The Beginning at the End of the World: A Post-Apocalyptic, Dystopian Series (The Survivor Diaries Book 2) (26 page)

I looked down to see Jackson’s face encouraging me to continue. After all of the things he had hidden, he was ready for it to end.

“We believe that what was left of Monterey was hit heavily.” I stopped as I saw heads sink and others lean up to the sky with tears. Our Monterey may be gone. I began to cry with them at the enormity of it.

“I am sorry. The home that we left might be gone, and the one we are headed towards was hit, as well. We are hoping that it was not hit as severely, but there is no way to know for sure right now. Parts of the trail to the Valley were also shelled.”

I lowered my head and let the tears run down my face for several seconds. I cleared my throat and found my voice. “We have many choices to make in the next several days. Our teams will be finding more information so we can make informed decisions, as a Village.

“I know that we are all emotional and tired, so we need to take some time and regroup. For the rest of the darkness and until we can dig out our cars, we will go back to our assigned snow caves, unless you feel like you need to see one of the doctors or to talk to Katie. I hope that they will be okay with that.”

“Are you kidding?” yelled Katie from somewhere in the crowd. “I need to get back to work. Seriously, anyone who needs to talk, come and find me.”

Oh, man. Do I have some things to tell you,
I thought.

“Okay, everyone, let’s call it a night, or a very early morning,” I told them.

I passed Bailey to Mark and jumped down from the table without his help. Mark handed Bailey off to Annie.

“We need to talk, don’t we?” Mark asked a little calmer than before.

“Yes, but I can’t do this right now. I need to go to sleep,” I said.

“In
his
cave?” Mark asked.

“No, Makram,” I said flatly. “In my family’s cave. Good night.”

∞

I looked around to see if I could spot Jackson. He was with a group of the MT, high fiving and shaking hands. I guess they saw this as some kind of victory. I didn’t, but it was fine that they did. Wins are so scarce these days.

Jackson glanced towards me. How did he always seem to know exactly where I was?

He excused himself and walked my way. We both stood side by side, facing the crowd, trying not to draw attention. I realized that it was silly. Why would anyone besides Mark question the two of us talking? We have been working together since the beginning.

“Mark knows,” I said

He turned and gave me a look.

“I didn’t tell him. Looking back, I think he always sensed something. He’s been jealous of you for a long time, and the two of us, in the cave… my lack of a limp, okay that one’s on me. He put it together. I am telling you so he doesn’t bash in your face again. I kinda like that mug of yours without Mark’s handiwork all over it.”

He smiled. “Thanks. I am a big boy, though.”

“Please don’t let it escalate into violence, Jackson,” I begged. “I will talk to him when the time is right. He’s not a bad person, you know. I’ll work it out. Just, no fighting. Promise.”

“I promise I will try. He’s really strong though, so if he throws the first punch…”

“Okay,” I said.

“Amazing job tonight.”

“Thanks, it was a hard one. I am going to be in my family’s cave until sun up,” I said.

We were still standing shoulder to shoulder, and he wrapped his pinky around mine. Thankfully, it was too dark for anyone to notice.

“Good night, honey,” he said.

I smiled and snuck away into the night.

Hiding my feelings was going to be stressful.

My heart was heavy and my mind confused.

It was past midnight when I saw Katie talking with a group. I didn’t want to disturb her so I found someone who I have come to trust just as much: Reverend John.

I searched through the waning crowd for him, trying to think through what I would tell the religious man. He was always cool with my lack of religion, but could I really talk to him about what had happened in the last hours? I was beginning to talk myself out of it when he appeared in the crowd.

“Reverend John, do you have a moment for me to speak with you in private?” I asked.

“Of course, Laura,” he said. “But I am afraid that it will be difficult to find a private place right now.”

“I think that I know one,” I said. “There is actually something else I need you to do for me, too.”

I led him to the supply cave that now held so many sins.

When we got to the bottom, Reverend John said, “It’s freezing in here. It’s a wonder that you and Phillip didn’t freeze to death.”

I had already walked away from him to search for the body. I found it with my camera’s light. Jackson had partially buried him in the wall and covered the body with a tarp that was held to the wall supported by boxes. I pulled it all away.

The body was blue, and dark red blood was frozen to his skin around the mouth.

“I am not sure how it works in your Church, but he was never given Last Rites, like in the Catholic Church. I don’t even know what religion he actually was. God’s Warriors wasn’t exactly a religion he could have grown up with,” I said.

“No, it wasn’t any kind of religion. But I can take care of it. You are probably familiar with Psalm Twenty-Three,” he said.

I nodded, and we recited it together.

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Amen”

“Thank you, Reverend John.”

