Tananguard 02 - To Love a Lord (19 page)

Josephine spent the afternoon outside watching her son run and play. He did look so much like Connor. She hadn’t allowed herself to see it until recently, and she was surprised at how much it pleased her. She had always loved little Garret, but not knowing who his father really was ate at her insides. She hadn’t realized how much it pained her to think he might be Lucas’s son and not Connor’s. But she knew now, and her heart felt closer to healing than she ever thought possible.

“Tell me of the boy’s father,” a deep voice spoke.

Josephine jumped at the sound. She turned to find her grandfather, Don Roberto Murrieta, watching her.

“I did not mean to startle you, but I have been here for some time watching you watching him. You dote on him, and it seems you see something beyond just his young self. You see his father, and I see the pain it brings you,”
he said. “What happened to him?”

She swallowed a lump in her throat. “He was lost to me.”

“I see. Did you love him, or were you forced to wed?”

“I loved him very much. I…I still do,” she answered.

He nodded. “You should return to the house. I will stay with Garret.”

Strange how she did not hesitate to obey. It seemed she found herself instantly in front of the large doors to the manor, and then suddenly inside.

She stopped short, inhaling sharply when she saw him. Time slowed as she stared at his back. He was strong and lean, his tall form leaning casually to the left as he waited.

He turned and their eyes met.
“Sophia,” Connor whispered.

Josephine’s breathing sped up, and her heart pounded harder. A lump formed in her throat, and she knew she was going to fall apart. She reached toward him as though he would disappear and brought her other hand to her mouth to stop the sob that wanted to rip from her throat.

Her grandmother, Maria Murrieta, entered the entrance hall. “Josephine?”

Josephine’s eyes finally broke from Connor’s with those words. She glanced at her grandmother—as did Connor—then back to Connor. Panic seized her. She could not speak. She could not have her confrontation with Connor here at this moment with her grandmother present. Connor’s gaze was still on the elder Murrieta to his right, so Josephine slipped past him on his left just as he was turning back toward her. He reached for her, but she was too quick. She sped past him and ran.

She was in her room, and someone was knocking softly on the door. Josephine stared at it as her grandmother entered the room.

Maria shut the door behind her and looked at Josephine. “You must speak with him.”

Josephine simply stared at her.

“He is hurting as you are.”

Still Josephine stared without speaking.

“I am sending him in,” Maria finished, opening the door. “
You may enter.”

Connor stepped through the door, and Maria stepped out through it, shutting it as she left. Connor and Josephine stared at each other, neither saying anything and both reveling in seeing the other. So much pain hung in the air, though, pain both had suffered over the past five years.

“You came for me?” Josephine asked in a whisper.

“I had to,” Connor replied. “You have always been the only one for me.”

The tears streamed faster down her cheeks. She did not bother wiping them away. “So much time has passed.”

“And you are as beautiful as ever,” he said as he strode across the room and reached for her.
“You are mine, Josephine Tananguard,” he said with fervor, emphasizing her last name—his last name.

Her name on his lips
—not her mother’s name or her father’s name but her name—awakened a storm within. He was reaching for her, but she was in his arms before he could grab her and pull her to him. She pulled his head down to hers and kissed him with a hunger only he could curb. He met that kiss wildly, pulling her tight. It was glorious to be with him again, to feel his touch, to have him hold her tight. She pulled away slightly to look at him and screamed. Lucas Hoffman stared back at her, a snide, malicious smile lining his lips.

“Naïve woman. Did you really think he would come so willingly to you? Connor Tananguard will never want you again.” He laughed at her
, and she felt herself falling, falling to oblivion.

Her screams woke her, and she found herself on the floor tangled in blankets. She was in Spain now, living with her grandparents in their grand manor. She had her own bedchamber that was so large in comparison to anything she had ever
imagined, and her son had his own chamber as well. Most nights he slumbered next to her, but tonight he was not. For that, she was grateful. It would have scared him to hear her screaming due to that dream. And she had thrashed about so terribly. She had fallen out of bed onto the floor.

That dream…it
felt so real. There were still tears on her cheeks from weeping. All she wanted was to be whole again, to feel free and to mend completely. She had been here but a few days, and already she felt part of this family she had never known. They loved her. She knew they did. But she was only half a person, and she didn’t know how to love them in return. She wanted to, but her soul cried for the one she had left. If only she could rid herself of these nightmares and Connor Tananguard.

Josephine lay in her bed unmoving. How long had she been here? How long had it been since Connor had found her with…tears formed. She thought she was done weeping. She had done so much of it lately. Not only that, but she was dehydrated. She hadn’t had much to eat or drink for some time now. After two days of waiting, she had given up hope Connor would come back to her. She had simply climbed into her bed to mourn her loss. That seemed days ago. There had been a pitcher of water by her bed. She had taken sips now and then, but her desolate state had prevented her from doing much else. All she could do was think of Connor and what she had lost.

Why would he come for her after what she had done? How could he forgive her? She could not even forgive herself. All was lost to her now.

