The Academy - Friends vs. Family (37 page)

Victor’s head shifted from side to side against me. “No,” he
whispered. “No, he doesn’t. When Kota and the others found out, they helped
me.”

“How?”

His mouth twisted to a smile against my head. “That’s a story for
another day. But it was the hardest thing for me to do to admit something at
home was wrong. There were times I considered quitting the Academy entirely and
leaving everyone behind so they wouldn’t find out and so they’d never know. It
might have been the most difficult thing to admit my problems to them, but it
was one of the best things, for me and for them.”

My hand loosened my grip of his shirt. “I guess that’s a hint.”

“Running away doesn’t help anyone. We’ll fix whatever we have to.
You just have to tell us.” His fingertip traced over my cheek. “Stay with us,
Sang. Don’t run from us anymore. The only way our group works is if you can be
honest with us.”

“What if it isn’t fixable?”

“There’s very little out there that isn’t fixable. Death, going to
prison... But anything else we can usually figure it out.”

“How?”

He laughed, his baritone echoing through me. “You ask me that a
lot.”

“Sorry.”

He smoothed his cheek across the top of my head. “You’re not
sorry.”

I honestly didn’t know what I was any more. I was still
overwhelmed by the gifts. I was still wondering about Victor’s story and how he
managed to get his father to stop belittling him. I was still curious about
what trouble the others were in and how they fixed it together. Wasn’t I
protecting them by not bothering them over things I could handle?

I had to trust his experience. All I had to do was tell them. Why
did it feel like the hardest part? “I want to stay with you,” I whispered. That
was the easiest to say. I wanted him, all of them, to know.

“Are you sure?” he asked in a quieter tone.

My fingers gripped at his shirt again. I wanted to be sure he knew
I meant it. “Yes.”

The hand at my face shifted to my back, hugging me in close. He
breathed in deeply against my hair, his breath shifting the locks against my
head. “As you wish.”

With my cheek pressed to his chest, my eyes wandered to the
pictures around us, the stars above our heads, the trace outline of the chair
we sat in. All the things they did for me seemed like so much, and all they
wanted was to make sure I stayed with them. I didn’t want to leave them before,
but I also didn’t feel my place among them. Kota promised, as well as the
others promised, that it would happen. I would eventually know where I belonged
with them. What I had to trust, what I needed to keep reminding myself, was
that I did belong. I belonged somewhere, right? Why not with them?

There in the dark with Victor next to me, and his promise that
they wanted me, and the promise from the others displayed before me in the
pictures, the stars, the clothes, all the new things, they were doing what they
could, before I even knew what I wanted, to ensure I believed it like they did.

We grew quiet together. There were many things I wanted to say. I
wanted to thank him again. I wanted to ask him more about his father, his life.
I wanted to ask about the others. I wanted to tell him something, a problem, a
small one, just to offer something of myself to let him know I understood. My
mind was a mess, though. All I managed to do was slip my cheek against his
chest and massage my fingertips in a tiny circle along his collarbone.

I didn’t want to let go. This was as close as I’d ever been to any
of them. A feeling of warmth and belonging was seeping into me through his
touch, and I wanted it to last.

His fingers traced along my ribs. “Sang?” Victor whispered.

“Yes, Victor?”

He shifted a hand from my back, slipping down my arm until his
fingers found the bracelet at my wrist. His breath against the top of my head
and heated a small circle of my skin. “We should go out.” He paused, swallowed,
“I mean if you want to, I could take you out sometime.”

My eyes widened, focusing on a single heart glowing against the
wall. What did it mean? What did he want? I thought it would be wrong to ask
those questions. Did he expect me to know? Out as in a date? As a friend? What
about the others? Kota? What would it mean if we started dating? What if
something happened and we found out we didn’t like each other?

My own heart thundered and my mind whirled trying to grasp the
right thing to say. All I had were questions. “Where would we go?” It slipped
out first and I pursed my lips, unsure.

He released a breath. I felt his mouth smiling against my head.
“I'll take you anywhere you want.”

It wasn’t what I meant. I’d asked the wrong question and it gave
him an answer that he wanted and I couldn’t take it back. Something inside me
didn’t want to. I liked Victor. Everything I’d said about him the other night,
about being handsome and looking out for me, I admired in him. The only problem
was I liked all of them. A yes to him felt like a betrayal to the others.
Wasn’t dating about choosing one guy to date? “Victor, I... I’ve never... I
mean I don’t know...”

He nuzzled my forehead with his nose. “I understand. It’s sudden
and there’s so much going on. Maybe I should have waited. I didn’t want to. I’m
not very good at waiting.”

