The Aristocrat's Lady (Love Inspired Historical) (14 page)

Nicole awoke late into the night. The house was completely quiet. Could it all have been a nightmare?
Oh, please, God, let it have been a nightmare
. But she knew it was not when she realized she was still in her clothes from this afternoon. What should she do? All
she could think of was Devlin. She was almost glad she could not see, not well enough to see his face in any event, knowing the look of hatred that must have been there. At least she would not have to remember
that
the rest of her life.

Lord Devlin had not deserved her distrust, and she knew she had hurt him. She could not leave things as they were. The least she could do now was apologize, explain and leave his life forever. She had never been a coward, but she knew in time she could convince herself it was unnecessary. So she must see him now. He was probably at his club relating the terrible deception she had perpetrated on the
ton,
but she would go to his home and wait for him. It was more than improper—it was social suicide—but she had no thought of anything or anyone but Devlin.

She got up and brushed and pulled her hair back in a ribbon. There was no point in changing: she could not do it by herself and she would be wearing a cloak, in any event.

Nicole knocked on Toby’s door across the hall and waited as she heard muffled curses as he shuffled to his door. When it opened, the shock in his voice was apparent. “Miss Nick, I mean Lady Nick, what is it? Is something wrong?” He looked at his pocket watch on the dresser. “It’s two o’clock in the morning!” He had been outside when Lord Devlin had started his tirade, and Nicole could only imagine the restraint he had used. She was glad he had known to stay with Chelsea.

“Shush, Toby. I need you to go with me to Lord Devlin’s. I need to talk to him before we leave London, and
I believe this is the only time I should be allowed to approach his home.”

Panic caused Toby to stutter as he coaxed her back to her own room. “N-no, m-y lady. Uh, I know a little more ’bout gentlemen than you do, and now is
not
the time to be trying to explain anything. Give ’im some time to cool down, and we can try to set things aright tomorrow.”

“Toby, I mean to leave here in ten minutes with or without you. Now, if you are coming, get dressed and I will meet you in the foyer. Do not worry about a carriage. We will take a hackney so we do not have to wake the stable boys.”

“Miss Nick, this is crazy…” he began, but at her look of agony he said, “I’m going, I’m going.”

Toby did his best to put a halt to her plan during the ride to Lord Devlin’s house. He told her
if
his lordship was home, and
if
his lordship was awake, he would be in no mood to hold a rational conversation with a delicate female.

Nicole just patted his hand like he was some child who did not understand. “Do not worry, Toby, I am not trying to change things. I know it is too late for that. I just want a chance to explain, to apologize and to ask him to forgive me.”

The pounding on his door at two-thirty in the morning finally broke through Devlin’s haze of sleep and brandy. “What is that racket?” he muttered as he heard his butler scramble through the foyer and unbolt the door. The sound of a feminine voice registered some
where in the recesses of his brain, but he could not reconcile that to the pounding. Devlin
was
drunk. He had always been able to hold his liquor, but an entire afternoon of downing one brandy after another had left his head pounding almost as loudly as the front door.

Grant entered the library softly and said in the most surprised voice Devlin had ever heard from his butler, “My lord, there is a young lady here. Lady Nicole Beaumont. She says she will not leave until she has spoken to you.”

“Tell her to go away, and do not disturb me again.”

Apparently Nicole had bidden Toby to follow the abashed butler to the library. They heard Devlin’s order, but they pushed past the butler into the room. “I will not go away, my lord, until I have spoken to you. Please let me have my say, then you will never have to see me again.”

“If that is what it will take that I may never set eyes on you again, have your say and go.”

Toby led her to a high-back chair near Devlin, but she did not sit. He wondered if she needed the strength of that chair to face him.

Nicole took a breath, beginning to speak, but was again interrupted by Devlin’s slurred words. “You may be able to tell, madame, that I am in no condition to behave with decorum or carry on an intelligent conversation. Indeed, I probably will not remember this even happened, so this is an exercise in futility. You have had your fun, you have duped an earl and while you did
not
get the hoped-for marriage proposal, there’s always the Bath Season.”

