The #5Star Affair (Love Hashtagged Book 1) (12 page)

Her retort was childish. If Jaycie said yes, if she disagreed with Ethan’s suggestion, he’d back down. Not willingly, but he’d drop it. She didn’t know if she really wanted that, though. Online threats were one thing, but someone actually knowing where she lived… If it was Kent, it was one of her bigger fears come to life.

She felt bad about snapping at Ethan at all. His news might have been a relief, if she hadn’t already been staring at the pictures.

He watched her, brows pushed together. “Well?”

“Call the police.” Giving him permission felt like surrender, but the two simple words also lifted a weight from her shoulders, and she almost felt like she could breathe again. Almost.

An hour later, she sat in the living room, answering banal questions for a cop who had introduced himself as Officer Anderson and looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here. Not that she blamed him.

“You haven’t received any threats from any one specific person, though?” Anderson made some more scribbles in his notebook.

“The fact dozens of people have lashed out at her isn’t enough?” Ethan stood next to the chair she sat in, his arms crossed.

“Not if you don’t have names or cause to believe there’s intent behind the language.”

Jaycie swallowed her frustration, struggling to keep her passive mask in place. “A friend of my ex-boyfriend’s has threatened me in the past.”

“But the email message didn’t have his name on it, or any threats attached to it?” Anderson sounded bored.

“You saw what it said.” Jaycie just wanted this to be over with.

He shifted forward in his seat, and perched on the edge. “And you can’t think of anyone else you’ve come across lately, who would do something like this? A guy you picked up in a bar? Someone you flirted with at the gym?”

She clenched her toes to keep from screaming, and kept her voice calm. “That one person is plenty.”

“If his name isn’t on it, there’s not much I can do.” Anderson stood. “Taking pictures of people in public places isn’t illegal, there was no specific threat, and you don’t have a name.”

Ethan blocked his path. “So she has to wait until he actually attacks her?”

Anderson rubbed his face. “I know it sucks, and I’m sorry. But none of this is a crime. I can’t help you.” He stepped around Ethan. “Be careful. Watch yourself when you go out, try not to be alone, leave the provocative clothes at home. That’s the best I can do for you.” He walked out the door.

“Asshole.” Ethan shouted at the empty air the moment he was gone. “I’m calling Damon.”

“To do what?” Jaycie’s rein on control evaporated, and a shrill edge crept into her voice. “To tell us again he can’t help, unless someone has deep pockets?”

“To do something. This isn’t going away. Why don’t you see that?”

“It’s easy for you to be the tough guy here. People aren’t threatening you. Your name vanished from the feeds within a few days. You can stand on your own, and not have to worry about the repercussions.”

“So can you.” The soothing tones he’d been using had vanished.

She preferred it that way. “I do stand on my own. I don’t have a problem defending myself. You remember the press release, the day this hit? But sometimes playing with a festering wound just makes the infection worse. Every time someone pushes this, it degrades another step. Why can’t you understand where I’m coming from?”

His fury melted away, and he furrowed his brow. “Make me understand.” The edge was gone from his voice, but so was the coddling. “I want to see this from your perspective. Help me out?”

She hadn’t been prepared for him to yield. After days of running into the brick wall that was his will, she didn’t have the words to back up her thoughts. She fumbled for an answer. “The day I met you, I didn’t make the comment about Shigeru Miyamoto to look cool and knowledgeable. I did it so you wouldn’t question if I was really a fan, or just a girl pretending. Before I got to know you, I swapped the witticisms because backing down meant showing weakness.”

“And here I thought it was because you enjoyed my company as much as I did yours.”

Not where she wanted the conversation to go. “Okay, bad example. When I graduated college, and wanted to get into this industry, I met closed doors at every turn. Not because my writing was bad, or because I interviewed poorly. Because who was going to take a girl who played video games seriously? You even introduced me to your brother as your girlfriend. Not a friend or a partner.”

“That’s different, and not fair.” His tone was flat, all emotion gone.

At least he had part of that right. “None of this is fair. And tell me, special little flower, how is it different?”

“I didn’t introduce you as my girlfriend because I think you’re some trophy to show off.” His words dug under the biggest insecurity she’d been trying to ignore, making it feel raw. “I did it because you’re you. Because I care about you. Because having someone as wonderful as you in my life is an amazing thing. And okay, I’m straight, so that attraction has at least a little to do with what’s between your legs, but it has at least as much to do with what’s in your head, and if you were a guy, you’d probably be my hetero life mate.”

She didn’t want the words to mean anything, but they pried at her hope, and filled her with an unwelcome warmth. “We barely know each other.” The protest sounded weak. Why was she arguing with him?

“I’m trying to change that.”

Even as her hope screamed not to push him away, she knew she had to. Gwen had been right. Diving into this so soon had been a mistake. She’d latched onto the first nice guy that came along after the horror that was Kent, and she wasn’t ready to deal with something serious. “It’s not going to work.” She almost choked on the words. “Even for as much as we say, we never say anything. You never even told me you’d been engaged.”

“I don’t talk about her, because she’s an ex. Gone and in the past. She left me a year ago, for her personal trainer. We fought all the time while she was here. I think my ego broke more than my heart when she walked out. I don’t talk about her, because I’ve moved on. What else do you want to know? I’ll tell you.”

“How do I know I’m different? Maybe you need to move on from me too. Having a couple of shared interests doesn’t make soul mates.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Really? A couple shared interests. Way to minimalize things.”

“What if it’s true? You don’t know. I sure don’t. Maybe we’ll fall in love from now until the end of time, and maybe we’ll go our separate ways in a week. I’m just saying you can’t tell me which it will be, and making an assumption in one direction or the other doesn’t help. Are you hearing me yet?”

