Authors: Mindy Starns Clark,Leslie Gould
I stepped to the side of the bed and reached across Zed’s casted arm and stroked his chin.
His head was bandaged, he had a tube going up his nose, the side of his face was scraped raw, and wires were hooked up to his chest. When a monitor started to beep, I jumped.
“It’s just taking his blood pressure,” Lexie explained.
“Oh,” I answered. I’d never liked hospitals. I could never be a nurse like Sarah or Lexie, or even a midwife like Mom. That was certain.
“He had an MRI yesterday,” Lexie said. “He has a skull fracture and a bad concussion, but we won’t know how serious the injury is until he comes out of the coma. He could wake up anytime or not for quite a while…”
“Oh,” I answered again, understanding all too well.
Mom spoke in a faint voice. “At least he’s young. His chances are better because of that.”
“Did the car stop that hit him?”
“Oh, yes,” Mom said. “It wasn’t the driver’s fault. Zed must have been in a hurry to get home. I was still out on a call, so Izzy was with Freddy.” She took a raggedy breath. “The driver felt horrible, as you can imagine. He called nine-one-one. In fact I had a message from him today asking how Zed is.”
We stood in silence for a moment, watching Zed breathe. At least he could do that on his own. That had to be a good sign.
“I’ll go wait with Ezra,” Lexie said after a few minutes.
“Ella.” Mom turned toward me. “I want to ask you something.” She sounded so serious. I couldn’t imagine what it might be. “I need someone to sit with Freddy tonight.”
“Mom.”
It was as if she hadn’t heard me. “Izzy is there right now, but she can’t spend the night. She’s a good help, but this is all too much for her, especially with Zed getting hit. Freddy stayed alone last night, but he shouldn’t have. I don’t want to leave him alone again.” Her eyes, full of expectation, met mine.
I thought of the letter Freddy had sent. And then of Luke urging me to forgive him. I started shaking my head slowly at first, but then more adamantly.
“She’ll give you instructions. What medicine. All of that.”
“No,” I managed to say. I wasn’t ready to take care of Freddy Bayer.
“I’ll be home by ten.”
“No,” I said again.
“Ella.” Mom’s voice was soft.
“No. Please, no. I’m staying here with Zed. You go home to Freddy.”
“I should stay with Zed,” Mom said.
“Then find someone else to stay with
him
.” I knew my voice was full of resentment. But it was more than that. I had no reason to trust Freddy Bayer. There was no way I was going to take care of him. “Maybe someone else could do it. Like Lexie.”
“There’s a first-time mother in early labor.”
“Maybe Ada could.”
Mom shook her head and then cleared her throat. “Ada isn’t in labor yet, but she could be any day now.”
“What? I thought she lost the baby.”
“I thought she would, that night,” Mom said. “But she didn’t. She’s not due for another couple of weeks, but she keeps having contractions nonetheless.”
I slumped down into the chair beside Zed, feeling overwhelmed. Ada was going to have a baby, but no one had told me until they had to. It looked as though she’d gotten her honeymoon baby—not that she’d had a real honeymoon—after all.
And it felt like such an Amish thing that Mom expected me to go take care of Freddy. More forgive and forget. And to think I was determined to become Amish.
“I can’t do it.” I met Mom’s eyes and leaned forward. “I just can’t.”
I expected her to shame me into it—or bully me. But she didn’t. “I shouldn’t have asked,” she said. “I’m tired. I need to find a nursing aide for Freddy. That will free us up to be here more without having to leave him home alone.”
“Okay,” I whispered. “But tonight, you go. I’ll stay with Zed. And I’ll call if anything happens.” I stood, and Mom gave me a half hug, squeezing me tightly, bumping against my shoulder with her chin. Then she kissed Zed on the forehead and left the room. I was surprised when Ezra joined me a few minutes later.
“Are you staying?” I was overcome with relief.
He shook his head. “I wanted to tell you goodbye. Your mom’s getting the car. She’s going to give me a ride back because Lexie is headed the other direction.”
Tears clogged my throat.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, though,” he said. “I’ll call here in the morning.”
“Thanks,” I whispered.
“We’ll make time to talk.” He took my hand and held it as we both gazed at Zed. “Things will be okay.” His voice was full of confidence. “I’m so glad you’re home.” He hugged me then, all of me. A long tender hug. As I melted against him, it was as if the last few months never happened.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, pulling away reluctantly. My heart pounded as I watched him go, his hat at his side, loping through the intensive care unit and out the door into the hall.
It wasn’t until an hour later that I thought to leave a message for Luke and Rosalee. I nearly started crying as I called from the phone beside Zed, telling them I’d arrived. “Please pray,” I added. Then I left the hospital number, telling Luke to feel free to call it if he wanted.
After that I slept for a few hours, waking to a nurse hovering over Zed.
“How is he?” I stammered, jumping to my feet.
“The same,” she said, turning toward me. “How are you?”
“Hungry.”
“Cafeteria’s on the first floor.”
“Thanks,” I answered, gazing at Zed. He was still in the same position. His good hand remained on his chest, the IV taped to the back of it.
On the way to the cafeteria, I stopped by the gift store to see if they had any prepaid cell phones. They did, and I bought one and keyed in the code. By the time I reached the cafeteria I texted Mom with the number in case she wanted to reach me. I didn’t know Ezra’s number at the dairy where he was working. I’d have to wait until he called me in the morning. But I did call Plain Treats back, leaving the new number.
