Tame This (The McCallans, Book Two) (28 page)

Her heart was already pounding from being woken so abruptly, but when she heard Jay’s end of the conversation
, she could already tell it was something horrible. He was up and out of bed, trying to find his clothes. Melanie turned on the lamp and rubbed her eyes, not understanding why she felt so scared at that moment.

“What happened?” she asked as Jay was grabbing his keys from the nightstand. Even though he’d just woken up, there was something more to his face that made Melanie feel sick.

“Something happened to Beck,” was all he replied, and he was out the door instantly. He must have run to his car because she heard it rumble only a few seconds later, and then his tires screeched down the road. 

Chapter Twenty-Six

This could not be happening. It just couldn’t fucking be happening. It was all a joke, right? One minute Jay’s feeling like a man on top of the world, and the next minute he’s suffocating in a hole in the ground buried by guilt.

Beck. He just couldn’t believe it. No, it wasn’t true.

Jay had lain there in bed with Melanie, feeling like his life was coming together, and then she whispered that she loved him. Yeah she was drifting into la-la land, but he fucking believed it. Everything about her screamed it in his face and he was beginning to need it in his life. For some reason he’d asked, “Are you sure?” but it was several seconds after she’d uttered the words, and she didn’t respond. He knew she was asleep by then.

Beck. Jay had felt some of his pride dissipate as he enjoyed his night with Melanie. By the time she fell asleep in his arms, he knew it was time to listen to his gut and make things right with
his friend. It was inconceivable that Kyle would call him ten seconds later to hit him with the news.

Beck had been shot.

“Oh my God,” Jay whispered to himself as he drove way over the speed limit for the hospital. Kyle had been crying on the phone and could barely tell him anything. Beck had just been loaded into an ambulance, and all he understood from Kyle was that it didn’t look good.

When Jay finally made it to the emergency entrance,
an ambulance had just pulled up, and even though Jay didn’t have to look to find out, he knew it was Beck. He saw Kyle appear, and then two paramedics worked to pull out the gurney that Beck was strapped to. There was blood everywhere, all over his chest and all over the EMTs.

“Beck,” Jay called as he approached, not caring if they told him to move or to leave or to fuck off.

He thought for sure his friend was already dead. He looked it. But Beck barely opened his eyes as the paramedics started to rush him through the emergency doors.

“Jay,” Beck’s weak voice answered.

“He’s lost a lot of blood,” Kyle said, keeping up with them too.

“Hey buddy, you’re
gonna be okay,” Jay said to Beck. The paramedic next to him was telling him to please move, but he wasn’t able to leave yet as he kept up pace beside them.

“Jay,” Beck said again. “I’m…I’m…sor…buddy…
Sorry,” he barely whispered.

And at that very moment, Jay knew. He just
knew
. There wasn’t anything in the world that would convince him otherwise, he just
knew
.

He would never talk to Beck again.

A paramedic held him back so he couldn’t go with them through double doors. He was numb anyways, Beck’s words repeating through his head over and over. Kyle was next to him, but Jay couldn’t comprehend what he was saying or doing or even what he looked like at that moment. Jay leaned against the wall for support as a nurse came up and put her hand on his arm.

“Don’t touch me,” he said quietly, pulling away.

“My apologies,” she said politely. “But you can’t be in this hallway. There’s a waiting room—”

He brushed past her without allowing her to finish, and even passed a security guard that was obviously ready to remove him if he needed to. But
Jay needed air. He rushed outside, the nausea starting to feel stronger in his body. He wasn’t sure if he was actually going to throw up, but he leaned over a bush just in case.

“Jay?” a quiet voice said. And that’s when reality was starting to sink in. Kyle. That was his brother in there, too, and not just by friendship
but also by birth. Being a selfish prick at the moment was the last thing Jay wanted to be.

He
took a deep breath and stood upright. He faced Kyle on the sidewalk, who looked like he was a young boy not a grown twenty-one-year-old man. He looked like shit, and Jay realized he too had blood on his shirt and arms.

