Tell Me a Secret (28 page)

“Really? Well, those
gimps
could explain how they still have the ability to satisfy their women. They could also share what they find pleasurable. They meet every week and you can go anytime.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Fine. Now, let’s get to your exercises and then I’ll stand you in the new machine and see what you think.”

Two hours later, Jace rolled into the bedroom. Exhausted from the routine, he knew how important it was to maintain upper body strength. Without it, getting in and out of bed or transferring from wheelchair to traditional seating would be impossible. Kyle was right about the standing machine. Being vertical felt good, not to mention it helped with circulation and leg spasms.

He rolled to the bedside table, removed the box of letters, now up to twenty-five, and read them as he did every day. Each one an affirmation of love and a plea to return. They reminded him of what a fool he’d been. His mind drifted to the day of the collision. One thoughtless mistake, one reckless decision, and his whole life changed. It was easier to let her think of him as selfless, other than a disappointment. No, he couldn’t let her return no matter how painful it was to live without her. To see pity in her eyes was one thing, but he couldn’t bear contempt. A shiver ran through him. “Kyle, do you know what happened to my cell phone?”

“No. When was the last time you had it?”

“The day my life changed.”

“If it was in your pocket, someone from emergency would have given it to Maggie.”

Jace broke out in a cold sweat. Shit. The last text was from
Amanda
. The message flashed in his mind.
Hurry and let’s finish what we started in your office.

Kyle tipped the corner of the paper and peered over it. “Damn man, you should go back to work. The Raiders are having a crappy season. They need coaching help.”

He ignored the comment. “The mail came.”

“Oh yeah? Then why don’t you go get it?”

“You always get it. So go.”

“Not anymore. If you want her letters, from now on you’ll have to get them.”

Jace clinched his jaw, and anger rose along with his voice. “I said, get the mail.”

“And I said, no.”

“Dammit! Get it or you can pack and leave.” Jace’s blood ran hot.

“Sorry. I’m not going and you’re not firing me. Your wife hired me and she’ll be the one to end my employment. Why don’t you call her and discuss it.”

Again, Jace moved to the window and stared across the lawn toward his parents’ house. He picked up the phone and as soon as his mother answered, he said, “Hey Mom, would you get my mail and bring it to me?” Silence hung heavy. “Mom, did you hear me?”

“I’m sorry, sweetie, you’ll have to get it.”

“What’s going on? Have you and Kyle conspired to make me get out of the house? Well, I won’t! I won’t! Do you hear me? The mail can stay out there until hell freezes over for all I care.” He slammed the phone onto the bedside table.

Kyle spoke from behind the paper. “Ooh, I hear the devil shivering.”

“Shut your damn mouth.” Jace sucked in short, fast breaths and wheeled back and forth in a rocking motion like a junkie needing a fix. Small beads of sweat appeared on his forehead. He tried to reason clearly concerning his next move. He
needed
the letter. It was his only connection to her. Slowly, he maneuvered to the door. Gathering the courage to open it, he placed his hand on the knob and held it there. Fear consumed him, but the power of her words, her secrets, were stronger. He gripped, pulled it open, and rolled down the ramp. In an instant, he was at the box, letter in hand. He had his fix and felt the rush as if her words mainlined into his vein.

“Now, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Kyle asked.

He rolled past him, still red faced and angry. “Just leave and let me read my letter.”

Dear Jace,

I’ll try to make this worth the trip to the mailbox.

What? She’s playing me, and Mom and Kyle are in on it? Jace shook his head, then stared at the pink paper.

What are you afraid of? What’s your worst fear? I want you to think about that. Are you afraid I’ll stop loving you? I won’t. Believe me, I’ve tried. Up until a few minutes ago, you were afraid to go outside. Now you’ve conquered that. I hope you feel better. I do, knowing you did it. You told me to find someone else and make a new life. There’s one problem. I would have to give them my heart, and I don’t have it anymore. I gave it to you a long time ago and you still have it. You always will.

