The Arrangement (16 page)

“Is that why you came back here? You were willing to give up your entire life to follow God, even if it meant never going back into politics?”

Eli had asked himself that very question more times than he could count. The more he became involved with the people of Duncan, the more he felt his political life slipping away. Yes, he felt rewarded by helping people, but he often wondered how these years would fit into God’s grand plan for him.

“I wish it were that simple,” he replied. “God called me back to the place where my father began his political career. He called me to be a Christian lawyer and to direct people in a legal, ethical, and moral direction. But I didn’t come just because he called me. I came because I was ready to get away.” When he blinked, he saw Whitney’s face, the way it appeared plastered over every newspaper as she clung to the arm of her new, more politically connected boyfriend. He pulled his hand from Evie’s.

“So you ran away?”

“In a way, yes.” Eli took a deep breath. He had to be honest, too. “I’ve told you about Whitney. I guess maybe she was a lot like Ben. She wanted what she wanted, and she didn’t care about whether or not it was God’s will.”

“So why did you get involved with someone like that? You’ve been so intent on both of us finding that plan, I can’t imagine you not knowing the answer to that question before getting engaged to someone.”

Eli chuckled. “You give me
way
too much credit. I think Whitney saved me from myself when she left for someone else. I didn’t want to ride into Washington on Dad’s coattails. She didn’t care how I got to the top as long as I did and she was with me. I saw how tough politics can be even on the strongest Christians and it scared me. I’m not sure I’m strong enough to face the temptation national politicians face. I was already considering coming back here before she left and before the partners called me. I didn’t really want to leave the life I had. I enjoyed the parties and shoulder rubbing, and I had friends and a church family. I didn’t want to come back here. But something kept pulling me. When Whitney left, I realized how fragile my faith was, and I pulled away from all the surface stuff I was involved in. Then when the partners called, I was ready. Maybe God used Whitney to make me ready, I don’t know.”

“So is that why getting involved with me scares you so much?” She smiled as she issued the challenge.

Eli resumed tapping his pen on the table. “Maybe so. I’m sorry, Evie. I don’t mean to push her sins onto you. But I didn’t really seek God before I started dating Whitney. I didn’t think it mattered. Suddenly I was in love with her, and nothing mattered except being with her. I don’t want another relationship like that. I can’t live with a relationship founded only on emotion. If a mutual desire to seek God’s will isn’t the foundation, I can’t let myself get involved.”

His answer sounded more strict and clinical than he wanted. He wanted to tell her how beautiful she was, how happy he was to hear she cared about him, too, and that she wanted to do whatever to be with him. But he had to be honest with himself, with Evie, and most of all with God.

“I guess we’re both bringing some baggage into this thing, huh?” Her voice sounded less challenging now and more resolute.

Before Eli could answer, their server arrived with two plates of steaming food. As they began to eat, Eli could hear the young families at the front of the restaurant preparing to leave. He watched a mother and father gather up two toddlers, a large bag, and a take-out box. Across the aisle another couple waved good-bye to them as they picked up a little girl with long hair from the highchair and dusted her off.

For a moment Eli wondered how it would feel to be a family like that. Anytime they ate at a restaurant as a child, his father was bombarded by voters who wanted to request something or thank him for voting their way on a bill. And that was when he was in the state senate. When he became a congressman, they rarely ate out together. His father ate a lot of dinners with colleagues or in his office while he worked long hours.

“That must be one good steak,” Evie commented in between bites. “You haven’t said a word since we started to eat.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “Guess I’m wondering what people do with uncomplicated lives.”

“Oh, their lives are plenty complicated. Don’t you know why they are eating before 6 p.m.?”

Eli shook his head, not surprised that Evie noticed he was watching the young families.

