The Big Fat Truth: The Behind-the-scenes Secret to Weight Loss (14 page)

Maybe you see food as a reward. Something you get to indulge in for taking all the crap that comes your way or maybe even for something good you’ve done. But I see it as a punishment, a form of self-sabotage. You think you don’t deserve to be fit and healthy. You’re not worth anything so why not drown yourself in a bucket of fried chicken or a huge hero sandwich? For Amber, the realization that she was punishing herself with food was liberating. “I used to always think of food as a positive thing. I like to eat, I don’t have a boyfriend—which I didn’t back then—I have food. It was a source of comfort and I used it in so many ways. To celebrate, when I was ashamed, everything,” she says. “Now I see how I used it as a weapon against myself. That shift was huge.”

Food fills you up in more ways than one. Or, should I say, people use it to fill a hole; that doesn’t necessarily mean it works. In fact, it doesn’t. You can eat until the end of time and not fill the emptiness that comes from loss, anger, depression, or loneliness. So many of the overeaters I’ve met were stuffing themselves because they had lost a parent or because a romantic relationship had gone south. Loss and emptiness in life translates to a feeling of emptiness in the stomach. You’d think that exercisers were, on the contrary, doing the healthy thing. But this same transference can be found among extreme exercisers. You can run a hundred miles and still be sad and lonely—and crazy in my opinion. I would ask that person, “What are you running
from
?”

To my mind, there are two types of stress. There’s the everyday stress that you can’t help but be all too aware of.
I’m late for work. I’m not making enough money. The traffic makes me crazy. My schedule is too packed. My kids aren’t doing well in school. My parents lean on me too much.
And so on. Then, there’s the other kind of stress, the cause of which hasn’t bubbled to the surface. You don’t know what’s going on, but something is, because you can’t stop eating. You might even think you’re perfectly happy—you love your boyfriend, you love your job, you have a good relationship with your parents, your glass is half-full. But there is also a little bit of a nagging feeling in the far reaches of your mind, and of course the unhealthy living. What explains that?

Scientists have a name for people who manage not to consciously experience stress: They’re called repressors. Maybe you’re one of them. If someone asks you how things are going, you say, “Great!”—and really mean it, even though your body and behavior tells a different story. In one 1997 study, published in the
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
, researchers asked people to give a speech to a small audience. Some of the speech-givers, who were identified before the study began as repressors, said they were not nervous about speaking—but their heart rate numbers gave them away: Their hearts were fluttering just as fast as the hearts of people who reported being very anxious about the speech. It wasn’t that they were lying either. They just didn’t realize they were anxious about the speech.

I know that, in my own life, I’m not always clued in to stressors going on beneath the surface. In the 20-plus years that I’ve been married, my wife and I have never had an argument that wasn’t about something else. “What are you upset about?” she’ll ask me. “It can’t be because the kids didn’t put their books away.” And she’s right. It never is. I am usually upset about something else—maybe I’m even upset at myself about something—but I don’t always have the ability to verbalize or even understand what it is. My wife, on the other hand, understands how to diagnose me before I am even conscious that there is a problem. Which is why I love her.

You’ll be taking a big step in the right direction if you stop thinking about what things seem like on the surface. “I love food too much.” “I have no willpower.” That’s not it. No one is going to know what’s inside of you, so you have to figure it out. Let other people help you. Talk things out. Have someone close to you ask you leading questions. The more exploration and, yes, the more crying you do, the closer you’ll get to discovering the issue you need to deal with. That’s how the weight will come off. It’s not about counting calories.

Maybe (I hope!) you’ve been watching the weight-loss shows I’ve created over the past 12 years, all the while thinking to yourself (perhaps with a pint of Häagen-Dazs perched on your lap), “I could do that, too, if I just had
The Biggest Loser
Ranch or
Extreme Weight Loss
Boot Camp, the trainers, the refrigerators full of healthy food, the camaraderie. If I had all that, of course I could be skinny!” But what if I told you it wasn’t the Ranch or Boot Camp or the trainers or the food or the friendships or even me yelling at them that has led all those cast members you’ve watched cut their body size in half? What if I told you that the key transformation that leads to their success happens way before they even step into one of our gyms? In fact, it happens before they even make it on the show.

What is this magic ingredient? I am sure you’d like me to sprinkle that pixie dust on you! Well, I can. The process that potential cast members go through
before
they even get on the show has a huge impact on how well they do. That process involves filling out a questionnaire and making a video of themselves, which sounds simple, but it’s not. What it really involves is asking how they got to where they are and how committed they are to change. And to spark our interest, they can’t just give superficial answers to our questions. They have to dig down deep for the truth and display a real understanding of themselves. And let’s just say that we’re looking for those people who are pulling out the backhoe, not the garden spade. Don’t assume that’s because we’re just interested in lurid stories that will play well on TV. What we’re interested in are people who are going to lose weight. (I have always said that if we had contestants with great stories but they didn’t lose any weight, we would be off the air in a matter of weeks.) We know that, in order to do that, they have to come face-to-face with what got them to a reality-show tryout in the first place. If in that video and questionnaire they can (finally) be honest about why they’re fat, reveal what’s going on beneath the surface, and stop putting a pretty face on their troubles, they are on their way to success. We constantly ask them to dive deeper, and we give them feedback to lead them in the right direction.

