The Adventures of Caterwaul the Cat (11 page)

The queen looked at her confused. “Did I understand you correctly? Did you say pie?” Druciah inquired. The Witch blew the dust off the pages into the fire, causing the dust particles to burn like tiny fireflies.

“Yes, my dear, your hearing is perfectly fine. I did say pie. What I have here is the recipe for creating an ancient confection of deliciousness guaranteed to make you young again and for the requisite nine lifetimes. It is the recipe for
feline pie
,” the Witch said with a snicker.

“It requires some preparation, so you will need someone who understands his way around the kitchen. Judging from how spoiled you appear to be, I am sure that you have someone you can trust to make it for you.

“The ingredients must be gathered with great care and followed explicitly according to my instructions. You may find some of the more unconventional ingredients in the forest on your way back. The rest can be assembled with what's already in your kitchen, I'd imagine.” The Witch paused for a minute reading the fundamentals of the dessert. She handed Druciah a piece of paper and some charcoal and began to dictate the recipe.

“Begin the pie with whatever pie dough recipe you like. I prefer to add in some white sugar and honey. This will give you a mild and buttery taste. You can substitute brown sugar for the honey if you don't feel like getting stung,” she giggled. “But doing so will give the pie more of a caramel flavor. I don't particularly care for caramel myself, but each according to her taste.

“Prepare a nine-inch pie pan; it's best if you use a glass one, my dear. Place the crust in it evenly and glaze it with the yolks of at least two eggs. You need to have the temperature of your oven preheated to about 375 degrees while you gather a bowl to mix the filling.”

Her voice became suddenly more “witch-like” as she recited to Druciah the components for the pie's filling.

“1 cup of sugar, 4 large eggs, 6 tablespoons of unsalted butter—you have to use unsalted butter, no exception—2 tablespoons of vanilla, 1/4 cup of dark rum, one eye of salamander, 2 owl beaks, 6 leaves of the althea plant, threads from the golden seal root, a pinch of feverfew, the pinky toe of a rat, the slime of an immature toad, a pinch of salt, and the tail of a white female cat.”

The Witch paused to see if Druciah had gotten it all down correctly. “Now you must combine the ingredients, all except the cat's tail, together in a large bowl while warming the crust until hot. Place the cat's tail in the pie pan, pour the filling on top of it, and cover with a rolled out top crust.”

The queen shook her hand to keep it from cramping.

“Poke some holes in the top so the steam can escape and brush the top of the pie with more of the egg yolk to ensure that it bakes to a golden brown.” The Witch hungrily smacked her lips together. “Make sure you bake it for between forty- five and fifty minutes; remember some ovens are hotter than others. You will want to take it out once the top is golden brown. Let it stand for one hour before eating,” the Witch finished.

“Is that everything?” Druciah asked exhaustedly. “I will have Orris, my chef, attend to its creation when I return. He is unmatched in the preparation of palatable pleasures.” The queen paused for a second, admiring her alliteration, and then asked, “Now, how am I going to catch Caterwaul for you? He is a tricky ball of fur. All my guards could not catch him if their lives depended on it.”

The Witch walked over to where several potions crowded the top of a tiny table. She picked up several one by one, removing the tops and sniffing each until she found what she was looking for.

“Here . . . this will do the trick,” she said to the queen. “Place three drops of this in his food, and it should knock him out long enough for you to complete your journey from the castle to here. It won't hurt him; it will simply put him out for the duration of your trip.” She paused, and then said hopefully, “I will be so happy to have him back. He is the only real friend I have.”

The Witch poured a small amount of the elixir into a small, green-glass phial.

“I suppose you find it easy to let him go?” the Witch continued. “That proves to me you could never love another. Tell me, queen, when your wish is granted, who will you call friend? You have one, and yet you betray him. I suspect that I will soon have one more friend than you, your highness.”

The queen sneered at what she saw as a challenge. “I will be loved again by many,” she said. “You don't know what you are talking about, hag. Cathoon Castle will soon be filled with laughter. It will shake once again with grand parties and succulent feasts. I shall be beautiful again and for ages.” She spat on the ground. “I will return with your chess partner as soon as I can.”

The queen turned and exited defiantly up the corridor, followed by her last remaining guard. However, Warwick Vane Bezel III, chief constable of the queen's secret police force, stayed behind for a moment. Scratching his head in wonder, he looked at the Witch and asked, “Can I have a bite of what you're cooking? It smells great.”

10

A Whole New Paint Job

O
n her way out of the forest, Druciah made sure to stop by to say farewell to General Fairfax. She vowed to do whatever she could to release him from the Witch's curse, but until then, she wished him the best.

The general had been honestly glad to see her. Though he had been surprised to learn just how long he had been trapped as a frog, he remembered her as an innocent and wide-eyed girl and thus knew nothing of her true character. Shouting “about face” to the other frogs, they turned as one before hopping off into the forest.

