The Adventures of Caterwaul the Cat (29 page)

Oh well
, he thought, these were far too many depressing things to occupy the mind of a cat. Especially on this day, which was supposed to be a celebration. He put on his “worry-free” face and attempted to enjoy himself. Today was the day he would officially be recognized as the lord of the lands and ruler of the castle. Every cat who was any cat was expected to come to his coronation party that evening.

His friends Juan and Feliz were hired to run the security for the event. Though he trusted them implicitly, Caterwaul swore that he had seen among the security recruits several former members of the Felino Gang. There weren't any “made” felines among them, just low-level muscle, but still it worried him, bringing his former enemies into the fold so soon.

Taking Juan aside, Caterwaul questioned the logic of having former Felino associates on the payroll. Juan laughed and said he'd checked each of them out thoroughly and none of these cats had really done much harm. Every one of them pledged loyalty to Caterwaul and swore to protect the realm. Juan told him he felt these few “fellas” deserved the chance to redeem themselves.

Frankie and his band were scheduled to perform a few sets of the classics, and were rehearsing in the great hall. Caterwaul and Muse strolled down the castle halls to watch them as they ran through their song list for the evening. Caterwaul went straight up to the crooner and threw his arms around him.

“What do you think?” Caterwaul asked his friend.

“This whole place is the cat's pajamas,” said Frankie. “To tell you the truth, I can't believe I'm here. Thanks, Cat—” He paused in mid-sentence. He wasn't sure how he should properly address his friend, now that he was going to be a lord.

“Help me out a bit here, pal . . . what's a simple cat like me supposed to call you, now that you've become a lord and all?”

Caterwaul laughed and hugged the crooner tightly. “My friend, you can always call me Caterwaul; we've no titles or formalities between us. You and I bled together in battle, Frankie. That gives us a special bond that can never be broken.”

Frankie smiled. “But tell me, what are we going to do about tonight? As I understand it, you want us to set up here in the great hall to play for the maximum number of citizens possible.”

Caterwaul nodded.

“But your majest . . . eh, sorry . . . Caterwaul . . . the room isn't near ready. I mean the stage hasn't even been built yet.”

“Don't you worry about that, friend. Everything is under control. I have a guy coming to specifically take charge of organizing the entire room for tonight, and believe me, he comes under the highest recommendation.”

At that moment, the enormous doors of the great hall swung open and in strode an enormous, man-sized snapping turtle and two beavers. The snapping turtle was wrapped in a thin silk jacket with gold and purple streamers covering his shell. He wore clear lip-gloss on his beak, long false eyelashes, oh yes . . . and a colorful scarf about his neck.

“Never fear, Joffrey is here!” shouted the turtle as way of announcing himself. As he spoke, he threw his arms widely into the air. “You have a problem? My asssssociates and I can handle anything. You fellas have a job for me?” He approached the area where Frankie and Caterwaul stood.

Looking down at Frankie, Joffrey spoke. “Do I have the pleasure of addressing the new lord and master of all the land?” he asked.

Frankie started to laugh. “Not me, sweetheart,” he pointed to Caterwaul. “He's the one you wanna see.”

“Pardon me, your highness . . . I just asssssumed . . .” he stopped himself short, realizing what he said might be perceived as an insult. Then he suddenly recognized Caterwaul from his days with the Witch in the forest. Smiling, the turtle said, “Moving up in the world, I sssee. Tell me, your lordship, what do you need for us to do?”

Caterwaul quickly explained to the turtle that the room was going to be used for his affirmation party, and it needed to be done up quickly.

Joffrey spun around and snapped his enormous claws together. The sound echoed off the castle's stone walls, and suddenly everyone quieted down.

Looking at his companions he said, “Okay . . . Woody, I need you to grab as many of these cats as you need and ssstart working on the ssstage area. You, Castor, will be responsible for getting the musicians together and making ssssure their equipment is all ssset up, in tune, and ready for them to play. Am I clear, guys?” The two beavers nodded and silently set to work.

Caterwaul was stunned that Joffrey was able to quiet things down with just a click of his nails.

“Well, I am a sssnapping turtle,” he giggled, then said humorously, “Oh sssnap.”

The reptilian designer continued. “Now I will handle the room decoration while Carlos takes care of the sssnack situation.”

“Carlos?” asked Caterwaul. “Who's Carlos? There were only the three of you when you came in together.”

“No sssilly, there were four.” He started to count on his claws and realized the cat was right. This set him off. Where in the world was Carlos?

