The Arrangement (15 page)

“Evie, even if you don’t care about God’s direction for you now, what if you start to care later? What if you are running for political office one day, and you find out one of your major campaign contributors is cheating on their taxes? What would Ben encourage you to do? Turn them in? Decline their investment? Pretend you didn’t know about it? That’s the kind of stuff that wins and loses elections. Maybe you would win only to be plagued by guilt throughout your term. And maybe your guilt would be found out and cost you the election. Do you want to be married to someone who cares nothing about doing the right thing but focuses solely on succeeding whatever the costs? Or would it be better not to be married at all and make the right decision on your own?”

Evie wondered exactly what Ben would encourage her to do. She had no questions about what Eli would want her to do or what would be the right thing to do. If Ben thought lying to her parents was okay, wouldn’t he think ignoring a wrong to win an election would be okay? Her nausea grew until she feared she might actually vomit on the table in front of her. She glanced around, looking for the bathroom, an exit, or even better, a path back to life a few months ago.

“Point taken,” Evie conceded. She looked at her watch and jumped from her seat. “I’m sorry, Brooke, I’m going to miss supper if I don’t get going. Thanks for the, uh, the talk. You’ve given me some things to think about.”

She tried to ignore the startled, hurt look in Brooke’s eyes as she stacked her notebooks together and rushed out of the library. She really would miss supper if she didn’t go back to the house right away, but more than that, she knew Brooke was right. She had no idea how to tell her that or how to explain her sudden desire to bolt. Maybe she would call her later or send her an email apologizing.

For now, she only knew she had to get away to decide exactly what to do next.

8

)

li tapped his pen on the white tablecloth as he sat in the back of a local restaurant in Duncan. He replayed Evie’s words again:
I’m ready to talk.
A week and half after their last conversation, she had called him. She only told him where to meet her and when.

When she hadn’t called by two days after homecoming, Eli decided maybe she wasn’t ready for that conversation after all—the conversation where he let it be okay if she didn’t choose him. He’d almost turned around that night, pulled her to him, and kissed her. He wanted her to choose him. But then what message would that send about choosing God’s way? He had to trust God would turn her heart around.

When she finally called, he tried to speak, to say something intelligent, to ask some pertinent question, but no words formed. All he managed was “okay,” “I know where that is,” and “see you then.” He couldn’t even remember if he said good-bye before hanging up.

“I’m thirty years old,” he mumbled to himself. “I ought to be able to act better than a teenager.”

He watched the front door with a mix of expectation and dread. What if she only wanted to tell him she had decided to go back to Ben? What if she had decided to take some more time by herself before becoming involved with someone else? Eli swallowed hard. He would take the second over the first any day. At least that way he still had a chance.

He stopped tapping the pen abruptly as a beautiful blonde stepped through the front door. As she walked directly to his table, he heard the click of her heels and stood to greet her.

“Thanks for coming,” Evie said, her voice light.

“Sure,” he answered as his knees wobbled and thrust him into his seat. “You look nice,” he choked out.

A light shade of pink colored Evie’s cheeks. “Have you eaten here before?” she asked as a server appeared and handed each of them a menu.

“I actually have lunch here at least once a week, but I’ve only come for dinner a couple of times. You?”

Eli watched her over the top of the menu. The heaviness and confusion that had clouded her face had disappeared. Her blue eyes almost danced every time she smiled.

“I’ve heard Mom and Dad talk about it a lot, so I thought it would be a nice place to meet for an early dinner. They usually come right after the practice closes and say it isn’t very crowded then. Looks like they were right.” Evie glanced around at the only two occupied tables.

Both Eli and Evie studied the menus. Eli immediately knew he wanted a steak. He enjoyed a certain amount of gourmet food but preferred knowing more about the chef before taking the chance on something new. Eli closed the menu and placed it on the white tablecloth in front of him.

A moment later Evie looked up at him. She peeked behind her and then on both sides before facing Eli again. “What?” she asked.

“Nothing. I just wondered what happened to make you so happy again.”

Before she could answer, the server returned to their table. “Are you ready to order?”

“I’ll have the chicken Caesar salad. And could I get the dressing on the side?”

