The Black Mage: Apprentice (22 page)

"A month?" Alex repeated, dumbfounded. "A
whole month?"

Ella turned to me, eyes worried. "That's a
long time, Ry."

But I wasn't paying any attention. I was
watching Ian who had ripped the paper he was clutching into a
hundred tiny pieces with his fists balled white around them. His
eyes were red but he said nothing. A moment later he turned and
started toward the docks.

My eyes followed him guiltily and Ella
sighed. "Poor Ian."

"You need to talk to him." Alex locked eyes
with me. "You can't leave him like this."

I stayed where I was, unwilling or unable to
move, I wasn't sure. "I – I can't."

"Ry," my twin said matter-of-factly, "you
cannot leave Ian to spend a month wondering if you return his
sentiment while you are at sea with Darren." He threw his hands up
quickly in defense of my frown. "I know, I know - you want more
time… But you need to make that decision
now
. Do not make
him sit at home wondering if you are falling in love with someone
else. You've already hurt Ian enough: tell the lad yes, or tell him
no – but do it
now
. You owe Ian that courtesy... Even if you
don't think you are ready."

Ella pulled my brother aside. "Alex, it's not
that simple for her."

I placed a hand on my friend's wrist. "No,
it's fine, Ella. He's right. You both are. I thought I could run
away…" I took a deep breath. "But if Darren's traveling with me
then Alex is right. I have to choose."

"Who…?" Ella made herself stop before she
could finish the question.

My lungs were breaking, but I willed myself
to ignore it.

My brother pulled me in for a tight hug. "I
know you'll do the right thing," he whispered. Then he brightened.
"Just think, a month at sea on a secret mission. Imagine all the
stories you'll be able to tell us when you return, Ry."

I willed myself to smile and failed.

"Do you want me to walk with you to the
docks?" Ella offered hesitantly.

I shook my head, straight red locks falling
across my eyes. For what I was about to do next, I needed to be
alone.

****

"Ian."

The curly haired fourth-year whirled around,
hazel-green eyes meeting mine in frustration. He had been standing
next to the docks, staring out at the ships with his hands shoved
in his pockets.

"It isn't fair - you going away with him,"
the fourth-year declared bitterly. "I know why you haven't made a
decision, Ry. I'd be a fool not to see it." His eyes burned. "And
now you'll be spending every day with Darren while he convinces you
to choose him instead."

"Ian." My chest tightened and the words that
were so close died on my lips.

"He's a prince," the fourth-year persisted,
"and he's a better apprentice than me. How am I supposed to compete
with
that
? You fell for him first and, I know, I knew that
when I started courting you… but I kept telling myself that it
didn't matter, that I would make you forget. But you never did…
And, yes, I know you don't want me to say these things now…" He ran
a hand through his hair in frustration. "But, Ry, if you go away
with him I know you won't be mine when you return."

I couldn't speak; my lips were like ice and
my tongue was suddenly too heavy to lift.

Ian took a step closer, bridging the gap of
space between us. He took my hand in his and gently tilted my chin
upward so that I was forced to meet his sober gaze.

He's the right one
. My whole body
trembled.

"Choose me, Ryiah," he said softly. "I know
it's not fair-"

You know there's only one name you can
say
.

"-But I am asking you to anyway."

The other has never – will never - be
yours.

I looked into Ian's hesitant green eyes and
saw only dancing flame and dark smoldering garnet.

I choked. "I choose you." Sharp, stabbing
pains erupted inside my chest and I made myself smile.
You love
Ian
, I screamed silently,
your heart is
not
breaking
– you do
not
love the prince.

The fourth-year froze and his grip on me
tightened. "Did-" He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Ryiah, did you
just-"

You are only mourning the loss of desire.

"I said I choose you, you simpleton." Then,
before I could lose my nerve, I pulled him to me and kissed him
swiftly on the mouth. Ian responded by gathering me even closer and
then, laughing, picked me up – shunning my protests - and spun me
around the shore. Several fishermen hooted loudly and when Ian
finally set me down, grinning, my cheeks were flaming red from the
catcalls of our audience nearby.

