Tears of the Broken (32 page)

“
After a week?” Mike’s voice cracked.

“
Yes. Well, it’s not a week for him,
remember? He’s had around a month to think about it. But, you know,
it’s funny ‘cause I kinda fell in love with him, too, like, the day
I saw him…” It’s hard to admit that—especially to Mike. I don’t
think he can comprehend love and I never want to hear the
word
infatuation
.

“
So
what’s the problem, then? Are you being a commitment-phobe again?”
He sighed, sounding bored.

Ouch. “No, it’s the opposite, actually.
He
hasn’t kissed
me
yet?”

Mike
laughed. I could almost see him tilting his head forward and
scratching his brow. “How long have you been official?”

“
Well, how long were you and Bec official before you guys did
more than just kiss?” I retorted.

“
That’s different, young lady. I’m an adult
and you are a kid. Did you ever think that
that
might be his problem? You being
under eighteen?” Mike concluded. “How old is this guy,
anyway?”

“
He’s a little older.” I brushed over that
one. Mike won’t like it if he knows the truth. “And yes, I did
consider the fact that we’re not technically adults.” Well I’m not,
but David is. “But we are at the legal age of consent
here
, and he’s a
hot-blooded male—and there have been opportunities. I just don’t
get it. A kiss can’t hurt, right?”

“
Unless you’re a hot-blooded male, Ara.” He laughed, then took
a breath. “A kiss can make you want a lot more, and maybe he just
has,” Mike paused for a second, “self-knowledge? He might think he
won’t wanna stop if you were to ask him to go further. And maybe
he’s afraid if he did have the willpower to stop, it might hurt
your feelings.” His voice dropped on the end.

“
Well, he
is
smart. That could have something to do with it.
But it makes me feel—” I know the word, but don’t want to admit
it.

“
Undesirable?” Mike said it for me. He’s good at
that.

“
Yes?” I muttered.

He
laughed—a loud, full chuckle.

My
stomach tightened and my teeth clenched. “Mike. Stop it. Don’t
laugh at me, you know I hate that!”

He
stopped instantly. “I’m sorry, Ara, it’s just that…I’ve always
thought you were cute. I’m not stupid, I have eyes, and I promise,
you are
not
undesirable.”

“
Mike, you can’t say that. You’re my friend.”

“
Yes, I’m your friend, which means I
can
say
that.”

I
typed ‘pick up Mike’ on Tuesday morning in my desktop calendar then
went back to iTunes.

“
What’re you doing?” Mike asked, sensing my absence, I
guess.

“
I’m downloading a song.” I clicked
on
search
.

“
A
legal download, I hope,” he muttered in his stern, ‘cop’
voice.

“
Yes,” I hissed, rolling my eyes.

“
What song?”

“
It’s by this band called Live. You know them,
right?”

“
Yeah,” Mike scoffed. “Why would
you
be listening to
them, though? It’s a little old for you, isn’t
it?”

“
Mike, I’m three years your junior. If it’s old for me, it’s
old for you.”

Overcome started downloading so I looked up the song David
said reminds him of me—the one by Ponder. I just have to hear it
again. My playlist of David is getting very long.

“
So,
what song then?” Mike asked after a moment.

“
Oh,
um, Overcome?”

“
Where’d you hear that one?”

“
David likes it. He played it today on his iPod.
Why?”

“
You
know me, baby—I judge how you’re feeling by your playlist. Don’t
you think that song’s a little…?” He didn’t finish.

“
What, depressing?”

“
Maybe,” he said reluctantly.

“
Mike. Are you worried that I’m—”

“
No.
Ara. Please don’t think that. I just—you normally listen to such
happy music. I just thought—”

“
Really, I’m fine.” Just tired of people thinking I’m
depressed. “I know Vicki and Dad think I’m suicidal and to be
honest, if you all don’t leave me alone, I might have to do
something rash just to get you off my back. So, shut it! Okay? I’m
fine.”

The
line went dead silent. He should be used to my outbursts by now,
but I guess, with all the miles between us it’s harder to just
brush it off like normal. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“
Good. ‘Cause I’m okay. I have David. My
life is about
him
now. I’m not going to kill myself. Look—” I breathed out and
softened my tone, “I love you, Mike. I know you’re just worried.
But it’s really an insult to my character that everyone keeps
watching me all the time for the wrong move. I live with a former
psychiatrist, for God’s sake. I’ll go crazy soon.” I took a breath
and the smell of Vicki’s cooking filled my nostrils. “I need to
feel free to make mistakes or listen to depressing music, and I
need you to be with me on that.” That was supposed to be an attempt
at reason, but unfortunately for Mike, he just became victim to two
months’ worth of saved-up ranting.

Hm,
normally he would’ve said something back—a smart remark, raised his
voice in defence, but…he said nothing. “Mike?” His quiet breath
gave away his presence. “Mike?”

“
You’re not a little girl anymore, Ara,”
Mike concluded softly. “What’s happened these last few months
has…well, it’s
changed
you. A lot. You’ve really had to grow up and…I’m sorry for
that.” I rested my hand over my belly button to quiet the flutters
his words formed there. “But I’m also really proud of you. I just
need to see you again—make sure you’re still my
girl.”

“
I’ll always be your girl, Mike. You’re
my
best
friend.”

“
But
you have David now—you won’t be needing me for much longer,” he
stated in a dull tone.

“
Don’t say things like that, Mike.”

“
Why? You know it’s true, but it’s okay. It’ll just be an
adjustment, that’s all—not having you all to myself whenever I
wanna talk to you.”

“
It
was the same for me when you were dating Lyndall. It’s just the way
things are. But I’m sure we’ll always be friends.”

