Tender Vow (29 page)

“We’ll just walk around the block a few times,” he said when Meagan was ready to go. With that, he opened the door, letting in a gust of brisk air.

Rachel clasped her hands behind her, finding them clammy. He certainly had a way of rousing her to the point of nearly toppling. She’d loved John to the uttermost, but their love had been mostly uncomplicated, safe, and sometimes even lacking in emotion and—dare she say it?—romance. Jay had to go and make her heart thud against her chest in a most uncomfortable way, and she found herself resenting it. Why, she almost wanted to give him a little kick in the shins for affecting her in that way.

“Ready, sugar?” he asked Meagan, throwing out another endearment.

“Yep!” she said, sticking her mittened hand into his big gloved one. “Bye, Mommy. Yes, I’ll watch my manners, so don’t remind me again.”

Rachel blinked twice, rendered speechless. Jason glanced at her and chuckled, giving his head a little shake before pivoting the child in the opposite direction. When Rachel went to close the door, the last thing she heard was Meagan reciting the months of the year in rapid succession.

Although spending time with Meagan proved to be just what Jason needed to cure his grumpy mood, he couldn’t push away the image of Rachel, especially that hint of surprise and perhaps even pleasure at seeing him. Had he detected a ray of affection that went beyond the sisterly kind? The way she’d stood there with her hands clasped behind her, looking almost shy and awkward, reminded him of the demeanor of a schoolgirl with a crush. She hadn’t wanted any reassurances from him in the past, so he hadn’t given her any today, even though he’d longed to tell her nothing had changed in the way he felt about her. But reality settled in as thoughts of John surfaced. Who was he kidding? When last they’d spoken, he’d told her he was letting her go. Perhaps the tension between them had been brought about by her fears that he meant to stir things up again. The woman drove him crazier than a lassoed loon. He loved and despised her simultaneously.

“Can you take me out in Grandpa Evans’s fishing boat next summer?” Meagan asked as they trudged through a deep snowdrift on an unshoveled section of sidewalk. Residents were responsible for clearing the sidewalks in front of their homes, but some didn’t adhere to the ordinance.

“Sure, pumpkin. Did he take you out last summer?”

“I don’t ’zactly remember. I was still three, you know, but I’m going to be five on my next birthday, which is July twenty-second, and Mommy says that’s getting to be growed up. Sometimes she says she wants to put a heavy brick on my head to keep me from growing taller. That’s silly, huh?”

Jason chuckled, picturing it. “I guess mommies hate to think of their babies getting too big to hold and carry around.”

“And boss,” she quickly put in. “When I’m a mommy, I won’t be a bossy one.”

“Your mommy’s not bossy, honey, and when you’re a mommy someday, I bet anything you’ll want to be just like her. How would it be if she gave you no boundaries?”

“Fun!”

He should have seen that coming. “No, it would mean she didn’t love you very much—and you’d wind up pretty unhappy.”

“Merline Thompson gets to watch the Disney Channel as much as she wants.”

“Who’s Merline Thompson?”

She went on to tell him about some little girl in her preschool class and all the privileges she apparently got—also about the beautiful ribbons she wore in her hair and something about a diamond necklace. Besides making him picture some spoiled little brat, it got him to thinking about the earrings he’d bought for Rachel but never given her.

“Back to my dad’s boat,” he said, reining in his thoughts. “I’ll be happy to take you out in it this summer. But we’ll have to be careful not to tip over if an alligator bumps into us.”

She giggled. “Uncle Jay, you’re funny.” He wasn’t feeling all that funny, but her saying so meant he made for a moderately good actor.

The house felt cozy and warm when they stepped inside after their walk. Rachel closed the door behind them, and Jason stood on the welcome mat and watched her unzip Meagan’s coat and help her take off her boots. “Time for a nap now, stinker.”

Meagan’s eyes rolled upward and met his. “See what I mean, Uncle Jay?”

He cracked a grin and chortled, pulling off the child’s hat and watching her blonde hair rise with static. “I think a nap sounds like a good idea about now. Don’t think I didn’t see you cover a couple of yawns out there.”