After a turkey sandwich and a bag of chips, I returned to Zed’s room with a cup of coffee.
The next thing I knew it was morning and Mom was at my side, her hand against Zed’s face.
“Who’s with Freddy?” I asked.
“Izzy. I left messages at all the home health agencies. I expect I’ll have an aide by this afternoon.”
“Izzy must be really mature to handle this.”
“I think she’s sweet on Zed. She said she wanted to come and see him. She’s been helping with Freddy for the last month while Zed was at school.”
The picture was coming into focus for me. Freddy had been at the house longer than I thought. At first Zed and Mom had been able to care for him, leaving him alone when needed. But a month ago they had to pull in outside help.
“Did the mother who was in labor deliver?”
Mom nodded. “Lexie’s back at the house, sleeping.”
If Mom was sleeping in the alcove, then Lexie would be in Zed’s room—meaning my room.
“I think once Lexie wakes up, Izzy will hire a driver to bring her into town to see Zed.”
“Really?”
Mom took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “They’ve become close.”
Izzy couldn’t be more than fifteen. I sighed. The same age as Zed. He was so big now and acted so mature that I had to remind myself how young he really was.
My eyes landed on my brother. I’d missed a lot in the last few months. Zed was almost sixteen. Too young to be dating, but not too young to be interested. Except she was Amish. What was he thinking? A Mueller girl would never leave the church. And Zed would never join. Unlike me, he liked to travel. And unlike me, he was an academic.
“You should go home and get some sleep,” Mom said.
Home? What was she thinking?
“I thought I’d stay here as much as possible, and then with
Mammi
if needed,” I said, keeping my voice even, determined not to stir up any unneeded drama.
Mom didn’t answer.
I wasn’t sure how I would get back and forth if I did go to
Mammi
’s. I’d probably have to hire a driver.
In the mid afternoon, Izzy tiptoed into the room. She whispered a hello to me, but that was all. Her eyes were entirely on Zed.
“Has he woken?”
“No,” I answered.
She touched his good arm lightly and then put her hands back at her side. “Zed,” she whispered. “It’s time for you to wake up now. We need to know you’re okay.”
I stood and stepped away from her. Honestly, I felt a little miffed at her familiarity, but when Zed’s arm twitched a little I let go of my pettiness.
“Keep talking to him,” I said.
Izzy hesitated a moment, and then she said, “I finished the book you gave me. The one about the philosophers. I really liked it.”
I raised my eyebrows toward Mom, trying to imagine what Peggy and Eli Mueller would think of Zed sharing such books with their Izzy.
“I was hoping we could talk about it.” Izzy sat down in the chair I’d vacated. It looked as if she planned to stay a while. She leaned closer to the bed and Zed’s arm twitched again.
“Your dad said to tell you hello and that he’s praying for you.”
It was my turn to twitch.
Izzy continued. “Lexie’s with him now. She seems really nice.”
Zed’s hand flopped a little and then began to move around on the bed as if he were looking for something. Izzy sensed it too. In a moment, when she placed her hand over his, it was obvious what Zed was searching for. When he grasped her hand, Mom and I both startled, but Izzy prattled on, saying how much she liked Lexie, that Zed was right—his cousin rocked. Then she talked about the chickens and how out of sorts they were that morning. Zed didn’t move anymore, but he kept holding her hand.
Somehow she jumped from the topic of the henhouse to Freddy. “He’s really worried about you,” Izzy said. “He feels it’s his fault somehow, but I told him that was ridiculous. But that’s sweet of him, isn’t it?”
I thought of Izzy and Freddy in the cottage as Zed was hit. Did they hear the screeching of tires?
“You scared me to death,” Izzy said. “I couldn’t believe what happened. Do you remember me beside you? Somehow your dad managed to get out the door too. I was holding your head. I guess I shouldn’t have done that—thank goodness you don’t have a neck injury.”
I swiped away a tear.
Izzy was silent for a moment. Maybe that was what it took—Zed wanting her to keep talking because he opened an eye, and he’d turned his
head to the side, as if he were trying to focus on her. I stepped closer to the bed, trying to get in his line of vision. A smile slowly crept across his face, but it was more than apparent that it wasn’t directed at me.
“I’ll get the nurse,” Mom said, slipping from the room.
I swiped at another tear. “Welcome back.”
“Izzy,” was what he said. “Izzy, Izzy, Izzy.”
T
Z
ed didn’t speak again, but he smiled at Mom and reached for my hand once I had a chance to get close to him. The nurse was able to catch the doctor before he finished his rounds, and he checked Zed’s eyes and gave him one instruction after another, all that he was able to follow. The doctor said the worst was most likely over but it was still too soon to predict Zed’s recovery.
After the doctor left, Zed fell back to sleep, but it was obvious he’d just made an enormous leap in his healing.
An hour later I hitched a ride with Izzy’s driver, hoping he could take me on to
Mammi
’s house after he dropped Izzy off. She and I sat in the back and chatted. She said she didn’t particularly like nursing, but she’d agreed to help Mom because her parents told her to. She was awfully glad she had.
“It’s been a wonderful experience…until Zed got hit.” She sat up a little straighter. “I hope to teach in a couple of years. That’s why Zed has been giving me books to read. The latest was on the different philosophies of teaching.”
“Oh,” was all I could manage to say. I’d never heard of an Amish teacher
reading about different philosophies, but then I’d never been interested in teaching.