You see, Jace, since you’re the only man I’ve ever loved, I don’t know how to love anybody else.

Do me a favor. Take Heisman for a walk. He needs you as much as you need him and I need you both.

Maggie

Journal Secret

Loving him is like breathing. Easy, natural, necessary. I love the sight of him, his scent, touch, kisses, teasing. I’ve never felt this way before. I wonder if this is what my mother searched for her entire life. If it was, I’m sorry she never found it.

They were only words on paper. Reality was different. It might take her a while to reclaim her heart, but she could do it. He’d force her. His heart was a different story. She’d always have it and he didn’t want it back.

He went to the phone and dialed his mom again. “Sorry I yelled at you.”

“That’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it.”

“Would you bring Heisman? I’m going to take him for a walk.”

“Your dad and brother are here for lunch, I’ll send him with Jared. Heisman will love it.”

Ten minutes later, the dog ran in and pounced on Maggie’s side of the bed, jumped down, spun around, and ran from room to room.

“Come, boy. She’s not here,” Jace called.

Jared stepped in. “Hey Kyle,” he said and faced his brother. “Thank God, you’ve decided to get out of this house.”

“Yeah, it’s time I do something besides sit around all the time. That’s a joke in case you missed it.”

“Yeah, I got it. You seem to be in a good mood, so this may be the right time to talk to you about a proposition.”

“What?” The dog came, rested his head in Jace’s lap and whined. “Yeah, I miss her too, boy.”

Big brother moved closer. “One of the main reasons you asked her to leave was because she wants kids and now you can’t have any, or at least, chances are slim. DNA wise, I’m as close to you as anybody can be.”

Jace cut him off short, his blood simmered. “You’d love that, wouldn’t you? Father a child with her. Hell, that’s probably been one of your little fantasies.”

Heisman ran under the bed.

“Stop right there. I’m not asking to sleep with her. I’m talking artificial insemination. Until the accident, you and I had gotten close again. I miss that. Can’t you see I’m offering this because I love you and I can’t bear to see you suffer? Are you so eaten up with guilt, you’re using infertility as an excuse so you never have to tell her the truth?”

“Shut up!” He fisted his hands and caused Jared to stumble backwards.

Kyle walked to stand next to Jace. “Calm down.”

He ignored him and rolled closer. “I didn’t screw around on her! Okay? I didn’t. But I was on my way to doing just that.” His chest heaved; he ran his fingers through his hair. The thought of how close he’d come to having the last sex of his life with a woman he didn’t give a shit about made him sick to his stomach. “You don’t understand. We’d been trying to get pregnant for so long, I was tired of it. I was nothing but stud service.” He clutched the arms of his chair, gasped for air, and spit the words. “And then there was Amanda. She kept coming on to me and for the first time in months, I felt wanted for more than a baby. I made a bad decision.”

“Oh. I get it.”

“No, you don’t. You don’t know what it’s like when you can’t give your wife the one thing she wants most in the world. I couldn’t get her pregnant, and that’s all she thought about.”

“Don’t you dare put this on her. You’re the one at fault, so man up, and own it.”

Jace stiffened and gripped the chair arms until his knuckles turned white.

“Both of you take a breath,” Kyle said.

“You’re an idiot, Jace!”

“Yeah, I am. Don’t you think I know that? It’s on my mind constantly. But haven’t I been punished enough? I’m stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of my life and I’ve given up the only woman I’ll ever love. And now you want to give me
your
kid, so I can look at him every day and reinforce the fact you gave her what I never could.”

Jared waved his arms in the air. “Hell, I can’t win with you!”

“Boys!” Mom appeared in the doorway. “I can hear you all the way over to our house. What is going on?”

“I give up, Mom. Jace takes everything I say wrong. I’m done.” He bolted to the door, then stopped and turned to face his brother and punctuated the air with his finger. “Here’s what I know. You love her and she loves you. But if you keep refusing to reconcile, she’ll eventually move on with her life. When that happens, are those letters going to be enough?”