"I should kill you for that," I told him
weakly. But I was smiling.

Ian grinned. "You can do whatever you like,
Ryiah, but it won't stop me from doing it again." He lunged for
me.

Shrieking and laughing, I darted away only to
have him catch up to me a moment later in front of the nearby
stalls.

"I love you, Ryiah of Demsh'aa," he said
solemnly. And then he kissed me again.

Neither of us noticed the tear slip down my
face.

"Ian," I chided, "you have to let me finish
packing! Byron will have a fit if I am late."

The fourth-year chuckled. "Maybe the grouch
will let someone else go in your place." He bent down to kiss me
again.

"Ian!" I shoved him away playfully. "You know
this is important."

Ian gave a dramatic sigh and released me to
my duties. "Fine. But if Darren makes one attempt…"

"He won't," I said quickly. My heart stopped
and I prayed that Ian wouldn't notice the way my hands had suddenly
stilled. Darren had been absent the remainder of last evening. I
hadn't been able to pull him aside and tell him my decision.

I finished loading the last of my clean
tunics into my pack and hauled the leather straps onto my shoulder.
Ian wasn't allowed in the girl's barracks – even with the door open
and Ella nearby– but the rest of our faction was eating and this
was the only opportunity we would get to say goodbye.

"Alright you two," Ella interrupted. "The
morning bell is going to toll in exactly fifteen minutes. Ry, if
you don't start heading down to the docks now you are going to be
late and then you'll never be offered a position with the Port
Langli regiment after you get your mage's robes." She grinned
wickedly. "And you know how that would disappoint Priscilla."

I started to snicker only to consider it in
afterthought. Ella was right. The last thing I wanted was to give
the commander a bad impression. Even if I had no desire to serve in
Langli I did not want to burn any bridges. Especially since Byron
would undoubtedly be ranking his least favorite apprentice last in
the ascension ceremony three years from now. I gave Ian one last
kiss and then sprinted out the door to meet the rest of the crew at
the docks.

When I arrived, a little flush from my run, I
saw that everyone was loading the last of the luggage onto the
ship. Darren stood near the back, helping a large man with black
braids carry a particularly large crate onto the vessel. He looked
up when I arrived, but as soon as his eyes met mine he looked away
immediately – but not before I caught a flash of something cold. My
heart stopped and my throat became sand, coarse and dry and in
desperate need of something I didn't have.
He knows
.

"Are you the other one?" A loud voice broke
my reverie. I turned to see a woman in her early thirties watching
me expectantly. Her skin was well weathered and her brown hair fell
to her ears, cut in a similar fashion to most men in the regiments.
Her eyes were a vivid green, much brighter than Ian's, and she had
toned arms I envied. The best yet I had seen on a female mage.

Arms, that no matter how I tried, I would
never be able to replicate.

"Y-yes," I stammered. I held out my hand.
"I'm Ryiah."

"Well, Ryiah, I'm Andy."

"Andy?" I repeated, unsure if I had heard her
correctly.

"My parents had the audacity to name me
Cassandra but you will never,
ever
address me as such unless
you want to be made to walk the plank." She grinned in good humor
and the laugh lines under her eyes deepened. "So Ryiah, you must be
feeling pretty special – you and that prince are only third-years
and yet the two of you were the ones to win your master and Chen's
competition."

I blush. "Well, I'm not sure if that's an
accurate representation-"

She cut me off with a hard slap to the back.
One that made me wince and cough at the same time. "Come now, no
one with modesty ends up in Combat. Take the praise and embrace
it!" She pointed to the bag on my shoulder. "You'd do best to give
that to Cethan – he's loading the rest of the supplies with your
prince friend right now. As soon as the two of you are done come
find me and I can introduce the both of you to our leader,
Mira."

I squinted at her through the morning sun.
"Isn't Commander Chen leading the assignment?"

The tall woman snorted. "Him? No – this trip
is for Combat mages only. Well except for Flint – he is… well, I'm
not sure exactly, but I do know he is Caltothian and the king sent
him specifically for this mission."

"Andy, stop chatting with the apprentice and
get back to work. I won't have us depart late again because of your
relentless need for gossip! Apprentice, I expect you to help the
others load!"

