The Best Christmas Ever (5 page)

“I
have to say, this is the most interesting supper I’ve ever had.”

Justin laughed and leaned his forearms on the picnic table at the local park where he’d taken Sarah and Mickie.

Sarah marveled at how comfortable he looked in his jeans and flax-colored blazer. She imagined he could wear a three-piece suit out here and still look just as relaxed as long as Mickie was around.

Glancing to the slide, she heard Mickie’s squeal just as she came into view again. Ruefully, she shook her head. “I don’t know how she can twist around in that thing right after eating and not get sick.”

“She’s always had that ability. I, on the other hand,” Justin said, “feel queasy just watching her.”

Sarah gathered up the plastic containers that had held their salads and sandwiches and took them over to the trash can.

When she was again seated by Justin, she noted his
smile was pensive, possibly wistful. “There’re not many warm days left for her to enjoy.”

She was amazed, actually, that Justin had taken time to stop at a playground and allow Mickie to play. Of course, she shouldn’t be surprised. He was so different from the man she remembered. “Has it been hard?” she asked, voicing her thoughts. As soon as she realized what she’d said she wanted to grab the words back, but it was too late. She swallowed. “I’m sorry, Justin. I have no right—”

“No, it’s okay.” He watched Mickie climb up the slide and come swirling down again before he answered. “Yeah, in many ways it has been, I suppose. It took some adjusting to being the only one for her to run to when she was hurt or excited or just wanted to talk. One of the most memorable adjustments was in buying her clothes and teaching her so many things.”

He sighed, and Sarah could see how serious his eyes were as he looked into himself.

“I guess that has actually been the hardest—those things we traditionally think of as mother-daughter things. You know, the playing in the kitchen as she would have while watching her mom cook. Or even the special Mother Day’s activities and school functions where the mothers are asked to attend. And the little everyday messes kids get into that moms handle.”

“Like what?”

He smiled. “I can remember some of the messes my sister, Diode, got into. Though she’s a missionary overseas now and I haven’t seen her in four years I think about her a lot because of Mickie. I see Mickie
and realize she’ll never have the fun of playing dress-up in her mom’s clothes the way Diode did or the forays into Mom’s makeup or her perfumes. Then, of course, fixing Mom her Mother’s Day breakfast.”

He had a wistful smile as he spoke of those times, Sarah noted, smiling herself.

Mickie squealed. Both Sarah and Justin glanced up to see if she was okay. When they were assured she was safe, Justin continued. “I think the hardest is knowing she misses Amy. She’ll be fine some days. Then there are times when I see her playing and I can tell she’s thinking about her mommy.”

“Does she talk about Amy a lot?”

Justin shook his head. “Only occasionally.”

He lapsed into silence. The sound of the oak trees echoed loudly in the silence, as did the rumble of an occasional car on the nearby highway. Several mothers with their children sat around at other picnic tables and a sporadic laugh could be heard. But since the three of them were on the other side of the park, an air of isolation permeated their table.

“I miss her,” he finally said.

She felt Justin studying her but wouldn’t meet his eyes. “At first I was angry that she left, but now there’s only sadness and good memories. I guess we just have to let go and get on with our lives.”

Coming to terms had been hard for Justin. She remembered the grief he’d experienced when she’d finally decided to take Mickie away from him.

“Where was she going that night?” Sarah asked. It was the first time they’d ever really talked about Amy’s death. It felt so good, a cleansing of her soul,
to at last be able to ask the questions she had wanted to ask for years.

Justin stiffened. His face turned dark. “I suppose you have a right to know. She was coming to see you. You see, she had decided to leave me.”

“Divorce?” Amy almost fell off the bench. Her family hadn’t believed in divorce. Amy had always been the perfect one, the one to follow all the rules set by her parents. “But why?”

He shrugged as though it didn’t matter. But Sarah had a feeling it mattered very much if the way his features had gone so blank was any indication. “I’m sure you know your parents pushed the match.”

Sarah glanced down, embarrassed. Oh, yes, she’d known that. “She came to love you.”

“I don’t think so. You see, the night she left me, she told me she was tired of living a sham her parents had forced her into. She couldn’t handle the unreality of what we had and she was tired of not having a sister or experiencing any of the things she’d one day hoped to experience when she was out of her family’s house. So she left, telling me we would talk about custody later.”

