That's Another Story: The Autobiography (39 page)

That night I slept fitfully and woke in the small hours to go to the loo. As I walked into the bathroom, I thought that I was wetting myself and then realised that, in fact, my waters had broken. I stood there for several minutes, in wonder, catching the liquid on my fingers and marvelling at the clear, pure nature of the drops. I had a huge desire then to be holding her and I said, ‘You’re coming! You heard me! You clever girl! Yes, now is the time, we’re all waiting for you, with loads of love.’ And I cried and then the sobs turned into little giggles of pure joy, and the sadness that had sat, leaden in the pit of my stomach, floated up and out on the laughter, and I knew that what was happening was meant and was perfect.

As I lay there in the cosy glow of the nightlight, hooked up to a machine that measured her heartbeat and my contractions, I had a brief, heart-soaring moment when I got the notion into my head that, now that she was on her way, I might just be able, with a little help, to give birth naturally, but it was not to be; the Caesarean was to take place as scheduled and I would be taken down to theatre at eight o’clock. But at least now I was excited about the prospect.

Five years ago today . . .

I can hear my mother’s voice, so close in note and tone to my own that they are one.

‘Ten years ago today . . .’ I am calling up the stairs, ‘Dad and I went down to the theatre.’ I think I hear her yawn. I’m glad. ‘I had my epidural and I noticed your dad had disappeared.’

Grant laughs, he knows what’s coming.

‘Then I looked round and everyone else had disappeared as well, nurses, doctors!’

I’ve got her now, I can hear her listening.

‘Don’t exaggerate.’ Grant is still laughing. He is sitting in his overalls at our big farmhouse table in the kitchen, reading his
Farmer’s Weekly
, surrounded by Soil Association bumpf and farm orders. He is drinking a cup of tea and eating toast.

‘A nurse came back in and I said, where is everyone? And she said, oh, your husband went a bit green, we had to take him out.’

I hear her go ‘Ahhh . . .’ Her sympathy is genuine.

‘One minute, he’s sitting there with a J-cloth on his head, looking concerned; the next he’s out cold, surrounded by nurses.’

Grant stops laughing.

‘I never could stand hospitals.’ He feeds his crusts to the dogs and goes back to his
Farmer’s Weekly
.

‘No, it was a typical act of upstaging on your part.’ Now I’m making myself laugh. ‘You were so beautiful,’ I tell her, ‘so perfect.’

And she laughs and she is.

A Short Stay in Switzerland (TV, 2009)

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009) - Molly Weasley

Mamma Mia! (2008) - Rosie

Filth: The Mary Whitehouse Story (TV, 2008) - Mary Whitehouse

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007) - Molly Weasley

Becoming Jane (2007) - Mrs Austen

The Ruby in the Smoke (TV, 2006)

Acorn Antiques: The Musical (2006) - Bo Beaumont/Mrs Overall

Driving Lessons (2006) - Evie Walton

Wah-Wah (2005) - Gwen Traherne

Ahead of the Class (TV, 2005) - Marie Stubbs

Mickybo and Me (2004) - Mickybo’s Ma

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004) - Molly Weasley

The Return (TV, 2003) - Lizzie Hunt

Canterbury Tales,
The Wife of Bath
( TV, 2003) - Beth

Calendar Girls (2003) - Annie Clarke

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002) - Molly Weasley

Before You Go (2002) - Theresa

Murder (2002) (TV) - Angela Maurer

My Beautiful Son (2001) (TV) - Sheila Fitzpatrick

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (2001) - Molly Weasley

Billy Elliot (2000) - Mrs Wilkinson

dinnerladies (TV, 1998-2000) - Petula Gordino

All Forgotten (2000) - Princess Zasyekin

Oliver Twist (TV, 1999) - Mrs Mann

Wetty Hainthropp Investigates (TV, 1999) - Agnes

Titanic Town (1998) - Bernie McPhelimy

Girls’ Night (1998) - Jackie Simpson

Jack and the Beanstalk (TV, 1998) - Fairy Godmother

Talking Heads
2 (TV, 1998) - Marjory

Melissa
(TV, 1997) - Paula Hepburn

Bathtime (1997) - Miss Gideon

Brazen Hussies (TV, 1996) - Maureen Hardcastle

Intimate Relations (1996) - Marjorie Beasley

Jake’s Progress (TV, 1995) - Julie Diadoni

Little Red Riding Hood (TV, 1995) - Little Red Riding Hood/Grandma

Sister My Sister (1994) - Madame Danzard

Pat and Margaret (TV,1994) - Pat

Requiem Apache (TV, 1994) - Mrs

Bambino mio (TV, 1994) - Alice

Wide-Eyed and Legless (TV, 1993) - Diana Longden

Clothes in the Wardrobe
(TV, 1993) - Monica

Just Like a Woman (1992) - Monica

All Day Breakfast (TV, 1992)