“No. Thank you, Laura. I am not sure how many people would bring me all the way down here to say prayers for someone who tried to get them killed, to get us all killed.”

I burst into tears; I was getting so good at that. “No. I’m not good. I brought you down here for my own selfish needs, to absolve me. This was an afterthought.”

“Most wouldn’t have even done it as an afterthought, Laura,” he said. “But I am not Catholic, so I can listen, but I don’t take confession or assign penance. What is it that has you feeling this way?”

I wasn’t sure where to start. “Do you know who I was down here with?”

“I assume you are not talking about Mr. Rolette,” he said.

I shook my head.

“The Village grapevine is fast. Were you down here with Colonel Jackson?”

“Yes,” I said. His face looked like he was hoping to be wrong. “And we acted on feelings. And I am not sorry about the feelings, I just wish that I had taken care of things with Mark first.”

“I think that we are going to be here for a while, but it’s very cold. How did you stay warm?” Almost as soon as he asked, his eyes grew as large as saucers. “No, I don’t mean that.”

I couldn’t help releasing a little giggle. “Come with me. Over here is where Jackson built up a space where our natural body heat would work. He saved my life.”

We sat on the blankets, in the exact place where I had committed the acts of my shame, and we talked. He didn’t damn me as I had expected. Instead he listened, and he helped me to understand the emotions I had.

“Do you love Phillip?” he asked.

“I’m not sure. It has only been within the last few hours that I realized I had any feelings for him at all, well, other than anger.”

“Have you stopped loving Mark?”

“I am even less sure of that. I know that I will always have love for him, I am just not sure that I am in love with him. I think it’s possible that I have not had that feeling since I found out about his affair,” I admitted.

“I think that you need to figure that out,” he said.

“Do you think I’m going to hell?” I asked.

“I think that with all of what you have done for all of those people up there, you’re pretty much a shoe-in for heaven.”

“Good, now I just need to start believing in heaven and hell.”

Reverend John let out a laugh. “We can talk more, Laura. You don’t need to figure it all out this minute. Go and get some sleep.”

We climbed out of Rolette’s tomb, and Reverend John gave me a hug and went to his cave.

“I sure hope you weren’t showing him how we stayed warm down there,” said Jackson from behind a tree.

“Were you listening?” I asked, startled at his presence.

“What? No. I was kidding. What were you doing in there?” he asked, a bit concerned.

“No, you numbnut. We were doing Last Rites for Steven and talking. He is a really good confidant.”

Jackson pulled me into him and kissed me. He looked over at the mouth of the snow cave and back at me.

“As much as my body is responding to you right now, I don’t relish satiating it down there with a dead guy, again.”

“You have a point. No one’s around. I’ll walk you to Annie’s place. But before I do,” he pulled me in for another kiss. We continued until we nearly froze again before walking me back to “Annie’s place.”

∞

My dreams were, let’s say, NC-17 rated. I woke feeling like I was still being held in Jackson’s warmth. It felt safe. I tried to force myself back to sleep so that my dream wouldn’t end. When I finally opened my eyes, the ice cave was empty. I was thankful because I couldn’t be certain that I hadn’t been talking in my sleep, which would have been mighty embarrassing if my family were around.

I reluctantly crawled out of the cave into the orange afterglow of war. The light and fire-scented air burned my corneas. I closed my eyes and felt a man’s embrace from behind me.

Why are you doing this in plain sight?
My mind screamed.

I was surprised and relieved to find my brother to be the perpetrator of the hug. “You done good, sis,” he told me.

“Thanks,” I said. “Coffee, I need coffee.”

“Um, you aren’t going to be too happy. We only have the crap in the MREs, and all the water froze. Annie’s melting some in a big pot, but for now that’s only for us to drink. We need to stay hydrated.”

He kissed the top on my head and said, “I know what’s good for me, so I am getting out of your way for right now, until you get some caffeine in you.”

“Smart man,” I told him.

Only about half the Villagers were out of their caves. Some people were probably sleeping off their emotional hangovers. I know mine was a doozy.

I searched the sparse crowd for Jackson and Mark, just hoping they were far from each other.

Moments later, I found that some people were not as smart as my brother.

“Ma’am,” Sergeant Baldwin said. “Everyone is waiting for you in the Com Center.”

“That’s nice,” I said. “Is there coffee down there?”

I can only guess that it was my tone, but he scurried back from me like a scared squirrel. “No, ma’am. I don’t believe there is, but Colonel Mason doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”

“You can tell them that they can wait until I’m bloody ready. I’ll be there when I get there,” I yelled after him as he fled from my ire.

I saw Annie in front of a fire and made a beeline right to her. She wouldn’t let her daughter suffer.

