The Apartment: The Complete Affair (40 page)

“That’s great, Scott.” She smiled again, and it was her first genuine smile of the night. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen him this excited about anything, including her.

“So, where were you when I called?” he finally asked, glancing around after the room grew quiet.

“Well…” Lily took a deep breath. “I just found out that the apartment over the dance studio is available again.”

“Available for what?” he sneered. “Demolition?”

“It’s not that bad,” she said, fidgeting nervously. “The right furniture could really make it a cute place.”

“I don’t know if I could ever picture anything cute there, sorry.”

“Well, I think it’s full of…
potential
.” She wanted to say memories—vivid memories that lived in every corner of the room. Quick flashes shot through her mind: Ethan, shirtless and painting … Ethan, rolling around on the floor with her after smearing her body with colors … Ethan, preparing her lovingly for something she would never trust another man enough to do.

“Eh,” he shrugged, sitting down in her dad’s recliner with a practiced movement.

“Well, I’m going to take it,” she said decisively.

“You
can’t
be serious.”

“Why?” she demanded.

“Well, it’s right over that damn dance studio, for one, and you know you would hear a bunch of old farts doing the two-step all night.”

Lily knew for a fact that he was wrong: you could hear lovers doing the waltz. She shut her eyes against the onslaught of memories as Scott continued. “Second, it’s a dump! It probably looks like some squatter’s paradise, or a crack house!”

“Oh, whatever! It’s nowhere near that bad.” She rolled her eyes, unable to hide her frustration.

“Lily, I really don’t understand why you want the place.”

“I thought it would make a nice apartment for me,” she whispered. “I’m tired of living with my dad. I need my own space.” What she didn’t say was that she needed to keep just one last piece of Ethan alive.

“
What
? That doesn’t even make any sense!” he bellowed, standing up again so he could look her in the eye. “Why the hell would you get an apartment—especially that piece of shit—so soon before the wedding? Why would you bother moving out now when we’re only going to move to my house after we get married?”

Lily stopped pacing around anxiously and stared at him, her expression as shocked as if he’d slapped her in the face. She’d been about to tell him that she was getting an apartment because there wouldn’t
be
a wedding, but his words interrupted that train of thought.

“Excuse me—what did you say? We’re going to do
what
?”

“Move to my house?” He said as if it were a question, unable to see why she was so upset.

“And when, exactly, did
we
decide that?”

“That’s what I’ve always planned for us. You knew that.”

“Uh, no, I most definitely did not!” she snapped. “Where the hell did you picture us living all this time, the garage?” It wasn’t even about her getting the apartment anymore; she was absolutely livid that he’d been planning their entire life for them for over a year and never once said a word about it.

“No, in my house. My room is big enough for us.”

“Scott, your room isn’t big enough for
you
!” Suddenly she realized what he was really saying, and she sucked in a breath. “Wait a minute—you thought we would live with your
father
?!”

“Who the hell is gonna take care of him if we don’t?” he screamed, his own emotions bubbling to the surface. Sam was always a sore spot with Scott, a burden he chose to carry through life even though it made him miserable.

“How about rehab, for starters?” she yelled back, knowing that she was treading in dangerous waters, but not caring anymore. She knew that she was striking out in pain and anger, and it had probably been the worst possible time to start this conversation, but the dam had broken and she wasn’t going to keep quiet anymore.

“Don’t go there,” he said with a warning tone in his voice.

“Oh, I think it’s
way
past time that I went there, Scott.”

She felt the truth in her words the moment they left her lips. She knew now, without any remaining doubt, that she really did need to end it, even without the beautiful new man who had interrupted her life. This wasn’t going to work, no matter how much she might try to force it. She couldn’t go through life smiling and nodding blankly while she was hollow on the inside.

“You know what my dad’s like,” he stated simply, as if that was all the explanation she needed. She did know what Sam was like, and she also knew that Scott was only going to grow more bitter by the day if he kept letting himself be a slave to his father—just as she had let herself become one to George. At least her father was somewhat gracious about it; the only thing Sam knew how to do was bark orders and get drunk.