A low fire crackled in the fireplace. Was it his imagination, or had Rachel put on a tougher exterior in the last half hour? Why, she didn’t even question Meagan’s remark or bat a single inquiring eyelash at him. He took her lack of response as a cue to say his good-byes. He bent to give Meagan a hug and kissed the top of her downy head. “I enjoyed our walk, little missy. You be good for your mommy.”

“Can you stay for supper tonight?”

“What? No, sorry. I’m going back to Grandpa and Grandma Evans’s house to help them with some jobs.”

“But you can come back over when you’re done,” she whined. “’Sides, you didn’t even see John-John, and he’ll be mad when I tell him you were here.”

That was a lame argument, for Johnny wouldn’t mind missing him at all, and Rachel knew it as well as he did. He chanced a quick peek at her.

“You’re welcome to come back later—I mean, if you want to,” she said.

Well, this was something new—a half invitation. “I guess I could do that, but only if you’re sure.” This he said directly to Rachel and in a low, husky whisper, his throat having suddenly gone hoarse on him.

“If you don’t mind eating something simple. All we’re having is spaghetti, garlic toast, and applesauce.”

He grinned, regaining his voice. “That’s my kind of supper.”

On the way down the driveway, he had to keep himself from skipping like a six-year-old.

He could barely concentrate on the remaining jobs his mom had listed for him to do that afternoon. Nor could he keep from whistling while he worked. Rachel had invited him to supper. Well, actually, it had been Meagan who’d extended the invitation, but at least Rachel hadn’t retracted it.

“You’re acting chipper,” his dad said, looking over his newspaper from his seat at the kitchen table.

“Am I?”

“Was Meaggie excited to see you?”

“She sure was. I took her for a walk around the block. Didn’t have much time for playing with her, though, since she had to take a nap.”

“Too bad. I’m sure she put up a fuss about that.”

“You know your granddaughter pretty well,” Jason said as he tightened the last screw for the bracket of the new curtain rod his mom had purchased, for which she was out buying a new set of curtains right now. “That should about do it,” Jason said, standing back to assess his work, then taking the pencil from behind his ear and checking off the final item on his to-do list. The clock above the pantry said 5:10. “I should probably load up my things.”

“You don’t want to stay for supper?”

He’d smelled his mom’s beef stew on the stove all afternoon. “Tell Mom I’m sorry, but I’m going back to Rachel’s house for supper—at Meagan’s insistence.”

“Well, that’s fine, then.” Not even an ounce of orneriness edged his tone.

Jay chanced a look at his dad to see if he could detect anything in his expression. “You’re okay with my going over there?”

His dad lowered his paper and looked him straight-on. “If you’ll recall, I apologized for interfering in your friendship with your sister-in-law. I was suspicious of something going on between you before the accident, and I was out of line. I still don’t know the full extent of what transpired between you and your brother on that mountain, but I’ve decided I don’t need or want to know.”

“Dad, what happened on that mountain is no secret, really. Yeah, we argued, but it was all over something that didn’t exist. Unfortunately, John went to his death thinking I still carried a torch for his wife, which isn’t true.”

His dad nodded, took a sip of what had to be a cool cup of coffee by now, set the mug back down, and then folded his newspaper. “That is unfortunate. The good news is, he’s not given it a moment’s thought since. And I plan to dismiss it from my mind, as well. I haven’t been able to entirely, mind you, but I’m working at it.”

Jason sighed, pulled back a chair, and plunked himself down. “I haven’t either, Dad. Hardly a day goes by when I don’t think about all the what-ifs. What if Rachel hadn’t told John? What if they’d just settled the whole matter before we set off on that trip? What if John and I had talked about it on the plane? What if we hadn’t taken that lift to Devil’s Run?”

“What if you’d never kissed Rachel in the first place?”

Jason fiddled with the corner of a placemat. “Especially that.”

Long moments of silence passed between them, making the minute ticks of the wall clock’s second hand sound deafeningly loud. Finally, his dad made the first move and pushed back his chair, the legs of which squawked in protest against the worn tile floor. “Well, it doesn’t matter, I suppose,” he said, putting both palms flat on the table. “What does matter is that I keep my nose clean—and out of your business. At least, that’s what your mother tells me.” He smirked. “That woman sure can put me in my place when I need it. She doesn’t do it very often, but when she does, phew! You should’ve heard her Christmas night after we got home from the hospital. That whole matter with John Jr. never would’ve happened if I’d been minding my own business.”