Sarah was dizzy. Amy had said that? Her sister, Amy?

“Maybe it was just a remark in the heat of the moment,” Sarah offered weakly.

Again, Justin shook his head. “I should have realized she was unhappy. It’s just that I’d become settled in the relationship and loved her, and was certain her love would grow. I hoped she was just shy, then maybe undemonstrative. Finally, I decided she just didn’t like to show emotion.”

He stretched as if he didn’t have a care in the world, but Sarah knew different. Justin was still hurting over the pain her sister had inflicted the night before she’d run from him. How she knew that, she wasn’t sure. But she knew Justin blamed himself for Amy’s death as much as for marrying Amy when she hadn’t really loved him. His next words confirmed her fears.

“You know, I sometimes wonder if there was something I could have done differently—”

“No, Justin. Don’t ever second-guess the past.”

“Why not?” he asked, bitterness in his voice.

Turning her face toward Mickie, she said, “Because if we’re going to second-guess, then we’ll need to remember that I was her sister and I’m the one who acted like a spoiled child and broke off contact with the family. Had I been there for Amy to talk to, she might not have buried so many unresolved things inside her until she felt she had to leave to solve them.”

Though she said it, she wondered why her sister hadn’t poured her heart out to God and allowed God to help her through her struggle. Of course, Amy had never liked confrontation of any sort. That was why she’d always done what her mother and father had told her to—unlike Sarah. “If I hadn’t been so filled with bitterness and anger…” She shrugged.

Justin suddenly deflated. “That’s how I felt about my partner. He’d been like a brother to me. I couldn’t believe it when I found out all the underhanded things he was into. It took God’s infinite patience to teach me to forgive and let go of my bitterness. Actually, through that fiasco He taught me just how important forgiveness is.”

Yes, he’d asked Jesus into his heart just after that,
Sarah mused. She wondered if he’d forgiven her as easily, or if he still harbored pain and bitterness.

But instead of asking, she offered, “I learned that problems with work or other earthly matters seem unimportant compared with relationships like family. There are always going to be problems, but not always family. I just wish it hadn’t taken so long for me to learn after I’d lost all my family.”

Justin finally turned to her and she saw compassion in his eyes.

“But you didn’t, Sarah. You still have Mickie.”

Her heart flipped over at his words and the tenderness in his eyes. What could she say to that? Or to the very warm look he was giving her?

“Daddy, come push me!”

Relieved that she didn’t have to reply, Sarah turned her attention to Mickie, who was climbing onto one of the swings near their table.

Justin stood, obviously as relieved to have the dark discussion over as she was. “Okay, pumpkin, hang on tight,” he warned, and strolled to where Mickie was already giggling and kicking her legs back and forth in excitement.

“High, Daddy, high!”

Justin grabbed the swing and pushed, sending her into a slow arc. “Higher, higher!” she cried, swinging her legs and laughing.

Sarah couldn’t resist walking closer. Their laughter was infectious. She watched Justin, enthralled by how handsome he looked as he threw back his head and laughed.

Sarah wasn’t prepared for when his gaze met hers, or for the gleam in his eye. “You know, Mickie, I
think Aunt Sarah would enjoy being pushed, too. What do you think?”

“Oh, no, I don’t think—”

“Yes! Oh, yes, Daddy. Push Sarah, too.” Mickie looked from where she was still swinging. “He won’t let you fall.”

“Come on, Sarah,” Justin entreated, smiling. He motioned to the swing. “Trust me.”

With both of them encouraging her, how could she refuse? Wary, she approached the other swing. The sand shifted under her flats and she walked carefully, attempting to keep her balance on the shifting surface. “It’s been years since I’ve been in a swing,” she warned.

“Years?” Mickie asked in obvious horror.

“That’s too long,” Justin said.

Sarah felt him approaching. “Oh, I don’t need to be pushed, too,” she objected.

Then his hands closed over the chains on each side of her waist. His warm breath tickled her neck and his musky aftershave filled her senses. Sarah shivered in reaction and was appalled. She’d just been engaged. She could not be enjoying how close he stood to her. She wasn’t even sure he had forgiven her!

