The Book of the Unnamed Midwife (22 page)

“I was gonna surprise you with breakfast.” She was in the pantry, looking at the shelves. “I can make eggs and biscuits, I think. There’s some canned sausage gravy. How does that sound?”

Dusty had avoided the powdered eggs so far. She knew one day they’d have to get eaten. It wasn’t a good time to be picky. “Sounds good. I’m going to make some coffee. It’s instant and the creamer is dried, but it’s not bad. You’re not supposed to have a lot, but I could make you a weak cup.”

Jodi didn’t look back at her, she was reaching for the powdered eggs. “No tea, no coffee. I told you.”

“Oh, right. Mormons.”

“Yeah. Like I’ve never even had coffee. Everybody says the smell is nice but the taste is super yucky.”

“You get used to it,” Dusty said as she put the kettle on.

The kitchen was large but the Franklin stove was small. In the end, Dusty let Jodi shoo her out to the table so she had enough room to cook.

“So did you get a job after high school?”

“Nah, me and Honus got engaged right at my graduation. It was super romantic. I waited for him while he served his mission in Canada, I wrote him letters like every week. That was super hard. I can’t believe I have to wait for him again. Anyways, he got into BYU and we were gonna move to Provo together.”

“Did you apply to college, too?”

“Nah, I knew we would have kids right away. I’ve always wanted to be a mom. Did you ever get married?”

“No.” When the kettle whistled, Dusty got up and made a cup of coffee with cream.

“Aw, that’s so sad.”

“It would have been sadder to have been married and have it fall apart.” She sat down and stirred her coffee.

“So you were like a doctor?”

Dusty tried to remember what she had told them in Huntsville. She didn’t recall, but she didn’t think Jodi remembered anyway. “I was a registered nurse and midwife. I got my degree at UCSF and worked in the university hospital. Babies born every day. Always plenty of work to do.”

“Wow, that’s so cool.” She sounded distracted.

“It was cool. I loved my job.” Dusty hadn’t tried at all this morning to sound like a man. She was still wearing the binder, going slowly. She waited.

After a few minutes, Jodi came out carrying two plates. “The biscuits burned on the bottom. I’ve never cooked them that way before. I just cut the bottoms off.”

“I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

Jodi sat down, pushing her chair back to make room for her belly. “I swear I’m bigger every day. Are you gonna…?”

“What?” Dusty already had half a biscuit in her mouth.

“Are you gonna say a blessing, Brother Dusty?”

“Oh. Why don’t you go ahead?”

Jodi smiled indulgently at her. “Dear most gracious Heavenly Father…”

Dusty chewed and swallowed unhurriedly. Jodi’s prayer was almost the exact same as the ones she had heard given in Huntsville. Same words, same cadence, same sequence. Dusty waited.

“Amen.” Jodi ate as though she were hungry. “I should make some fruit and veggies with lunch. I know the little guy needs them.”

Dusty nodded approvingly, still mashing biscuit crumbs and sausage gravy together to cover the texture of powdered eggs. “That’s a good idea, good that you’re paying attention. What would you like to do today?”

“I dunno,” Jodi said. “You know what I miss?”

Dusty smiled and popped her chin to encourage the answer. She was happy in the anticipation of being able to miss the lost world together. They could share it.

Like with Roxanne.

“I super miss TV.”

Not at all like Roxanne. She’s just a kid.

Dusty tried not to look let down. “Oh yeah? Like what?”

“I miss ‘Real Housewives,’ and ‘The Bachelor.’ They always went on the best dates. It was so romantic.” She looked wistful, like she was remembering old friends.

“Oh. I don’t think I ever saw either one of those.”

Jodi rewarded her with nearly an hour of exposition of where the season had ended with the bachelor, who was there for the ‘right reasons,’ and who was pushing the envelope sexually. Dusty was bored with the subject in minutes, but she tried to take comfort in the sound of Jodi’s voice. She had desperately wanted someone to talk to. She couldn’t be picky about her company now.

When she had finished her breathless recap, Jodi turned to Dusty. “So, what have you been doing here alone all this time?”

“Well, I read every book on the block. They’re in the dining room on the sideboard, if you want to try one.”

“Nah, I don’t really like to read.”

There’s a shock.

Jodi had washed the dishes and wiped down the kitchen. She stoked the fire and then turned around, looking for something to do.

“What’d you do in your spare time in Huntsville?”

“Canning and sewing and stuff. Like taking care of everyone, making food and fixing socks and stuff.”

“What do you like to do, though?”