Julie Walters and Friends (TV, 1991)

Stepping Out (1991) - Vera

GBH
(TV, 1991) - Mrs Murray

Mack the Knife (1990) - Mrs Peachum

Victoria Wood
(TV, 1989)

Killing Dad or How to Love Your Mother (1989) - Judith

Buster (1988) - June Edwards

Victoria Wood: As Seen on TV
(TV, 1985-1987) - Mrs Overall

Prick Up Your Ears (1987) - Elsie Orton

Personal Services (1987) - Christine Painter

Talking Heads
(TV, 1987) - Lesley

Acorn Antiques
(TV, 1986) - Mrs Overall

The Birthday Party (TV, 1986) - Lulu

The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged 13 3/4 (TV, 1985) - Pauline Mole

Dreamchild (voice, 1985) - Dormouse

Unfair Exchanges (TV, 1985) - Mavis

Car Trouble (1985) - Jacqueline Spong

Love and Marriage (TV, 1984)

She’ll Be Wearing Pink Pyjamas (1984) - Fran

Educating Rita (1983) - Rita

Objects of Affection (TV, 1982) - June Potter

Play for Today (TV, 1978, 1982) - Debbie

Boys from the Blackstuff (TV, 1982) - Angie Todd

Wood and Walters (TV, 1982)

Happy Since I Met You (TV, 1981) - Frances

Screenplay
(TV, 1979, 1981) - Frances

BBC2 Playhouse (TV, 1981) - Mrs Morgan

Nearly a Happy Ending (TV, 1981)

Talent (TV, 1979) - Julie Stephens

Me! I’m Afraid of Virginia Woolf (TV, 1978)

Empire Road(TV, 1978) - Jean Watson

Second City Firsts (TV, 1975)

Aberystwyth

‘Acorn Antiques’ sketch
see also
‘Overall, Mrs’

Actorum acting agency

Allen, Woody

Amsterdam

Andreyev, Leonid

Anne, HRH Princess

Arcachon, France

Argent, Edward

Arts Council of Great Britain

Ascot

Ashley, Laura

Aspel, Michael

Augustine, Sister

Australia, publicity tour

Automobile Association

BA FTA awards

BA FTA tribute (2003)

Baldwin, Nigel

Banbrook, Mrs (teacher)

Barnsley camping couple

Bassey, Shirley

BBC

Light Programme

Television

Beach Boys, the

Beatles, the

Beckinsale, Richard

Bell, Jamie

Benita (cleaner)

Bennett, Alan

Bernard (athletics coach)

Berney, William

Birmingham

Alpha studio

Bordsley Green, Varna Road

C&A Modes

convent preparatory school

Birmingham—
contd

convent preparatory school—
contd

building and grounds

desks

elocution lessons

miming game

nuns

punishment

uniform

General Hospital

Casualty Department

Hagley Road, Dog Inn and King’s Head

Ladywood, Ickneild Port Road

Ladywood, Leebridge Tavern

New Street station

nightclubs

Club Cedar

La Dolce Vita

Locarno

Metro

Rum Runner

Queen Elizabeth Children’s

Hospital

Queen Elizabeth Hospital, Edgbaston

Coronary Care Unit

men’s medical ward

men’s surgical ward

operating theatre

porter

staff nurse

surgical wards

Queen Elizabeth Hospital School of Nursing

Birmingham University

Blackpool

Empress Drive

funfair

Golden Mile

Imperial Hotel

Bleasdale, Alan

Bob (Julie’s first boyfriend )

Bob & Earl

Bond, Chris

Boyle, Pat

Boyle, Dermot

Boyle, Mrs

Brecht, Bertolt

‘Brenda, Yella-Bellied’

Brighton

Bristol Old Vic

British Drama League

Broadbent, Jim

‘Butcher, The’ (surgeon)

C&A Modes

Cadbury’s

Caine, Michael

Caine, Shakira

Calais

Cameron, Susan

Campbell, Ken

camping couple from Barnsley

Carlton, Mrs (swimming teacher)

Carrera’s

Carson, Johnny

Castlebar, County Mayo

cat, Nelly

cat, Plato

Cecilia, Sister

Chance, Alexander Macomb

Charleson, Ian

Charlton Brothers, Coal Merchants

Chorlton-cum-Hardy, Maple Avenue

cooking incidents

plaster cast incident

pubic hair incident

trainee solicitor neighbour

Christie, Agatha

Christine (best friend)