The Best You'll Ever Have (20 page)

Two things:

1. VIBRATORS ARE GREAT ALL OVER YOUR BODY AND YOUR PARTNER’S BODY, BUT DON’T USE THEM ON UNEXPLAINED LEG PAIN.

You don’t want to vibrate a blood clot. That would be bad. See a doctor
for pain. See a vibrator for pleasure.

2. KNOW GOING IN (OR AROUND) THAT VIBRATORS DO NOT DULL NERVE ENDINGS.

You will not be “ruined” for fingers or dick or anything else if you use
a vibrator.
Repeat after me, once more, with feeling: vibrators excite nerve endings, they do not dull them.

At Safina, we sell several types of vibes: general “fun vibes” are for clitoral stimulation. They can be dildo shaped or made to look like lipstick. Some are plug-in wands—the kind of “massager” one can buy at Brookstone, say, or Sharper Image. There are vibrators that fit in your underwear and that are controlled by a remote held by someone up to twelve feet away. And there are small dolphin-, rabbit-, and bear-shaped vibes to put a smile on your face. There are vibrating fingertip covers and vibes that fit in the palm of your hand. The universe of vibrators is vast and ever-expanding. Why not, when they provide cosmic type experiences? Dual vibes are designed specifically to stimulate the clitoris and the G-spot/vagina at the same time. You could use this type of vibe on its own or while engaging in tush activity. Speaking of the back door, you can use a dual vibe in/around the tush and perineum, but just be sure that you decide where you’re going to use it and stick to that decision. Sex toys are similar to the concept of keeping kosher. You have the tush toys and the vaginal toys, and a vibe that goes in the tush should never go in the vagina and vice versa. You can use condoms to prevent bacterial transfers (need I mention the threat of infection again?) and for easy cleanup, but it’s best to keep your sex toys kosher. Why risk ruining the fun?

G-spot vibes are curved to better access the G-spot. You can use an additional small vibrator on the clitoris at the same time, or you can use your free hand or your partner’s free hand. Waterproof vibes can be taken into the shower or bathtub. They also do well on dry land. The selection is limited, but you can find a range of colors and sizes. We sell a waterproof glove with little vibrators built into the pads of the fingers. It’s great to use as a neck massager, but it can be used anywhere on the body in or out of the tub.

WHEN TO USE A VIBE
Seems to me, you can whip out a vibe
nearly anywhere you have privacy.

Usually though, they’re excellent when you’re stressed, randy, or bored. Or dirty. Or in bed with your partner.

When you’re dirty.
Why not keep a waterproof vibe in the shower? Every morning, you can give yourself a natural mood lift that will make your aromatherapy shampoo pale in comparison. A waterproof vibe is also a lot easier (and safer) than slippery shower sex.

When you feel stressed,
bored, or a little down.
A little vibrating massage can take the tension out of your head, clear your sinuses, and make unimportant hassles look like minor chores. As you know by now, orgasms give you a positive outlook and a more balanced perspective.

When you need an easy-as-pieorgasm.
Your partner may be fantastic, but your sexual gratification should not depend solely on him. This puts too much of a burden on the relationship, besides which, he may not be around when you really need an orgasm. There are

vibrators so strong that you don’t even have to take your clothes off to have a great time. You can come home from a bad day at work with the dreaded grocery shopping still ahead. Before going out to the market, press the Sure Thing vibe against your jeans for a few minutes, and you’ll be the happiest, most energetic shopper in produce.

When you’re in bed.
I love to have a man on one side of the bed and a vibrator on the other. Why should we have to depend on him alone for me to come? And let’s be honest, there are times in every girl’s life when only a vibrator can get the job done. He can get in on the action too, with a hands-free vibrator. We sell one that’s a jelly ring with a little vibrator on top. The ring fits around the base of his penis, and during intercourse, every deep thrust is a big buzz for you. This vibrator takes bumping and grinding to a whole new level. You can also hold a small vibrator to the clitoris during intercourse. We sell a few that will fit perfectly between two bodies in congress. As I’ve said before, less than 30 percent of women have orgasms during intercourse. While it’s very good to be sure that you have orgasms before and after intercourse, since there’s no orgasm limit, why not have some during intercourse too? Add a little vibration and have an even better time.

