The Bottom Line (21 page)

Mallory wouldn’t answer his texts.

Trying to swallow his panic, Ben tried one more time. All the while he kept coming up with reasons why she wouldn’t reply.

Maybe the CAT scan was just getting started because she’d had to wait. Or maybe she was driving and wouldn’t read a text. Something was up, but he would figure it all out when he got to her house. He sent a last text while he waited for Amber to come from class and meet him in the main office of her school.

Talking to Amber. Then will come to house.

When he glanced up, Amber was coming through the office door. “Dad? What’s wrong?”

He tossed her a fake smile. “Forgot you have to get your braces adjusted today.”

“I don’t have an appointment.”

“Yes,” he insisted, inclining his head at the secretary, who gave them the stink eye. “You
do
.”

“Um… okay.”

“Already signed you out.” Ben grabbed her elbow and hurried her out of the office. He was near to desperate to find out for sure if his daughter could handle what they were about to throw at her.

“What’s wrong?” She hit him with the question before they got to the truck.

“We need to talk, ladybug.” He popped the locks and crawled into the driver’s seat while Amber entered from the other side. Since there was no easy way to say it, Ben spilled the news. “Mallory found another lump.”

“In her breast?”

“I assume.” Pulling his phone from his pocket, he checked her text again. “Doesn’t say, but with her history…”

“She’s got cancer again.” Amber’s face blanched and her hands trembled. Her wide eyes filled with tears.

Ben tugged her closer and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “We don’t know that.”

“What else could a lump in her breast be?” Although she wasn’t crying, her voice choked with emotion.

His own thoughts traveled the same path, but he needed to hold out hope. “A lump could mean lots of things. Might be nothing. We don’t know for sure yet. She’s getting a CAT scan right now.”

Amber pushed away from him. “Then why aren’t you with her?”

“Because I needed to talk to you first. I was worried how you’d react.”

“Why?”

“I know how close you and Mallory are…”
And I’m afraid this news will destroy you.

After wiping her sleeve over her eyes, she glared at him. “Can we go to her now?”

“I think it’d be better if we kept things as normal as possible. At least for now.” He looked her over unsure of whether she was hiding her reaction or was simply in shock.

His own shock was wearing off, leaving him with a mound of worries and feeling guilty he hadn’t stayed at the hospital. The fact Amber was handling this so well only added fuel to the guilt. He should’ve stayed with Mallory.

This was tearing him in two. Driving away from the hospital had been a knee-jerk reaction, but one born of years of protecting Amber, of always putting his daughter first. Somewhere he’d missed that she’d developed into a young woman who was handling the news with much more maturity than he was.

You screwed the pooch on this one, Ben, old boy.

“What do you want to do, Amber?”

“Could we go buy Mallory some flowers?”

“How about you go with me to the florist, we pick out some roses, then I bring you back to school? You can see Mallory after.”

She considered a moment before answering with a brusque nod. “I’ll take the bus home. You can text me to let me know what’s happening. Okay, Dad?”

Ben gave her shoulder a squeeze. “Sounds like a good plan.”

* * *

With his heart and flowers in his hand, Ben punched in the code to Mallory’s garage door. She had to be home by now, and he desperately needed to hold her.

When the door didn’t budge, he tried again. As flustered as he felt and with the river of anxiety racing through him, he’d obviously put in the wrong code. A second attempt was no more successful than the first.

Was the power out?

“Changed the code.”

Juliana’s voice drew Ben around to the front porch where she stood, arms folded sternly over her chest.

“What did you say?” he asked.

“I changed the code.” She rubbed her upper arms against the chill. “You need to go.” Her voice bore the same harsh tone as any drill sergeant. “Now.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You abandoned her.”

His heart plummeted to the ground. “I
what
?”

“Cut the bullshit.” Juliana scoffed. Her features were pinched and angry.

He held up the roses, hoping they’d sway her. Sure he’d made a mistake. But he hadn’t fucked up so badly that Mallory would lock him out. “I came to be with Mallory.”

Juliana’s snort came out in white tendrils that curled in the cold air. “You’re too late, asshole.”

His heart seized in panic. “Did she go back to the hospital?” God, what if she was sicker than she’d let him know? “What do you mean ‘too late’?”