“Sure. And for you, sir?”

“I’ll have the 12-ounce rib-eye with a loaded baked potato and your house vinaigrette on the salad.”

“I’ll get that right out,” the server responded as he gathered the menus and disappeared to the kitchen.

Eli turned his eyes back to Evie. He couldn’t help but smile. He watched her cheeks color pink again. He couldn’t remember his gaze ever having this effect in the past. Did it mean she’d made a decision in his favor? Or did it simply mean she was a little embarrassed to have him look at her?

“This is just weird,” she muttered as she placed a hand over her eyes.

Eli failed in his attempt to stifle a laugh. “What’s so weird? You’re the one who called me,” he reminded.

“I know, I know.” Her blond hair swung side to side as she shook her head. “I guess I don’t really know how to start.”

“Does what you want to talk about have anything to do with our conversation a couple of weeks ago?”

The blush on her cheeks faded and she nodded.

“Okay, then start there.”

She fingered the gleaming silverware lying on the table in front of her. “You really made me think. You also made me a little mad, but you made me think too.”

“I didn’t mean to make you mad…,” Eli started.

“It’s okay,” she interrupted. “I needed to be made mad in order to really take a look at things. I haven’t been totally honest with you, Eli. And I don’t know how you’ll feel when you hear the whole story. But, please, let me finish before you say anything.”

Eli crossed his ankles and rubbed one foot against the other in an attempt to sit still. He wanted to hear whatever Evie had to say. He wanted, and needed, to hear all of it. If she thought he was angry or pulling away, she might stop talking. He nodded, his tongue too dry to form words.

“The first time we had coffee, I told you Ben and I broke up. That wasn’t true. We told my parents and everyone else that we broke up so my parents would continue to support me financially. But Ben and I continued to see each other.” Evie’s words spilled quickly out of her mouth. “But the more I started to see you, the more confused I became. Then, when I talked to Leigh Anna at homecoming, and you and I talked after homecoming, I was more confused than ever. You and Leigh Anna told me if I followed God’s will, he would give me strength to face whatever came into my life. And if being with Ben was God’s will, then that meant he would help us to live without my parents’ money. So I mentioned it to him.” Her eyes shimmered with tears.

Stop, stop, stop!
Eli wanted to scream.
I don’t want to hear this.
But he knew he had to hear her out. He had agreed to hear, even if it meant his advice sent her back into the arms of another man—another man she had never left in the first place. At least she wasn’t so focused on even her own family’s money anymore, quite a change from Whitney. He flinched even at the thought of her name.

“He acted like I was crazy. I-I can’t even think right now of what his objection was, except that we needed my parents’ money. I kept thinking about what you said and began to question if he really loved me and if God really wanted us to be together.

Okay, keep going,
he urged her silently.

“And then I talked to a friend of mine, who helped me understand what you meant when you said I had to choose whether I wanted to follow God’s way or my own way.” She paused. “And I realized Ben is my own way. If he was really following God’s way, he would never have asked me to lie to my parents. Actually, I don’t even remember if it was his idea or my idea, but either way, he would not have gone along with it. And if he truly loved me, my parents’ money wouldn’t make any difference.”

“So, you’ve actually broken up with him this time?” He held his breath.

“Not yet,” Evie hedged.

“So why are you telling me all this?” Frustration mounted inside Eli. Why would she knowingly go back to someone who didn’t love her and wasn’t interested in God’s best for her?

“I’m still working up the courage. I came home this weekend to talk to my parents. I just want to know if protecting the family estate is their main concern or if they are actually interested in helping me find someone who’s really interested in me.”

“What difference does that make in your decision to break up with Ben?”
And where do I fit in?
he wanted to add.

“I guess it doesn’t make any difference,” Evie confessed. “I think I’m being a little chicken. Ben’s my first long-time boyfriend. We were planning to get married and buy a house and have children. I’m not only breaking up with him; I’m giving up my post-college plans. I guess I need a little time to visualize a different life.”

“Evie,” he said softly, “being afraid of change doesn’t give you a good reason to continue dating someone who doesn’t love you. And it really doesn’t make a good excuse to marry him and spend a life with someone who doesn’t have your best interests in mind.” Eli folded his hands and rested them on the table.

