The Alexandra Series (41 page)

“Reggie, please.” It seemed utterly stupid to plead with this man, but I actually won him over.

“How about a bowl of soup at the cafe across from the office, tomorrow noon?” he suggested, though he didn’t really sound all that pleased about it.

“I’ll be there,” I replied. “And thank you.”

***

In the cafe the next day, I sat down gingerly on the seat across from Reggie.

“Do I detect a sore bottom?” he asked.

“Very.”

“So, how’s it going?” He was cool, but not unfriendly, his disposition could go either way; it was always hard to tell what the man had on his mind.

“Horrible.”

“Tell me,” he asked curiously.

“You sent him the implements,” I complained.

Reggie smiled pleased. “I thought you’d like that. Did Will?”

I maintained a dour look on my face. “He started with the paddle first, in fact, that seems to be a real favorite.”

“The hardest to take,” he observed.

“Last night, he used all three, one right after another, as if I could stand it.”

“And you did,” he pointed out. “You’re here, aren’t you? Isn’t Will everything you wanted?” Reggie asked.

“I used to think so,” I replied.

“And not now?”

“Frankly, I’m getting a load more sympathy from you right now than I’ve gotten from Will the whole week, and you’re hardly being sympathetic. I’m beginning to wonder if I haven’t made a mistake.”

“About what?” he asked.

“About Will, what else! Three times, he’s punished me in six days, and it’s nothing but hard, fast and cruel. He’s so ruthless with the paddle, I almost beg him to use the strap. But then that can cut like a knife. The only thing he’s not so sure of is the cane. I think he’s actually afraid of that, but he certainly makes up for it with the others. And that doesn’t even mention, his hand and the hairbrush.”

Reggie hardly looked sympathetic.

“With you it was rough,” I went on. “But there was some kindness, or sex or something. I mean, at least recently.”

He laughed. “You’re really one piece of work, Alex. Will Kozak goes to the wall for you, gives you to me for months at a time, waits to see if you even want him. Then, when you come back to him, you’re up to your old games without batting an eye. And now, after you deceive him, you balk because everything is not neat and tidy with him again, in what? Six days?”

“You’re going to be as hard on me as he is,” I observed.

“You’re damn right, Alexandra. If you value your relationship, if you believe that it’s worth paying a few prices to keep, then you’ll grit your teeth and take what’s coming to you. After all, you were the one that created this mess.”

I didn’t like hearing his assessment of my life, but I’d invited his counsel. There was nothing I could do but listen.

“It’s back to control, luv,” he said, shaking his head. “Just remember, you’re going through some adjustments. You don’t want the relationship back the way it used to be. That didn’t work for either of you, so don’t try to make it that way again. He’s the man you want, he’s the man you’ve always been attracted to. For god’s sake, allow him to be himself, be real yourself. You might be surprised.”

“I am attracted to Will. Passionately. But then, I’ve been attracted to you too,” I reminded him.

“No, not really. With me you’re just attracted to a perfect fantasy in your head. With Will you have everything else between you, the love, or are you forgetting that?”

“That’s what I need right now, and I’m not getting.”

“Be patient, you’re looking for instantaneous cures, while Will is making up for lost time.”

I looked at his almost kind face, a trace of friendliness threatening to break out. “I still wonder sometimes if I shouldn’t have loved you all along. It seems that it’s always been much easier between us.”

“I’m not so sure of that, the way you rebelled. Though believe me, when I think of the women I should have loved, you do come to mind. But it would never work. I know that. It would all fall apart the instant we really tried to be more than just dominant and submissive.”

“You’re so sure,” I said.

“You don’t run into brick walls as many times as I have, and not know certain things.”

“You surprise me,” I conceded. “Sometimes you make me so furious I could spit, but now you’re almost, and I mean almost vulnerable.”

He chuckled. “I’ll have to watch that. Truth is: I’m just like everyone else, some things I see clearly; but there are others that are as vague as my own face viewed in a muddy puddle.”

I thought that an odd description. I’d never heard him speak about himself that way before.

“I wouldn’t give up on love, Reg, you might just surprise yourself.”

“And don’t you give up on Will. You need him.” He sounded There he was again, sounding like a stern but reassuring parent.

***

That night, Will was at the apartment when I got home from work. He was sitting in the chair just as he had the other three times he’d invaded my dwelling. Seeing him there instantly made my bottom tingle, and I was ready to cry looking at the wicked expression on his face.

“So you told on me,” he said, looking at me with dark cold eyes.

I stopped in my tracks. “Reggie told you?” I whined.

“In detail.”

“That rat!”

“Come here, Alex,” he motioned me to him, and I made the cautious journey to his side, standing next to him. He reached out and stroked my thigh. “It’s kind of funny, you’re going to Reggie to complain. So you think I’m too hard on you?”

“I’m not complaining, but I suppose you’re going to punish me just for talking to him.”

“No.”

“Okay,” I replied. I was suspicious, considering our last three times together. His hand on my thigh was having a distinctly sexual effect.

“No. But I will tell you this, if you’re frustrated with the way things are, that’s really too bad. I told you when I first came back that I was in charge.”

He continued to massage my thigh. And I can’t say I minded the way this first little tenderness from him in months was making my mangled heart suddenly soar.

“I’m going to do things my way, darling, and you’d better get used to it.”

“I just wanted everything else we used to have, too,” I said. “The affection, the tenderness, the sex.” I emphasized the last.

“That’s coming, I promise.”

His hand rose to my upper thigh, moving to the inside of my leg. I knew my pussy was dampening, the desire climbing to an almost impossible degree. I pressed myself against his hand, wanting more. And yet I felt so precarious and exposed; I wasn’t used to this with him. It was another thing that was easy with Reggie. Though not with Will. “I’m scared,” I whispered, practically in tears. “But I still want it to work.”

