Tess in Boots (10 page)

“No, I really do.” I tilted my head. “Did
you
really have me pegged?”

“I did.” His chin lifted so slightly it was almost imperceptible. “It suits you well, you know.”

“Huh?”

“Classic. Pure. Delicate.” He leaned forward and lowered his voice. “Exquisitely subtle.”

This is his idea of a warm-up question? What’ve I gotten myself into?

“I think you’re a lot of things, but I don’t think you’re boring, Boots.”

His gaze was locked with mine again. I tried to force myself to look away, but I couldn’t. We were talking about ice cream.
Ice cream,
for crying out loud. Talking about ice cream wasn’t supposed to be this… intense
.

“Told you I had you pegged,” he said.

“Um.” I gulped. “Thanks.”

“Next question?” he asked.

“Sure.” My voice came out like a squeak. I wrapped my hands around my glass and stared at it.

“How long are you gonna wait?”

“What?”

He cleared his throat. “Say this guy doesn’t call. Say he really is a fool. How long will you wait?”

His tone was gentle, but it was a gutsy question, and it caught me off guard. I sucked in my breath and held it.

“I’m just wondering if you’ve thought about it,” he said.

I let the air in my lungs escape quietly through my nose. I didn’t know how to respond, because I didn’t want to think about the possibility of not hearing from Logan again. But it
was
a possibility. I knew it, but I wasn’t ready to face it. Not yet.

“I
haven’t
thought about it. So I don’t know,” I said.

“That’s fair.” He folded his arms on the table. “I didn’t mean to cross the line, Boots.”

“You didn’t.” I looked up at him. “I guess it’s a good question. I’m just… I’m not ready to go there.”

“Can I ask you something else?”

I nodded.

He didn’t miss a beat. “What are you most afraid of?”

“Me?” I relaxed and leaned back in my seat. “I’m not afraid of anything.”

He shook his head. “Everyone’s afraid of something, Boots.”

“I’m not. Honest.” I heard a twig snap in the trees and jumped. “Oh. I guess I’m afraid of bears.”

Thatcher raised an eyebrow. “You’re afraid of bears?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Since when?” he asked.

“Since… um, last week.”

“Last week? And that’s your biggest fear in the world? Bears?”

“Yeah.” I shrugged. “They’re the ultimate predators. They can run, swim,
and
climb.”

He laughed. “Whatever you say, Boots.”

“All right, Mr. Know-It-All, what do
you
think I’m most afraid of then?”

“You really wanna know?”

“I do. Lay it on me.”

He seemed to be thinking it over for a while. “Nah. Never mind.”

My blood pressure went up a notch. “Tell me.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said.

I ached to know what he was thinking, and yet I dreaded it, because I was afraid he’d say something I didn’t want to hear. Still, curiosity had the stronger pull, and I pressed the issue.

“What is it? Just tell me,” I said.

“Forget it.” He looked away. “Bears it is.”

“You can’t do that!”

“I can, too. I’m the one making the rules, remember?”

“Fine.” I crossed my arms. “But I’m not saying another word till you tell me.”

“Come on, Boots…”

I looked down and pretended not to hear him.

“Don’t do this,” he said.

I raised my eyebrows. I could play this game all night if that’s what it took.

“You can’t just stop talking.”

I uncrossed my arms and examined my nails.

He tilted his head back to look at the sky. “Fine. You win.”

“Good.” I smiled.

“You’re
sure
you wanna know?”

I nodded.

He brought his head down and looked back at me. “Okay, here goes. I think…”

I leaned forward. “What?”

“I think you’re afraid you’re not enough.” His expression was serious.

I snickered. “That’s ridiculous!”

He raised his hands in surrender. “If you say so.”

“It’s the most outrageous thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Is it?” he asked.

I squinted and studied his eyes. I could sense sincerity there, and something else… concern, maybe?

“I don’t think it’s outrageous,” he said. “In fact, I think it’s why you’re here.”