She no longer thought of the bet as a dastardly thing. It had brought him to her. He
had
loved her as she loved him. She knew it was so. Josephine was at fault. Connor would never forgive her. So many tears she had shed with her thoughts. So many days spent in her bed without food and little water. No one was around to care or notice. Mrs. Lovegood was away, visiting a sister. And Connor was…Connor was not coming back. Her life was gone without him. She did not wish to continue.

She didn’t hear the voices until they were upon her. How had she not heard someone enter her home? Had she not been listening for it those first two days? Now it had been five, and she had stopped listening. But it was only Garret.

He stared down at her with obvious concern, but she ignored him. She stared straight ahead as she had done for some time now.

“Josephine?” Garret’s voice called to her. “What happened? Why are you this way? Where is Connor?”

More tears formed at the mention of his name. Did he wish to cause her pain? Is that why Garret had come?

“Go away,” she whispered. Her voice…she had not used her voice in days. It cracked and hissed the words. She was quite thirsty. The hunger had subsided some time ago.

“No. Where is he? Did something happen to him?” Garret asked with worry.

Josephine did not answer.

“Josephine, what—”

“I left him,” she said with her hoarse voice. And she did not say anything else. She blocked Garret and his noise out. There was someone with him, but it was not Connor. She blocked that man out too. They were doing things around her, but she didn’t care. She was lost, and only one man could save her from her fate.

*

Garret gathered several of his sister’s belongings and packed them into a bag. She left Connor? Why? They seemed happy together, but now…things were not as they should be. He
needed to get Josephine back to Kara. She would know what to do.

“Thomas, pick her up. We are heading to camp now,” Garret said.

“Are you certain?” Thomas asked.

“Yes, we cannot find answers here. She is too…ill to tell us a
nything. I must get her to my aunt. Then I will come back and get answers from someone,” he replied. He would get answers. He would find Connor and force him to tell him everything. Then he would decide if the man should live.

Josephine
didn’t resist Thomas’s arms as he gathered her up. She didn’t even seem to notice. She simply leaned against him and let him take her from her home.

*

Connor stared at the cottage with uncertainty. He should hav
e come back to her sooner. He’d needed to think to decide if what happened was truly her fault. In the end, he did not believe it was. Lucas confessed everything. He believed Sophia was manipulating Connor and that her feelings were not sincere. So he’d told her about the bet to anger her. It had done the opposite. It had crushed her. Lucas hadn’t intended to bed Sophia, and Lucas didn’t believe she intended to bed him either. But he was there for her when Connor wasn’t, and there had been alcohol involved. Lucas didn’t know of Sophia’s low tolerance for it. He had offered it to her, had some himself, and they had shared the night together. It was Connor’s fault! Connor had pushed her to Lucas! If he had just told her of the bet, this wouldn’t have happened. She wouldn’t have gone to Lucas for answers. And she wouldn’t have fallen prey to his seduction. Now it was too late. Lucas had taken Sophia. Yet forgiveness was possible. Oh, but his heart hurt! Even knowing he still loved her and wanted her back, Connor burned with a jealous rage when he thought of his Sophia with Lucas. But he had to try.

With this decided, ten full days after finding Sophia in Lucas’s room, Connor returned to her cottage—their cottage—prepared to make amends.

He walked purposefully to the door and entered. It was dark and dank. There was an odor in the air that Sophia never would have allowed. Something was wrong. Connor searched the house frantically, looking for his wife and not finding her. Some of her things were missing, and the bedroom was in disarray. Where had she gone? Had something happened to her? He would never forgive himself if someone had hurt her. He needed to find her, but where would he look? Mrs. Lovegood was gone. She wouldn’t be back for another week. He didn’t know where Garret lived. The man didn’t frequent London often. He was a partner to a shipping company and was at sea time and again. Who else would know where to look?

Connor’s mind worked frantically. Suddenly, he heard voices coming up the walkway. He sprinted down the stairs and to the front door to come face to face with Garret Meredith.

Garret stared at Connor in surprise that quickly turned to anger. A fist formed and was slamming into Connor’s face before he could do anything to stop it. He stumbled backward.

“You said you would not hurt her!” Garret shouted.

Connor stared at him in stunned silence. What was Garret speaking of? Connor
had
promised that, but he thought he’d kept that promise. He had been the one hurt…betrayed.

“Well? Nothing to say?” Garret spit at Connor’s feet in disgust.

“I…where is she?” Connor asked. “And what are you doing here?”

“I came to gather more of her things. I took her away from here. And I refuse tell you where. Now get out of this house before I have you thrown out!” Garret demanded.

“You took her away? Why? Where? I must speak with her,” Connor said urgently.

Garret laughed. “Speak with her? You ruined her. She was…you have no idea what you’ve done to her, do you?” he finished with a growl.

“Done to her? What has she told you?” Connor asked in bewilderment.

“Nothing! She has said nothing to me! All I can get from her is she left you. I know my sister. She would not leave you unless you gave her good reason to. So Connor Tananguard,” he spat in distaste, “what did you do to my sister!”