“Well then, we’ll keep working at it, and all you have to do is give up control.”

By then my legs were like jelly, and I knew Will well enough to know that we were on our way to sex. I wanted it more than anything, but I was scared of that too.

His hand made its way to my crotch, though suddenly he seemed to change his mind, and he meandered to my bottom, leaving my throbbing cunt to remain untouched. Squeezing my ass firmly, his tight grasp reminded me of the punishing spankings he’d given me that week. There were still places on my bottom that were tender, and I winced as sharp pains raced through me. I shouldn’t have been surprised that he began to probe between my ass cheeks.

“He told you about that, too?”

Will didn’t say a word, his expression said everything. Standing up, he surrounded me with a warm hug, though it didn’t last long. He was far too intent on taking me than being kind.

“Been a long time, Alex,” he said, as his fingers probed deeper into my rear cleft, to my bottom hole. He pulled a jar of cream from the table where he’d placed it, and the cream became lubricant to grease my rear channel. I let the feelings begin there, remembering well how Reggie had screwed me, and I hadn’t flinched or protested because I couldn’t. I wondered what would have happened if I did with Will?

For an instant I thought I’d test him, see if he would balk the way he used to. But it was so unfair, and I’d just be controlling as I’d been before. Making the decision not to refuse him made all the erotic sensations in my body that much stronger. Was this what submission felt like?

When he turned me around and pushed me over the arm of the chair, I was ready for him, even eager for him to violate me the way he often wanted. The entry was easy and swift; and he rode me gently, even though from time to time he slapped my bottom just to remind me of my place. I was all his, demanding nothing for myself, and grateful that after all these weeks, we’d at last progressed to this point. As he exploded inside, I found my own orgasm mount and spill deliciously over the edge in sensuous waves to match his much stronger climax. By the time he finally withdrew, I felt weak as a kitten and well used.

Will pulled me from the chair immediately, I was almost too limp to stand; though he was strong enough to keep me on my feet. His hand was in my hair, his lips on my forehead, while I remained tight to his chest. I clung tightly to him, afraid he’d leave.

“You’ve forgiven me?” I whispered, with my face buried in his chest.

“Yes, I’ve forgiven you.” And a little more of me collapsed contentedly against him.

We stayed locked together for a while not moving. And though I should have felt a good deal of satisfaction, my mind was already wondering what would happen next.

“So, you don’t need to punish me again?” I ventured.

“Punish you anymore for deceiving me? No. Keep you in line? Yes.”

“And you’ll be moving back in?” I asked. We were on a roll and I was starting to ride high.

Will tightened up, almost imperceptibly, but I felt it. He pushed me away, gently. “No,” he said.

I was devastated, in tears and wanting to tear myself away, but he held me firmly by the shoulders.

“We’re starting over, remember?”

“Completely?”

“I’m not going to move fast, Alex. We’ll get this right this time, before we start making commitments we can’t keep.”

“But?” I started my protest, a whole string of promises ready to spill out.

“Shush,” he said, putting his hand against my mouth, knowing what I was about to do. “You have lots to think about, and I’m going to give you plenty of time to do that. Now I think I’d better go.”

That was it. He left me with as much desire and loneliness as when he left after the punishments. I was filled brim full of guilt and regret that I’d ever let our relationship come to this. Though at least this time, there was some glimmer of hope.

***

I remember the weeks that followed for their extremes: the wild highs of being with Will, romantically, sexually and as his willing submissive. He was testing me. There’s no other way to describe the treatment. I’ve never known the man to be so deliberate, cautious and so thorough.

“I’m guarding against the hurt,” he told me one night.

I’d just made a trip over his lap, one of the first since ‘hell week,’ my affectionate term for that first week of punishment.

I’d been late meeting him for dinner, and was feeling piqued with him for being annoyed by my tardiness. I snapped at him one too many times, just like in the old days, which were not exactly ancient history. Once we were back in my apartment, I was over his lap, no warning at all, with the hairbrush coming down on my bottom while I kicked and screamed and cried bloody murder.

Before he let me up, he’d managed to cover my entire bottom from the top of my cheeks down to the top of my thighs with a fast furious blast of smacks. If I’d thought the strap and cane and even the wooden paddle were bad; this old fashioned moment over his firm thighs had to be as nasty as any earlier punishment. It was completely humiliating being treated like a child, with the spanking intended to curb my bratty disposition.

It was a rude awakening, especially after I thought things had settled down between us. No, it wasn’t going to be like the old days, when I’d ride roughshod over our relationship, demanding things in my very sweet way and expecting Will to kowtow to my manipulations. Then again, maybe I was testing him too, just to see if he would live up to his vows.

Chapter Thirteen

I remember Reggie chuckling once, telling me that ‘some things you plan, other things just kind of happen without your knowing it.’ What became the turning point, though not the final chapter—if there will ever be a final chapter in my relationship with Will—was one of those things that ‘just happened,’ without forethought, without any design or plans. A magical fluke perhaps…and yet it seems the outcome was almost pre-ordained, as if I had some prankster of a guardian angel to manipulate me like a puppet in order for me to learn the best lesson of my life.

I was prickly for weeks with an unpredictable Will who’d leave me smarting, confused and a little wary. I never knew if he would love me, punish me, or ignore me; and my rattled nerves could hardly take much more of my quixotic lover. I was at a point where I wasn’t sure if the constant trauma to my peace of mind was worth what I thought might result, if I held on long enough. Even Reggie’s words of encouragement had worn thin. The bottom line was, I wanted Will home, living with me, loving me, and even punishing me regularly if that’s what I needed; but being jerked around on his whim was as difficult to bear as it had been when I was jerked around on Reggie’s strings years before.