The Book of Fate (27 page)

‘What are you going to university for?' Mother asked. ‘It's not like you want to become a doctor.'

In her mind, the only reason anyone would go to university was to become a doctor.

Father was happy, proud and astonished.

‘Your school principal told me how talented you are, but I already knew it,' he said. ‘I only wish at least one of these boys had turned out like you.'

Ali and Mahmoud were of the belief that I still hadn't given up my childish silliness and that my husband couldn't control me because he didn't have enough backbone, wasn't man enough and lacked a sense of honour.

I was soaring. I felt proud and confident. Everything was going my way.

I threw a large party for Manijeh who had got married some time ago and I had not had time to have a celebration in her and her husband's honour. After many years of estrangement, our families gathered together. Of course, Mahmoud and Ali used the excuse that women without hijab were going to be present at the party and they didn't come, but Ehteram-Sadat came with her loud and boisterous children.

I was so happy that nothing could bother me or take that smile off my face.

 

My life took on a new direction. I enrolled Massoud in a kindergarten close to home and took care of most of my responsibilities at night so that in the morning I could go to the university with peace of mind, and without Hamid and the children lacking anything.

The weather had turned cold. The autumn wind was knocking the tree branches against the windows. The drizzling rain that had started that afternoon was now mixed with snow and it was coming down harder. Hamid had just fallen asleep. I was thinking to myself, Winter has arrived so suddenly; it is good that I have already got out my warm clothes.

It was almost one o'clock in the morning and I was getting ready for bed when the sound of the doorbell made me freeze to the spot. My heart started pounding in my chest. I waited for a few seconds and told myself I had misheard, but just then I saw Hamid standing in the middle of the hall looking panic-stricken. We stared at each other.

With a voice that barely rose from my throat, I said, ‘Did you hear it, too?'

‘Yes!'

‘What should we do?'

As he pulled his trousers on over his pyjamas, he said, ‘Hold them off as long as you can. I will get out over the rooftop and take the route I had planned; then open the door. If there is any danger, turn on all the lights.'

He quickly put on a shirt and a jacket and ran towards the stairs.

‘Wait! Take a coat, a sweater, something…'

The doorbell was ringing incessantly.

‘There's no time. Go!'

He was halfway through the door that led to the rooftop when I grabbed a sweater that was within my reach and tossed it to him. I tried to regain my calm and look sleepy. I wrapped a coat around me and went down the stairs into the front yard. I was shivering uncontrollably.

By then whoever it was was pounding on the door. I turned on the light in the yard so that Hamid could see us better from the rooftop and I opened the door. Someone shoved the door open, dashed into the yard and closed the door. It was a woman wearing a floral chador that was clearly not hers, as it barely reached her ankles. Terrified, I glared at her. Her wet chador slipped down to her shoulders and I gasped, ‘Shahrzad!'

She quickly raised her finger to her lips for me to keep quiet and whispered, ‘Turn off the light. Why is it that the first thing you two think to do is to turn on the lights?'

I looked up at the rooftop and turned out the light.

She was drenched to the skin.

‘Come inside, you will catch a cold,' I said quietly.

‘Shh! Quiet!'

We stood there behind the door and listened to see if there were any sounds coming from the street. There was only silence. After a few minutes, like someone suddenly drained of all energy, Shahrzad leaned against the door and slid down to the ground. Her chador spilled out around her. She put her arms on her knees and buried her head in them. Water was dripping from her hair. I held her under the arm and struggled to help her get up. She couldn't walk. I picked up her chador and took her by the hand; it was surprisingly hot. Helpless and weak, she followed me and we climbed up the stairs.

‘You have to dry yourself off,' I said. ‘You're very sick, aren't you?'

She nodded.

‘There is plenty of hot water; go and take a shower. I will bring you some clothes.'

Without saying a word, she went to the bathroom and stood under the shower for some time. I put together some clothes that I thought would fit her and took some bedding to the living room and prepared a place for her to sleep on the floor.. She came out of the bathroom and got dressed. She wasn't speaking and had the lost look of a desperate child.