“Well, from my experience being around Ben’s family, they’ll have to get the little ones home before they get antsy. They eat early to avoid the crowds and avoid making toddlers sit in one place for very long. Then, when they get home, they’ll have some fun time, which means Mom and Dad will entertain the kids, and then there’s bath time and bedtime. After that Mom and Dad clean up from entertaining the kids and get ready for the next day.” Evie gave her entire explanation without taking a breath.

“Wow.” Eli exhaled. “I was a little spoiled with housekeepers all those years. So maybe not being in politics isn’t exactly boring.”

“Boring? No. From watching Ben’s parents I can see there’s always something that needs to be done when you have a family, especially when you have small children. But I’d think it gets a little tedious. I mean, I bet those women don’t even own a formal gown unless it’s a leftover bridesmaid’s dress. And if they get to eat without the children, they constantly call to check in and worry about whether or not they are scaring away the sitter.”

“You must have spent a lot of time with Ben’s family,” Eli said.

Evie’s face fell. She chewed slowly before answering again. “I did spend a lot of time with them at first. Ben and I baby-sat his younger brothers a lot so his parents could go out alone. But when he moved closer to school, we didn’t visit as often. I think he was the one who started suggesting we go out to eat or to the movies more and started mentioning his family less.”

“You’ll miss them,” Eli observed.

“Yeah, I guess I will. I hadn’t thought about the other people I’ll lose with Ben.” Evie grew quiet. “It would feel weird to call his parents to say good-bye, but at the same time it feels like I should say something to them.”

“Don’t they already think you’ve broken up?” Eli waited for Evie to nod. “So why haven’t they already called you if they were missing the closure?”

“Isn’t that a little harsh?”

Eli softened. “Sorry.” He felt a little uneasy about their conversation. Evie was still hurting from her decision to break-up with Ben, and she hadn’t gone through the real break-up yet. How would she feel when she actually walked away from him?

Eli remembered when Whitney walked away from him. He’d called in sick to work for two days and just moped around his apartment gathering up photos and mementos and trying to decide what to do with them.

In that instant he knew what he had to do next. He didn’t want to speak the words out loud, but he knew. Evie needed some time to gather her plans, to figure out her relationship with Christ, and to heal her heart before she got involved with someone else.

Just when he’d gotten so close, he had to back away. Not for him…no, he was ready to hold her hand on a daily basis and to finally find out how her lips tasted when he kissed her. But she needed some time.

“You look sad.” Evie tilted her head to look at him. “Are you really that envious of those couples?”

“Who?” Eli asked as Evie’s words brought him back to the table. “No, I mean, maybe a little bit. They’re living their plan and hopefully are filled with love. But I’m living my plan, too, and still figuring out where I’m going. We’re just headed in different directions.”

“Then why do you look so sad all of a sudden?”

Eli placed his fork onto his plate. “I was listening to you talk about Ben and walking away from that relationship. I started to remember how I felt when Whitney finally left.”

“What happened?”

“I’ve told you before that she was really interested in moving up in politics and going to all the parties.” Eli paused, and Evie nodded. “For about a month after Dad died, she was very supportive. She encouraged me to keep in touch with Dad’s friends, but she wasn’t pushy. When I didn’t get an invitation to a big cookout with Dad’s colleagues—the kind of thing we used to attend with my parents—she was livid. I asked her what she wanted me to do about it, and she said she wanted me to call some of the other congressmen and ask for a job. I told her I wasn’t sure I wanted to go into politics, and even if I did, I would do it like Dad did and start here, at home. She told me she wouldn’t move back here, so I needed to think about whether I wanted a life with her or not. She was engaged to a congressman’s son, not a small-town lawyer.”

“Wow, that’s a little mean.”

“Yeah, it gets worse.” Eli’s throat burned. “She came back a couple of days later and apologized. She said she’d run into one of Dad’s friends and mentioned I was looking for a place and he said to call. For two weeks or more she asked me every day if I had called. Finally she blew up about it. She told me if I wasn’t interested in making something of myself, then I wasn’t the man she thought I was. She handed me the number and said to call, on the spot, or she was gone.”