How long had he been waiting to ask? I didn’t want to make him
feel bad about asking. Isn’t that what he was telling me? To be honest about
what I was feeling? I dipped my head down, pressing my fingers to my lips,
summoning the courage to say something to clarify things for myself and not
disappoint him. “I’ve never been out with anyone. I mean I’m not sure what I’m
supposed to do.”

“Well,” he said, shifting to sit up a little. I pulled back so I
was sitting beside him. His hand found mine, our fingers intertwined. His eyes
remained on our hands so I watched our hands, too, assuming that was what I was
supposed to do. “First you pick a place. I’ll complain that it’s girly but I’ll
take you there anyway because I want to impress you.” His tone was matter of
fact, as if explaining how to operate a can opener.

I started giggling, shaking my head. “Victor...”

“And then you complain about what to wear. You’ll try on a hundred
different dresses and go back to the first one you put on. I’ll pick you up in
my car and we’ll go to some place that we’ll both hate. It’ll probably be some
restaurant where the waiter flirts with you and I have to beat him up.”

I rolled my head back, laughing. Victor was always so quiet and
reserved that listening to this side of him was melting my heart.

His fire eyes sparked against the green glow around us. “And then we’ll
go see a show, a foreign film in a language neither of us understands. We’ll
annoy the other people watching by making up the lines as the movie goes on.”
 

“Aw,” I said against my laughter. “They’ll be mad at us. They
might kick us out”

“You’re right,” he said, tilting his head as if pondering the
problem. His thumb started drifting over the back of my hand. “Maybe I should
just buy out the movie theater for the night.”

I tucked my head back against his shoulder, snickering against
him. “No, you’ve spent enough on me.”

“Are you kidding? I haven’t even started yet.”

I picked my head up, grinning. “No,” I complained. “No more
spending money.”

He gripped my hand tighter, smirking. “You don’t like it?”

Did he want me to be honest now? “I don’t want you to spend money
on me.”

His smile brightened. “Good.”

My mouth popped open. “What do you mean good?”

“That’s the first thing you’ve honestly told me you wanted without
me prying it from you.”

I bit my lower lip, contemplating his meaning. I tried to recall
everything I’d ever talked to him about, but with him next to me, it was
difficult to think at all.

He picked my hand up, pressing our palms together between us. “Too
bad I won’t listen,” he said.

I scoffed, pulling my hand away. “Victor...”

He laughed but stopped short, stiffening next to me. “No, no,
no...” he pleaded as he leaned forward again, hauling out his phone from his
back pocket and swiping at the face. “Always perfect timing.”

“Academy?” I asked.

He nodded, sighing, tucking his phone away again. “I’m sorry. I
can’t stay.”

“What’s going on? It’s not fighting, is it?”

He sat up, reaching for the wall. There was a click and the rose
sconces lit up over our heads again. “No, not really. Something’s broken and I
have to fix it.”

“Right now?”

He turned back to me, his fire eyes met mine and started to blaze.
“Yeah,” he said softly, “right now. I wouldn’t leave unless I had to.”

I rubbed absentmindedly at a spot on my cheek. “Oh I know, I
didn’t mean... sorry.”

His hand found mine at my cheek, taking it in his and squeezing
gently. “If I don’t get a chance to come back, I’ll see you on Monday.”

I smiled, trying to bottle my desire to ask him to stay. I knew
better. “Hurry and go before you get in trouble.”

He smirked, rolled his eyes, lugging away and stumbling out of the
bean bag chair onto the carpet. I dragged myself up, on my hands and knees,
intending to follow him out but he stopped short on the stairs. He turned, his
head almost smacking into mine.

I pulled back. “What?”

The edge of his mouth curled up. “I lied to you before.”

My mouth opened in response. Lied?

His hand drifted above my head. I thought he was reaching to pull
me into another hug and without thinking, I leaned forward, expectant.

“There was one more thing,” he said, flashing a smile. There was
another click as he pressed a button on the wall. Music spilled out around us
from unseen speakers.

Mysterious from Yuko Ohigashi.

“I’ll see myself out. Stay. Have fun. Call me. No wait, I’ll call
you. I promise,” he said this while rushing to crawl out to my bedroom, opening
the door a crack to take a peek out. He turned back to me once, waved and
disappeared behind the attic door.

My heart raced. It was the first time I’d been alone in days. The
realization settled into me as hard as ice trailing down my spine, and didn’t
quite settle.  

