Tapped (Totaled Book 2) (35 page)

            “You’re an adult. Bree’s an adult. Sure, she wants her dad’s approval, but that girl loves you. She was beaten almost to death and stuck by you, patiently waiting in limbo while you got help and even found a way to worm her feelings and support into the mix along the way. If that’s not wife material, I don’t know what is.” He was right. It was time I stood up for what
I
wanted.

            There was only one thing to do, the way I saw things. I had to man up. I didn’t need to grow a pair, as the doc had joked. I just needed to reach down and find mine.

            I drove over to the Murphys’ house and was relieved to see that Bree’s car was not in the driveway. Pat’s however, was. My pulse was throbbing so loudly in my ears that I started to get a headache. I tried to wipe the sweat from my palms onto my jeans as I walked up to the door, feeling more nervous about this moment than I’d ever felt before a fight. I knocked firmly, trying to muster any confidence I could. When the door opened, Pat’s eyebrows rose, surprised at my unexpected presence.

            “Drew?” he acknowledged. “What brings you here?”

            “Uh, I was hoping I could talk to you for a few minutes…if you don’t…if you’re not busy.” I fumbled my words around and felt my entire body fidgeting.

            He squinted his eyes a little, peering at me with confusion and responded “Okay?” like it was a question. “Come in,” he invited, gesturing his arm in an “after you” motion. “Want something to drink?” he offered.

            “No thanks.” I had no idea where to start and so badly wanted to pace to calm my nerves. I held on to the edge of the counter and took a few deep breaths. “Are you the only one here?” I inquired innocently.

            “Yep. Liam’s with Tony checking out some new guy at the gym.”

            “And Bree?” I added, his eyes quickly darting up to meet mine.

            “I assume she’s up at the gym as well…doing her
job
,” he retorted defensively with an edge of attitude, like how dare I ask about Bree.

            “Right. Well, I’m glad I caught you alone. I just wanted…I hoped we could talk…to settle some things.” I awaited a response but he was motionless and stoic. “I feel like a lot of things were left unsaid and I’m kind of unsure where we go from here.”

            “Say what you want to say, Drew—what you came here to tell me,” he urged.

            I felt like he was trying to dominate the conversation. I didn’t mind if he needed to feel that way, but I needed to find my footing and have the courage to continue. In the few seconds of my pause, his demeanor changed and his posture stiffened. As he stood a little bit taller and pulled his shoulders back, his face morphed into hurt.

            “Oh my God,” he blurted. “Are you firing me?”

            “What?” I replied in shock.

            “You’re firing me in my own house? That’s it, isn’t it? You’re hot shit now that you’re ranked and you’re just gonna move on and move out, huh?” He started walking around the room, pacing back and forth with an appalled expression as he continued to mumble to himself, “I can’t believe after all we’ve done, all we’ve been through, you just up and leave, moving on up to bigger and better people. What kind of horseshit…”

            “Coach,” I said, trying interrupt gently. “Coach!” He wasn’t listening, stuck in his own pissed off bubble. “Pat, stop!” I shouted. He stood still and tilted his face to look at me. “I’m not
firing
anyone,” I insisted. “This isn’t about any of that.”

            He exhaled a deep breath and sat onto the edge of the couch, a look of embarrassment taking over his reddened face. I took a minute for him to calm down and for me to gather my composure.

            “I came to talk to you about Bree.”

            His face hardened as soon as her name escaped my lips and he appeared to have instantly shut down any possibility of a civil discussion. “What about her?” he responded gruffly.

            “We’d like to start seeing each other again…publicly.” If he were a dog, his ears would have perked up at the word publicly. He was suspicious and not having it.

            “No,” he declared right away. Plain and simple.

            “Pat, I don’t think you underst—”

            “No!” he interrupted. “I mean it. You aren’t right for her and I won’t allow it.” It was like what he said should be committed into stone and would be law. He began walking over to the foyer, apparently done entertaining the idea of an actual discussion between adults.