In fact, no matter what comes back on the questionnaire and video, we always tell them to dig deeper. We give them tips like, “Ask your kids how they feel about having an overweight mom/dad. Ask your co-workers, too. Ask your spouse if he/she is still attracted to you.” We put them in dangerous emotional positions to see if they are committed enough to go there. If they shy away from these interactions, we know they are not ready. On the flip side, when they lean in, ask the hard questions, and get emotional in the process, we know that they are moving in the right direction toward transformation. While I can’t personally give you feedback, you can get it from the people in your life. You just have to be brave enough to ask the right questions. It’s part of your “precasting” process.

What the precasting process will do for you, too, is help convince you that you can do it. By the time our cast members meet the trainers, they’re already convinced; there’s pretty much no stopping them. It’s like a tree in the forest that has been hit by an axe 30 times. All you have to do to get it to fall over is blow. The Ranch, Boot Camp, trainers, nutritionists—all that stuff is just puffs of air pushing along something that’s already about to happen.

I believe that the precasting process can help
anyone
get a jump-start on weight loss and transformation. But you have to take it seriously. Treat it like your job. Remember, the root of transformation is DESIRE!! So here’s what you’re going to do:

• Answer the questions beginning
here
. These are identical to some of the same questions we ask potential cast members. Don’t just read them and answer them in your head. Get on your computer or take out several pieces of paper and a pen, then give detailed answers. If it doesn’t take you a couple of hours to complete them, you’re doing it wrong. Go deep. Some answers might take you a couple of days to process. Let it all sink in; really think. Even talk about it with friends, co-workers, even your mother (who may have helped make you fat in the first place). Talking about it will start the wheels turning and give some clarity to thoughts you have been struggling with for years.

• Videotape yourself telling me why you should be on one of my shows. Choose someone you feel comfortable with to hold the camera, or shoot it yourself. Either way, be prepared to open up. Don’t say to yourself, “I would never humiliate myself on TV just to lose weight, so I’m not going to humiliate myself on videotape either.” Swallow your pride, and just do it. Interview friends and family, too. Ask them what they think the source of your problem may be. You’ll be surprised to learn how willing your family and friends are to be honest when there’s a camera on them.
They’ll tell you what they see and, more important, what they wish for you. All of their answers will be clues to help you determine how to be happy. If you are not finding yourself uncomfortable, and maybe even in a flop sweat while doing this, you ain’t doin’ it right!

Playing the role of a contestant will help you immensely. These tools will give you incredible insight into your own pain and the issues you need to deal with. They’ll help you formulate your own personal to-do list and a plan to put those to-dos into action. But only if you really go for it! Be insanely diligent about going through the process. While you can do this on your own, I like the idea of enlisting someone to help you. You could even have a friend interview you using the questions that follow. As you’ll see as you read on, you’re going to need to start talking to other people about your goals and progress. Start now!!

1. Is weight an issue in the family you grew up in? Who suffers from it? How much weight do they need to lose? Do you blame your family for making you overweight?

2. What is your ethnicity? Does your culture play a part in your weight?

3. Describe your occupation. Does your weight affect your occupation? How?

4. What’s it like being overweight? How does it affect you in your everyday life? How exhausting is it?

5. What are all the things you missed out on being at this weight?

6. What activities are difficult at this weight, either physically or emotionally? List anything from getting in and out of cars to getting undressed in the locker room at your gym without feeling self-conscious.

7. Does weight interfere with your life as a single person, person in a relationship, married person, or parent?

8. What would it mean to you to be at a healthy weight?

9. Have you ever been thin? Why haven’t you lost the weight?

10. How did you gain the weight?

11. Describe your diet from the minute you wake up to the minute you go to sleep.

12. Food to me is ___________.

13. Do you have kids? Have you passed on your poor eating habits?

14. Are you afraid of dying prematurely due to your weight?

15. Describe how your family upbringing has played a part in your weight gain.

16. Have you let yourself down by being overweight? Have you let your family down by being overweight?

17. What do you see when you look in the mirror?

18. Is there anything about you that you haven’t even told your significant other or your best friend?

19. How much weight do you want to lose?

20. What is going to be different this time around?

Again, really answer these questions thoroughly. Don’t give one-word answers because you think no one is going to read them. Imagine you are desperately trying to get on one of our shows, and you know the answers to these questions could make or break your chances. The answers
matter
. The very act of writing may bring issues from your subconscious into your conscious so that you become fully aware of the reasons you’ve been unable to lose weight in the past. Your “sickness” (overeating) is an emotional illness. Figure out the moment of emotional impact that’s driven you to lose control and you’ll never need to go on a diet again.