Before she could answer a shiver ran the length of Ben’s spine as he felt Mallory’s eyes on him. He glanced up to the master bedroom’s bay window, catching a glimpse of her before the drape fell back into place.

“Mallory!”

“Go away, Ben. She doesn’t want to see you,” Juliana scolded.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He kept his eyes on the window. “Mallory! I’m sorry! Come talk to me!”

Juliana jerked the storm door open. “You’re an asshole. You know, I thought you might be different, but you’re not. Not one fucking bit.”

“Different? What are you talking about?”

“You were supposed to be different from her ex, from my ex, from every other idiot guy. But you’re not. You’re just like all the others. When Mallory needed you, you bailed.”

“I didn’t bail! I couldn’t get to the hospital in time, so I went to tell Amber what was happening.”

“She saw you.”

Those three words bore so much weight they hardly registered.
“What?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, shithead. You were there. But you didn’t go in. You just drove off.”

Trapped in his own lie, he had nowhere to turn. “I fucked up. Is that what you want me to say? Fine.
I. Fucked. Up.
”

Juliana stood like a statue.

“I’m here now!” Ben spread his arms wide, smacking the roses against the railing and sending petals falling on the snow-covered grass. “I want to see Mallory. Look, I know I left. I was scared. I was terrified. I needed to see my daughter. But I’m here now.”

“Too little, too late, asshole.” Juliana stepped inside, let the storm door close, and then stared at him.

“Please, Juliana… I need to see Mallory. I need to explain.”

Mallory would understand. Mallory would forgive his mistake. Mallory loved him.

“Please.”

Juliana shut the door, and the dead bolt clicked as loud as a gong’s chime.

* * *

Mallory couldn’t have hurt more if someone had beaten her.

She threw herself on the bed and reached for Ben’s pillow. The tears wouldn’t come. Too many emotions swirled inside her to settle on one. Anger. Hurt. Fear.

Devastation.

Juliana strode into the room. “You okay?”

“Did he leave?”

“Yeah. But he really wants to talk to you.”

Since he’d shouted almost everything he’d said, she had a good idea of what had happened. A few important holes remained. “Did he say why he left after coming to the hospital?”

“Something about needing to talk to Amber first.” Juliana leaned her shoulder against the tall bedpost. “I think his courage evaporated when he got to the hospital. He just couldn’t make himself go in.”

Mallory frowned. “Exactly like Jay.”

Ben showed a yellow streak in the face of cancer—that in and of itself was a wound to her heart. The lie only made her pain worse.

Why lie about being there? What purpose did that serve?

Other than to shatter her trust into a million tiny pieces.

Love was easy to give, especially to someone as wonderful as Ben and Amber. She loved them both. But trust?

That was another matter entirely. After Jay pulled the rug out from under her, Mallory had learned the lesson well. Men spoke of the truth, demanded the truth. They demanded trust. But they clearly couldn’t give what they required.

And she’d let him in anyway, only to be betrayed in the same way.

Never again.

“Did the doctor call yet?” Jules asked.

“Not yet.”

Giving her a maternal frown, Jules pushed away from the bedpost. “Are you sure there’s nothing I can do? We could talk if you want. About the CAT scan. Or Ben.”

“I… can’t. Not… not yet.”

There weren’t any words anyway. Nothing but pain and worry.

“Okay.” Jules stopped at the bedroom door. “Want me to make you some tea? Chamomile, maybe? And a few cookies?”

Although she had zero interest in eating or drinking anything, she nodded.

“I’ll bring it up in a little bit.” Then Juliana was gone, leaving Mallory alone with her troubled thoughts.

Soon the phone would ring. Not Ben calling, though. Oh, he might try, but she’d already blocked his number. No, this call would come from her oncologist. He would let her know if her life was once again being flung into the world of cancer limbo—where a person couldn’t be sure how many more tomorrows would come. For a control freak like her, that world was every bit as punitive as hell.

She’d lived there once before and survived to rejoin the living. Her race was supposed to have been run. Evidently that had only been act one in a play that would go on much longer than she’d anticipated.

Could she do this again? Could she face the weeks of uncertainty? Could she show the world that stiff upper lip others needed to see to maintain her privacy?