Nicole had not realized the hatred she had aroused in him and every minute now was breaking her resolve, her calm and her heart. “No!” she shouted. “My lord, I came to London as a promise to my mother. When my father died and I began working on the estate, she used to berate me for trying to fill the void my father left with work. I told you that she tried several times to convince me to come, but I always refused. When I had my accident…lost my sight, it took me a while to get my life back to some sort of normalcy. But with my family’s help and Toby’s loyalty, I pulled through. However, my mother now had the added impetus of seeing a London doctor to persuade me to come. I finally agreed.”

Once she started, Nicole found she could not seem to stop, even for a breath. She was not sure he was listening, but she had to finish this. “I only agreed on the promise that we would keep my loss of sight a secret as long as possible so people would not feel awkward around us. Mother was opposed to such a plan, but I was adamant and with Toby’s help I learned to deal with most situations quite normally. My sole purpose for this trip was to allow Mama and Chelsea their share of some of Town’s enjoyment, and to submit to one more doctor’s exam to help them accept the inevitable.”

She choked on the thought. “I never put myself forward or openly lied to the
ton
. If you remember, you never even noticed me until we met on the Swathmore terrace a full two months after the Season started!”

She knew she had to keep going. Obviously it was to
be her one and only opportunity. “That night on the terrace was a mistake. I know that now. I should have left you immediately, but it had been so long since someone had conversed with me without embarrassment or sympathy. It was a lapse in judgment on my part, and I apologize. I never thought to see you again. When I did, I justified my continued silence by reminding myself that our visit was almost at an end. I was sure you would not even remember me.

“When we became friends, I should have told you. Again, I made a grievous error. My whole family liked you and pleaded with me to tell you, but I found my fears had changed. I knew if you rejected…I knew if you rejected me, I would never be happy again. I never intended to lie to you or to hurt you, and I am sorry if I have embarrassed you. I told you from the start that I had no interest in marriage. I was not trying to trap you into it. Can you please try to understand and forgive me? I have asked for God’s forgiveness, now I ask for yours.”

“I find it rather ironic that you have the audacity to bring your God into this. Did you ask Him to forgive your deceit, or did you ask Him to forgive you for getting caught?”

Nicole flinched as if he had landed her a physical blow.

“Are you finished?” Devlin asked so coldly that it felt like a winter wind had come through the room.

At the undisguised anger in his tone, Nicole slowly closed her eyes in defeated resignation. “Yes, my lord,”
she said quietly. “I just wanted you to know the truth before we left London.”

“Toby?” Devlin asked from his chair, never once turning around. “I know you are hovering somewhere, ready to pounce upon me should I decide to do physical harm to your mistress. Get her out of here and do not bring her back.”

Nicole sobbed quietly most of the way home—the kind of sobbing that came from total defeat. When they drew near the townhouse, she wiped her nose and said, “Toby, I am sorry for all I have put you through. You have seen me at my worst, and I would not blame you if you left. I will always be in your debt, and I will never forget you or stop loving you.”

“I ain’t leaving, Lady Nick, and you know it. I told you ’e would be in no state of mind to be listening to this tonight, but you ’ave a stubborn streak a mile wide. If you want to try to talk to ’im again, I’ll take you back. But it will ’ave to be when ’e ain’t so drunk, and if ’e sputters off like ’e did tonight, I’ll darken ’is daylights!”

“Do not worry, Toby, I am not going back. I have made a terrible mess of it all. He will never forgive me, and he will never believe anything I have ever told him.” Tears began to stream down her face and she added, “He will never believe a word I have ever told him about God. I knew that was God’s purpose in giving him to me for a little while, and I was found wanting.”

How had it turned out this way? She thought if she went to him—explained it to him—he would under
stand. She had always feared that he could not cope with her blindness. Now she knew. To her, hiding the blindness had been a sin of omission. To him, it was a lie. And that lie had destroyed everything.