“
Yeah, I’m sure we will.” After a second, he laughed softly as
he spoke, “I’m really looking forward to seeing you. I can’t wait
to pick you up and squeeze you until you can’t breathe.”

“
Ha!
No way. I’ll totally squeeze you harder.”

“
Sure, those skinny spider arms’ll do so much
damage.”

“
Shut up, Hercules!” I chuckled the words out.

“
Miss you.” Mike sighed, his laughter ceasing.

“
I
know you do.”

The
bright morning greeted me with a light, airy feeling, and the
awakening floral scent of frangipanis sent shivers of normality
through my chest. I must remember to sneak into Mr. Herman’s garden
and pick a few before he wakes up tomorrow morning. Of course, that
would mean getting out of bed on time. If I hadn’t stayed up so
late last night like a pathetic schoolgirl with a crush, I mightn’t
have slept through my alarm. Hm, hang on; I
am
a pathetic schoolgirl with a
crush. I shrugged and closed the front door behind me—a little
quieter than usual. I don’t want Vicki to know how late I
am.

The
last of the minivan parade sped past my dad’s house as I reached
the edge of the driveway, and the glowing heat of the sun warmed my
skin while the sight of David warmed my whole day.

Completely distracted, as usual, he didn’t even see me walk
out. Perhaps he can’t get the scent of Mr. Herman’s garden out of
his mind long enough to look at anything else. Well, that might be
my first thought if he didn’t look so…worried. No one else would
notice. He’s like me—good at painting on a fake smile—but it’s in
his eyes I see the truth.

Maybe
I
can
kidnap
him
today—force him to talk to me about
his
problems. Pah, yeah right. He
hasn’t even told me his middle name. I doubt he’ll tell me why he’s
so vacant all the time.

As I
cleared the windbreak of the porch, the morning breeze blew in from
the east, sweeping the dewy scent of roses in on its back. My hair
circled my face and tickled the bare skin around the straps of my
red sundress. I closed my eyes and lost myself in the tingly
sensation.

“
Ara! Look out!”

My
eyes shot open and the windshear of a speeding car nearly sucked me
onto the road, but a hand gripped my arm and yanked me from the
edge of the curb. “Jeeze, Ara?” Sam dropped my arm. “What the hell
were you thinking?”

I
looked away from Sam, across the road, to David. We stared at each
other for a wordless second—which felt like minutes. I swallowed
hard and blinked. One more step and I would’ve been under that car.
“Whoa, I—” My gaze fell on Sam’s furiously red face. “Sorry, Sam.
That car wasn’t there when I started crossing.”

“
I
know.” He watched the beaten-up old bomb scream around the
corner—smoke billowing out from its exhaust. “He came out of
nowhere.”

“
Sam.” A smile spread over my shock. “You just saved my
life.”

“
David. How come you didn’t see that?” Sam looked over my
shoulder just as warm hands clasped my waist; David spun me into
him, ignoring Sam. “Man, you were looking right at her.”

“
Are
you okay?” David asked in a soft whisper, cupping my cheek in his
hand, lowering his face to mine.

“
Mm-hm.” I nodded.

“
I—”
He shook his head and looked at Sam, cradling my cheek against the
indent at the centre of his chest. “I was looking this way, but I
was…I just didn’t see it.”

I
touched my collarbone; it feels like my heart’s trying to break
through the skin. David placed his hand over mine.

“
Well, I gotta get to school,” Sam said, nodding toward the
oval as the last bell rang. “You need me to hold your hand across
the road before I go?”

“
Funny.” I rolled my eyes.

“
Take care, Ara. Okay?” Sam started walking, backward. “Dad
only just got you back. It’ll kill him if you…do something
stupid.”

My
mouth fell open. What exactly is he implying?

Sam
started across the road and it clicked: he thinks I did that
deliberately. Great. One more cog in the wheel. If he tells Vicki,
she’ll hospitalise me for sure. “It was an accident,” I called out,
standing on my toes to make my voice seem bigger.

He
shrugged and kept walking.

“
I’m sorry, Ara.” David’s eyes, still lost
along the outline of my face, narrowed when I looked back at him.
“I—I really…” his brow tightened, “
should
have seen
that.”

“
It’s not your fault, David. I was totally in my own world.” I
laughed, but David just shook his head.

“
Your heart. It’s beating so fast.” He wrapped one arm, then
the other around my shoulders and squeezed me tight enough to trap
my hands against my chest.

“
It’s because you’re doing that.” I breathed into the small
hollow between his collarbones and drew back his intense
orange-chocolate scent.

By
the time Sam made it to the school steps, my heart had slowed.
David took a long breath and squeezed me a little tighter before
stepping back.

“
David?” I said. His eyelids lifted from being closed—tightly,
and he looked down at his feet. “What is it? Is something
wrong?”

“
I—”
his chest heaved—almost unnoticeably—as if he were regurgitating
the words or choking on them.

Oh
God, there is something wrong. My heart picked up again and
everything around me disappeared to insignificance. He didn’t move,
didn’t speak, but just stood—motionless, wordless and unresponsive.
I reached out to him. My fingers barely touched his arm when he
whipped his hand away—fast, like a reflex action. “David?” I
dropped my hands to my sides and my mouth gaped. Now I’m sure
there’s something wrong with me. Maybe I have too much static in my
skin, I don’t know, but no one’s ever pulled away from me like that
before. “I…David what’s going on!”

“
Nothing, just—” He took a step away, then stopped.
“Nothing.”

Tiny
bubbles of despair flitted around my stomach. I feel like everyone
on the school oval is watching us—but the oval is empty—we’re late,
and I don’t care. “Does this have something to do with the reason
you don’t want to kiss me?”