“I…if she won’t tell you, neither shall I. Now tell me where she is!” Connor demanded. He was growing angry. Nothing Garret said made sense.

“No. After the way I found her? Never,” Garret growled.

“Found her? What do you mean? What happened to her?”

“That is exactly what I would like to know. And until I do, I won’t tell you anything of where she is.”

“You can’t keep her from me!” Connor yelled, getting up into Garret’s face.

“She is my sister. I will do what I must to protect her even if that means protecting her from you,” Garret growled back, shoving Connor backward.

Connor shoved him back. “She is my wife!”

“You do not deserve her!”

Garret took another swing at Connor, but Connor was expecting it this time. He blocked the punch and threw one of his own, knocking Garret out the front door. Connor followed right after him, ready to swing again. Garret tripped and stumbled down the porch stairs and to the ground.

As Connor exited the house, strong arms circled about him, trying to keep him from Garret.

“Hold Connor,” Thomas’s thick Scottish accent said. “Dickson, keep Garret at bay. We can discuss this without violence.”

Connor struggled against Thomas just enough to show the man he did not like this situation. He could have easily pulled away, and he was certain Thomas knew as much.

Dickson pulled Garret to his feet and held him in place. Garret spit blood to the side and glared daggers at Connor.

Connor was still trying to discern what had happened to Sophia, but he was angry at the arrogance and audacity her brother had shown him. He had no right keeping Sophia’s whereabouts a secret.

“Connor,” Thomas said. “I am going to let you go, but before I do, I wish you to know I was here with Garret when he found Josephine. She was not well at all. I understand his grief and his anger, but I for one would like to hear from you what you know.”

“She was ill?” Connor asked. “How ill? She was well when last we parted, but…that was ten days ago,” Connor finished quietly. Thomas released him as he said he would and Connor slumped forward. “What have I done?” he asked himself aloud. Was her illness because of him, because he had not come back sooner?

“She is very ill, Connor. It’s taking much effort to make her well again,” Thomas replied.

“Ten days ago?” Garret asked in astonishment. “What took you so long in coming?”

“I…I had my reasons,” Connor answered.

“Reasons? Reasons!” Garret shouted. He lunged for Connor. Both
Dickson and Thomas had to grab him to hold him in place. “Let me go! I will kill him!”

“Calm yourself, Garret! We must get answers!” Thomas shouted over Garret’s outrage.

Connor sighed in frustration. “It’s her story to tell. I will not disgrace her or myself by relating to you what has occurred between us. I will, however, inform you we had a very large disagreement.”

“A disagreement?” Garret asked. “A disagreement causes pain not dissolution of one’s soul. She is broken, and you have done it to her,” he finished in dismay.

He was afraid, Connor realized. He was afraid for Josephine. “There is nothing more I can tell you. We argued. She placed her ring in my hand and left,” Connor said. He would not tell these men the full truth. He would not disgrace Sophia in such a way.

“You argued and that is what caused her to leave you? I doubt my sister would leave you over an argument. Did she discover you with another woman?” Garret more accused than asked.

Connor laughed. “Discover me with another…,” he trailed off, laughing again, a laugh of disbelief. If only Garret knew the truth! Connor sighed in amusement then sobered quickly. “No, that’s not what happened.”

“I don’t see the humor in this,” Garret said darkly.

“No, I presume you would not. You want to know the truth?” Connor asked.

“Yes.”

“
We
hurt each other, and it is as simple as that. There were things I needed to sort out before I could come for her. And I have done so. Now I am here looking for my wife to beg her to come back to me,” Connor admitted.

Thomas shook his head. “There are holes in your story, Connor.”

“And only Sophia can fill in those holes. As I said before, it is her story to tell. It is not my place to speak of them to you,” Connor answered.

“Her name is Josephine,” Garret growled. “And I believe you to be lying. There is more to you than we know, and I will find out what. Until then, you will not see Josephine again.”

“You have no—”

“My mind is made up,” he emphasized. “Come Thomas and
Dickson. Let us leave this place. Its care will have to wait another day.” Garret turned and began walking away.

Connor panicked. He had to speak with Sophia, but how could he when this
boy
would not tell him where to find her. “Thomas, please, where is she?” he begged.

“I’m sorry, Connor. Your character is in question. I cannot give you that information.” He too walked toward the edge of the small yard.

“Dickson?” Connor tried.

The man shook his head, reaching for the reigns to a horse.

Connor hadn’t noticed the horses until now. The men would be on them and gone before any of them would answer him, and he could not follow. He’d walked here.

They were mounting. He could either tell them what they wanted to know, or he could send a message to Sophia and hope Garret would give it to her.

“Wait!” he called. “Please, tell her I don’t blame her for what happened. Tell her I understand. Tell her it was my fault. I should have acted sooner, and it would not have happened.” They would think him mad with those words, but what more could he say?

Garret glanced at him, but said nothing. Connor couldn’t read his face. The man urged his horse forward.

“Tell her I still love her. I want her back, Garret. I need her. Tell her that, please!” Connor shouted as the men rode away. Would his message be delivered? Would he ever see his Sophia again?