Nicole wanted to convince him that their friendship was real. Their like-mindedness had been a real bond. But she had failed miserably, and there was no hope of a reconciliation…or forgiveness. The tears flowed freely down her cheeks.

And back at Devlin’s townhouse, Jared DeVale cried as he had not since he was a boy.

A
s Nicole sat with her mother in Dr. Morrison’s office the following morning, despair almost entirely engulfed her. She would never forget Lord Devlin’s angry words or the conviction of her perfidy in his voice as he sent her from his sight forever.

Her thoughts were forcibly interrupted by a man’s voice, getting louder as he neared her chair. “Good morning, ladies. I must apologize for keeping you waiting.”

Nicole did not know what to expect of the highly recommended physician. After the accident two years before, Nicole had visited several doctors. Michael admitted at the outset that he was no expert in her particular injury, and even urged her to seek other medical advice. His contacts had been numerous, and he had accompanied her to those visits to hear the prognosis of each one.

What always surprised her were the hurried examinations and quick assertions that nothing further could be done. She did not expect miracles from mere men,
but she was inclined to believe doctors a gifted breed with an intense desire to help others.

What she discovered during her many consultations was exactly the opposite. The more renowned the man’s reputation, the more egotistical the man. If they could diagnose your malady instantly, they were heroes and given their due accolades. Should they be unable to quickly cure your complaint, it was somehow due to your own weakness or should never have been referred to them at all.

Nicole had become very disenchanted with the medical profession, and she bade Michael never to become so impervious to the problems of others. Then she realized that it was she who put them on pedestals to begin with. She had fancied them all called by God to devote their lives to their hippocratic oath. She had not been naive enough to believe a patient could always be cured. Yet she had somehow expected that bedside manner and compassion were a natural part of the gift. She had even come to look forward to the time when she and Michael were married and were a team. Though only Michael could impart his medical findings, she thought she had enough heartfelt compassion for others to encourage and minister to those he was helping.

The previous letdowns came unwillingly to Nicole’s mind, and she had to push back her impatience to leave this office unexamined. She just wished to be left alone. But Dr. Morrison’s next words caused guilt to override her former bitterness.

“I prefer to spend as much time as I possibly can on a patient’s initial consultation. While that provides me
much-needed information, it often causes my scheduling to fall dreadfully behind.” His words were spoken with such candor that Nicole felt a release of tension.

As he shook hands and traded amenities with her mother, Nicole had an inclination to laugh at herself. Had she not learned as near as yesterday that she had no ability to judge another’s character? She had been misjudging others consistently, even as far back as Michael.

But the doctor was soon before her, raising her hand in his, making her forget for a moment the debacle she had created with Devlin. He led her and her mother into a different room that smelled of his sandalwood cologne, well-worn leather and permanent traces of cheroot. The unpretentious scents calmed her. She suddenly pictured a graying man in his late fifties, much like her father—caring, wise and committed. She began to thaw.

He moved away from her, and she could tell by the sound that he had seated himself behind his desk. “I have not had the pleasure of working with Dr. Gibson since our service on the continent, but I am proud that he would suggest I might succeed where he could not.”

Nicole did not tell this polite man
her
opinion of the cold and calculating Dr. Gibson, but was glad that her mother had taken his referral to heart. She only hoped this doctor’s polite words about his colleague were an indication of his kindness and not another telltale sign of the “brotherhood” of the profession. She would certainly not allow her hopes to rise, but her instinct told her that Dr. Morrison would leave no stone unturned in
his search for answers. She must remember God’s constant presence in even the smallest details of her life.

The doctor was speaking again in a calm, gentle manner. “I should like to start at the beginning and hear as much as I may before we do an actual exam.”

Nicole proceeded to relate the events that transpired on the day of her accident in a concise, intelligent manner. She heard his pen scratching frantically as she spoke. He uttered not a word until she had nearly reached the end of her recital.

“Excuse me, my lady. I want to be sure I understand you. You are not in total darkness, is that correct?”

