Tell Me a Secret (30 page)

“Damn, Jimmy. Are you sure you’re only nineteen?”

“Yeah, but that’s fifty in cancer years.”

An hour later, when his dad pulled into the drive, Jace turned to face him. “Did you know?”

“What?”

“Don’t play with me, Dad. Did you know she quit her job?”

“Yes.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?”

“What difference would it make?”

“Dad…”

“What does it matter where she is, what she’s doing, or if she’s working or not? The truth is you don’t have the right to any of that. You lost that right when you asked her to leave. Why do you even give a damn?”

“Because I love her!”

“Yeah, well, you have a strange way of showing it.” He put his hand on his son’s shoulder. “You’re going to lose her, Jace. Keep pushing her away, because if you push long enough, eventually she’ll stay away.”

As soon as Jace got out of the car, he rolled to the mailbox, removed the letter, and rushed inside the house.

Dear Jace,

What if and why? I know that’s a game you’ve been playing lately. I’ve been playing it as well. What if you had been at that particular intersection two minutes later or two minutes earlier? Or not at all?

His stomach turned. She knows. How? Jared? No. As pissed as his brother was, he’d never tell her. He wouldn’t want to hurt her. But if it wasn’t Jared…Damn cell phone.

He continued.

Why did this happen to you? To us? Maybe there is no answer. It just happened. Life happens. Good and bad, and we can drive ourselves crazy trying to find a reason or place blame. Here’s my version of the game. What if I will always love you no matter what? And what if our happiest times are still ahead? But then I have to ask myself. What if you’ve decided to never ask me to come home? What then?

Maggie

His dad’s words rang in his ears.
Push her away—she’ll stay away
. A lump formed in his throat. He re-read the last two words.
What then?
Was she planning to move on? Earlier, when Jimmy mentioned giving up the little parts, the thought stabbed deep. Jace missed everything. The way she smelled. Her giggle. Love notes she tucked into his shirt pocket. He didn’t know how much longer he could hold out. He unfolded the second sheet of paper and stared at it.

Journal Secret

I wasn’t honest with Jace today.

Home again, home again, Jiggety-jig.

~Mother Goose

Maggie choked on her hot chocolate and tried to regain her composure after reading the church marquee.
Lying in bed shouting Oh God, doesn’t constitute going to church.
She sputtered and laughed at the same time. Stepping back inside, she grabbed a tissue.
Who comes up with those?
Apparently, someone with a wicked sense of humor.

In control again, she pulled on bulky sweatpants and tugged a sweater over the waistband, then scrounged around under the bed to find shoes. According to her to-do list, she had a full day.

Even though rain poured most of the morning, she was in the best of moods. A few minutes past one o’clock she parked in front of
Sloan & Sloan Architects
. By then, the moisture had turned to drizzle, but nothing could ruin her good disposition.

Unclear as to why Jace’s parents wanted to see her, she hoped it had to do with him wanting her back home. Already five months since the accident and she couldn’t wait much longer. After days of consideration, she’d decided to force Jace’s hand.

Earlier, at the local newspaper office, the nosy secretary pressed for information why Maggie needed the form. But she succeeded in remaining vague, because she didn’t want anyone to know about the rehabilitation center project until she told her husband.

When she stepped into the office, Elizabeth rushed to her. “Maggie! I’m so glad to see you. Let me take your coat.”

Maggie stuck her hands in the pockets. “No, I think I’ll keep it. I’m chilled from the rain. How’s Jace doing? A few days ago, he looked good.”

“You’ve seen him?”

“Yes, I was the clown at Halloween.”

“Are you serious? Oh my goodness, that was brilliant.”

“I couldn’t resist. I wanted to see him so much.”

“It’s your letters. They’re all that keep him going. He’s getting out of the house more. He takes Heisman for a walk twice a day and he’s finally accepting visitors. Sam came by last week. Did you know he and Sarah are expecting?”

“Yes.”

“Well, come into John’s office. We have something we want to discuss with you.”

Her father-in-law crossed the room and kissed her cheek. “We miss you, sweetie. Why don’t you forget what he says and do what you want.”

“Soon, John. Very soon. I promise.”

“Well, Jace played basketball this week, but I’m not sure I like your rules. Kyle, Jared, Sam, and I had a rough game in those chairs. That was the first time Jace laughed that much since the accident.”

“I’m glad. Elizabeth says there’s something you want to discuss.”

“Yes, please take a seat.”

Once everyone sat, Elizabeth reached for a piece of paper from the desk and handed it to her daughter-in-law.

“That is an agreement signed by both of us. We’ve discussed this and think it’s a wonderful idea. We want you and Jace to use John as a sperm donor. It’s the perfect solution. The baby would have Sloan genes, and because John is the grandfather, you’d never have to worry about any kind of interference. I’ve read where parents do this sort of thing for their children. It was done by our attorney and states he’d never make any claim to the child. And, we’d never tell anyone.”

Maggie’s mouth hung open. “This is such a generous offer. I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything right now.” John took her hand. “Jace is tormented. He doesn’t want you to go through life without a child because he knows how much that means to you. It’s killing him because he can’t give you one. This is as much for Elizabeth and me as for the two of you. It breaks our hearts to see him suffer. So give it some thought. Will you do that?”