Joffrey was not so happy to see them, at least at first. He was a bit perturbed that one of his outfits came back to him covered in the muck of the forest floor. However, after the queen explained that the guard who was wearing it was now a frog, he couldn't really stay too upset.

Druciah again reminded him that she would soon be inviting him to the castle. How she would explain the presence of a man-sized snapping turtle, who was also an interior designer, was something she'd worry about later.

Approaching the possums' clearing, the queen was happy to find the Parliament was too involved in secret negotiations with the Assembly of Animals to be disturbed. As the party approached their domains, they saw signs that read, “No humans allowed.”

She was glad of this because she did not want to have to stop for more pleasantries. She was anxious to get back to Cathoon Castle.

After a while, the queen and her remaining escorts emerged from the forest. Druciah cleaned herself up and climbed up into her coach. She sent her guard and Warwick Vane Bezel III back into the woods to secure those ingredients she knew were sure to be absent from Orris's pantry. After about an hour, when they returned, Warwick was covered in filth.

“What in the world happened to you?” the queen asked.

“I fell into the swamp trying to nab your bloody salamander,” he said handing her a muddy bag. “I got them all though. Every single last disgusting item, just like you asked me to.”

He wiped his muddy face clean on his sleeve.

As is usually the case on such journeys, the group made better time in going than in the coming. Druciah was conscious of the fact that they had been gone a long time. The coach driver, with the queen constantly in his ear, wanted to get back to the castle as soon as possible just to shut her up. The two extra horses helped out a lot in that regard.

Again the word got around that the queen and her secret policeman were on their way. As before, the people ran away and hid. There was almost no sign of life anywhere except for the occasional kitty that scurried across their path. They stopped several times to water the horses, helping themselves to any food that the townsfolk had left behind.

Often it appeared that the inhabitants had been cooking only moments before evacuating the premises. As Queen Druciah rode through the various villages and towns, she noticed the twinkling of light reflecting off the fragments of all the shattered mirrors broken along the way.

“There is no telling how many years of bad luck are lurking in that rubbish, Warwick!” the queen shouted to Vane Bezel jokingly. Warwick was riding his warhorse beside her coach. The queen laughed out loud. She was elated. Very soon she would have her youth and beauty back.

I mustn't forget to have Caterwaul release the spell,
she thought to herself.
I will have him do it just as soon as he brings me a solid-white female cat.
She smiled wickedly.
His chances are better if we wait.

You can imagine Druciah's confusion when she saw what the cat had done to the landscape outside Cathoon as her coach rolled up to the castle. It was shocking to the queen to see her home turned into a feline paradise.

The queen stepped from her carriage and went directly inside in search of her mischievous pet. Going from room to room, her guard in tow, she found that the cat's alteration to the castle's interior was even worse than the exterior. She finally found him alone, sunbathing in the solarium, asleep, awkwardly stretched out on his back across a large pillow. A bit of kitty drool dangled from his mouth. He was having a catnap and obviously dreaming.

“Caterwaul!” she shouted. “What have you done to my Cathoon? It looks like a . . . a . . . cat house!”

Caterwaul shot up at once. The bit of drool slapped him in his left eye, and he began trembling as if he'd seen a ghost. After all, she had been gone for a very long time.

“Queen Druciah,” he said in a trembling voice as if he'd seen a ghost, “I thought I would surprise you. Do you like it?”

It was all the queen could do to suppress her rage. “Well, I see you've been quite busy, my mischievous little friend.” The queen sucked it up, trying not to give him any hint of his fate. “You know . . . Actually, I kind of like it,” she said with sarcastic disgust.

She looked at him with deliberate intent. “What has transpired here in my absence is of little concern right now. We will talk about it later. The only thing that concerns me now is that I am back, and I have a job for you.”

Feeling as though he had at least temporarily avoided her wrath, Caterwaul spoke. “I am happy to see you again, your majesty. If there is any part of the castle that displeases you, I will attend to it immediately,” he said apologetically.

“We will leave it as is for now,” said the queen. If she had harbored any doubts about giving him back to the Witch, they were all gone now.

“Did you get to see the Witch? What did she say? Did she give you what you were looking for?” His questions came hard and fast. He was confused by the fact that she still looked the same as she had when she left, although there may have been a few more errant hairs on her face.

“I need you to forget about all of that right now,” she said. “Ask me no more questions. What I need you to do for me now is to go out among the villages and retrieve for me an all-white female cat.”

She drew extremely close to him to emphasize her point. “It is of the utmost importance that she be completely white with no stripes, spots, or speckles whatsoever. Is that clear? And you will have to be quick about it because I need her back here as soon as possible.”

“Your majesty,” Caterwaul answered, “that's a strange request. Of course I will go as soon as possible, but why do you need her?” Caterwaul asked.

“I said no questions. Bring me a white female cat as I have requested. All will be revealed to you in time. Now do as I ask.”

The cat stretched his limbs, stood at attention, and said, “Don't worry, my queen. I will bring you back the most beautiful cat in the kingdom.”