“Mom, coffee. I need coffee, please,” I begged.

“We can’t make coffee until we have drinking water, sweetheart.”

“Mooooom.”

“Dear Lord, stop that whining. Sometimes I think you were easier when you were a teenager,” she said handing me a cup full of water and waving me off.

“Et tu, Brute? Et tu?” I told her.

Jackson came to my side and pulled me away from my mother. “Aren’t you the cheerful one?”

“I want coffee,” I told him.

“Yes, I got that. The whole Village got that,” he said.

“Shut up,” I told him, increasing my pace. Maybe I was giving him second thoughts. I crawled into the ice cave, and couldn’t believe it when Jackson crawled in right after me.

“What are you doing?”

“Don’t get your panties in a bunch. Oh, wait, you’re not wearing panties. That sexy ass gives a whole new meaning to the saying ‘going commando,’ doesn’t it, princess?”

He pulled me toward him and kissed me. I felt both of our bodies respond, but I pulled away.

“No, not princess. I’m the Queen. Remember? It was your idea. It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours. People are going to get suspicious if they aren’t already.”

“Yeah, well last night I found a flaw in the plan,” he said and turned to find a package of MREs that he ripped open with his teeth.

“Your Majesty, thou art a difficult little vixen without your coffee. Seriously, I was watching you with Baldwin. You almost made a six-foot-four, 220-pound man pee himself.”

“Just make the coffee,
please
,” I pleaded.

He finished and handed me the cup of lukewarm coffee. Good, that would help it go down faster.

Jackson sat down in the chair across the room from me.

“People will only act suspicious if
we
act suspicious,” he explained. “I am not doing anything wrong because I love you. And someday you are going to say it back to me and mean it.

“So, here is the flaw in the plan. I can’t keep my hands off of you. So, I have devised a way for me to see you without anyone being the wiser. I was rooming with Major Kim, Specialist Woolf and his wife. On a side note, they were getting busy last night, even with her big, old preggo belly, I mean baby bump.

“But I digress. I moved Major Kim’s equipment into the Com Center since you are no longer taking up space in there. I moved Ethan and Madison in with Tiffany. I thought that it would be nice for them to share pregnancy notes. And bing, bang, boom, I have a cave to myself.”

“Good for you. I am in here where I am expected to be.”

“Yes, but you can sneak out after everyone is asleep,” he told me.

“Mom, Billy and Bailey go to bed early, but Ammie studies well into the night,” I said.

“Thomas told me that she is going to move in with him. And before you blow a gasket, he is rooming with the Geek Squad, or whatever they call themselves these days. They will be up all night talking about whatever it is that smart people talk about.”

“What is this, musical snow caves? I wish there was a Starbucks nearby,” I whined.

My complete non sequitur threw him, and he shook his head. “As long as you stop at my place when the music ends, I don’t care,” he told me. “So, tell me the truth. Do you still have no underwear on?”

“Don’t you want to know?”

“Ah, that’s why I asked,” he groaned.

“Go,” I ordered. “Tell the com cave people I’ll be there shortly. Actually, don’t tell them that we were together. Just go, and I will be there in a few. And Jackson, thanks for the coffee.”

After I got rid of him, I rifled through Ammie’s luggage for a clean bra and panties and discovered another of her secrets. Smart people can smuggle two suitcases onto a convoy that only allowed one, without being noticed. She had one whole suitcase devoted to underclothes, ill-advised shoes for the snow, and accessories.

She wouldn’t miss what I had taken.

∞

Things were in full swing in the small cave when I got there. There was almost no space to move, so I stayed back, in the shadows, hoping to stay relatively unnoticed.

That didn’t last long.

“Ah, Laura,” said Colonel Mason. “How kind of you to join us.”

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” warned Jake. Mason just stared at him, looking as if he were trying to figure out what he meant and who the hell Jake was to talk to him like that.

“She hasn’t had her coffee yet,” Jake explained.

“I think I can handle the lil’ lady,” Mason said.

A round of “Ahhs,” and “Ohs” came from Jake, Mark, and stupid Colonel Jackson. Mark glared at him.

“Mason, never call me that again. Because I might be ‘lil’ compared to you, but, so help me God, I will shove my hand down your throat and give you a homemade tonsillectomy. Free. Of. Charge. Oh, and women aren’t something that need to be handled. We won personhood and the right to vote and everything.” I would have seemed a lot tougher if I wasn’t drowning in the men’s size small uniform I was wearing. I self-consciously pulled my fatigue pants up as I waited to see if that idiot would continue.

“Since you seem to have such an issue with the military, why are you wearing that uniform?” asked Mason. Man, that guy would not give up.