“You think I’m here because I’m
scared
?”

“I do.” His lips were set into a straight line.

“Scared I’m not enough…
what
, exactly?”

“Not successful enough.” He paused and glanced to the side. “Not lovable enough.”

I flinched.
Not lovable enough? Does he really have to go there?

“Don’t be mad,” he said.

“Why do you feel the need to psychoanalyze
me all the sudden?”

He took a deep breath. “You said you might be leaving.”

“No, I said I
am
leaving.”

“Right. Well I may not get the chance to see you again. And if that’s the case, I don’t want you going home thinking you’re not enough. ’Cause it’s not true. And besides, I know how it is.”

“You know how
what
is?” I pursed my lips and stared at him with furrowed eyebrows.

“I know how it is to walk through this life like you’ve got something to prove.”

I sat on my hands and looked out into the surrounding darkness.

“Please don’t be mad. Just think about it,” he said.

I softened. There was something about Thatcher’s delivery, something nonthreatening about the way he spoke to me. Under normal circumstances, his words
would
make me mad. But with just the two of us out here, I felt an unusual sense of security and freedom, and I didn’t feel like I needed to defend myself.

“You okay, Boots?” he asked.

“Yeah. But you really know how to lighten the mood, don’t you?”

He smiled. “How’s this for lightening the mood? You’ve got one question left.”

My eyes widened. “I do, don’t I?”

“Sure do. So go ahead and lighten the mood all you want.”

“Sorry, but now I want to grill you even more.” I thought about it for a moment. What did I want to know about Thatcher? He seemed so unshakable, so sure of himself. I wanted to find
his
weakness. I wanted to expose his vulnerability; to see if there was a soft spot underneath his confident shell.

I stared at the table as I thought about it. When I looked up, he was watching me with a slight smile, and I noticed I was chewing on my lip without meaning to.

“I’m ready.” I took a sip of my drink and nodded. “You ready?”

“I’m all yours. Make it a good one.”

“Last question.” I lowered my chin and looked up at him, “What’s your biggest regret?”

“
Wow.” He tilted his head back as if he’d been punched in the jaw. “You’re gonna go there, huh?”

I shrugged.
“You asked for a good one.”

“
You’re right. Fair enough.” He looked off into the darkness, collecting his thoughts. When he spoke, his voice was soft and his words were slow and measured. “I lost a relationship with someone very important to me because of a disagreement that seems ridiculous now. I can’t undo what has been done. And I will always, always regret it.”

The certainty of his answer surprised me.

“You’ve thought about this before,” I said.

He nodded.
“It’s my biggest regret. I think about it every day.”

There was silence for a while, expect for the steady chorus of crickets increasing in volume all around us. He was right. There was so much I didn’t know about him. And the more I found out, the more I wanted to know. I wanted to be closer to him. Physically closer. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t deny it. I caught myself scooting my chair toward his.

“Thatcher?”

He turned to look at me.

“Why are you here? I mean, why did you come back?”

I thought I detected a little sadness in his smile.
“Sorry. You’re out of questions, Boots.”

Something about the way he said it gave me the impression he wouldn’t have answered the question anyway.

“Now it really is getting late,” he said.

“
Yeah. I guess so.” I exhaled as I stood from my chair. He stood, too, walking around the table until he was face-to-face with me. He was close, maybe a little too close; so close he had to look down at me when he spoke.

“
I came here tonight because I wanted to spend time with you,” he said, “and I’m glad I did. This was nice. Do you think it was nice?”

I looked up at him, my mind racing.
Is he going to kiss me?

He smiled. “
You don’t have to say anything. I know how it is. The boyfriend and all. But if he doesn’t call, and you decide to stay, I’ll be around for a bit. And, if you’re not going to marry me, I at least want to have dinner again sometime. If that’s okay with you.”

I forgot how to speak. I literally forgot how to form words. He was so close. Why was he standing so close? I was sure he was going to kiss me. Or, was it I
wanted
him to kiss me?