Andy winked at me. "The dragon lady is
calling. Best do what she says!" She sauntered off to the front of
the ship's hull with a cheerful yet sarcastic response to her
leader.

Awkwardly I set down my pack and went to help
Darren and the large man, Cethan, with the rest of the
supplies.

"Hello," I greeted the mage shyly. "I'm
Ryiah."

The sullen-faced man looked up, irritated,
and then gave me a list. "You can start with those crates there.
Make sure each has the items I asked for – if we run low on
supplies during the trip we will cut your rations before anyone
else, so keep a keen eye lookout for anything missing."

I set to work counting in silence, trying not
to jostle Darren as we took turns pulling the crates open
side-by-side.

It was extremely awkward.

The only time the non-heir acknowledged my
presence was when my elbow accidentally grazed his arm and he
snapped, "Watch it!" He said it with so much underlying anger that
Cethan shot the prince a wary look.

"S-sorry," I mumbled.
For everything
.
He must have heard the strange pitch in my voice because the
non-heir finally looked at me.

"You have nothing to apologize for." His tone
said differently. Then, in his most polite, un-Darren-like voice,
he added, "Can you pass that crate to your left? I think I
miscounted the fish."

****

One week and five days of cold sweats,
nausea, and vomiting. For some, seasickness ends after the first
couple of days; for me, I discovered, it lasts the entire trip.

The lead mage, Mira, noticed right away. One
of the first things she told me was that the commander and Byron
had made a mistake sending her someone "so useless at sea."

She had continued to make similar comments
for the rest of the trip.

On our last night before we reached Dastan
Cove I spent most of the evening clutching the side rails, trying
to rid the sensation of waves from flooding my stomach. My skin was
pale and clammy. I prayed that the sensation would go away as soon
as we took to shore. The night air was cold and biting and constant
blasts sent me quivering from head-to-toe. I was determined to
prove my worth once we hit land.

I was sick of the sea. But most importantly I
was sick of being sick. I hated feeling useless and having the rest
of the crew eye me with distaste, like they couldn't believe I was
the one who had ranked second. They didn't question Darren's
presence.
He
had been a great help casting wind to speed our
travel.
He
took turns navigating and preparing the meals.
I
spent the entire time clutching the railing.

I couldn't even keep the meals down.

I swallowed hard, and cursed myself for never
considering seasickness a possibility when I had signed up for a
month-long deployment.

"Ryiah, Mira needs you to come back to the
meeting."

I glanced up to see Darren watching me with
an inscrutable expression.

I sighed and released the rail, trying my
hardest to look anywhere but his face. Things had been cold,
awkward, and distant between us. Almost exactly how they had been
when we first arrived in Port Langli eight months back. Of course
now I knew the real reason why.

"Alright, I'm coming." At that very moment I
was forced to clutch my stomach and heave into the ocean below.

"She said that you should bring a
bucket."

I faltered and my eyes fell to his retreating
form in anger and self-pity. He had said it so carelessly, like I
was nothing, like I was
no one
. It shouldn't hurt me.
Nothing about Darren should hurt me. I shouldn't allow myself to
feel jealous of this wall he had built up between us… but rational
thinking had never played its course wisely where the non-heir was
concerned.

I grabbed a pail and tried to remind myself I
had no business wishing Darren would pine for me. I joined the rest
of the crew below deck and tried not to let my expression waiver as
five sets of eyes fell on my pale, clammy face and the bucket in
hand.

"So glad you could finally join us,
apprentice." Our leader's voice sounded anything but.

I took a seat silently by Andy who had the
ghost of a smile on her lips.

With the exception of Andy I felt as though I
was surrounded by a crew of silent, angry statues. Mira, Andy had
told me, was the sister of the Black Mage, Marius. But that was
where the similarities ended. The brother and sister were as
different as night and day. According to Andy this was because Mira
was determined to distance herself from her older sibling as much
as possible. Andy said she suspected it was because Mira resented
his status:
"We Combat mages are a competitive bunch, so it's
natural if we aren't the best jealousy occurs – especially in
families like theirs."