That Time I Joined the Circus (20 page)

202 Delancey Street — Tuesday, March 8

The little yellow room was pitch-black when I walked inside. I thought for one moment, wistfully, of the room I’d left behind just a few blocks away, the one I’d never see again. I hadn’t always been happy there, but it had been home. I fumbled for the light switch in the dark; I’d tried first where it had been in the old room.

“Hi,” Eli said from the fire escape.

I squeaked in surprise — luckily managing not to scream and bring Callie running. I opened my mouth to say something sarcastic about stalking, but as I watched him stand up and take a step toward me, the words died, and I was just glad to see him.

I closed the small distance between us and put my arms around his chest, under his arms. Eli hesitated for just a fraction of a second, then his arms closed around me, too, and he squeezed tight. I heard him say my name, almost a whisper.

Somehow, my confession to Callie had changed the way this felt, being in Eli’s arms. It didn’t feel wrong or bad anymore. In fact, it felt pretty much perfect.

“Happy to see me?” he asked in my ear.

“Always.” I smiled against his chest. “Well, maybe not
historically
always, but … I think maybe from now on … always.”

Eli pulled back just enough to look down at my face. “Do you mean that? Because it’s always for me, too. Has been for a long time.”

“I mean it,” I told him. And it was true.

I still loved Nick — some part of me always would. But now I felt free to love Eli again, too. I’d forgiven myself for what I’d done. And now that I knew — really knew — what it felt like to love two people, I could forgive Eli for last year, too.

Eli pulled me with him to the window seat, pulling me down into his lap. “I missed you,” he said simply, and I knew what he meant. Even though we’d been with each other the last few months, it hadn’t been like it was, hadn’t been like this.

“I missed you, too.”

“So, about next year …” Eli started.

“Not sure yet,” I told him. “There’s sort of an idea I had, that I’ve been working on …”

“In New York?”

“Hey! Slow down — I’m not telling you yet. But either way, it doesn’t have to mean the end of you and me. You
know that, right? Wherever we go for college, we’ll still have each other.”

“I guess so,” Eli grumbled. “I’d just like to have you in New York.” He kind of growled that last part in my ear, and I couldn’t help myself — I giggled.

“Well, we’ll just have to wait and see what happens. For tonight, you gotta go. Stan will murder you if you’re out all night, and then we really won’t be in the same place.”

“You mean you wouldn’t pull a Juliet to stay with me for all eternity?”

I got up and pulled him to his feet, shoving him toward the fire escape. “Would you want me to?” I asked him.

“No.” Eli put his arms on my shoulders. “I really just want you to be happy, Lexi. I mean, I want you with me. But I want you to be happy more.”

I leaned forward and kissed him. It was a soft, quick kiss, the first one since
that
night. Eli looked surprised, but he smiled.

“Thank you, by the way,” I told him.

“For what?”

“For coming to find me at Europa. I know I wasn’t happy to see you at the time. But I was still glad you came for me.”

“I’ll always come for you,” Eli said, sounding serious again. “So just remember that — if you decide to go away. That I’ll always come for you.” With that he was out the window and down the stairs. Gone, but only for the night.

The Corner of Broadway and Waverly — Tuesday, September 6

“Well, this is it,” I said, clutching my class schedule in one hand and Eli’s hand in the other.

“Do you have everything?” he asked me for about the fifth time.

“I think so. I mean, I think I’m ready.”

“I think you are, too.” Eli smiled and squeezed my hand. “So I’ll be uptown if you need me. And after classes today we’ll —”

“Meet in the middle … I know.” I smiled. The middle, for now, was a hole-in-the-wall diner in Chelsea that kind of reminded us both of Mike’s. Eli had ended up with a pretty great scholarship for Columbia, so Stan had agreed to foot the bill for a dorm room.

I was going to be living in a dorm, too. I’d gotten the one letter of acceptance that I really wanted, to the Tisch Institute
of Performing Arts. Even applying to Tisch had been scary — I couldn’t just fill out the paperwork and send it in. I’d actually had to audition. I’d used a scene from
The Tempest
, which I’d read so many times during the downtime at Europa. And then I’d sweated it out all spring until I finally got the news: I was accepted.

Callie was surprised, and I think kind of impressed. She hadn’t known I had it in me. Neither had I.

I’d had to work on her for months to get her to feel okay about leaving, but finally she understood that I was trying to keep her in my life, but I was doing it by setting her free. She hated being stuck in one place, and I knew it. And there was no reason for her to hang around the city while I got sucked into life and school. Callie was headed to San Francisco, and we made a deal to meet back up for Christmas, and to spend the next summer together.

Eli kissed me and said good-bye, and I started walking toward the doors of the main building on 721 Broadway.

As I was opening the door, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I took it out and read the message from Nick.

BREAK A LEG AT TISCH, CIRCUS GIRL
:)

I smiled and I texted back that I planned to.

It was almost ten hours later when I let myself into my new dorm room. I had won a lottery for a single room somehow — which was pretty lucky, since Eli had two roommates at Columbia this semester.

Today had been a blur of embarrassing theater exercises,
being thrown into scenes that were tragic, funny, and everything in between, with people I’d just met. We’d all gone out to lunch together, laughing like war buddies already, everyone getting nicknames. Mine was DJ, since I’d known the title and artist of every song that had played at the diner during lunch. I didn’t tell anyone why that name was sort of ironic, yet cool — that my dad had been an actual DJ. It was still too soon, but I knew it wouldn’t be forever. I felt accepted there already.

And then it was time to meet Eli in the middle.

I pushed open the door to our in-between place, and he was already waiting for me. He stood up at the booth he’d been saving and gave me this huge smile. I hugged him hard when I got to the table.

“Did it go okay?” I heard the concern in his voice.

I leaned back to look up at him. “It went awesome. How about you?”

He smiled. “Awesome. So, what are you having?”

I sat down beside him in the booth. I hadn’t traveled that far — not yet. You could measure how far I was from my old life in blocks. But the path to get here had led all the way to Florida and back. And it had taken a lot to make it to Eli’s side of the booth, sitting close by him — together.

“So how do you think the waffles are here?” I asked him.

I am so grateful to my fantastic editor, Aimee Friedman: Without you, none of this would have been possible. Thank you so much for your guidance, your great ideas, and most of all for believing in me and in this story.

Mom and Dad, thank you for instilling a love of reading in me early on, starting with that big bucket of Golden Books. And to my talented brother, Jim: Thank you for designing such a great website for me. I love you guys.

Thank you to Nikki Morrell, for reading this story many (many) times, in every incarnation, and for generally being my best friend.

My chicas — Nik, Carolla, and Beth — thanks and love for always being there to laugh with me.

Thank you to Angela Im and Arlene Robillard: I haven’t met you yet, but I will be forever grateful for your help in getting my book its ticket to NYC.

My professors at Tiffin, Vince and Lee: Thanks for reading this book early on and giving great advice (like
add more circus
!).

My students — past, present, and future — for inspiring me, helping me speak teen, and being excited about this project. A special shout-out has to go to Gaby C, and she knows why.

Finally, a huge thank-you to everyone at Scholastic who read this story, believed in me, and helped make this idea a reality.