The Art of Seduction (29 page)

"He was loved by a very

about you. Or, most important, they pay no attention to details. Since they
great lady, and at her
cannot see what makes you different, they cannot surprise you with nu-
request he came secretly to
anced attention.

the town where she was.

After he had seen her and

It is critical to recognize anti-seductive qualities not only in others but
enjoyed her company for as
also in ourselves. Almost all of us have one or two of the Anti-Seducer's
long as she would let him
qualities latent in our character, and to the extent that we can consciously
in the time, he sighed and
root them out, we become more seductive. A lack of generosity, for in-
wept bitterly, to show the
anguish he was suffering at

stance, need not signal an Anti-Seducer if it is a person's only fault, but an
having to leave her, and he
ungenerous person is seldom truly attractive. Seduction implies opening
begged her never to forget
yourself up, even if only for the purposes of deception; being unable to
him; and then he added
that she should pay for his

give by spending money usually means being unable to give in general.
lodging at the inn, since it
Stamp ungenerosity out. It is an impediment to power and a gross sin in
was she who had sent for
seduction.

him and he thought it only

right, therefore, that he

It is best to disengage from Anti-Seducers early on, before they sink
shouldn't be involved in
their needy tentacles into you, so learn to read the signs. These are the
any expense over the
main types.

journey."
•
At this, all the

133

134
•
The Art of Seduction

ladies began to laugh and

The Brute.
If seduction is a kind of ceremony or ritual, part of the plea
to say that the man
sure is its duration—the time it takes, the waiting that increases anticipa
concerned hardly deserved
tion. Brutes have no patience for such things; they are concerned only with
the name of gentleman;

and many of the men felt
their own pleasure, never with yours. To be patient is to show that you are
as ashamed as he should

thinking of the other person, which never fails to impress. Impatience has
have been, had he ever had

the opposite effect: assuming you are so interested in them you have no rea
the sense to recognize such
disgraceful behavior for
son to wait, Brutes offend you with their egotism. Underneath that ego
what it was.
tism, too, there is often a gnawing sense of inferiority, and if you spurn

—BALDASSARE CASTIGLIONE,

them or make them wait, they overreact. If you suspect you are dealing
THE BOOK OF THE COURTIER,

with a Brute, do a test—make that person wait. His or her response will tell

you everything you need to know.

Let us see now how love is

The Suffocator.
Suffocators fall in love with you before you are even half
diminished. This happens
aware of their existence. The trait is deceptive—you might think they have
through the easy

accessibility of its
found you overwhelming—but the fact is they suffer from an inner void, a
consolations, through one's

deep well of need that cannot be filled. Never get involved with Suffoca
being able to see and
tors; they are almost impossible to free yourself from without trauma. They
converse lengthily with a

lover, through a lover's

cling to you until you are forced to pull back, whereupon they smother you
unsuitable garb and gait,
with guilt. We tend to idealize a loved one, but love takes time to develop.
and by the sudden onset of
Recognize Suffocators by how quickly they adore you. To be so admired
poverty.
. . . •
Another

cause of diminution of love
may give a momentary boost to your ego, but deep inside you sense that
is the realization of the
their intense emotions are not related to anything you have done. Trust
notoriety of one's lover, and

these instincts.

accounts of his miserliness,

A subvariant of the Suffocator is the Doormat, a person who slavishly
bad character, and general

wickedness; also any affair
imitates you. Spot these types early on by seeing whether they are capable
with another woman, even

of having an idea of their own. An inability to disagree with you is a bad
if it involves no feelings of
sign.

love. Love is also

diminished if a woman

realizes that her lover is

foolish and undiscerning, or

The Moralizer.
Seduction is a game, and should be undertaken with a
if she sees him going too far

in demands of love, giving
light heart. All is fair in love and seduction; morality never enters the pic
no thought to his partner's
ture. The character of the Moralizer, however, is rigid. These are people
modesty nor wishing to
who follow fixed ideas and try to make you bend to their standards. They
pardon her blushes. A
want to change you, to make you a better person, so they endlessly criticize
faithful lover ought to

choose the harshest pains of
and judge—that is their pleasure in life. In truth, their moral ideas stem
love rather than by his
from their own unhappiness, and mask their desire to dominate those
demands cause his partner
around them. Their inability to adapt and to enjoy makes them easy to rec
embarrassment, or take
pleasure in spurning her
ognize; their mental rigidity may also be accompanied by a physical stiff
modesty; for one who
ness. It is hard not to take their criticisms personally so it is better to avoid
thinks only of the outcome
their presence and their poisoned comments.
of his own pleasure, and

ignores the welfare of his

partner, should be called a

traitor rather than a lover.
•

The Tightwad.
Cheapness signals more than a problem with money. It is a
Love also suffers decrease if
sign of something constricted in a person's character—something that
the woman realizes that

her lover is fearful in war,

keeps them from letting go or taking a risk. It is the most anti-seductive
The Anti-Seducer • 135

trait of all, and you cannot allow yourself to give in to it. Most tightwads
or sees that he has no
do not realize they have a problem; they actually imagine that when they
patience, or is stained with
the vice of pride. There is

give someone some paltry crumb, they are being generous. Take a hard
nothing which appears
look at yourself—you are probably cheaper than you think. Try giving
more appropriate to the
more freely of both your money and yourself and you will see the seduc-
character of any lover than
tive potential in selective generosity. Of course you must keep your gener-
to be clad in the adornment
of humility, utterly

osity under control. Giving too much can be a sign of desperation, as if
untouched by the
you were trying to buy someone.