“I know, I know.” She groaned. “It’s just a difficult thing. I don’t want to hurt him.”

“Now that actually makes sense. But if you don’t love him, leading him on is worse than letting him go. Even if he’s not concerned about God’s best for you, you should be concerned about God’s best for him. Doesn’t he deserve someone who loves him, too?”

“You’re right, okay?” Evie’s voice grew slightly louder. “I do plan to break up with him. I’m going to call him when I get back to school on Sunday and set up a time we can get together. I don’t want to do it on the phone.”

Eli touched Evie’s hand. “I’m sorry, Evie, I didn’t mean to attack you. However, I’m not sure I understand where all of this is going.” All Eli’s senses urged him to pull his hand back, but the warmth of her skin attracted his like a magnet. He rubbed his thumb over her hand a couple of times before forcing himself to stop. Still he allowed his hand to cover hers, enjoying the closeness.

“I’m not really sure, either.” Evie’s voice returned to a whisper. “You told me you weren’t sure if God meant for us to be anything more than friends. Did you mean that?”

“Yes.” He choked out the word.

Her hand balled into a fist under his. “I don’t understand. Why would you want to date me if you didn’t think God intended for us to be more?”

The pain on Evie’s face drove a nail through Eli. He fought the urge to wrap his arm around her. But the truth was, he had prayed and prayed about Evie and felt no confirmation either way. But how did he tell her that without breaking her heart a second time in two weeks? And how did he tell her that and still leave the door open for a relationship in the future?

He answered her truthfully. “It sounds kind of corny, but I have felt drawn to you. I don’t know why I sent you flowers that first time. Something about the way you looked at me that night at your parents’ house left me wanting to know you better. I’ve prayed and prayed and all I keep hearing is silence. I know God has a plan for both of us. And I know he’ll reveal that when he gets ready. Until then we have to live in faith that he’s in charge and not make any big decisions.” Eli’s heart ached as he spoke the words torturing him for weeks.

“I always thought when God didn’t speak it was because he didn’t care or he was too busy.”

“I’ve actually been studying some times when Christ was silent. When a dear friend of his, Lazarus, was sick, Jesus did not go immediately to him. Lazarus died before Jesus ever left to go to him. His disciples and followers did not understand why Jesus waited until Lazarus was dead to go. But he used the opportunity to raise Lazarus. It wasn’t about healing or raising Lazarus. It was about showing he was God. It was about having the world know him and glorify him. Our lives are not about us, but about glorifying him. And if we are to be together either for a little while or for the rest of our lives, our relationship has to be about glorifying him. After hearing the truth about your relationship with Ben, I’m not sure the situation does anything to glorify God.”

“So you’re saying God won’t let us be together because I’m still with Ben?”

The question almost made Eli laugh out loud. “For a relationship to glorify God, both parts have to be committed to glorifying God with their individual lives.”

Evie rolled her eyes.

“Evie, you know what you have to do. I’m not going to say as soon as you break up with Ben or talk to your parents that God will automatically send messengers from heaven to tell us to date. But until those things happen, our relationship will have this cloud hanging over it because we aren’t totally honest.” Eli rubbed his thumb over Evie’s hand again. “And I don’t want us to have a cloud over our relationship. I don’t want to hurt anyone, even Ben. I know a number of marriages are built on deceit, and many never resolve those problems. If our relationship goes beyond dating, I certainly don’t want the foundation to be anything other than God’s will.”

Evie relaxed her hand slightly. “Okay, I see your point. But what happens if I do all these things—if I talk to my parents and break up with Ben—and we still don’t feel free to date?”

Eli prayed the scenario would never play out in real life, but he had to brace himself for that possibility. “Then you have done what needs to be done to move on with your life. Being friends with me opened your eyes to Ben’s flaws and your own lack of love for him. Even if we never date, it won’t change this reality or what you need to do. You know God has a plan for you. With or without me, you have to find that plan. You can’t follow God just because you think he’ll do what you want him to do in return. You have to follow simply because you love him and want to please him.”