Yet as the piano music tinkered around me like a music box, my
eyes fell again on the faces of Kota, Gabriel, Luke, North, Victor, Silas and
Nathan, along with a few of Mr. Blackbourne and Dr. Green in the photographs
that surrounded me. The spot beside me was still warm, still smelled like
berries and moss. The phone in my bra, over my heart, felt more like a
connection. All I had to do was call. They’d promised. I’d promised.

I was never alone.

H
oping
a
nd
C
hanging

“Sang Baby, yes, you can,” North urged to me on the phone as I
curled up tighter in the bean bag chair. “You’re not going to break it. If you
do, I’ll fix it. Touch what you want.”

I’d hardly moved since Victor left a couple of hours ago. I
couldn’t stop staring at the photos and when I could finally swallow my heart
down from my throat, I called North first to thank him. Only the first thing
I’d said was instead of thank you, I admitted I was afraid to touch the things
around me.

“I don’t know where to start,” I said.

“You’re in the beanbag chair, aren’t you?” he asked, the hint of
teasing in his voice. “You’ve already started.”

That was a good point. I knew I was being stupid but I was being
honest. “It’s amazing.”

Pause. “I’m glad you like it.”

“I can’t believe you got them to put stars up,” I said, reaching
to flick off the light. The darkness swallowed me up, my senses tingling as the
stars started to glow. I recalled the night he came to my window, helping me to
escape to join him on the roof as we stared up at the stars together. That,
too, felt like a long time ago, even though it’d only been a few weeks. “I
can’t believe you told them about...”

“I didn’t tell them why.”

My heart stopped. “What do you mean?”

“I thought we should keep our first date to ourselves.”

I inhaled, catching my breath and nearly jumped to sit up
straight. Did he mean it? Was that what it was? A date! I’d been on one and I
never knew. “North...”

“I know it wasn’t ideal.”

“It was perfect.” The words slipped from my lips before I had a
chance to think of the consequences. I’d meant to be supportive and not let him
think I didn’t like it. After I said it, I realized I’d acknowledged it was a
date and that I really liked it. The first I was unsure about, the latter... at
least I could say I was being honest there.

I’d also flat out lied to Victor. I didn’t know it was a date so
maybe it didn’t really count. But if it didn’t count, then wouldn’t that be
wrong to admit to North? I pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind. It
couldn’t be helped now.

North chuckled on the phone, his deep voice made it seem like the
phone rattled in my hand, or perhaps it was my own trembling. “You’re easy to
please, but next time maybe we’ll go to the beach instead. I did promise.”

“Are you going to have time?” I asked, deflecting with the hope he
wasn’t going to ask me to do it soon. I needed time to think. “I mean with the
diner starting and football and school.”

“I think I can spare a few minutes,” he said, his tone inflecting
something serious, as intense as I imagined his eyes were.

Did I say the wrong thing? Maybe he thought I was questioning his
ability to keep up with it all. “Maybe more than a few minutes?” I asked,
trying to be funny.

A longer pause. “I’d come for you now,” he said, causing my heart
to race and another deflection tickling my tongue. He continued, “But neither
of us slept well last night, and I don’t want you tired at school.”

I swallowed. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” he said. “Your nightmares aren’t your fault.”

“Well they kind of are,” I said, smiling in the dark. “I do dream
them.”

He groaned. “Will you shut up and go touch your shit, please?”

“North?”

“What?”

I bit my lip, unsure. “Do you still like me?”

He huffed. “Yes.”

A warmth rippled through me.

“Do you still like me?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Go play with your stuff. And call me if you have any more
nightmares. And when I say call, I don’t mean the next morning. I mean when you
have them. And call me about any dream. I don’t care if it’s a nightmare or
not.”

“How are either of us going to sleep if I’m calling and waking you
up?”

“Sang,” he said, his tone going dark. “If you don’t go touch your
things, I’m coming back and I’m going to pilfer through all your pretty stuff
and leave dirty fingerprints all over it.”

Now who was deflecting? “Fine.”

When I hung up, I lingered on the chair for only a moment. I
wanted to get up to check on my mother. I’d done it a couple of times with the
new app on my phone but I didn’t really trust it yet. According to it, she was
sleeping. The image was surreal, looking in on her from across the room, from
what I thought was from the vent above the short hallway that lead to a couple
of closets and a bathroom.

I was also getting a cramp in my back from being curled up, inhaling
what I could of Victor’s scent while he was gone. Why was it so addictive? Why
did my heart thud so much thinking of the gold chain on my wrist, or the way he
looked so happy after I almost-promised to go out on a date with him? What
would I say to him next time, knowing North wanted the same thing? How could I
tell Kota or any of the others? North wanted to keep the first date a secret,
what about the second?