She squeezed his hand. “Of course, I will. It’s a wonderful idea and the sweetest proposal you could ever make. It means the world to me.”

Elizabeth wiped tears. “Thanksgiving is coming and we want you there with us. Surprise Jace. If you show up I know he won’t send you away. I just know it.”

She hadn’t planned to tell them about her scheme, but couldn’t stand to see her mother-in-law upset. “I have a plan and this is what I need you to do.” Maggie gave Elizabeth the details and saw her eyes light up.

Jared poked his head through the doorway. “We’re still on for lunch, aren’t we?”

“Absolutely,” Maggie said.

“Great, I thought we’d walk across the street and get a hamburger. Is that okay with you?”

“Sure.”

A few minutes later, Jared opened the door for Maggie and ushered her inside the café.

“Your mom says Jace is better.”

Jared knitted his brows. “It’s those secrets you send him. He waits for them like a dog waits for a bone.”

“Yeah, he loves my secrets. Always has. Of course I don’t share every single one.”

“Yeah, there’s one you should never tell.”

“You’re right, and I hope you won’t either.”

“Are you kidding? There’s enough tension between the two of us concerning you as it is.”

“Why?”

“He’s jealous of me again. Thinks I want you for myself.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

He glanced away, then back at her. “Is it? If I’m honest, I wish I’d met you first. I always thought I’d be the one with the perfect wife.”

“I’m not perfect.”

“Close enough. I hate that things are strained between Jace and me. ”

“It isn’t you, it’s him. He looks at you and sees what he’ll never be again. Be patient. Once I’m home, he’ll get better.”

Two hours later, Maggie tossed the papers and folder onto the car seat, pulled out of the hospital parking lot, and turned toward The Herrington.
Lord, life is full of surprises
. The last thing expected from her in-laws was another sperm offer. She couldn’t help but laugh.

Back at the hotel, she gathered all the paperwork and stuffed it into a canvas bag. Once inside her suite, she shuffled through everything and divided it into piles, then shoved each stack into a separate envelope.

She removed the press release form, put a magazine under it for support, and began to write.

During groundbreaking ceremonies this morning, officials with the Covenant Health Systems announced plans for a new $3.8 million rehabilitation center. Situated separately from the hospital building, on the northern side of the property, this center will measure approximately 20,000 square feet. The facility includes a pool, gym, treatment rooms, athletic training, staff office, and support area.

The new center will provide outpatient physical therapy for those recovering from spinal cord injuries.

Jace and Maggie Sloan have committed the $3.8 million to fund the project, to be named ‘Jace Sloan Rehabilitation Center.’

Maggie attached the quote she’d gotten at the hospital.

Erwin Parham, senior administrator, Covenant Health Systems, noted the project will add twelve new jobs. “This gift is truly one from the heart, as this family has personally experienced the devastation of spinal cord injury. We thank them for their generous donation, which will touch and improve countless lives in the years ahead.”

Shoving it aside, she went to her desk, grabbed one sheet of pink paper and wrote five words. Then she folded and put it in a new envelope, sealed it with a kiss, and spoke into thin air. “You’re my ticket home.”

What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters to what lies within us.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Her letters were the worst addiction Jace could have. The anticipation generated euphoria, but the realization caused him to spiral into despair. He stared at the stack resting on his lap, each a vow of her undying love. There was no question concerning her devotion and desire. She spelled that out, but the
unwritten
questions tortured him.

As he refolded and replaced each one, words jumped in his brain.
That intersection. You have to love me more than you hate your paralysis. Forgive yourself. I wasn’t honest with Jace.

Damn. That intersection. Forgive yourself. Did she know?

He pulled the latest letter from the pile and read it again. The last sentence caused his chest to ache.
I don’t know how much more I can take
. Funny. That’s exactly how he felt. But was that her way of telling him she’d waited long enough? She’d quit her job. Hell, nursing positions were everywhere. What if she planned to leave Lubbock?

He rubbed his hands over his face. What would he do if that happened? The thought of her disappearing from his life forever hit him like a wrecking ball. He rolled to the window. Heavy gray clouds covered the sky and brought the promise of snow. The wind picked up leaves and spun them in the air as he watched the mailman drive away.

“Hey, Kyle!”

Within a minute, the therapist appeared in the doorway. “What’s up?”

“Would you mind getting the mail?”

“Sure, be right back.”

In minutes he returned and handed over the pink envelope. Jace ran the blade under the flap and removed one sheet. His hand trembled and his heart pounded. He unfolded the page and not since saying
I do
had two words traveled to his heart as swiftly and affected it as deeply. In any other situation, it would be a time for celebration, applause, fireworks,
victory
. But not today.

Dear Jace,

You win.

Maggie

Tears dropped onto the page and her name spread into abstract art.

“Oh, God, Kyle. It’s over. What am I going to do? She’s divorcing me.”

“Isn’t that what you’ve wanted?”

“What?”

“Wasn’t that the reason you ask her to leave? To find somebody else?”

“Nobody understands. It was easier for me to send her away than to wait for her to dessert me. At least this way, she left loving me. If I had let her stay, at some point, she would have grown to hate me and left anyway. I couldn’t bear that.”