Jodi looked blank.

“Don’t get much time off, do you?”

“I dunno. I liked to talk with the other sisters. Gossip, really. I know we’re not supposed to, but it always happens. I guess there’s nothing to gossip about with just the two of us here.”

“Well, there might be…”

Jodi looked at her askance. “What do you mean?”

“There isn’t any easy way to say this,” she began.

“Oh no.” Jodi looked stricken. “Please. Please don’t.”

“What? Why are you so scared of me?” Dusty took a step toward her, then thought better of it and stopped.

“I don’t know, but I can tell you’re trying to tell me something important. Is it bad news? I can’t take any more bad news.” She was blinking back tears.

Dusty sighed, exasperated. “It’s not bad news. It’s just something I want to get off my chest. It doesn’t change anything.”

“Ok. What?”

“I’m not a man.”

Jodi stared at her.

“I’ve been dressing like a man since I left San Francisco. I’ve been much safer this way. It’s not safe out there for anyone, but especially not for women.”

“You’re lying.” Jodi looked very confused.

“What, do you want me to show you? Look at me! No beard. No Adam’s apple. It’s a simple disguise.”

“But your figure…?”

“I’m wearing a binding vest.”

“A what?”

“It’s a vest that smashes your breasts down. So you can look like a guy.” She itched to take it off, and this was taking longer than she expected. She had thought Jodi would see it right away and laugh a little at having been fooled for this long.

“Why would that even exist? Who would want that?”

Dusty snorted. “Lots of people you’ve never met. Look, why would I lie about this?”

“To get me to drop my guard so you can like take advantage of me.”

Dusty rolled her eyes. “This is stupid.”

She started unbuttoning the plaid shirt she was wearing. Jodi started to look away, but when the top of the vest became visible she was transfixed. The garment was very worn, and yellowed at the armpits. The front closed in a long series of tiny bra hooks. It didn’t fit well or snugly anymore; Dusty had lost too much weight and it had just been worn too long. Still, it was doing a fair job of smoothing out her curves. The material had a translucent white mesh and the pink of her nipples showed through just slightly. She pushed the hooks together and started to open the vest. She reached a deep V between her breasts and her cleavage was clear.

“Ok, stop. I get it. You really aren’t a man.”

“Nope. I’m gonna get this thing off.” She walked out of the room to go change. She pulled a sports bra out of the bottom of her pack and put it back on, followed by her shirt.

She walked back out, buttoning up. “Sorry about that. I just had to prove it to you.” She looked up, but she didn’t see Jodi anywhere.

“What the fuck?”

She walked around the house, looking for her. She was about to call out when she heard the snowmobile outside. She crossed to the window and looked. It was pulling up out front.

Shit shit shitty shitstorming fuck. Perfect.

 
She ripped her heavy winter coat off the hook by the door and put it on. Then she ran into the kitchen, picked up the wet clothes Jodi had hung up to dry and stuffed them into the oven. She turned around, looking to see if there was any other sign of the girl. She touched the gun in the back of her waistband where it always was and spotted the rifle leaning against the wall.

Safe. Everything safe. Alone here.

She went to the door. She thought about refusing to open it, but discarded the idea. Too suspicious. She looked through the peephole just as they started to knock. It was Chalmers and another man she had never seen. She opened the door.

“Hi, guys. What can I do for you? Is one of you hurt?” She did her best to deliver it with light concern, in her old Dusty low voice.

“No Brother Dusty, we’re fine. This is Brother Randolph. We’re looking for a member of the congregation who went missing yesterday.”

“In this snow? Are you serious? That’s awful.” She was trying to look behind them to see if Jodi’s tracks were visible in the deep snow. It had snowed all night, and there wasn’t much left. She could always tell them they were her own.

“I’m afraid so. Have you seen or heard anything unusual today?” Chalmers was watching her face, his calm blue eyes boring into hers.

“Man, I wish. I haven’t heard so much as a bird in days. It’s pretty lonesome out here.” She smiled thinly.

Chalmers nodded. “We’re going to take a look around the neighborhood.”

Randolph looked at him in surprise. “Shouldn’t we search the house?”

Her blood pressure went up and she fought it. “You guys are welcome to come in. I’ve got coffee. I haven’t been feeling well this week, so I’ve got the kettle going all the time. I’m even wearing my coat in the house.” She shrugged inside her clothes as if to dig herself in deeper and pulled her neck down into the hood.

Her throwaway comment about feeling sick struck them like an arrow. Chalmers was suddenly inching his way down the porch steps.