nakedness of pride.
•
Then

too the prolixity of a fool

or a madman often

diminishes love. There arc

The Bumbler.
Bumblers are self-conscious, and their self-consciousness
many keen to prolong their
heightens your own. At first you may think they are thinking about you,
crazy words in the presence
of a woman, thinking that

and so much so that it makes them awkward. In fact they are only thinking
they please her if they
of themselves—worrying about how they look, or about the consequences
employ foolish, ill-judged
for them of their attempt to seduce you. Their worry is usually contagious:
language, but in fact they
soon you are worrying too, about yourself. Bumblers rarely reach the final
are strangely deceived.
Indeed, he who thinks that

stages of a seduction, but if they get that far, they bungle that too. In se-
his foolish behavior pleases
duction, the key weapon is boldness, refusing the target the time to stop
a wise woman suffers from
and think. Bumblers have no sense of timing. You might find it amusing
the greatest poverty of
sense.

to try to train or educate them, but if they are still Bumblers past a certain age, the case is probably hopeless—they are incapable of getting outside —ANDREAS CAPELLANUS,"HOW

LOVE IS DIMINISHED,"

themselves.

TRANSLATED BY P. G.WALSH

The Windbag.
The most effective seductions are driven by looks, indirect
Real men \ Shouldn't
actions, physical lures. Words have a place, but too much talk will generally
primp their good
break the spell, heightening surface differences and weighing things down.
looks. . . . \ Keep

pleasantly clean, take

People who talk a lot most often talk about themselves. They have never
exercise, work up an
acquired that inner voice that wonders, Am I boring you? To be a Windbag
outdoor \ Tan; make quite
is to have a deep-rooted selfishness. Never interrupt or argue with these
sure that your toga fits \

types—that only fuels their windbaggery. At all costs learn to control your
And doesn't show spots;
don't lace your shoes too

own tongue.

tightly \ Or ignore any

rusty buckles, or slop \

Around in too large a

fitting. Don't let some

The Reactor.
Reactors are far too sensitive, not to you but to their own
incompetent barber \ Ruin

egos. They comb your every word and action for signs of a slight to their
your looks: both hair and
vanity. If you strategically back off, as you sometimes must in seduction,
beard demand \ Expert
attention. Keep your nails

they will brood and lash out at you. They are prone to whining and com-
pared, and dirt-free; \

plaining, two very anti-seductive traits. Test them by telling a gentle joke or
Don't let those long hairs
story at their expense: we should all be able to laugh at ourselves a little, but
sprout \ In your nostrils,
the Reactor cannot. You can read the resentment in their eyes. Erase any
make sure your breath is
never offensive, \ Avoid the

reactive qualities in your own character—they unconsciously repel people.
rank male stench \ That

wrinkles noses. . . . \ I was

about to warn you

[
women
]
against rank

The Vulgarian.
Vulgarians are inattentive to the details that are so impor-
goatish armpits \ And
tant in seduction. You can see this in their personal appearance—their
bristling hair on your legs, \

136 • The Art of Seduction

But I'm not instructing

clothes are tasteless by any standard—and in their actions: they do not
hillbilly girls from the

know that it is sometimes better to control oneself and refuse to give in to
Caucasus, \ Or Mysian

one's impulses. Vulgarians will blab, saying anything in public. They have
river-hoydens
—
so what

need \ To remind you not

no sense of timing and are rarely in harmony with your tastes. Indiscretion
to let your teeth get all

is a sure sign of the Vulgarian (talking to others of your affair, for example);
discolored \ Through

it may seem impulsive, but its real source is their radical selfishness, their in
neglect, or forget to wash \

Your hands every morning?

ability to see themselves as others see them. More than just avoiding Vul
You know how to brighten
garians, you must make yourself their opposite—tact, style, and attention to
your complexion \ With

detail are all basic requirements of a seducer.

powder, add rouge to a

bloodless face, \ Skillfully

block in the crude outline

of an eyebrow, \ Stick a

Examples of the Anti-Seducer

patch on one flawless

cheek. \ You don't shrink

from lining your eyes with

1
. Claudius, the step-grandson of the great Roman emperor Augustus, was
dark mascara \ Or a touch

considered something of an imbecile as a young man, and was treated badly
of Cilician saffron.
. . . \ by almost everyone in his family. His nephew Caligula, who became em
But don't let your lover
find all those jars and

peror in A.D. 37, made it a sport to torture him, making him run around
bottles \ On your dressing-

the palace at top speed as penance for his stupidity, having soiled sandals
table: the best \ Makeup

tied to his hands at supper, and so on. As Claudius grew older, he seemed
remains unobtrusive. A

to become even more slow-witted, and while all of his relatives lived under
face so thickly plastered \

With pancake it runs

the constant threat of assassination, he was left alone. So it came as a great
down your sweaty neck \ Is

surprise to everyone, including Claudius himself, that when, in A.D. 41, a
bound to create repulsion.

cabal of soldiers assassinated Caligula, they also proclaimed Claudius em
And that goo from
unwashed fleeces
— \ peror. Having no desire to rule, he delegated most of the governing to
Athenian maybe, but my

confidantes (a group of freed slaves) and spent his time doing what he loved
dear, the smell!
— \
That's

best: eating, drinking, gambling, and whoring.

used for face-cream: avoid

it. When you have

Claudius's wife, Valeria Messalina, was one of the most beautiful

company \ Don't dab stuff
women in Rome. Although he seemed fond of her, Claudius paid her no
on your pimples, don't start

attention, and she started to have affairs. At first she was discreet, but over
cleaning your teeth: \ The

result may be attractive, but

the years, provoked by her husband's neglect, she became more and more
the process is

debauched. She had a room built for her in the palace where she enter
sickening. . . .
tained scores of men, doing her best to imitate the most notorious prosti— O V I D ,
THE ART OF LOVE,
tute in Rome, whose name was written on the door. Any man who refused