Ah, but this time the ordeal wasn’t private. Not in the least. This time her health had affected Ben and Amber.

Her heart went out to Amber. That bond was so strong there was no doubt the girl would be hurt to hear the news. Mallory thought for a moment about going to her, soothing her fears away just as she’d hoped Ben would’ve soothe her own. But as much as she loved Amber, Mallory couldn’t face Ben. At least not now. Maybe someday, but not today. Not for the foreseeable future.

How unfair! Mallory was the one who’d been wronged, yet she still felt guilty for not being with Amber.

Rolling over, she buried her face in Ben’s pillow. His scent filled her nostrils, making tears sting her eyes. He might never understand exactly how much he’d hurt her or even why she saw this as such a betrayal. It all came back to one thing.

Trust.

One of the most convincing things Ben had done to make Mallory accept his attention, and ultimately his love, was to mandate honesty. She valued that trait above all of Ben’s other good qualities. It was also the hardest thing for her to give him in return. Yet she had. And he’d shattered her ability to ever trust again. Jay Hamilton might have been a coward, but he’d never lied to her.

She’d trusted Ben with her heart, and he’d thrown it right back in her face by lying the very first time she put him to the test. When she needed him the most, he’d sat there in the hospital parking lot and typed out a text about not being able to get to her.

Her cell rang. She snatched it up, checked who was calling, and let out a heavy breath.

The oncologist was going to give her the CAT scan results.

Ben dragged his fingers through his hair. The frustration was becoming unbearable—a whole week of silence from the woman he loved. Save one text that came the night of her CAT scan.

Good-bye. Tell Amber I’ll miss her.

The message had frozen his blood. There was no clear way to interpret Mallory’s words. Was she saying farewell because she was breaking up with him? Or could the word “good-bye” hold more insidious meaning—could she be telling him her cancer had returned and was going to take her away?

Whenever he thought about her dying, he had to fight to stop himself from throwing up. Picturing his beautiful Mallory lying in a casket made tears blur his vision. All he wanted was to wrap his arms around her and protect her from anything that could harm her.

The week had been lonely and terrifying. Since he and Mallory moved in different circles, he couldn’t even send out feelers to find out if anyone knew the results of her CAT scan. Ben wasn’t living.

He was barely surviving.

After her text, he’d driven like a maniac over to Mallory’s house and pounded on the front door. The house had been dark, and no one answered. For all he knew, she was in the hospital. He’d called St. Ignatius, but stupid privacy laws wouldn’t even let them tell him if she was a patient. He knew nothing about what doctor she’d be seeing or whether she’d need more surgery or more chemotherapy.

Stone wall after stone wall left him feeling impotent and angry. Sure, he’d made a mistake. He should’ve gone to her. He shouldn’t have lied. But this punishment didn’t even come close to fitting the crime. Until Mallory could let him explain, apologize, and try to mend this fracture, there would be no end to his frustration.

Ben slammed his truck door. Since Mallory wouldn’t talk to him, he’d come to find someone close to her who would.

Striding to Bayside Church’s social hall, he jerked the doors open and stepped inside. His gaze scanned the people gathered for the mixer, searching for the familiar red hair. Juliana looked up the moment he spotted her.

At least she didn’t run away as he hurried across the floor, dodging the dancing couples. She scowled at him, but she stood her ground. Robert was with her, his frown no less fierce than Juliana’s.

Ben stopped directly in front of Juliana. “I need to know about Mallory. Where the hell is she?”

“Haven’t you caused enough trouble? You have no business coming here,” Juliana barked.

“I need to see Mallory.”

“Yeah, well… too bad. She sure doesn’t want to see you.”

He tried Robert. “C’mon, buddy. Help me out here. I’m worried sick about her.”

When Robert opened his mouth, Juliana shot him a glare that could’ve ignited a fire. “Don’t you dare!”

“I just want to talk to her,” Ben insisted. “I need to know what the CAT scan showed and—”

Juliana narrowed her eyes as she interrupted. “If you would’ve found the balls to haul your ass outta your truck and go in the hospital, you’d know what the CAT scan showed.”

“I need to find her,” Ben insisted. “Is she in the hospital? I don’t even know where she’s staying or whether her cancer is back.”