‘You must be hungry.'

She shook her head.

‘I have warmed up some milk. You must drink it.'

Silent and submissive, she drank the milk. I led her to the living room and she fell asleep before she could even make herself comfortable under the bedclothes. I pulled the blanket over her, walked out and closed the door.

It was only then that I remembered Hamid. Could he still be up on the roof? I quietly climbed up the stairs to the rooftop. He was hunkered down under the awning of the small alcove on top of the stairs.

‘Did you see who it was?' I whispered.

‘Yes, Shahrzad!'

‘Then why are you still up here? She doesn't pose any danger.'

‘As a matter of fact she poses a great danger. I have to wait and see if she was followed. How long has it been since she arrived?'

‘Half an hour… no, forty-five minutes. If she was being followed, something would have happened by now. Right?'

‘Not necessarily. Sometimes they wait for everyone to gather. They don't raid a group house without plenty of planning and preparation.'

I was trembling again. ‘What if they raid our house? Will they arrest us, too?'

‘Don't be afraid, you're not involved. Even if they arrest you, you don't know anything. They will let you go.'

‘But how would they find out that I don't know anything? I guess by plenty of torture!'

‘Get these stupid thoughts out of your head,' he said. ‘It's not that simple. You must stay strong. You will lose your confidence if you keep thinking along these lines. Now tell me, how is she? What did she say?'

‘Nothing. She couldn't talk. I think she is very sick. I think she has a terrible flu.'

‘Shahrzad and Mehdi had become too conspicuous. They had been identified. Their house was the first one that was raided. They have been living underground for a year and a half. They stayed in the provinces for a long time until we arranged a safe house for them. They must have been exposed again.'

‘You mean the poor things have been homeless for a year and a half?'

‘Yes!'

‘Where is her husband?'

‘I don't know. They were together. Something must have happened to force them to separate… he might have been arrested.'

My heart sank. The first thought that crossed my mind was that Mehdi knew where we lived.

That night Hamid stood guard up on the roof until dawn. I took him warm clothes and hot tea. In the morning, I woke the children up a little earlier than usual, gave them breakfast and walked them to their school and kindergarten. On the way, I looked around me carefully to check for anything suspicious or unusual, searching for a hidden agenda in every glance and movement. After I dropped off the children, I bought some groceries and returned to the house. Hamid had come downstairs.

‘I don't know what to do,' he said. ‘Should I go to the printing house or not?'

‘I think it is better if we act normally and not attract any attention,' I said.

‘Did you notice anything out of the ordinary on the street?'

‘No, everything seemed normal. Maybe everything being normal is what is not normal. Maybe they don't want us to be cautious and on our guard.'

‘Stop imagining things,' Hamid said. ‘I think I have to wait and talk to Shahrzad and find out exactly what has happened. She may need me to do something for her. Aren't you going to wake her?'

‘No, the poor girl is really exhausted and sick. Do you want me to call the printing house and tell them you are not going to work today? You can rest a little until she wakes up.'

‘No, you don't need to call. They are used to me not showing up at work now and then. I never call to let them know.'

Shahrzad lay in bed looking almost unconscious until one in the afternoon. I cooked a large pot of turnip soup and marinated some meat for kebab. She clearly needed to regain her strength. She was half the size she had been the last time I had seen her. I went out and bought some sedatives, cough syrup and something to reduce fever. It was almost time for the children to come home. I went to her and gently put my hand on her forehead. She still had a fever. She woke with a fright and sat up with a jolt. For a few seconds she stared at me and her surroundings. She had no notion of place and time.

‘Don't be afraid,' I gently said. ‘Calm down. It's me, Massoumeh. You are safe.'

Suddenly, she remembered everything. She took a deep breath and fell back on her pillow.