“HE’LL NEVER GO FOR IT”
I can’t tell you how many times
women have said this of their partners.

They think men fear vibrators. A vibrator is an accessory. It’s like a spice. You can have a great dinner with just salt and pepper, but a little spice can really add to your enjoyment of the main dish. Vibrators are simply part of the variety and fun of giving and receiving pleasure. It’s important to talk to your partner about this and to let him know how you see vibrators fitting into your sex life. Some guys haven’t thought through the idea. As usual, the unknown creates fear, and men are often afraid of bringing vibrators into you’re their sex life. Here are some of men’s fears about it. They might not admit to having some of them (not wanting to sound insecure or needy), but chances are, nearly every man has at least one of the following anxieties.

“THE VIBRATOR DOES THINGS I CAN’T DO. HOW CAN I COMPETE?”
You know that the feeling of a vibrator is nice,
but it doesn’t compare to the feeling of a living, breathing person
you care about.

You don’t have chemistry with a machine. You’ll never want to hug it and cuddle up to it or get up and cook it breakfast. It may help an orgasm along, but it won’t make you feel any of the powerful emotions your lover evokes. Having an orgasm with the help of a vibrator is not about comparison or competiion. Make sure he knows this is how you feel.

“WHAT IF THE VIBRATOR DESENSITIZES YOU?”
This
fear is based on a misunderstanding
of how nerve endings work.

Nerve endings don’t get accustomed to anything but continuous stimulation (so if you held a vibrator to your clitoris without moving for a long time then, yes, it would get a bit numb). Once you stop stimulation, the nerve endings bounce back after a minute’s rest as if they’d never felt a thing. I’ve been stubbing my toe on this step in my living room for years. And every time I do it, it hurts like the first time. The clitoris is no different than my toe. Nothing to worry about.

“BUT I WANT TO MAKE YOU COME ON MY OWN . . .”
An orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm.

A vibrator just gives a man more options. He is involved, even in a vibrator orgasm. The vibrator doesn’t find the right spot on its own. Someone is controlling it. Also, as we know, most women don’t orgasm through intercourse alone. Why let frustration into the act when there are ways to ensure everyone’s happiness?

“YOU DON’T NEED ME; YOU COULD JUST DO IT ON YOUR OWN . . .”
A first cousin to the paragraph above.

When you have an itch and you scratch your own back, it feels nice, right? But it doesn’t compare to when someone else does it—whether they use their hand or a back scratcher. Nerve endings doing their thing again. When you touch yourself, your nerve endings know what’s coming. But when someone else touches you, the nerve endings are surprised, delighted, by a foreign hand, or whatever that hand might be holding. Besides, even if you can (and should) use a vibrator on yourself, being next to someone who is focused on your pleasure is better.

“WHAT IF YOU
NEED
THE VIBRATOR TO COME?”
A vibrator
might make you orgasm faster because it is predictable, but then
again, maybe it won’t.

It definitely won’t turn you off the fabulous sensations of a human hand, mouth, or anything else. You will continue to like what you liked before. Variety should be your guiding principle for maximum fun. Note to women who’d never had an orgasm before they got a vibrator: the vibe may be best for you, but all orgasms start in the mind. If you can have them one way, you can have them other ways too.

THE BUZZ IS GOOD
A few dos and don’ts.

Even though it vibrates, you still have to move your vibrator
around the clitoris, the vagina, or wherever you want it.
It may move, but it doesn’t have a brain. It doesn’t know what you like. (You’d be amazed how often I’m asked if moving the vibe is necessary.)

Use different vibes on your partner and see what he likes.
He probably won’t know himself until you experiment.

If one is good, two is better. Use one on the clitoris and another
in the vagina, or one in the tush during intercourse.

Reluctant vibe owners can start slowly with “intellectual alibi
vibes”—the one that can double as a back or foot massager.

Make sure your partner understands you’re having fun with
him and what he’s doing to you.
As you know, the vibrator machine isn’t the point, it’s who’s controlling it and the fun you’re having together.

Consider introducing a small vibe so your partner can get used
to the idea. No need to intimidate with size.
Once he understands the idea of the vibe and its limited role, it won’t matter anymore what the vibe looks like.