“I’m sorry, man,” Jay finally said. “I’m so sorry.”

Kyle swallowed, trying to keep it together, but then he lost it. He dropped to his knees on the cement and started to sob. “I couldn’t save him,” he cried. “I tried but…”

Jay squatted
down to his haunches in front of him. “What happened? How did he get shot? What the fuck happened? Where were you guys?”

Kyle took a deep, shaky breath but still sobbed when he let it out. “At the shop. Beck was putting in crazy hours to catch up on shit he was behind on. He needed help, Jay! You should have been there helping,” he drifted off quietly as he cried.

Jay swallowed down the lump in his throat as Kyle cried. The guilt was washing over him again in thick waves because the kid was right. For the past week Jay felt like he needed to make things right with Beck. He knew it without a doubt and he put it off anyway, thinking he’d do it another day. He thought he would have
time
. He wanted his pride to back the fuck off before he talked to Beck because he thought he had plenty of
time
.

“I’m sorry,” Jay finally said, not knowing what else to say.

“Fuck you, Jay,” Kyle cried quietly. “It’s too late.” He got up and staggered away, but Jay jumped up to follow him.

“What happened, Kyle? Tell me what happened!”

“Some fucker came in with a gun! He had two other guys with him and they started taking shit. Beck let them because he didn’t want anybody to get hurt. He was standing in front of me the entire time. That fucker…” Kyle’s voice caught and he took a deep breath. “That fucker shot him anyways. Right as they were leaving. Beck moved toward the door—I think he was trying to see their truck—and the guy shot him anyways! He tried for me too, but missed. Or Beck shoved me down. I don’t remember. I ended up down on the garage floor. And then I saw he was bleeding…”

A pair of police officers had been in close vicinity since they’d arrived at the hos
pital, and they finally asked to speak to Kyle. Jay understood the reluctance that was written all over his face, and he was going to stick with him in case he needed the support, but Kyle cast a death glare at him before he turned to leave with them. They went inside, but Jay remained outdoors for the cooler air. It was bad enough that he’d been on the outs with Beck, but now Kyle hated his guts too.

Jay knew he’d missed a couple of calls so he checked his phone.
Two from Melanie and one from Teague. He didn’t feel up to talking to anyone and was going to leave a text message for them both, but a familiar face approached the hospital and Jay hoped to God that she kept walking and left him the hell alone.

No such luck. Jess joined him on the sidewalk but didn’t say anything right away. She looked pale and concerned, but not hysterical like Jay assume
d a girl would be after finding out her boyfriend had been shot.

“You don’t even care to ask about him?” Jay finally said, motioning through the emergency entrance.

“He wouldn’t want me here,” she replied carefully. “We broke up yesterday.”

Jay stared at her for a few seconds and then scoffed. “Perfect. He dumps your cheating ass and then takes his last breath here. Just perfect. What a fucking joke.”

“Last breath? What? What are you talking about? Kyle said he was heading for surgery…”

Jay shook his head and walked away.

“I broke up with
him
!” she shouted from behind. “I broke up with
him
, you asshole!”

Jay slowed to assess her words, but he had nothing to say so he kept walking. He re-entered the hospital, first spotting Kyle still with the
police. He was sitting down, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Jay kept his distance, not wanting to upset him any further. Jess entered through the sliding doors and eyed him carefully, but she walked over to the furthest seats possible and sat down.

After several minutes of torturous silence,
Jay walked up to the counter and asked, “Beckett Wallace? Any news on him?”

“He’s still in surgery, I don’t know anything yet. When the doctor has something to tell the family, he will let them know.”

Jay turned away without a word and found a seat. He wasn’t sure why he was going to wait for news that he was already sure of because when the doctor came out and found Kyle, watching him fall apart once again wasn’t what Jay needed to see.

“No, no, no, no…” he heard Kyle sob as he rocked back and forth. “No!”

