The Best Friend (2 page)

Instead, she said nothing, but chatted as if they’d just bumped into each other at the grocery store after a minimally short separation, and nothing for him had changed.

Donny grinned as his eyes ran the length of her. “You look as good as always. What the hell are you up to?”

She shook her head, smiling at him. “You’re still incorrigible. I’m a child psychologist. I work mostly with kids who have learning or behavioral disorders.”

Donny sighed. “That sounds… rather impressive. Like years of schooling and such shit. What are you now?  A doctor or something?”

“Well, yes, I am.”

He rolled his eyes. “Sure, a doctor and you look like this. Sure. Uh-huh. Never one to waste your time, were you?”

She rolled her eyes right back at him, grinning at his teasing tone. “What are you up to?”

“Believe it or not, I’m an IT guy now.” That he could sit still long enough to type on a computer actually surprised her.

“Donny, we need to get going.”

They both turned towards Tony, who stood there glaring at them. Donny jumped as if Tony’s reminder just electrocuted him. “Oh, right. Sure. We’ve got to get you to the doctor.”

Not the best reply. Tony’s lips curled up and his eyes narrowed in disgust at his little brother. “Shut the fuck up, Donny.”

Donny didn’t notice or didn’t care. Heat filled Gretchen’s face as just witnessing Tony’s impatience and anger became too much for her. Quickly, she said, “I’m sorry I kept you. It was nice to see you, Tony, Donny.”

Donny rolled his eyes and waved a hand towards Tony. “Ignore his sour-ass. He blames his lack of manners, couth, and courtesy… among other things, on losing his left arm.”

The ensuing silence felt stifling. What could she add to that without making the moment even worse? Leave it to Donny to come right out and say it. She cleared her throat and fiddled with her basket handle, adamantly refusing to lift her gaze from the red, plastic handle she gripped way too tightly.

Tony spun on his heel and walked off, leaving the cart half filled with food. Donny watched him go and sighed.

“He isn’t doing too well.”

“What happened?”

“His team got hit. A suicide bomber took out a small section of his base in Afghanistan, where he was stationed. He was knocked over and had shrapnel embedded into his left arm. He lost three good friends that day too. Of course, he came home, but he hasn’t been right since. As you can probably imagine.”

“Maybe you should be a little kinder about it and give him more time.”

Donny shrugged. “Shit, we tried that. We’ve tried everything. We pussyfooted around him at first. We were all kindness and sympathy. We wept and told him how glad we were he was still alive. We did it all, but nothing penetrates the shield he’s got up now. He’s a dick. All the time. It never stops. It never wavers. It would be easier if he were shell-shocked or emotionally impaired. Hell, it would be nice to know if he had any emotions left inside him. It’s like his heart was ripped out along with his arm.”

She gasped. Donny was too much. Too forward. “It’s got to be excruciating. He lost a limb. The pain. The shock. The helplessness for anyone would be too much deal with. Let alone, a soldier like Tony. He and Will lived primarily to be soldiers. They lived for their next mission.  And for each other, far more than they felt obligated to anything or anyone at home. He’s got to have some PTSD.”

Donny nodded. “Sure, sure. We’re not new to this, Gretchen. We, my parents and I, have been through all of this with him. It’s been two years now. And nothing has improved. He’s been to the VA for support, as well as counseling. He’s also been in therapy, both mental and physical. None of it makes any difference to him. He’s like a complete stranger. And a shitload of too much to live with.”

“I’m sorry. For him and for you. It must be frustrating to witness on a daily basis.”

He shrugged. “He’s pretty much lived with my folks since it happened. He was discharged, of course, since lack of one’s arm pretty much ends your career as a soldier. He hasn’t worked since. He fuckin’ sits around, doin’ nothing and bein’ nothing. It’s hard to watch, but even harder to tolerate his shitty attitude. We all try. Honestly, we do. I come by and hang with him almost daily and drive him to his doctors and various therapies. As do my parents. But we’re all about as appreciated as dogshit under his shoes for how he treats us or acknowledges our efforts. It was okay at first. Even understandable. He was thrown a cruel, awful curve ball. No doubt. And we all saluted him for that. But… there’s only so much you can say to people, and yourself, before it becomes
too much
. And people are only understanding up to a point.”