“Don’t say that, Dad.”

“No; I had everyone so riled up that no one, not even Rachel, gave a second’s thought to what the baby might be doing. I have thanked the Lord so many times that nothing more serious happened to that child. I couldn’t have forgiven myself. Ever.” More seconds of contemplative silence followed before his dad stood. “Well, you best get yourself to Rachel’s house before they eat without you.” Jason stood, too, and they faced each other across the round table. His dad smiled. “Thanks for all you did around the house today. You do good work, son. Your mother and I will have to drive down to Harrietta one of these days and have a look at some of those houses you’ve built.”

Well, now, where had that come from? “I’d like that. Afterward I’ll take you to a nice restaurant on the lake.”

The spaghetti dinner was about the best he’d ever had, though he couldn’t say whether that was because of the savory marinara sauce, the crispy garlic toast, or just the company itself. All he knew was that they’d all laughed and enjoyed good conversation, almost like a real family. He would not allow his mind to dwell there, though, since just a month ago he’d told Rachel he intended to let her go, thereby giving her time and plenty of room to make her own way in life. In his mind, that decision had not changed. Still, it sure felt good to sit back and watch the kids interact, listen to Meagan’s unending chatter, laugh at John Jr.’s antics, and exchange a bit of small talk with Rachel.

After dinner, they all chipped in to help clean up—everyone but Johnny, who kept up a constant order for “mo!” garlic toast. They set up an assembly line of sorts, Meagan and Jason delivering dishes to Rachel, who rinsed them and then loaded them in the dishwasher. The whole process took less than five minutes to complete. After that, Rachel wiped the table, stove, and countertops, and then went to change Johnny’s diaper.

Meagan and Jason went into the living room, where Meagan had already set up Chutes and Ladders and Candy Land, having talked her uncle into playing both. They sprawled out on the floor while Meagan spouted off the directions, and it was a good thing, as it’d been decades since he’d played either game. As Meagan made a pudgy-fingered turn with the spinner and landed on the six, moving her yellow piece six spaces, Rachel entered with a fresh-faced Johnny and sat down on the sofa to watch, tucking her bare feet beneath her slender body and releasing Johnny to head for a big truck he loved pushing around, with Jason as his primary target.

“Ah, you got me!” Jason yelped, rolling on the floor. The little guy giggled and repeated ramming into him. When Rachel finally laughed, the sound tugged mightily at his heart.

“Uncle Jay, it’s your turn,” Meagan said, raising her voice above the clamor. “Johnny, you go push your truck over there.”

“Now, don’t be bossy, Meaggie,” Rachel said, still laughing.

The game continued, as did Johnny’s crashing into him, Meagan’s attempts to keep him on task, and Rachel’s bubbling giggles. My, he could listen to that lighthearted sound all day and feast unblinking eyes on her for endless minutes. A year ago, he’d been aching from the loss of his brother, carrying the weight of grief everywhere he went, reliving each moment of that fateful day over and over again. Certainly, he’d never pictured himself one year later playing Chutes and Ladders with his niece or wrestling on the floor with his one-year-old old nephew, much less falling in love with their mother.

***

Rachel decided she could watch Jason interact with her kids for hours on end and not grow weary doing so. His unconditional love for them brought her great comfort. Not only that, but she plainly enjoyed watching Jason—the movement of his sculpted muscles beneath his cotton shirt; his thick crop of dark hair, which tapered neatly to his collar; and his arresting good looks and downright delicious appeal. She was startled to realize anew that he captivated her, brother-in-law or not!

Every so often, their eyes met, and she found her heart reacting in ways she hadn’t allowed before—racing, quivering, stopping, and starting. Still, she’d told him many times over that a relationship between them couldn’t work; it wouldn’t be fair to John, particularly since he’d been suspicious of something between them before his death. How could she ever in good conscience permit herself to give her heart to another man, especially Jason? No matter how long and hard she tried, she couldn’t wrap her mind around the idea. Besides, she still had lingering, unresolved questions in her mind regarding the accident, questions to which she had to find answers before she could move forward with her healing.

Soon, she would put Meagan and Johnny to bed. Perhaps, tonight, the Lord would give her courage to ask them.