“Are you hearing yourself? How is your approach any different than mine? Besides the fact I’d prefer to be optimistic instead of nihilistic.”

“I’m just…” Her comeback evaporated, as his meaning sank in. Damn it, she’d debated herself into a corner. How had they gone from discussing how to fix her career, to their relationship, anyway? She should bring the conversation back online, but she needed to curb the non-stop feeling her life was careening out of control. She couldn’t stop #5StarFUQ, but she could rein in whatever was going on with Ethan.

“Give me something better.” He stepped closer. “Okay, so you’re convinced we won’t work. At least give me a ‘my life is too complicated right now.’ Even ‘I don’t date gamers’ was better than telling me you don’t know, and even though you don’t hate the idea of us, you’re not interested in finding out if it’s possible.”

She shouldn’t be listening to him. Gwen’s words echoed in her head, reminding her this was a bad idea. Except none of her reasons for pulling away made any sense, and she was the one who had argued them out of efficacy. “I don’t have anything better.”

“I meant what I said before. I want you. I’m not sure how else to make that clear. Do you want me to stop? None of this vague answer bullshit. No being coy and walking away, or redirecting the conversation. Do you want me to leave you alone?”

Say yes. That was all she had to do. If she told him to back off, he would.

“No. I don’t want you to leave me alone.” It felt better saying that than she thought possible. Everything else still sucked. She couldn’t pretend it was going away, but giving in to Ethan had yet to be a bad idea. Except giving in wasn’t the right phrase. Letting herself admit something was there felt more accurate.

“Thank Christ.” He closed the distance between them in a few short strides, and rested a hand at the base of her neck. “I know it’s only been a few weeks, and I’m not asking for your eternal commitment, but not talking to you was killing me.” He brushed his lips over hers. “And not touching you ranked right up there with unbearable, too.” He glided his mouth along her jaw, and to her ear.

Each feather-light kiss sent desire flaring through her. “This isn’t getting to know each other.”

“It is.” He nipped at her skin. “Now I know you have a freckle here.” He nudged her earlobe. “And a second piercing you don’t wear an earring in.”

She could push him away, but the tension of the last several days had built to critical inside her. Every gentle touch from him drew her bottled-up everything closer to the surface, until the dam she’d built to hold it back in broke. She pressed her entire frame against his, and dragged his mouth back to hers.

*

Jaycie’s hungry kiss flared under Ethan’s skin, tugging at his senses and filling his head with wicked ideas. He cradled her face in his palms, holding her captive and diving into her hunger. This wasn’t a solution to anything, but fuck if he didn’t need it. She dug her fingers into his chest, and his cock pressed into his zipper, begging to be free. Everything about her—the faint honeysuckle of her shampoo, the soft sighs she made each time they rubbed against each other—sent desire spilling through him.

His mind wasn’t functional enough for clever comebacks or witty banter. He grabbed her hips, and nudged her back with his body, until her butt collided with the couch. She shifted so she sat on the back, and wrapped her legs around his waist, to draw him in. When her hand slid between them, and she caressed his cock through his jeans, he thought his head might explode.

He kneaded her breast through her shirt. She pressed into his hand with a low groan, and tilted back her head. When he grazed her hard nipple with his thumb, she whimpered and ground harder against him. Each new movement felt more frantic than the last. She slid his zipper down, and his dick jerked free.

“I can’t do teasing today.” She stroked him through his boxers. “I need you inside me.”

Fuck.
But not. “No condoms.” He wanted to make light of the fact he didn’t usually keep a large supply on hand, but the words didn’t form. Though he liked the thought of dropping to his knees and burying his face between her legs. God, he wanted her anyway he could have her. Especially to taste her, and make her scream in pleasure.

Her kiss sliced into his rambling thoughts. “I don’t care.” She still caressed his erection. “I’m on the pill. We’re both clean, right?”

He hadn’t even gone bareback with his fiancée most of the time, but he liked the idea of being buried inside Jaycie unsheathed. “I’m clean.”

She lifted her butt long enough for him to undo her shorts and drag them down her legs. She guided him toward her opening, grip hot and pussy already wet. He plunged in, and she pulled him closer with her legs, crying out when he filled her.

Their pace picked up quickly. “You feel amazing.” He kissed along her neck, and then sucked at the sensitive skin. She scraped her nails up his back, and matched him thrust for thrust.

Every time he pushed inside her, he hit something, and she groaned. He reached between them, and sought out her clit. Thumb rubbing the swollen nub, he ground against her. He wasn’t going to last long like this, and he wanted to hear her come first.

Her groans spilled out in short bursts, and he recognized the amazing sound she made when she was close to climax. He drove frantically against her, as her breathing became shallower. She clenched around him when she came, milking him and pushing him over the edge. He pounded hard, pelvis slamming into her, and grunted when he spilled inside her.

The desperation between them had faded, but not vanished. He wanted to carry her into the bedroom and lavish her with attention, so he could make her moan all night. He slowed his thrusting, and then stopped. She leaned her head on his shoulder. Her sigh was warm through his T-shirt. Neither of them spoke for several moments, while they caught their breath.

“This isn’t going away, is it?” Her quiet question was startling, in the still room.

She meant the review scandal, not how much he wanted her. Though that wasn’t going anywhere either. “I wish it was, but it’s not going to vanish on its own.”

“So much for that idea.” She buried her face on his chest and framed it with her balled-up fists.

“What do you want to do about it?” He wrapped his arms around her.

“I don’t know.”

The three words held so many conflicting emotions. As if she’d just laid her every fear and insecurity bare, just by speaking them. He squeezed her tighter. He wasn’t used to not having answers, and this was the one time he really needed them.