Everything about the moment seemed electric. There was something in the space between us, something indescribably magnetic; something I never quite felt before.

It moved me, stirring up a longing from deep within, and before I could stop myself, I was reaching up and wrapping my arms around his neck.

It was like I was watching myself from somewhere far away as I pulled him down close to me. His nose was touching mine, and I could feel his breath on my face. I tilted my head to the side just enough so I could press my lips against his.

He seemed stunned at first, but then he responded, kissing me back with a gentle urgency. And that’s when I remembered.

Logan.

What had gotten into me? I’d never, ever, in all my life been so forward. And besides, I had a
boyfriend
. This was
wrong.

I pulled away and looked up at him through startled eyes. As the seconds ticked by, the empty air felt heavy. I was desperate to break the silence, but I couldn’t think of anything to say.

Say something, Tess.

I hugged my arms across my chest.

Say something, Tess!

“
Um. The pizza was good. Thanks.”

He took a step back, shook his head, and gave a little chuckle.
“You’re very welcome.”

The pizza was good?
The pizza was good?
I wanted to kick myself.

“
You, um, want me to walk you out?” I asked.

“
No need. I’ll walk around. Good night, Tess.”

I watched him as he started off around the cottage. He took about two steps, and then turned back, as if he remembered something else he wanted to say.

“You looked good in the boots. But you look good in sweatpants, too.” He winked again, and then he was gone.

I stood there for a long time, staring after him and feeling what I spent the past few days trying not to feel… giddy.

CHAPTER 10

I sat on my suitcase,
using the weight of my body to hold it closed as I tugged hard on the zipper. I’d spent the morning packing and tidying up the cottage in a hurry. It was time to go. Time to leave before this thing with Thatcher got any more out of hand.

I was falling for him. Hard.

Which was crazy, because at the very same time, I was anxious for Logan to come to his senses and pop the question already. Any minute he would call. It was so close I could feel it. And I wasn’t about to mess it all up because of some guy with a charming Southern drawl and an adorable set of dimples.

Oh, those dimples…

I shook my head. It was
definitely
time to get out of here.

A knock at the door came as I yanked the zipper closed.

“Tessy?” I heard Jake’s voice call. “Tessy? You in there?”

I walked over and unlatched the door.
“Hey.”

“
You’re packing.” He stepped through the threshold and surveyed my bags. “Why are you packing?”

“
I have to go,” I said.

“
No, you don’t.”

“
I assure you, I do.”

“
Tessy, you can’t go. I need you.”

“
The website’s done. I can work on it more from home, if you need me. You’ll be fine. I have a life to get back to, Jake. I can’t sit around here forever.”

“
We both know you can stay a little longer.”

I turned away from him and busied myself with making the bed.

He walked around to the other side of it and stood across from me. “Please, Tessy?”

His voice sounded so pathetic; so unlike him.
“Please?” he asked again. “It’s important. I need you to stay for a little longer. You have to trust me.”

“
I’ve done what I came to do. What else do you need me for?”

He looked around the room as if he were searching for a response written on the wall somewhere.
“I don’t want to tell you,” he said.

I threw my hands into the air.

“Not yet, anyway. Please, trust me, Tessy. You just have to trust me. I’ll tell you soon. I promise.”

“
Jake…”

“
Stay for one more day. Then I’ll tell you. And if you want to leave after that, you can. Please?”

I sighed. One more day. I could stick it out for one more day. At the very least, it would give me some time to see about placing some local ads for the website. And I could avoid Thatcher for one day. Couldn’t I?

I fell back onto the bed with my arms sprawled out at my side. “Fine. One more day.”

Jake gave me a quick kiss on the top of my head
, and then darted toward the door. “You’re the best, Tessy. Gotta run. Catch you later.”

“
Don’t you want to see the website? Or look over the ad ideas?” I called after him.

“
I trust you, remember? If it’s good with you, it’s good with me.”