“Yes, Dr. Morrison. I
was
totally blind for a short period of time, a few weeks, I believe, while it was assumed there was some sort of swelling or temporary damage. When I suddenly was able to tell light from darkness, we hoped my problems seeing were due to the bump on the head, and there was no actual injury to the eyes. But that is the best it has ever gotten. If I am staring in the direction of a sunlit window and someone should cross in front of it, I can perceive that. But there is little else I could tell you. Whether that someone was inside or outside, or whether it was a man or woman, I would not know. Of course, at night, unless I am in a brightly candlelit room, I cannot even tell that much.”

“That was quite excellent, young lady. I can see I shall have a cooperative arrangement with you from the start.”

Nicole sobered but did not return to her previous state of anxiety. She waited patiently for his first ques
tion. She wished sincerely that she could see the doctor’s face so she could gauge his expressions. But for now she knew she must wait.

“I believe that is a very good beginning. Lady Beaumont, if you would kindly help your daughter into my examining room, I may begin to study the area of Lady Nicole’s injury.”

They returned to his office after the intensive exam. The waiting was always the worst part, Nicole thought. In the past this was where the doctors had always come and affirmed that the damage was permanent, and she would feel her heart break just a little more. And after yesterday she was not sure her poor heart could stand such another wound. Tears filled her eyes as her thoughts turned to the dreadful scenes with Devlin. Fortunately for her sanity, Dr. Morrison came back into the room before she made a complete fool of herself.

Nicole found her emotions very close to the surface, not out of fear but due to the sincerity in the man’s voice. She realized she had finally met the physician whose goal
was
to help each of his patients. For that she would not make the job of telling her the inevitable any harder for him.

“Dr. Morrison, please do not fret so. That your news is the same as that of the others in no way reflects the very different experience this has been for me. You are not God that I would expect you to wave a hand and heal me. I
do
have the hope of God one day doing just that. Insofar as doctors are concerned, all I ever truly wished for was a caring attempt to solve the problem. You have more than amply met my wishes.”

He was a little stunned. “I would not have you leave here believing I can give you any answer for the good or bad, this day. If that has been your experience with my esteemed associates, I can only apologize on their behalf.

“It appears to me, at first blush, that your case involves at least one other area besides your eyes. Traumas to the head are
not
in my area of expertise, so I can in no way make a complete medical determination based on my examination alone. A bruise or blow to the area of the brain that tells the eyes what to do could just as easily have caused your blindness. I should like the opportunity to discuss your case with a number of my confederates, whose abilities in these other areas would allow us to combine our data for a more complete diagnosis.”

He sighed. “Lady Nicole, I would not mislead you. I have no proof at this time that your injury is reversible. I do not claim any power above the other physicians you have seen. I have not, however, done a complete evaluation of the information you have given me today. I believe some of my colleagues have failed you in making a final determination at the point of examination, but it does not follow that their diagnoses were wrong.”

Nicole could do no more than send a silent prayer to God thanking Him for leading her to this understanding and considerate man. She leaned forward and turned her head to be as close to face-to-face with him as possible. “Dr. Morrison, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I could ask no more of anyone.”

After the brief interruption of the doctor visit, Ni
cole’s severe heartache returned with a vengeance. As she awaited the loading of their trunks onto the departing carriage, she had never felt so torn. She wanted more than anything to be going home, but she had no desire to leave knowing Lord Devlin thought so little of her.

She had sent Toby on a few final errands and was beginning to get concerned at his continued absence. Waiting for him brought her a mixture of pain and hope. She thought she could have made Devlin understand. She had tried so hard to explain it to him last night. She knew the pain that she would never see him again. What a mess she had made of her life.

In another quarter of London, Lord Devlin was in a towering rage. How dare that upstart servant come to his home and upbraid him as if he were a grubby schoolboy!

As he was checking the cinch on Orion’s saddle, he heard footsteps behind him and saw several stable boys look past his shoulder. Devlin turned and saw Toby standing there, proud as a duke, blocking his way.