He swallowed hard. “I hated being backed into a corner. I wanted to believe she really loved me and would be with me even as I figured out what I wanted to do and how to do it. But I knew, in that moment, she didn’t love me enough for that. And I wasn’t going to give up my dreams to live hers for a little while. I threw the number in the trash. She left the ring on the table and walked out the door.”

“Wow,” she mouthed. “Did she call?”

Eli shook his head. “I thought she would. I fully expected to see her number on the caller ID the next day, but nothing. I stayed home for two days, half waiting for her to call and half trying to clean every reminder of her from my apartment. When she didn’t call, I went back to work. A week later the partners here called, and I turned in my notice.”

“Eli, I’m sorry you had to go through that,” she murmured.

“I had to remind myself over and over that it was for the best. Before I left D.C., I saw her picture in the paper on the arm of an up-and-coming local politician. I couldn’t believe I didn’t see through her. It took me a while to trust my judgment in people again.” Eli knew he had to add a few other words. “Evie, I know how long it took me to figure out the next step after she left. And I know how long it took me to really trust someone again. I want to give you that space. I want you to know you want to date me before you do. I don’t want to be the guy you run to because you are afraid to be alone. I want to talk to you and be a friend for you as you go through what will not be an easy task. But I think maybe we should wait on starting a relationship until you heal a little.”

Her expression reminded him of a wounded animal.

“Please,” he begged, “don’t give up on us. Just allow yourself some time before you jump into something else.”

She frowned. “I thought you would be happy that we could finally date, really date. But you keep putting up roadblocks. Are you sure I’m the one who will need time to heal, or are you still not ready to make another commitment?” Evie crossed her arms.

“Maybe you’re right. And if you are, do you want to be caught in a relationship with someone who isn’t ready to trust another woman? How would it make you feel if every time you turned around, I accused you of being like her? If I’m not ready to trust, then that’s the kind of relationship you’d be getting into. And I care too much about you to put you through something like that.”

He wanted her to understand. She stood on the brink of a major life change, and she had no idea how she would feel about the situation tomorrow. The thought of tomorrow clicked another idea into his mind.

“How about this,” he offered. “Do what you need to do with Ben. The next day, call me. We’ll talk about how you feel and where you want to go. That will also give both of us a few more days to pray about whether or not the timing is right.”

Evie bit the corner of her lip as she considered his request and then nodded. “Do you really think breaking up with Ben will change the way I feel so drastically?”

“I don’t know,” he whispered.
I hope not,
his heart cried.

)

Two hours later Eli sat in his driveway. He wondered what it would be like to come home to a wife and a couple of kids. He could almost envision Evie running a campaign headquarters from the spare bedroom while helping two blond little girls with their homework. They would be in the political business together—partners in work as well as in life. He climbed from his empty car and walked toward the empty house. The 1,800 square feet that had seemed so much larger than his one-bedroom apartment now felt large in its emptiness.

His cell showed no missed calls or texts. But why would anyone call? He hadn’t told anyone about his informal date with Evie. He didn’t want the rumor mills to be grinding about them. He grabbed the remote control and flicked on the television, but the noise did nothing to fill the silence in his heart.

“Okay, God,” he said hoping his words would travel through the roof of his lonely house and into the very presence of his Lord, “I’m really trying here. I haven’t felt like this about a woman in a long time, maybe ever. Please give me something, some sign that I’m headed in the right direction. I’m at the intersection of confused and lost, and I could use your help right now.”

Silence.

He stomped toward the master bedroom and tossed his coat on the bed. Beside it, he noticed the open Sunday school book he had been studying this week. His alarm hadn’t gone off that morning, and he had not been able to do his study before leaving for work. He picked up the book and started to read Hebrews 11:5-6, the verses for the day.

By faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not experience death; he could not be found, because God had taken him away. For before he was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God. And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.