She shook her head as tears filled her eyes and clogged her throat. “What about Will? Two years ago? How could Will not tell me anything about it?”

“Shit, he hasn’t talked to Will in even longer than that. He won’t talk to anyone. He pretty much cut all ties with friends. And if anyone from his unit or soldiering days even attempts to contact him, he shuts it down instantly.”

“I’m sorry, Donny.”

“Yeah. Hey, why don’t you come over for dinner?”

Dinner? Just Donny and her? It was too weird. She couldn’t even imagine how awkward a dating situation could be for the boy who used to take pleasure in how often he could burp her name, or moon her. So… no. She couldn’t imagine dating Donny.

His eyes widened and he threw back his head in a laugh. He must have read the surprise and displeasure on her face. “No. Not a date! Just come over to my parents’ house. They’d love to see you. And honestly, I wonder if perhaps you couldn’t at least try to get Tony to talk. He always had the hots for you. Maybe that would cut through something that’s still alive in him. Maybe lose some of the apathy. Make him a little less of an asshole.”

A blush crept into her cheeks. Tony had the hots for her?
When? As if.
No. No, there was no way Donny could be correct about that statement. They never had such a relationship. There was never even one moment of awkwardness between Tony and her. So no, there was never a time he
liked
her. Not like that, at least. Not like having a crush. It was always Will and she. She started mooning over Will Hendricks in the seventh grade. And Tony knew that. He could never have felt anything romantic towards her. She was always Will’s. And Tony was the kind of guy who lived by staunch rules, like never coveting your best friend’s girl.

“You’re mistaken on that front.”

Donny grinned. “What? About Tony having a crush on you? No. I’m not. He liked you, always. From seventh grade on. But you were always hung up on Will, so he had to settle for just being your friend.”

“He told you that?”

“Yeah, right. No. It’s just a fact. I knew it. My parents knew it. Will knew it.”

“Will did not.”

“Will was not dumb or blind. He sure as shit knew; he just ignored it so he could still be Tony’s best friend. Just as Tony ignored it so he could still be Will’s. And yours.”

Her brain felt like it would explode in her head. In five minutes, Donny managed to rewrite her entire teens and early twenties. Those were not her truths and experiences. There was just no way.

“Well, he sure doesn’t want to see me now.”

“He doesn’t want to see anyone. Don’t take it personally. In fact, try to be different than everyone else. Don’t let him pull that shit with you. It’s all shit, designed to protect his injured, fragile ego because he lost his arm. The thing is: he lost his arm, not his life, but he’s living as if he did, and seems prepared to keep living the rest of his life that way.”

She pressed her lips together, her heart twisting at the tragic circumstances of Tony and his former personality. He used to grin all the time. He liked to drink beer and throw darts. He liked to dance. He liked to play golf. He liked to shoot his guns at the shooting range. He liked to do a million things. 

“I’ll come. If you can convince him to let me, and clear it beforehand with your mom. Here’s my number. Call me if you really think I could help.”

Donny turned towards his cart with a shrug. “Well, you sure as shit can’t hurt. Nothing could get worse for him.”

****

Stupid fucking brother.
What was he doing? Why was he taking so long? Just finish eye-fucking Gretchen and come already. He wanted to leave. He was tired of being there. He was tired of being stared at. He was tired of watching his brother’s cheerful, happy flirting. He would, no doubt, get her damn number. Well, sure.
Fine. Great
. She was probably a great lay. Good for Donny. He just wanted to go…
and now.

Donny finally rounded the corner of the aisle, pushing the cart and coming to a stop where Tony stood waiting by a cash register.

“Took you long enough. What did you do? Get her number?” Tony snarled. He turned his face so his brother couldn’t see the disgust. As if he cared. Why should he care whom Gretchen went out with? Or fucked? Or screwed? He’d already tolerated her doing his best friend for years. He even discussed it with Will. And often heard them, for Christ’s sake, any number of times he stayed overnight in their then, very small and thin-walled, apartment.