He gave me a little wave
as he slipped out the door and closed it behind him. Before I could lift myself off the bed, he opened the door and poked his head back in. “Oh, yeah. I almost forgot. Sara made you breakfast.”

“She did?”

“Yeah. Well, are you coming or aren’t you?”

“
I’m coming. Can you give me a minute?”

“Sure
.”

He lingered there in the doorway, looking at me with an almost wistful expression on his face.

“What?”

“
I love you, Tessy.”

“
Love you, too. But I mean it, Jake. One more day. I’m not staying a second longer.”

“
We’ll see.”

***

“Where’s Jake?” I spooned a pile of fresh strawberries onto my plate, which was already heaping with warm slices of homemade French toast.

“Jake?” Sara raised her eyebrows. “He’s off taking care of something.”

We were seated in the kitchen by the bay window, and the whole table was bathed in the warm morning sunlight. I sighed and reached for a slice of bacon. “That’s disappointing. I thought we’d get to hang out today. I’m leaving soon, and I feel like we haven’t spent enough time together.”

“I know. I’m sure he feels the same way. He’s just really busy.”

“With what?”

She shrugged and sipped her tea. “He didn’t say. You know Jake. Off on one of his secret missions. I’m sure we’ll find out sooner or later.”

I rolled my eyes. “He’s probably out buying a bunch of magic beans.”

She laughed. “I wouldn’t doubt it.”

“Sara, this is too much.” I used my fork to slice through a piece of French toast.

“What’s too much?” she asked.

“Everything. The breakfast, and… and everything. This has been a nice little getaway.”

She
smiled as she unfolded her napkin and placed it gently in her lap. “Well I’ve loved having you here. Are you sure you have to go?”

“
I do. I feel like it’s time, you know? I’m getting antsy.”

“
Is it Logan?”

I
took a bite. For a moment, I considered telling her about Thatcher, about our time together last night. About the kiss. But I decided against it. Because it was nothing, I reminded myself. Logan was coming home. Last night was a mistake. A momentary lapse in judgment. And no one needed to know about it.

“
Logan is a part of it, sure. But also, I should be looking for a job. The longer I wait, the harder it’s going to be. I love it here, but I can’t stay off the map forever.”

She nodded.
“Jake’s going to try to convince you to stay.”

“
He’s being all mysterious. He says he needs me, but he can’t tell me why until tomorrow. I think he’s messing with me.” I popped a strawberry into my mouth.

Sara shrugged.

“You know something,” I said.

She looked away.

I leaned forward, letting my arms rest on the table. “What do you know?”

“
Nothing. But…”

“
But what?”

“
But I think he has a good reason to want you here for a while. That’s all.”

“
And that reason is?” I leaned in closer.

“
Because… it’s best for everyone,” she said.

“
Everyone, who?”

“
All of us. You, Jake… all of us.” Her voice had a strange edge to it, and her eyes seemed apprehensive. She was hiding something.
But what?

“
Sara…” I paused in an effort to keep my voice calm. “Is Jake in some sort of trouble?”

She looked out the window and let the question hang there for a while.

“Sara?”

“
I’m sorry, Tess. I’ve already said too much.”

There it was, that look again; that painful expression I
saw on her face when I asked her about Thatcher. I put down my fork and pushed my chair back from the table.

I wasn’t very hungry anymore.

***

A little bell jingled to signal my arrival
when I opened the door and stepped into the office.

With Jake nowhere to be found and the whole day ahead of me, I decided to head downtown to see if I could negotiate a good rate for advertising Carl’s Creek as a wedding venue in the local paper. Anything to avoid Thatcher. And to keep me from staring at the phone waiting for Logan to call, of course.

“Hello?” The wood-paneled room was empty, except for an old reception desk and a few flickering fluorescent lights overhead. “Is anyone here?”

A young-looking girl appeared and took a seat behind the desk.
“Can I help you?”