“What are you doing here? Go back to your mistress and stay away from this house. I have warned you once, Toby. This is the last time.”

The look of disdain, almost hatred, on the earl’s face would have cowed a lesser man. “My lord, I come to ’ave a few words with you. We are leaving London today, but I plan to give you a piece of my mind before I go. There’s nothing or nobody gonna stop me. Now I can say what I ’ave to say right ’ere in front of all your
men, but I’d like it better if we could go off alone. That empty paddock would suit me jest fine.”

The earl fumed. “Since I do not give a hang about what would suit you, I am afraid you are wasting your time. You stupid fool, do you know who I am? I could have you sent to Newgate for speaking to me this way.”

“Yes Sir, I ’spose you could. But I plan to ’ave words with you, like it or not. This ain’t got anything to do with your rank or mine, it’s jest man to man.”

Devlin had to admit a grudging respect for the servant, but his anger would not allow a softening toward him. “Very well, Toby. I have no specific complaint with you so the sooner you have your say, the sooner I can see the last of you.” Devlin called for one of the stable hands to hold Orion, and he walked toward the paddock with Toby. When they reached the fence he turned and said, “Say your piece.”

“First off, my lord, I know that we
do
owe you thanks for not letting the London tabbies get a whiff of this. It ’as saved my ladies much embarrassment. And I knew you wouldn’t be in no condition to ’ave Lady Nick come see you the other night, but I couldn’t stop her. I’m willing to give credit where it’s due.”

“Great guns, man! Do you want me to thank you for recognizing good breeding? To be honest with you, with the deceit you have been associated with, I suppose I should be surprised you do recognize it.”

The punch that knocked Lord Devlin to the ground was the hardest he had ever felt. And he had sparred with Gentleman Jackson himself! He put his hand to
his jaw, sure it was broken, and began to rise to his feet. “Why, you…”

“Look,
your lordship,
I tried being nice. You can beat me to within an inch of my life,
after I ’ave my say
. Those ladies got no other menfolk to protect their ’onor, and I swear, even if I go to prison, I’ll knock you down again if you say anything else like that.”

Devlin rubbed his bruised jaw. “Do not flatter yourself. You will not catch me unawares again. Just say what you have to say and go.”

Toby took off his hat and began to twist the offending article in his hands. “You were in a pretty bad way the other night when Miss, I mean, Lady Nick came to see you. I don’t know if you remember any of what she said…”

“I was drunk, but I heard every word. If you have come to repeat the story, you might as well go.” Devlin was quickly regretting his decision to hear the servant out. All he wanted was this reminder of the woman he could not get out of his head, to go away.

“What you ’eard wasn’t even ’alf the story. That’s what I’m ’ere to tell you…the whole truth. It ain’t short and it ain’t pretty, so don’t think you can just shake me off. I ain’t never gabbed on any of my ladies before and even this don’t set right with me. I don’t always speak proper when I’m nervous, but I ain’t leaving ’til you know the truth.”

“Then get on with it, man.” Devlin was beginning to feel an impatience to know what was so important that this man would risk his freedom to come here.

“I always listened when Miss Nicky would be tell
ing everybody about ’er Pa and what a special man ’e was. Well, ’e was a good man, to be sure—to ’is family and servants and them that belonged to his estate. But he wasn’t a saint. Most times ’is ’ead was stuck in a book or ’e was riding ’is land. But ’e was much more interested in
them
than in doing much work. While he
listened
to everybody’s problems, it was Miss Nicky who done fixed them. She was different. The man just weren’t a doer.”

Devlin feigned a yawn. “This is all very fascinating, Toby, but I have no interest in your story. I agreed to let you have your say, but I am not reliving her childhood again. I have been down that road once, so maybe you had better go.”

“No!” Toby shouted in exasperation. “That’s my point exactly. You ain’t never ’eard ’er
real
story. You’ve only ’eard it the way she tells it.”

Devlin ran his hands through his hair in frustration.