Robert kept shifting his gaze between them, clearly torn over what to do.

“Can you at least tell me that?” Ben pleaded. “Is the cancer back? Is she going to lose the other breast?”
Is she going to lose her life?

“That’s none of your business,” Juliana said. “You need to leave. Now.”

As if he’d even consider walking out of that place without at least a few answers. “Why isn’t she home?”

Robert elbowed Juliana, jostling her drink. “You can answer that one at least.”

Her eye roll was a drawn out affair. “Fine. She’s staying with me.”

At least someone was taking care of her. “Thank you,” Ben said.

“I don’t need thanks for being there for someone I love.” Her expression held nothing but disdain. “When you love someone, you do what’s right for them. You’re there when they need you. Shit, you’re no better than her ex, running away at the first sign of trouble.”

Ben struggled to hold his temper. “Could you at least hear my side of all this before you pass judgment and brand me the world’s biggest asshole?”

Juliana gave her head a shake. “What could your side even be? She asked for you to be there for her, and you drove away.” She snapped her fingers. “Wait! You lied to her and
then
you drove away.”

“There’s a lot more to it than that!”

“I don’t give a shit.” On that pronouncement, Juliana sipped her drink and destroyed Ben with her eyes. If looks could kill, he’d be nothing but a rotting corpse.

“
I’d
like to hear your side,” Robert said.

Juliana gaped at him. “Robert—”

He held up a hand. “Just stop.”

A rumbling growl rose from her. “Robert…”

“I mean it, Jules. I wanna hear what Ben has to say.” He nodded at Ben. “What happened?”

Unsure of where to begin, Ben realized that each way he planned to explain came back to one revelation—he’d made the biggest mistake of his life. So why whitewash it? “I had every intention of going into the hospital until I got there. But… I couldn’t open the door.”

“Why not?” Robert asked.

“Because he’s a pussy,” Juliana replied.

“Because I was so worried about Mallory, I started thinking about Amber,” Ben said, as if that made any sense to anyone but a parent.

“Gee, Robert,” Juliana said with a sneer. “Didn’t that clear up things nicely?”

Ben needed to ignore Juliana’s taunts or he’d never be able to explain. Besides, he deserved some of them, so he’d take his medicine. “When Mallory told me she’d found a lump, all I could think of was Amber. She went through hell with my ex.”

“What’s that got to do with you sitting in your truck?” Juliana asked.

Robert smacked Juliana on the ass, drawing a yelp from her. “For shit’s sake, Jules. Will you let the man tell his story?”

She shrugged. “Whatever.”

Ben pressed on. “Amber and Mallory have gotten really close. Part of me wanted to run inside and hold Mallory’s hand, but the dad in me made me think of what would happen when Amber found out. I mean, if Mallory’s cancer was back, she might… might… die.” Just saying it aloud was like a knife to the heart. He swallowed hard to hold back his raging emotions. “Amber thinks of Mallory like a mom now. She’d be devastated. I don’t know how to explain it, but I had to get to my kid. I just had to.”

“What about Mallory?” Juliana asked. “She needed you more than Amber.”

At least she was listening. “I was torn in two. I couldn’t be with both, so I went after Amber because Mallory had been there long enough I figured she’d already be in the CAT scan. I wasn’t leaving her alone. I was just going to talk to my daughter first.”

“Then why lie about it?” she asked.

“I didn’t want her to think I’d abandoned her,” he replied. “I didn’t know she could see me. I honestly didn’t mean to hurt her.” A rueful chuckle escaped. “Two minutes with Amber and I realized I’d really fucked up.”

“Why?” This time Robert asked the question.

“Because I realized my daughter was okay. She wasn’t the one who needed me. She wasn’t half as freaked out as I was, and she told me to get my ass back to the hospital.”

Robert nudged Juliana. “What do you think?”

“I think Mallory was devastated and never wants to see him again.”

“Please let me talk to her. I want to help,” Ben insisted. “I want to fix this. I love her, damn it! Can you get her to just talk to me?”

The only hope he had was that Mallory would listen and forgive. The woman had a heart bigger than the ocean, but if he couldn’t talk to her, he could never get her to understand. If after he told her what happened she wanted to end it, fine. It would kill him to let her go, but he would.

