The Big Fat Truth: The Behind-the-scenes Secret to Weight Loss (10 page)

He went through all of the medical testing anyway and moved into the cast accommodations, ready to start Boot Camp. But as I’d expected, it didn’t start well. On the very first day of Boot Camp, he actually asked if he was going to have to do the same thing as the other people. “Yes!” I screamed. The following day, he asked to be driven to the gym—which was less then a half-mile away—even as he watched the other 13 participants start their walk over. He was not ready to do the work needed to push past the pain and fear and improve on his life. He was too worried about what he would lose (and I am not talking about pounds). In the end, he just couldn’t do it. He moved out after a week. His biggest fear was that losing weight would make people think he wasn’t funny anymore. He had spent the better part of his life trading on his size. If he lost that, how would he make money? “People aren’t going to laugh at my jokes the same way. I’m the funny fat guy,” he said.

Yeah, but was that really his fear? Or was it that
he
didn’t think he would be funny if he reduced his more-than-400 pound size? Actually, he might have been even funnier if he mined that dark side of himself for humor rather than making fun of his size. But we’ll never know: He was an “I can’t” kind of guy. I tried to tell him that it would be a rebirth of his career. “Think of the press you will get!” Still, I couldn’t get through to him.

Raymond and Robert, twins who appeared on Season 5, were a lot like Bruce, the
Extreme Weight Loss
cast member I introduced you to earlier. They also had part of their identity rooted in their friends’ ideas of them. “Don’t lose weight, man,” their friends would say any time one of them would try a little self-improvement—even though they both weighed nearly 400 pounds. “Your size is part of your personality. You are big, funny guys.”

But they also had friends who told them differently, especially their best friend, Chris. But it took a while for his words to get through. He’d say to them, “You guys have to do something, you guys are fat.”

“What?” they’d say back to him, offended.

“Yeah, you guys are fat. As long as I’ve known you, you’ve never been this big. You have let yourselves go, and you have to change.”

During the initial casting of
Extreme Weight Loss,
potential cast members start the weight-loss process, and then go home for a while (if they’re picked for the show) before starting Boot Camp. When the twins returned home from casting, they went to see Chris, thinking he’d be impressed (they’d lost about 20 pounds each in only two weeks—a great start). Instead he said, “I kind of thought you’d be smaller.” Ouch! And I know, it seems kind of mean and unsupportive, but, fortunately, the twins didn’t take it that way. “He tells us straight up and calls us out on everything,” says Robert. “At first it kind of pisses you off, but at least you know he’s not going to sugarcoat it.” This is why Robert and Raymond were ultimately successful. They were open to listening and didn’t let negative comments get in the way of their mission.

Robert and Raymond:
Before

Robert and Raymond:
After, with Chris Powell

Remember Amber, from Chapter 1? The woman who came on the show with her fiancé? She, too, had people in her life telling her like it is—she just didn’t want to hear it. Amber, who was 273 pounds at her highest weight, says, “I look back, and I think about those moments when both friends and family tried to sneak into my life and help me but I strong-armed them away. Someone would say, ‘Amber, I think you might have a problem with food, you might be a food addict’ and I would just blast them. I’m not someone who gets in people’s faces, but I was so sensitive.” (Amber, by the way, lost 94 pounds.)

Nothing Tastes as Good as the Right Words at the Right Time

I took my daughter to get a haircut, and she asked for Taco Bell (usually our dirty little secret when it is just us). I got her a taco and a Meximelt. Nothing for me—I didn’t even try to smell it! Got home and made a salad with grilled chicken and veggies. My daughter walked though the kitchen and said, “Go Mom, I’m proud of you!” in her teenager way. I cannot express how good that made me feel!

—Amy, posted on
The Revolution
Facebook page

Everyone needs someone like Amber’s friends or a Chris—that is, an honest and supportive person—in his or her life; someone to hold you accountable. If you just want “yes” people to tell you how great you are, you’ll never rise above your issues. I’ll talk more about friends and family later, but right now, I just want to encourage you to start reconsidering the people who may have seemed a little mean and judgmental in the past. Try to see them in a different way. Maybe they were the ones who were actually trying to help you—and, most important, will be there to support you when you start making changes in your life. Of course, some of them
are
just mean and judgmental, and you don’t need them. But some of them are undoubtedly worried about your well-being. Find those people that care—and who won’t let you make excuses for yourself—and keep them close.

Keep in mind that the people who support you may do so in different ways, and you may need to figure out which type of friend works best for you. If you’re thin-skinned, but motivated by praise, find the friend who’s going to be gentle about telling you what they think is going wrong, then act as a cheerleader throughout the weight-loss process. If you need a challenge to light a fire under you, find the friend who’s going to get on your case if you blow it. But also, stay open. You may be surprised to find that the type of help you think you need is actually the opposite of what will work. So try everything until you see yourself starting to respond. Most of all, turn a deaf ear to those friends who don’t want you to change, and start listening to those who care for your well-being. They’re going to be your lifeline throughout this process.