“Yeah, I do. And I know you need to get the hell out of there before you become just like him.”

“I can’t just abandon him like that, Lily! I’m all he has left!”

“Well that’s only because your mother was smart enough to take off! Why should you be stuck with your life on hold?”

“I’m not stuck, I’m helping him. He needs me. And don’t bring my mother into this,” he growled.

“Scott!” She threw her hands up in exasperation. “Your father was an abusive, overbearing jerk to her until she finally gave up and left. And you know what? I don’t blame her! Your dad is a prick! He always was, even before the stroke!”

Scott reached out and grabbed her by the arms roughly, shaking her as he screamed in her face. “Don’t you dare fucking bring up the stroke! My dad lost everything after that! His dignity, his wife! I’m the only one he’s got!”

Refusing to be silent in the face of his rage, Lily kept going. “So because he ruined his body with meth and emotionally abused your mother so much she abandoned her own son to save herself, that means that you are bound to him forever?”

“Shut up!”

“No, I won’t,” she said more calmly than she felt. “Just because she made the mistake of leaving you here with him, it doesn’t mean that you are stuck here forever. I understand wanting to help him through a hard time, but he has done nothing in all these years but get worse! Why do you think my father can’t stand to be around him anymore? They used to be best friends, for God’s sake, and now whenever I mention Sam’s name my dad gets sad. He tried so hard to talk him into getting help. It broke his heart to watch him become what he is today. When your mother left, that was the last straw. I think he’s always blamed himself for not doing more for you. Hell, I’m pretty sure that’s why he wants us to get married so badly.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that he loves you like a son, and he’s hoping that I’ll scoop you up and take care of you the way that I took care of him. I’m pretty sure he was hoping that I’d get you
out
of that situation, not get myself sucked into it.”

“But it would be better with you there, I just know it. My dad likes you! He’s on his best behavior when you’re there. And you’re a nurse. You could help me take care of him.”

“Are you even
listening
to yourself? Do you hear what you’re saying?” Lily couldn’t believe that after she’d spent so much time dreaming of a life in which she wasn’t waiting on someone hand and foot, her own fiancé had been planning on signing her up for indentured servitude.

He let go of her and stepped back, dropping his gaze to the floor. When he spoke again it was a quiet whisper. “You’re acting like I’m some kind of monster just because I want to help my dad.”

Lily felt her heart go out to him, finally seeing just how confused and misguided he had become. Closing the gap between them, she hugged him and put his head on her shoulder. Stroking his hair, she sighed before finally speaking.

“Scott, you’re not a monster. You love him, I know that. But what you’re doing now isn’t helping him. He needs
real
help, not the kind you can give him. And if he refuses that, there’s no reason you should throw your life away making runs to the liquor store for him and helping him to bed every night. And it’s totally unfair to expect me to throw my life away.”

“Then what? What do I do? I thought I had everything worked out, but now I don’t have a clue.” She could hear him swallowing a lump in his throat. “I really thought you were the answer.” He seemed to finally understand.

“I know,” she whispered. “But this just isn’t right. I think you know that now as much as I do.”

He looked at her, slowly reaching up to cup her chin. “I really do love you, you know.”

“And I love you. I always have. But I don’t think either one of us feels the kind of love we’re supposed to feel. We’re like best buddies. You deserve to go somewhere and find a girl who will love you with her whole heart.”

“But everything is so much easier with you,” he chuckled. “We hardly ever fight and you put up with my shit.”

Lily smiled softly, but her eyes were sad. “That’s because there’s no passion between us, sweetie. I know that now.” Her mind flashed through so many heated encounters with Ethan that she lost count. “When that kind of passion is there, it makes the fighting and nagging worth it, because the good times are so much better.”

“I’ve never had that before,” he said quietly. “I just thought that we clicked so well that it had to work.”