But not now. Not like this.

From the pained expression on Robert’s face, he was close to caving in. His furtive glances at Juliana proclaimed why he wouldn’t say anything. The woman had intimidation down to an art form.

When she turned to talk to some blond guy who’d just tapped her on the shoulder, Robert inclined his head toward the doors and quickly held up three fingers. That added up to meeting him in the parking lot in three minutes.

As the man who’d talked to Juliana walked away, she turned back to scowl at Ben. “You’re still here?”

“Look, just do me one favor. Okay?”

“Why should I?”

“Because you know deep down that I love Mallory and you know we’re good together.”

When she took a few moments to think that over, he feared he’d misjudged her. Juliana had always seemed smart, maybe too smart. Despite her earlier reticence, she had to know he and Mallory belonged together.

Had his story softened her heart at all?

She heaved a resigned sigh. “What do you want me to do?”

“Tell Mallory I’m not giving up on her. Ever.”

* * *

It took a hell of a lot longer than three minutes for Robert to join Ben in the parking lot. Ben leaned against the tailgate until Robert came through the double doors. He pushed away and waved so Robert could find him.

Robert returned the wave and made his way to the truck.

“You gonna help me out here?” Ben asked.

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“On you convincing me that I’m doing the right thing in helping you.”

“I love her, Robert.”

Robert snorted. “I knew that.”

“Then why do I have to convince you of anything? I told you what happened and—”

“You hurt her, Ben.”

Ben swiped his hand over his face, near to shouting in frustration. It hurt to have everyone think he was nothing but an asshat like her ex. He’d made a mistake. One mistake. And it was costing him everything.

Swallowing his pride, he nodded. “I know. Now I want to fix it.”

“You hurt her again, and so help me God, I’ll blacken both your eyes.”

“Fair enough. Can you tell me if you know what her CAT scan said? Is her cancer back?”

“Would it matter?”

Ben didn’t even hesitate. “No. Not one damn bit. I love her. I want to be with her for whatever time she has left. If that’s sixty years, fan-fucking-tastic. If it’s six months, then I want to make them the best six months of her life.”

“I don’t know what she found out,” Robert said. “She’s back at work, but she looks kinda… wounded. Reminds me of a bird with an injured wing.”

“No…” Ben’s stomach churned. The news had been bad. No doubt in his mind.

Mallory would have celebrated had it been nothing. As she’d conquered each step of the breast reconstruction, she’d celebrated each baby step toward being done. If she was withdrawn and quiet, that meant her mind and her spirit were carrying a heavy burden.

“Don’t go jumping to conclusions,” Robert scolded. “She might just be puny because she misses you.”

Ben hung his head. “I fucked up, Robert.”

“Yep.”

“I love her so much. Thinking she might have cancer again, that I might lose her…” Voice choked with emotion, Ben couldn’t say any more.

A hand settled on his shoulder. “I have an idea.”

“And?”

“She’s coming to the game tomorrow.”

“Game?”

“Tomorrow is senior night for the girls’ basketball team. The seniors invite a teacher they want to honor. Mallory will be there.”

Ben found his first smile. The situation was ripe with possibilities. “Any chance I could get your help on something?”

“I suppose.” Robert stroked his chin with his thumb and index finger. “You know… I’ve got an idea. Goes with something Bethany’s been working on.”

“What are you thinking?”

“Oh… I’m not sure yet. But I can be a clever bastard when I want to be.” He leveled a hard stare at Ben. “You willing to let Mallory’s friends help with this?”

Ben snorted. “As if. Juliana acts like she’d like to see me castrated—would probably lop them off with her own hand and a rusty knife.”

“You need to learn to look past the Juliana she wants everyone to see and look at the real Juliana.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning she’s hard on the outside, but the inside is nothing but soft,” Robert said. “And yes, I think they’d help. How about I give Bethany a call and get her to meet us at Frankie’s? We can have a beer and talk about how she can play Cupid. She loves shit like that.”

“Are you sure, Robert? I mean… I might only get one shot at this.”

“Well then, if you’ve only got one shot, we’re gonna make it a bull’s-eye.”