She had no more time to think, as suddenly he pulled back her swing, then let loose. She gasped in dismay, then delight She’d forgotten how free swinging felt, the weightless quality, the air rushing through her hair.

Then she was back, and Justin’s strong hands pushed again, sending her even higher.

Sarah shrieked. His low laugh joined Mickie’s as he alternated pushing them. “Stop that, Justin,” she
warned, when he again gave her swing a hard push. But there was no heat in her words. Indeed, laughter bubbled out.

“Stop what?” he asked innocently, and continued right along.

“You know very well what,” she said, casting a glance at Mickie, who was high in the air, her eyes closed, her squeals pealing out over the area.

“Get off if you don’t like it,” he taunted, chuckling.

The sound sent warm tingles over her nerves.

“I don’t remember how to stop it!” she cried, but there was pleasure in her voice and she knew he heard it in the way his laugh rumbled again.

Sarah quickly relearned how to use her legs to propel herself forward. Justin climbed into another swing and swung, too, making outrageous faces at Mickie and Sarah as he passed them.

She thoroughly enjoyed herself. No man had ever teased or played with her the way Justin did. It was a new and delightful experience. It’d been years since she’d acted like a kid. But she found she loved it.

Was that something Justin had learned since Amy’s death? How to enjoy his daughter and have fun? Or had he been like that before and she’d just never known?

She knew Justin certainly had a way of making a woman feel feminine. Whether he realized it or not, the looks he’d given her today and the way he was so careful as he pushed her even when he was playing made her feel womanly, cherished and treated with regard. It was a nice feeling. One she really enjoyed. How long had it been since she’d enjoyed life? Since her fiancé? Or before?

“How do I stop this thing?” Sarah asked, deciding it was time to get off.

Justin jumped from his swing. “Right here,” he said, and held out his arms.

“Oh, yeah, sure,” she replied, and rolled her eyes.

He raised an eyebrow arrogantly. Turning toward Mickie, he held out his arms. “Let’s show her, Mickie,” he said, then broke eye contact and met his daughter’s gleeful gaze.

“Here I come, Daddy!” She flew off the swing. Before Sarah could scream in fear, Mickie landed safely in his arms.

“Your turn,” he said, and held out his arms.

“You’re crazy,” she replied, and kicked again, thinking to plant her feet in the sand and stop herself. So what if she would probably go face first into the dirt. She wasn’t ready to jump into someone’s arms.

“Chicken?” he taunted, his arms folded across his chest.

Her chin jutted out. Had he figured her out so quickly? Did he know that she wanted to trust him but feared it? She stared at him.

What would it hurt? It just might be fun, flying through the air and landing in Justin’s embrace. With only a moment’s hesitation, she decided. “Don’t blame me if you break a few bones.”

He held out his arms. She swung forward but all of a sudden found that her hands wouldn’t release the chains. Justin was big, but was he big enough to hold her? She swung forward a second time. Was this really fun? She wondered as her hands began to sweat.

But it was Justin’s smug look that goaded her into acting. She came forward again and pushed out of the
swing. True, it was only a few feet, but it felt like miles before she thudded into Justin.

Strong arms wrapped around her, jarring her to a stop. Immediately, Justin pulled her closer toward his powerful, hard chest. His scent, as well as an extreme feeling of safety and security, enveloped her. She rested her cheek against his shoulder for an instant, surprised at her reaction, then pulled back.

In that moment, things changed. The world tilted just a bit—or maybe it was her. Because she suddenly realized just how attracted she was to Justin, more attracted than she’d been to her fiancé, or to any other man she’d ever dated. And there was nothing she could do about it, because Justin was the very man she’d tried to destroy two years ago.

Justin saw Sarah’s eyes widen, then how she backed away. He was thankful she had put some distance between them, because he was afraid he might have just kissed her.

He hadn’t thought about dating in ages. Oh, true, women approached him—pleasant, attractive women he met through business or at church—but he’d never been tempted in the least to pursue any of them. Earlier today, though, and now again…what was it about Sarah that was different from all the others? She brought out a surge of protectiveness and tenderness, true. He wanted to hold her and shield her. But why? Why her? His feelings were disconcerting, embarrassing.