Because of those questions, I’d hesitated calling anyone else. I
couldn’t take anyone else asking surprising questions when I hadn’t had time to
process everything.

I flicked the light back on and I slipped out of the chair,
spilling out onto the carpet in a purposeful fall. I stretched out across the
deep blueness, feeling the luxury of the padding and fibers tickling my skin.
The carpet was new. The carpet was for me. It was our secret and for that
reason, it made it feel too special. Surreal.

I crawled over to the wardrobe, opening it up and gazing in at the
clothes. I wondered who organized it. Who folded the underwear into such neat
piles? I could only guess that it might have been Gabriel. The underwear
matched the hanging shorts and skirts and shirts. As I studied it more, I
realized he’d paired up everything for me. He was directing me without being
here to tell me.

The top of the wardrobe was carved with the same flower and little
hearts as the bookshelf. My fingers traced the leaves and a few of the hearts
mixed in.

I crawled over to the door, spilling out onto the mauve carpet. At
least that was the same.

I stood up, attracted to the bed and drawing back the cover. I
groaned and then lit up with pleasure when underneath were brand new, deep pink
cotton sheets. It was almost too strong a color, but I really liked it. With
pure wanting, I slipped between them, burying my head in what I was sure was a
new pillow, plump and fresh. The bed was firm, a huge difference from my old
one. Would anyone really notice? Would my mother?

With that thought, I sighed, pushing myself to slip downstairs to
find her. I checked the app one more time to ensure she wasn’t walking around
before I got up, skidded to the door and opened it to the hallway.

The hallway was empty, as I’d expected from the camera app. Still,
I tiptoed down the back stairs, slipping around the living room and through the
kitchen to approach my parents’ hallway as quietly as possible.

Inside her bedroom, she rested in her bed, where I last saw her.
She was sweating again. I wondered if she ate. I forgot to ask Nathan but I
assumed he’d say something if she hadn’t. I wondered about calling Dr. Green to
see if I should do something for her but I wasn’t sure what else to do.

On my toes, I drew into the room. I gazed up and to my right,
where there was the short hallway. The hallway contained three doors, one on
the left and one on the right were matching walk-in closets and the back door
was a bathroom. I’d only seen the inside once, the day we moved in. The door
was open now. The hunter green carpet was a contrast to the beige of their bedroom
carpet. The shower tub had a hunter green curtain hanging from it. The same ivy
plant border wallpaper that was in the main bedroom was in the bathroom as
well, blending the styles.

This room was different to me, too, somehow. Was it a lingering
scent of the boys in the room? Was it that I knew there was a camera and at
some point the boys might turn it on at any time? Were they watching now?
Victor had promised they wouldn’t unless absolutely necessary, but I’d used it
a couple of times already in the few hours I’d been home. How easy would it be
for them to blink it on? Would I ever know for sure?

Is this what they lived with every day? Was this what it meant to
be part of the Academy?

My mother stirred behind me. Years of habit kicked in. I slipped
back out into the main hallway, avoiding confrontation.

It felt like eons since I’d last seen her. Something struck me,
though. My father was gone. Marie wasn’t there right now. She’d been alone.
While she was watched over, she didn’t know it. I didn’t understand why she did
it to herself. When there were people out there like Kota and others who could
care for someone else, why would someone choose to be alone? Was she happy?
Despite her illness, did she like that her world consisted of doctors, two
daughters she barely said a word to and a husband who was never home?

I didn’t think she could be. Yet every time I talked to her, she
reprimanded, demanded and punished. I thought of Marie. Did Marie worry? Did
she know how bad our mother’s illness was? Maybe she didn’t, or she would check
in more often. Maybe she should know.

Maybe the guys could help. Maybe if I asked, they could figure out
why my mother avoided people and could figure out a way to help her. Didn’t
Kota promise to try the first day we ever met? Yes. He did. Maybe they weren’t
just protecting me. Maybe they would help. Or maybe they would do more if I
asked, like Victor said. And they didn’t have to do anything, really. If they
could tell me what to do, I’d do it.

Maybe my mother could relax and learn to like other people. If
that were true, we wouldn’t have to sneak around. Maybe we could be normal, or
at least normal enough that she could be happy. Maybe she could get better.

Get family in order. That’s what Kota said. I vowed to myself that
the next chance I got to talk with them seriously, I’d try to bring that up.
Maybe if they had the time, they could help me figure out what to do. Maybe
then, when I was in order, I could become part of their family, too, and I
would feel it as much as they did with each other. The very idea excited me to
no end. I wanted to get started now.

I padded to the kitchen to make my mother some soup.