“We would have been comfortable, but deep down we both would have been bored to death.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” He looked at her for a moment before leaning down and kissing her softly. They both knew it was nothing more than a friendly gesture, the comfort of a good friend. “So what happens now?”

Lily reached into her pocket and pulled out the ring she had hardly ever worn. “You should have this back,” she whispered, holding her open hand out to him. “You saved up a long time for it. I’m sure you could use the money for a fresh start.”

“Wow,” he sighed, taking the ring from her small hand. “I can’t believe this is really happening.” He turned it over in his huge fingers, watching the slight sparkle from the small stone. “Do you really think I can start over?”

Lily stood up on her tiptoes, kissing him soundly on the cheek. “Absolutely. I think you can do anything you set your mind to. You just have to try.”

“Thanks, Lil.”

“Thank you for understanding.”

* * *

A little over an hour later, Lily sat alone in her father’s kitchen. She still felt completely raw, as if her entire body had been turned inside out, but she was pleased to notice a new lightness in her chest. She hadn’t realized just how much the guilt of stringing Scott along had been weighing her down, and she was happy that they were able to end things so amicably.

A part of her wondered if she should have come clean about her affair, but she couldn’t find any reason to hurt him more than necessary. If it had come down to it, if he hadn’t been so understanding and had demanded another reason, she would have told him. But as it was, she was just happy it was finally over. She knew that telling him anything more now would only serve to lessen her guilt, and in her mind that guilt was her own punishment to bear.

She looked around the dark kitchen, food the furthest thing from her mind, and wondered what she was going do now. She had finally started down a new path, but she wouldn’t be able to spend it with the person she cared most about. Sighing deeply, she pushed back her tears and forced herself to think about the topic at hand.

George.

She knew he would be home any minute, so she spent what quiet time she had left preparing herself for the inevitable confrontation.

He walked into the kitchen about ten minutes later, surprised to find her waiting for him in a silent house with a mug of hot cocoa in her hand. It was still fairly full, since her diminished appetite had only allowed her a few sips, but she figured it might be helpful to have something to do with her hands during the upcoming conversation.

“Lil?” he asked, sensing something was up. “What’s going on?”

“Pull up a chair,” she said as calmly as possible, trying to keep her voice from wavering.

“Alright,” he said hesitantly. Once he was seated across from her, he sighed loudly. “Want to tell me what this is all about?”

“Listen. I have some news, and I didn’t think it should wait.”

“Are you pregnant?” he asked, a slight enthusiastic edge to his voice.

“No!” she gasped. “God, no! Why on earth would you think that?”

“Well, you said you had news. Forgive me for jumping to conclusions. So? Whatcha got for me?”

Lily took a deep breath. “I’m moving out.”

There was a beat of silence. “Oh,” he replied quietly. “So soon?”

“Soon? Dad, it’s been three years.”

“I know. I guess I just figured you two would wait until closer to the wedding. So, where are you guys going to live?”

“Actually, that’s the other part of my news. I’m moving out alone. The engagement is off.”

“Are you alright?” he asked quickly. “What happened? Did you fight? Did he hurt you? Do I need to kick his ass?”

“Slow down, Dad. Take a breath.”

“Tell me what happened, Lil.”

“We ended it.”

“Care to be more specific?” George asked sarcastically.

“We both agreed that we aren’t the right people for each other. There wasn’t any one thing that happened, Dad. We aren’t mad at each other, there was no big fight. We just aren’t together anymore.”

“Not right for each other?” he yelled. “What are you talking about? You two are a perfect couple!”

“Not even close, Dad.”

“I just don’t get it,” George sighed, running his hands through his hair. “He’s a great kid, Lily. He’s always treated you well.”

“If you love him so much why don’t you marry him, then?” she snapped, regretting it instantly when he winced. “Listen, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. But you’re supposed to care about what I want and need, and it’s not Scott. It hasn’t been for a long time, and I finally found the courage to admit it to him. I didn’t think we had any business getting married when we just weren’t in love.”