            “Okay. I have no intention of getting into a yelling match or disrespecting you in your home, but I will be heard,” I promised sternly.

            He turned to face me and crossed his arms over his chest, his body language closed off to me but his ears still opened.

            “I love her,” I announced. “I
love
your daughter. And she loves me.”

            “Sometimes love isn’t enough… You can’t just…”

            “Please don’t interrupt me. I need to get this all out,” I pleaded. He closed his mouth and calmly allowed me to continue. “It
is
enough… for us. I fucked up, loud and clear. I know I hurt her and I will never forgive myself for that, but I’ve learned in therapy that it wasn’t my fault.”

            The sound of his breathing and my thumping heart were the only noises in the room.

            “I’ve done everything you asked me to do. I’ve done the work and will continue to do the work. Because I want
her.
I need her, Pat.”

            “Son, something like this doesn’t just go away,” he hissed.

            “I know that! Don’t you think I know that? I live it every single day,” I ranted, allowing my voice to rise. “I know there’s no magic fix and I’ll be in therapy probably for the rest of my life.” He nodded in agreement but didn’t speak. “I want to spend the rest of my life with
her
,” I said. “I want her by my side…and you…and Liam. I want you all to be my family.”

            “Drew…you have to realize how hard…”

            “I
know
it’s hard.” I shuddered with emotion and took a deep breath to steady myself. “I know how painful it must be for you to see your beaten daughter’s face every time you look at me.” A tear broke the dam and slip slowly down my cheek. “I know it’s difficult to give your blessing to a man who’s clearly broken when all you really want is for her to be with someone that’ll be strong and stable for her.” I let the tears fall freely, showing my full hand, laying bare every ounce of vulnerability and weakness within me. “But that’s exactly what I’m asking you to do.”

            He looked at me in question, unsure of what he was supposed to be responding to.

            “I want your permission. I want your support. And ultimately, I want your blessing. I want to marry her. I want to live together and show her every single day how much I love her and how she deserves to be treated. I want to start a family and bring our kids over here to a welcoming environment.”

            Pat’s chin quivered and he fought to keep his composure as I continued.

            “I want to fight, FOR you, until I’m unable to fight anymore. And then I want to coach newcomers together. I want to grow old with Bree but also grow with you and Liam and work at the gym together. I want to help the Murphy name live on and be a legacy right next to the Dougherty name.”

            He shook his head from side to side, refusing to hear anything further.

            “Pat, please,” I begged. “All I’m asking for is a second chance.”

            He swiftly brought his hand up to catch the tear from falling down his face, exhaling a long breath. I sniffled, breaking the silence, and waited for him to respond.

            “What if it happens again?” he asked softly, almost a whisper.

            I answered right away. “It will never happen again,” I replied, loudly and firmly, moving towards him a half step. He looked up and held eye contact with me, both of our eyes wet with unshed tears. “It will
never
happen again. On my life. I will never ever put her in harm’s way again.”

            He gazed at me, about to burst with inner turmoil. I straightened my shoulders and lifted my chin to stand proudly affirming to him, “I promise. You have my word. I will never let anything happen to her.”

            Pat shocked the hell out of me when he stepped forward and held his arms out to offer a hug. I leaned in, opening my own arms, and accepted the embrace. He squeezed tightly, his hug solid and unwavering. He muttered just loud enough for me to hear, “I believe you.”

Chapter Forty-Four

DREW

            “Man, it’s great to see you,” the doc said cheerfully as he leaned in for a brief hug. It felt good to actually be seeing him in person. Weeks had passed since I’d last sat in his office and so much had happened since then. “Come on in and take a seat.”

            I assumed my position on the couch and adjusted my shirt to be comfortable. Dr. Greiner walked over to his desk to grab my file and took his seat across from me. We both exhaled a breath at the same time, chuckling at each other and relaxing.

            “So here we are,” he acknowledged.

            “Yep. Here we are. I appreciate you squeezing me in,” I thanked him.