A swift movement caught Jay’s eye and he watched Jess jog across the waiting room for the exit. She was crying too, but Jay could only lean his head back against the wall and stare across the room as he heard her heals clicking for escape. He saw Kyle get up and follow the doctor behind closed doors, but Jay just sat there, completely still and silent.

It must have been almost an hour before Kyle returned to the waiting room. He looked across the room and stared at Jay for a few seconds, and then made his way over.
His face was pale and his eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed. He didn’t say anything for a few seconds until he took a deep breath and let it out.

“They’ll let you see him,” he said
impassively. His voice didn’t even sound like his own. “I told them you’re family.” Then he turned and walked away for the exit.

Jay was going to refuse. He couldn’t do it and wouldn’t. But the nurse that had walked Kyle out was still standing at the door waiting for Jay to follow her. He wasn’t sure what made his body move because he surely couldn’t feel it. And as Jay
walked down the hall behind her, it was like a vacant tunnel to certain doom, full of everything yet full of nothing.

The unknown
, but for sure something dreadful.

The nurse
stopped at a room and gave him a sympathetic smile. “I’ll be right here if you need anything,” she spoke softly, pointing to somewhere in the surrounding area.

Jay had no idea to where she was referring, but he barely nodded and turned away. He stood at the doorway for almost a minute before he took a step forward. The shape of feet under a white blanket came into view first, then legs and chest, and then Beck’s face—eyes closed like he was just resting, but Jay knew better.

Dead. Gone. No more.

Those were the words that the room seemed to greet him with, but not only that, there was the feel of loss that was literally as tangible as the body that Jay now had his hand on. He could feel the change in his life already, the emptiness and
shift in his entire attitude. The happiness that had been in his life only hours ago was already being consumed by something dark.

He stood there for several minutes, not saying a word with just his hand on Beck’s shoulder.
Some things are more important than your damn pride
a voice repeated in his head.

“And things happen in life that are so fucking pointless, it doesn’t even matter
anyways,” he said out loud.

Why this had to happen was never going to make sense to him. This was just completely fucked up…

Beck’s body was wrapped securely with white sheets to keep his limbs tucked in. Jay could see a couple of grease stains on his neck and jawbone, but he knew that his hands looked even worse.
The sign of hard work, all gone to shit
. What was the fucking point? Beck had worked his ass off his entire life to get where he was at and now it was for nothing. Twenty-six years old and he had no more business, no wife, and no kids that he had desperately wanted.

Dead. Gone. No more.

“Fuck,” Jay exhaled, leaning onto the bed. He just couldn’t be in here any longer, but he needed to say what he came to say. “I’m sorry, Beck. Okay? I’m…so fucking sorry for…whatever I did to make you doubt me. This shouldn’t have happened. This is so goddamn pointless… You’re a good man, buddy. You have more to offer the world than me, so I don’t even understand this. I love you, man. I don’t even understand this,” he whispered, shaking his head. He rested his forehead on Beck’s chest and whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

He had to leave before he broke something. The numbness and confusion
were being replaced with bitterness and rage. He walked out the door, wanting to look back at his best friend one more time but not able to. The nurse said something to him but he ignored her. He found his own way to the waiting room and pushed through the doors, ready to rush for the exit so he could punch a wall.

But Teague and Camryn were
there at the reception counter and they saw him. Jay stopped, even though he didn’t want to, and then he saw Melanie step out from behind them. They were all staring at him with pity and sadness and he just couldn’t take it.

He made a move for the exit
as fast as he could.

“Jay, wait,”
Teague said.

“No, just leave me alone.”

“Don’t drive, okay? Let me take you home.”

“I’m not going home.”

Teague paused as he walked with Jay to his car. “I’m sorry about Beck, I really am,” he finally said.

“Yeah, well, not as sorry as me. Just leave me the fuck alone, okay? I don’t need your counseling or your sympathy.”