It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble.

It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.

~Mark Twain

Pure torture, Maggie decided as the mingled scents of candied apples, funnel cakes, and cotton candy drifted to her. From her hotel balcony, she could see the lights, hear children’s laughter coming from the church carnival, and the sound made her happy. What the hell? She’d endured it long enough. It was Halloween, after all. It’d be Valentine’s Day before she had a legitimate excuse to eat candy again.

The church bell chimed. Time to get into costume. She didn’t understand why she agreed to accompany Beth Ann and her two nephews trick-or-treating. Maybe because it was nice to have a friend who didn’t know everything about her. But who was she kidding? This was the perfect opportunity to see Jace.

She’d not intended to lie, but found it easier not to go into detail. She was just getting acquainted with her new friend, so personal information trickled out a little at a time. Beth Ann’s parents were divorced and a brother, also divorced.

Maggie shared that her parents were both deceased and she had no siblings, and after Friday, by choice, she’d be an unemployed nurse. She’d managed not to discuss her marriage predicament. Actually, Beth Ann wasn’t aware of Maggie’s real name. Before going inside, she glanced once more at the church sign. Their slogans were a high-point every week.
The devil’s trick is no treat
. Chuckling, she went into the bedroom to put on the costume.

Later, when she answered the door and found her Halloween partner in a Charlie Chaplain get-up, she couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh my goodness, you look great.”

Beth Ann’s brown eyes widened. “Wow! When you said you were going as a clown, I had no idea you meant full-on painted face, rubber nose and rainbow wig. You are colorful!”

“Thanks. I thought after we picked up your nephews, we could swing over by Elm and hit a few houses there, then come back to the church carnival. My mouth is watering for a blue cloud of cotton candy melting on my tongue.”

“That sounds great. The boys are with their mother, and as much as I hate to see that slut, that’s where they are.”

“I take it you’re not fond of your ex-sister-in-law.”

“That’s an understatement.”

As they drove across town, Maggie chit-chatted. “How’s the decorating job for Mrs. Collier going?”

“Well, the peacocks came in and the workers got them mounted today. They look absolutely horrible.”

Maggie laughed, and noticed her surroundings as they approached Frankfort and Sixty-Third Street. Laughter faded. She took a deep breath and choked back tears.

“Are you all right?”

Her hands trembled. She pinched the bridge of her nose and tried not to cry. “I’m sorry. This next intersection is where a bad accident occurred. I was working when they brought him into the hospital.”

“Yeah, I heard about that. My ex-sister-in-law used to date that guy in college and recently went to work in his office at Tech.”

Maggie pinched harder and tried to focus on the passing landscape. Light headed, she rolled down the window and hung her head out, her rainbow wig flying in the wind like a gay-pride flag.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I will be. I haven’t eaten much today. I got a little queasy. Carsick, I guess.”

Once they pulled into the drive, Maggie waited where she sat. When the blond, busty woman stepped onto the porch with a miniature Batman and Robin in tow, Maggie’s stomach churned.
Definitely Jace’s former type. Barbie deluxe
. She fought the urge to get out and assault the woman. Bitch. She took a deep breath and pushed the anger away. Getting furious wasn’t healthy.

“Okay, boys,” their aunt announced as she buckled them in, “This is my friend.”

“Coco-the-Clown,” Maggie interrupted. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Beth Ann smiled. “Okay, Coco, this is Jackson and Caleb, aka Batman and Robin.”

Coco produced two suckers from her polka-dotted pocket and handed them to the boys. “Here’s your first treat. Are y’all ready to get some more?”

“Yeah!”

Two hours later, after parking in front of the Sloan address the boys ran to ring the bell. John and Elizabeth treated the Dynamic Duo and waved to Maggie and Beth Ann waiting at the end of the sidewalk. Once the boys rejoined them, they crossed the lawn to
Maggie’s
house.