be afraid? What do you think they are referring to?”
“I think the angels are talking about the glory of God.”
This answer is consistent with Scripture. These powerful angels know they are talking to a human being, who is unaccustomed to the magnificence and unfiltered glory of God—what the Bible calls the
shekinah
. The Lord once granted Moses his request to see the awesome glory of God. But God told Moses to stand in a cleft of the rock as His glory passed by, and God protected him with His hand. Moses couldn’t look upon the face of God and live. When Moses came down Mount Sinai to rejoin his people, Moses’ face was glowing with God’s reflected glory, and the Bible tells us that when the Israelites “saw the radiance of Moses’ face, they were afraid to come near him” (Exodus 34:30).