‘You have become too weak,' I said. ‘Sit up. I have made some soup. Eat a little, take the medication and go back to sleep. You have a very bad case of flu.'

Her large eyes filled with sorrow and her lips trembled. I pretended I hadn't noticed and walked out. Hamid was pacing the hall.

‘Is she awake?' he asked. ‘I have to talk to her.'

‘Wait; let her pull herself together and eat something first…'

I took the soup and the medicine to the living room. She was sitting up. I took off the towel I had wrapped around her hair the night before. Her hair was still a little damp.

‘Start eating,' I said. ‘I will go get a comb or a brush.'

She put a spoonful of soup in her mouth, closed her eyes and savoured it.

‘Hot food! Soup! Do you know how long it has been since I had something hot to eat?'

My heart ached. I said nothing and walked out. Hamid was still impatiently pacing up and down the hall.

‘What is the matter?' I snapped. ‘Why are you in such a hurry? Wait a few minutes. I won't let you talk to her until she has eaten something.'

I took a comb and returned to the living room. It was difficult combing her tangled hair.

‘A hundred times I wanted to go and cut it all off and be rid of it,' she said. ‘But I never found the time.'

‘What? Why would you want to cut off all this beautiful, lush hair? A bald woman is really ugly.'

‘Woman!' she said thoughtfully. ‘Yes, you are right. I had forgotten I am a woman.'

She laughed sarcastically and ate the rest of her soup.

‘I have made kebab, too. You have to eat some meat to gain strength.'

‘No, not now. I haven't eaten in forty-eight hours. I have to eat slowly and in small portions. Give me some more soup later on… Is Hamid home?'

‘Yes, he is waiting to talk to you. I think he is running out of patience.'

‘Tell him to come in. I feel much better. I feel alive again.'

I gathered the dishes, opened the door and asked Hamid to come in. He greeted her so eagerly and yet so politely and ceremoniously that it was like he was talking to his boss. I walked out and closed the door.

They talked quietly for more than an hour.

When the children came home from school, Siamak walked in and like a dog that has smelled a stranger in the house he asked, ‘Mum, who is here?'

‘One of your father's friends,' I said. ‘Make sure you don't tell anyone!'

‘I know!'

And then he started to observe everything carefully. He pretended he was playing in the hall, right behind the living room door, but he was all ears, hoping to hear something. I called him and said, ‘Go buy a couple of bottles of milk.'

‘No, not now.'

And he quickly resumed his game behind the closed door.

Hamid walked out of the living room, tucked the sheets of paper he was holding into his jacket pocket and while putting on his shoes he said, ‘Shahrzad is going to stay here for now. I have to go out. Don't worry if I'm late or if I don't come home tonight. I will definitely be back by late afternoon tomorrow.'

I went to the living room. Shahrzad was lying down.

‘Did you take the medication?' I asked.

Looking embarrassed, she sat up and said, ‘Please forgive me; I know I am intruding. I will try to leave as soon as possible.'

‘Please! You need to rest. Consider this your own home. I will not let you leave until you have fully recovered.'

‘I'm afraid I may cause problems for you. All these years, we have tried to keep this house safe for you and your children, but last night I put that safety at risk. I had spent two entire days going from one hole to another and, as luck would have it, the weather suddenly turned cold. It started to rain and snow. And I wasn't feeling well. I had a fever and it was getting worse by the hour. I was afraid I would collapse on the street. I had no other options; otherwise, I would not have come here.'

‘You did well to come. For now, please don't worry about anything; just sleep and rest assured that nothing has happened here.'

‘For the love of God, don't be so formal with me.'

‘All right!'

But I couldn't help it. I didn't quite know where I stood with her and what the nature of our relationship was. The children were peeking through the door and eyeing Shahrzad with curiosity. She laughed, wiggled her fingers and said hello to them.

‘God bless them,' she said. ‘Your sons have grown so much.'

‘Yes! Mr Siamak is now in year three and Massoud is five years old.'

I handed her the pills and a glass of water.