I stepped forward. “Yes.
I’m here to talk to someone about placing an ad.”

“
Oh, that’s me!” She sounded a little surprised. “Advertising and obituaries. And sometimes weddings. When we’re shorthanded.”

There was something strangely familiar about this girl. She reminded me a lot of… me. A younger me, but me nonetheless.

“How long have you been out of school?” I asked. “A couple weeks?”

She looked down as if I told her there was a mustard stain on her shirt.
“How can you tell? Is it that obvious?”

I smiled.
“Maybe not to just anyone. But you remind me a little of myself not so long ago.”

She relaxed a little.
“You mean, dreaming of being a big-time reporter in the city but stuck working…”—she paused and looked around to survey her surroundings—“…here?”

“
Yep. But I was dreaming of being a big-time marketing exec. And I was an underpaid intern behind a telemarketing desk.”

“
Ouch.”

“
Yeah, I know.”

“
It gets better, right?” She looked up at me with such big hopeful eyes I couldn’t bear to let her down.

I nodded. “
It does. You have to hang in there.”

I stopped myself before I could tell her the whole truth.
Yep. Hang in there, kid. Hang in there and give it everything you’ve got. Keep shifting your priorities and spending holidays in the office and one day, if you’re lucky, you’ll end up like me. Unemployed and hiding out in the middle of nowhere in a pathetic attempt to get your boyfriend to propose. Just living the dream.

“
I’m Tess, by the way.”

“
I’m Natalie.” Her eyebrows bent with concern. “Wait. What did you say your name was?”

“
It’s Tess.”

“
Ah. I thought so. If you don’t mind me asking… it’s just that I heard…” She turned away to avoid my gaze, and I could see her cheeks turning red. “Is that why you became a… you know… uh… dancer? Because the internship thing didn’t work out?”

I leaned forward.
“Where did you hear I was a… dancer?”

She looked up at me with a solemn expression.
“I read about it on the prayer board at church.”

I cringed.

“Oh, and I think my hairdresser mentioned something about it, too. And the mail carrier. And there was someone else.” She rubbed her chin. “But I can’t remember who it was.”

Thatcher was right. Word
did
travel pretty quickly in this town, even more than I’d thought. “Well, wherever you heard it, it’s not true. It’s a long story, and a very big misunderstanding. If you hear anything else, do you think you could help me slow down the rumor train?”

She looked relieved. “
Oh, good. Of course. So what
do
you do?”

“
Me? I’m a marketing director.” It wasn’t a lie. Jake gave me the title. And she was so sweet. So naïve. I couldn’t crush her spirits with my jobless sob story.

Her eyes widened. “
Wow. That’s incredible.”

“
Thanks. That’s why I’m here. I’m looking to place an ad for Carl’s Creek. Have you heard of it?”

She shook her head.

“It’s a vineyard right up the road,” I said.

Her face lit up.
“Oh! You must mean Carl’s old place.”

“
Right. We’re sort of remodeling, and we want to advertise it as a wedding venue. I’m thinking a half-page in the Sunday paper for a few weeks?”

She pulled a flyer from a pile of papers on the desk and placed it down in front of me.
“Sure. Here are our rates.”

I studied the sheet for a moment
, and then looked up at her. “Natalie, just one girl to another, to save us both some time, what’s the absolute best rate you can get your boss to sign off on?”

She looked down at the flyer.
“If you give me a hard time, I’m allowed to offer you a four-week run for thirty percent of the listed price.”

She was so green.
“Perfect,” I said. “How about I email you the creative tonight? Could you get me a good spot for this Sunday?”

She handed me her card.
“That works. I’ll send you an invoice when I hear from you.”

“
Thanks, Natalie.”

“
No. Thank you. For the inspiration. I hope my story ends up exactly like yours someday. You know, minus the dancing part.”

I shook my head and stifled a laugh as I walked out the door, listening to the bells jingling behind me as I left.

Oh Natalie
, I wanted to say,
be careful what you wish for.