“Carlos!” he shouted. “We've lost Carlos again!” He turned back to Caterwaul. “I ssswear I can't let him out of my sssight for even a sssecond . . . You don't by any chance have a creek around here anywhere?”

That night, the affirmation party was a huge success. Everyone Caterwaul could have wanted there was present. The great hall was packed with animals of all shapes and sizes. There were even some humans from the village who came to recognize that a new era was dawning in the land.

Coy was stretched out on Huxley's enormous back with two cute, young females. He knew how to milk this hero thing pretty well. They oohed and aahed as he showed them his scars and told them the story of how he singlehandedly rescued more than fifty cats from certain death at the hand of the hunter. It didn't hurt that the dog they were lying on was there as “a witness” to corroborate his every exaggeration. Huxley played his part expertly.

Even Gerhard was there. He'd recovered enough from his many injuries to make the journey. When he presented himself before the new lord, he introduced Caterwaul to his new girlfriend. She was exactly what Caterwaul expected, a big, strong, meaty, long-haired calico. Gerhard introduced her as Sunny.

Later on, as the party progressed, Caterwaul could not help himself. He had to take a look. After dropping something “accidentally on purpose,” his eyes moved along the ground to see if she did indeed meet Gerhard's prerequisite.

Caterwaul looked at his friend and smiled. He made a sign with his paws that Sunny did indeed have very small ankles.

“Uh huh,” Gerhard affirmed. “That's good breedin'.”

Orris was in a full-on cooking frenzy. It had been years since he had been forced to work this hard. He was constantly blowing the hair from the front of his face and wiping perspiration from his forehead. He'd hired six assistants just to help him with the day's events and that didn't include the four-legged ones.

That didn't mean he wasn't happy, though. In fact, he was ecstatic, glad to be back in his element. This was what he'd always loved about working in the castle, the hustle and bustle of a feast in full swing. He was back in his domain, and he had Caterwaul to thank for it.

Out in the great hall, the music flowed like the food coming from the kitchen. Joffrey and his two beaver friends pulled off a near miracle. Everything was going perfectly. The stage the beavers built was magnificent, and the band had plenty of opportunity to rehearse before the guests started arriving. Of course, the whole general layout of the hall was especially well done, and for that, Caterwaul wanted to personally congratulate the turtle.

The new lord finally found him standing in a corner to the right of the stage. Joffrey had finally given up his search for Carlos and was now deep in a discussion concerning the comparative merits of turtle claws versus cat claws when carving fine furniture. His foil in the discussion? Who else but young Feliz, he of the massively magnificent hand skewers?

“You should come to visit me in the forest sssome time,” the turtle said, “Almost everything in my home is hand carved . . . by me, of course. If you have a chance to sssee what I've done, I think you'll be impressed; the detail is amazing.”

When they saw Caterwaul coming toward them, they stiffened to a sort of lazy attention. It was obvious that both cat and turtle had overindulged in the castle's hospitality.

“Joffrey,” Caterwaul called toward them. “Just the turtle I've been looking for.”

The man-sized snapper wasn't sure what was going on. Had he done something wrong? He was certain he had followed protocol. But had he mistakenly done something inappropriate? He wasn't one-hundred-percent sure, it was true, but he was fairly confident he hadn't accidently disemboweled any of tonight's party guests.

Joffrey moved toward him with his head down, hoping he hadn't given any offense.

“Joffrey, I just wanted to say that you and your crew have done a fantastic job organizing things for tonight's event. I could really use a reptile of your abilities here at the castle and was wondering if you might like to work for me full-time?”

Coy and Huxley were on a mission. They were looking for a ladder. Only hours ago, the place was crawling with workers, and Coy himself counted at least ten ladders in various parts of the castle. But now, there wasn't a single one anywhere to be found.

The little cat was frustrated. “With all of this new construction, you'd think there would be plenty of ladders around.”

Coy rode on the big dog's back. The two of them had developed a system where the small kitten could remain aboard even if the hound was moving fast. Right now, the hound was flying through the castle halls. Finally, in one of the sections of the castle furthest from the coronation feast, they spotted a workman. Over his shoulder, he carried the ladder they were looking for.

“Start making as much noise as you can,” the kitten yelled to his fast-moving friend. Huxley added barking and drooling to the racket he was already making as he ran. When the workman turned to see a huge hound running straight toward him, his natural reaction was to drop the ladder and take off. The ladder had a rope attached to it for tying it securely to whatever it was being set against. This was a bonus, as far as Coy was concerned. It would make moving the ladder to the front of the castle much easier.