            “Oh, you know it’s no problem,” he insisted. “Want to tell me what’s on your mind?”

            I’d called him the day before requesting to come and see him and he of course responded with worry. It was foreign to have to actually defend that for once everything was fine, but I still felt an urgency in needing to speak with him.

            “Well, I took your advice.”

            “Yeah? Which piece of advice was that?” he smiled with intrigue.

            I snickered, slightly embarrassed as I answered him. “When you told me to…well, to grow a pair.”

            “Ahh, yes. Sorry about that. I suppose that wasn’t the most professional of conversations.”

            “It’s cool, Doc. It’s exactly what I needed to hear.”

            “Still, I hope you understand that I was a little miffed at Pat and how the whole situation was being handled,” he explain. “I should remember to keep my opinions to myself and maintain a certain level of decorum when doling out therapy.”

            “Seriously, you don’t need any
decorum
with me,” I defended. “Anyway, it worked.”

            “What worked?” he echoed. “You were able to grow a pair?”

            We laughed together in earnest for a moment before I answered, “Yeah. I guess you could say that. I met with Pat and we were both able to get a lot off our chests.”

            “Okay. That’s good, I gather…right? You feel better about things?” he asked, leaning forward in his chair.

            “Uh, I
do
, but I still have questions…doubts.” My voice came out sounding timid and unsure; I tried to shake off the nerves. This was just Doc and we were just talking, like always. I should be comfortable with him by now. “I’m just second guessing things and I want to move forward with more…”

            “Confidence?”

            “Yes. Exactly.”

            “What is it that you’re second guessing?” he questioned as he reached for his pen, resting on top of his ear.

            “Bree,” I sighed. His brows rose a fraction in surprise and he waited for me to continue. “I want to be with her and Pat even gave me his blessing, but I’m just…I’m…gahhh…”

            “You’re scared.”

            “Yes!” I agreed. “I’m terrified. How are we ever supposed to have a normal relationship?” I grumbled, bringing my hands to wipe over my head in frustration.

            Doc relaxed back into his seat and paused, thinking of how to answer, I assumed. “Normal for whom?” he challenged. “Whose definition of normal are you trying to live up to?”

            “I don’t know.” I had no idea how to explain.

            “Listen, relationships aren’t
normal
. We don’t live in Mayberry, where nothing bad ever happens. You and Bree have to figure out what’s normal for
you
and work through conflicts like any other couple.”

            “Beating your girlfriend in your sleep is a little more than your average conflict, though. I mean, how do I ever trust myself with her?” I wiped my sweaty palms on my legs, nervous at the thought of slipping and hurting her again.

            “You don’t,” he declared simply, prompting me to bring my eyes up to his in question. “Not for a while, at least. I think you have to look at this all like a weak spot in your armor.” I looked at him with confusion and he set the folder down to talk candidly. “It’s like this…you only have one set of armor for battle, but it has a flaw. One so drastic that if you were to let your guard down enough to expose it, it would mean your death. You have to always be aware of it, sitting there tucked beneath the surface, and protect it.”

            I sat blankly staring at him, trying to digest the analogy he had just laid out.

            “You’re not giving yourself enough credit here, Drew. You’ve proven to me that you are committed to this process and certainly committed to Bree. You’re strong enough to overcome this.”

            “I don’t feel like I am. I don’t feel like I’ll ever be able to relax and just enjoy being in love with her without the constant fear in the back of my mind.”

            “Okay. Do you feel like you have a good awareness of who you are?”

            “Umm, yeah… I guess I…”

            “I don’t mean ‘I’m Drew Dougherty. I’m a fighter from Arizona, blah, blah, blah.’ I mean, do you know what you’re capable of?” Bringing his hands together and making a loud clap, he momentarily snapped me out of my own head. “Do you know your breaking point?” He probed and prodded, bullying me with his demanding questions until I was just uncomfortable enough to blurt out what he was wanting me to realize.