Will Hendricks. The name tasted like ashes in his mouth. Will and he had been best friends their entire lives. Even after Gretchen Moore entered their sphere. They were young, hormone-filled boys and both of them liked her. They got into a fistfight over her in eighth grade. But… Gretchen simply chose Will, and they started dating their freshman year, and never broke up. That was that. Tony drove them to dances and double dates with women he never could remember the names of. He toasted their engagement and spoke at their wedding.

When Will joined the Army, so did Tony. He followed Will because he and Will were inseparable and both wanted to serve their country. It seemed the only thing to do beyond high school and Will always talked about it. That was all there was for Will: being a soldier. And Tony had no other prospects, so why not become a soldier? His grades sucked; there was no college in store for him. He thought about entering a trade school, and becoming a plumber like his old man, but it never resonated with him. Going to war to kill the enemy seemed a lot more interesting to him at the age of nineteen.

His mother wept when he came home and told her he joined up. It went on for days, and every time he returned after a furlough. She worried about him year after year. She never got used to it. She was proud, but nonetheless terrified for him.

He didn’t understand her. Nothing could happen to him. No way. Surprisingly, especially to him, he became a damn fine soldier. Not a Will Hendricks perhaps, but a solid, trustworthy, hardworking soldier. Will went on to join Special Forces; and Tony served proudly as an infantry soldier with the 82
Airborne. He became a sergeant and was proud of it. He wasn’t like Will, who was a heroic, accomplished soldier with plenty of ambition to climb as far up the Army command chain as he could. Tony had no such designs or desires; he just wanted to be a good soldier.

He loved Will. As if he were his own brother.

But then…Will quit. He fucking quit the Army. The day Will announced it, Tony turned and walked away without another word.
How could Will just quit?
He was the reason they chose to do it. He was the one who loved it. He was destined to become a great, high-ranking leader in the Army. He was that good at it. But he just up and quit.

After that, he moved to butt fuck nowhere, and now had a wife and kid. He worked a nine-to-five job as a civilian. Will became a hard-working family man that Tony never imagined he’d ever be. Will never even attempted to be that way for Gretchen, but only for his second wife.

Tony had no opinion of her. Jessie Bains was merely the name of the woman his best friend married before he checked out of life, and the Army. He never really heard or understood the entire story. There had to be more to it than Will told him. Maybe he just didn’t want to know. What mattered was that she made Will quit the service, abandoning the only life and calling he ever knew. And now, it was the lifestyle and career that Tony also wanted. But Will left it behind, and Tony ceased  any further correspondence with Will since that day.

He sure as fuck didn’t try to explain to Will how it felt to have your arm blown off while tossing a football back and forth with half your platoon. One moment, he was laughing, watching the ball twirling towards him, his arms outstretched to catch it, the sun frying his eyeballs, and the next… everything was black.

He woke up in a hospital bed with his left arm gone.

What does one say after discovering that? Nothing.

He sometimes wished it had happened in a nobler way. Maybe if he’d had a gun in his hand, instead of a football, or he was fighting at the time, it might’ve felt different. Maybe even a little better.

He scoffed,
yeah, right
. As if the circumstances could make the sensation of your flesh melting off your bones feel any better.

Still, returning home, and trying to live amongst civilians again wasn’t going very well. People ran around, worried about their Halloween costumes, what to buy for dinner, whether to go organic or not, or what color to paint their overpriced houses. It was all so stupid to him. He couldn’t get over how mundane they seemed. His own parents and his brother too were worried about mortgages on houses they didn’t need. They worried about traffic, or if it might rain tomorrow.
What shit!
It was nothing real and nothing that mattered. Nothing about his existence here mattered.

Donny shoved the cart into the line for the cashier. He rarely scowled, glared, or even ceased smiling, except with Tony. “I invited her to dinner. With Mom. I thought Mom would like to see her. Don’t worry your sorry ass, since you most likely already scared her away.”

He flinched.
Gretchen
. He really never wanted to see her again. Not with his empty sleeve hole, and his lopsided shirt.
Fuck no.

Still… “What did she say?”

Donny started assembling groceries onto the conveyor belt, only stopping to glower at Tony. “She said yes. Yes, if it was okay with your sensitive, little-girl ass. So is it, Tony? Is it okay? Do you think you could let an old friend come over without letting the usual crass bullshit spew freely from your mouth?”