I suggest you also start opening up to people who are dropping subtle hints that they have information to share with you or might even be willing to lend some support. As you would expect, as soon as people find out what I do for a living, they often solicit my advice. And as you would also expect, I love to give it! But I never just thrust advice on anyone before gauging how open he or she is to hearing what I might have to say.

Not long ago, I was invited to an ABC promotional event held in honor of mommy bloggers. The network had brought 25 authors of parenting blogs to Hollywood to give them the full Disney experience, which included meeting some of ABC’s television stars and executives (Disney owns ABC). I sat down at my table of bloggers to promote
Extreme Weight Loss,
but instead, it turned into something much more meaningful. I started out talking about the latest group of contestants, hoping they’d write about how successful we are at helping people lose weight, but quickly the conversation turned to
their
weight loss.

Most of the mommy bloggers were overweight themselves, and many had made the wrong decision at the buffet. Plates of tortilla chips, burritos with extra cheese, and Cokes and Diet Cokes littered our table. They began plying me for information: What should I eat? Tell me five things I can do to lose weight. One of the mommy bloggers at the table was, in fact, a daddy blogger. The lone guy among the women, he was about 100 pounds overweight. The minute he showed that he was open to discussion, I began to talk to him in earnest. “I’m betting you’re not happy with your weight and that you wish you could do something about it, but it seems overwhelming,” I said to him as he nodded knowingly. “I’m betting, too, that you’re watching your kids pick up on the same habits you have.” It wasn’t long before the daddy blogger was in tears. “Okay, here’s what I want you to do. . . .”

Maybe you won’t find yourself sitting next to a producer of a weight-loss reality show at lunch, but you may sit next to people who’ve shed pounds themselves, or who help other people lose weight through exercise or diet. If they seem interested in you, take advantage of it. You’ll be amazed at how much people like to help. After I gave the daddy blogger some tips, hugged him, and took his business card, I followed up with him a week later. “How’s it going? Don’t forget, you’re adding a walk in during week two. I know it’s going to be hard, but you can do it.” I really wanted him to be successful, and I kept in touch. But this is not a quality unique to me. There are lots of people in the world willing to speak the truth, lend an ear, and offer you their ideas.

Mitzi, from
Extreme Weight Loss
Season 5, told me that she regretted not being more open about her problems. When she decided to come on the show, Mitzi had to tell her boss why she had to take a hiatus from her work at a nonprofit organization that helps homeless families. The woman said she was glad that Mitzi told her the reason, but also sad that she hadn’t come forth earlier and asked for help. “Here I was working for an organization that helps people, but I couldn’t come forth to ask for my own help,” says Mitzi. “That was an eye-opener. You realize that you are hurting others because they want to help you, they want to support you.” I agree. Let your defenses down, and you’ll open yourself up to all the possibilities out there.

How about I punch you in the face? Boom! Most people would say . . . no! Many of the people I work with love it. At least they love getting slammed in the face with words and other forms of mistreatment. It’s their happy place. “I knew I couldn’t get that job,” “I don’t deserve a raise,” “that guy is too good for me,” and the list goes on and on. Getting treated badly has become normal, so normal that they’ve not only come to expect it, they like it. It’s familiar, as comforting as the frozen breakfast burrito belly bomb they eat every morning. And even though the blows are as awful as the taste of that breakfast burrito, they’ve come to love it in a strange kind of way, believing that it’s all they deserve. What about you? Have you gotten used to the metaphorical punch in the face? Then your head is in the wrong place. We need to crack that code . . .
now!

A few years ago, I created and executive produced a show called
I Used to Be Fat
for MTV. The premise was that by helping kids lose weight over the summer before they started college, we could help them enter their new schools as the kids they’d always wanted to be. After all, the people they were about to meet had never known them as “the fat kid.” These kids had been made fun of their whole lives; we wanted to give them a fresh start.

At the end of the first day of the show, after their very first workout, I asked the 18 cast members if they were psyched. “Is there anyone that doesn’t want to be here? Hold up your hand. Because I don’t want to spend time and energy on you for the next 100 days if you aren’t excited about it.”

A boy named José instantly put up his hand. “Yeah,” he said. “This isn’t for me. This has been the hardest day of my life. I want no part of this. I’m out.”

Moments like this are what I live for. Believe me, the other 17 kids were thinking of raising their hands, too, but couldn’t muster up the courage. Or the strength—their arms were already sore from the first day’s workout. I got ready to deliver some tough love to José, which would also let me remind the other 17 what a great opportunity was sitting right in front of them.