Authors: David Topus
Talk to Strangers: How Everyday, Random Encounters Can Expand Your Business, Career, Income, and Life (17 page)
Step 1: Become Aware of the Potential in Your Everyday Encounters
Although traditional networking is good for making contacts within an industry or marketplace, you have an untapped world of potential in the people you meet in serendipitous, random interactions from the moment you walk out your door every day. The first step in tapping this huge pool of opportunity is to begin to recognize the opportunities that exist in the people you encounter every day.
Consider or answer . . .
- How often do you start conversations with people you don’t know in everyday random venues?
- Have you had experiences where you met a stranger and ended up making a productive connection? Do you know of others who’ve had such an experience?
- What, if anything, might be keeping you from initiating conversations with strangers in your everyday life?
Practice . . .
For the next week, pay special attention to how many people you encounter in your day-to-day life and begin striking up conversations with as many of them as you can.
Step 2: Bring Transparency to All of Your Interactions With Others
There is usually only a thin veneer separating strangers from potential friends or associates. People are available just below the surface more often than not, and they usually seek human connection with others. By sharing just a little bit of yourself and giving others permission to do the same, you create a pathway for unlimited opportunity through the people you encounter in your everyday life.
Consider or answer . . .
- Why do you think transparency is so important in meeting people, especially ones who can help you in your professional or personal life?
- Who do you know who you think is particularly transparent?
- How open are you to sharing your thoughts and feelings with people you don’t know very well?
- What would you need to do to become more transparent with people you have just met?
Practice . . .
For the next week, share just a little more information about yourself than you typically would; notice how it feels and how it influences how others respond to you.
Step 3: Live the Four Beliefs of Successful Random Connectors
When you truly believe that the world is a friendly place where people—even strangers—are available to you, that just about everyone you see in a public place can be met, that everyone you meet can enhance your life, and finally, that you can enhance theirs as well, you will have knowledge you can turn into action that expands your life in ways you could never even predict.
Consider or answer . . .
- What evidence is there of the fact that the world
is
a friendly place? - Have you ever seen someone you didn’t know in an everyday encounter whom you wanted to connect with but you thought the person wasn’t available? Would you have attempted to meet the person if you had the knowledge and insight from this book?
- If you could make a new contact today who would be of the greatest value to you, who would that be and what would you ask that person for?
- What are three ways that you can enrich someone else’s life?
Practice . . .
For each day during the four days, pick one of the four beliefs and pay special attention to living it that day.
Step 4: Go Beyond Your Comfort Zone; Seek New Faces in New Places
We all tend to follow the same routes and spend our time in the same locations where we are most familiar. We are creatures of habit, frequenting those venues where we feel safe and comfortable. Yet if you want to find new and untapped power portals, you will want to continually put yourself in new venues where you are likely to find new people—and therefore, new opportunities.
Consider or answer . . .
- What are the five most common places you go in your day-to-day life where you are around other people? Include their exact locations. Consider a different location for each one where you could go or explore.
Practice . . .
Do three of the following during the next week:
- Stop at a different coffee shop.
- Shop at a different supermarket.
- Sit in a different section of the train or bus.
- Sit in a different section of your favorite restaurant or bar.
- Take a different route to work.
- Stand in a different area of the sporting event with your children.
- Expand your social network and make new friends by reaching out to work colleagues, neighbors, and/or friends of friends and make a social appointment.
Step 5: Watch for Access Clues in the People You See Around You
Transcending the veil from stranger to potential connection requires thought and skill. Although the vast majority of people are available just under the surface, they are more likely to respond favorably when you approach them respectfully and gently. The good news is that people give off clues about themselves; some are obvious, whereas others are more subtle. Some of these signals of accessibility include company logos on shirts, laminated business cards on briefcases, and embroidered conference or convention names and dates on backpacks. All of these give you content you can use for breaking the ice.
Consider or answer . . .
- What are some ways people reveal information about themselves that you can use to start a conversation?
Practice . . .
For this week, see how much you can discover about the people you see around you or encounter in your day-to-day life, simply by noticing what information they make available about themselves without even speaking.
Step 6: Break the Ice and Make a Connection
Although it is easier to pierce the veil of isolation than you think, people decide in the first few seconds whether they think you’re someone they want to converse with or not. Do you make them feel comfortable? Can they trust you? Do they like you? These are instant and instinctive questions they will ask themselves. The first thing you say—and the way in which you say it—will determine whether there is an opportunity for further conversation. An observation about what is happening in the moment around you both, a question that demonstrates authentic curiosity on your part, or a comment that will resonate with what the other person is doing are all opening lines that, when said in a comforting, safe way, will create the space you need to have an engaging and meaningful exchange—one that allows you to discover all that is possible through your newfound connection.
Consider or answer . . .
- What do you consider to be the difference between something that a new acquaintance can say that would engender comfort and interest and something that would prevent you from engaging in conversation?
- What are some safe and intriguing statements you can make to spark someone’s interest and enhance his or her desire to continue a conversation with you?
Practice . . .
For the next three days, strike up a conversation with at least one new person you come across in a random, daily encounter. For the four following days, make at least two new connections with complete strangers.
Step 7: Guide the Conversation Toward the Most Productive Outcome
Everyone you meet has something to offer. Sometimes it’s through their direct influence—to buy something, to hire you, to invest in your business, and so on. Other times, it is via their professional connections; perhaps you want them to introduce you to someone of influence or authority. And sometimes it’s through their family members or personal contacts. To discover how an individual can be of greatest value to you—the power portal—you will want to demonstrate authentic curiosity and respectfully direct the conversation so that you can gather the information you need to assess this person’s degree and/or type of influence.
Consider or answer . . .
- What would you want to find out about someone you meet in an everyday encounter that would let you know if, and how, that person could be of value to you?
- What questions could you ask that would gently uncover this key information?
- How can you tell when someone is being authentically curious versus feigning interest?
Practice . . .
Over the next three days, practice being curious about people you don’t know by asking them questions about themselves, covering topics such as their line of work, their company, where they like to vacation, where they went to college, where they were raised, and/or what they thought of the last book they read or movie they saw. For the following four days, meet at least two new people and discover a way they can be of value to you, either through their own influence or through someone they know of influence.
Step 8: Present Yourself as a Value Proposition
Just as the people you meet have value to you, you also have value to them. That is a central tenet of turning everyday encounters into mutually profitable relationships. People won’t buy from you, hire you, introduce you to others who have influence, or otherwise invest their time or money in you unless—and until—you show them that you have something of value to offer in return. This is your value proposition, and it comes through your product or service, your knowledge, your skills, your experience, your ability to make money for others, or any number of other ways you create value for others.
Consider or answer . . .
- What do you do, know, or provide that makes a positive difference to others?
- Make a list of the
specific
ways your product, service, expertise, or offering translates into value for others.
Practice . . .
Notice how many times this week, and in what ways, you and your activities—either professionally or personally—positively affected others, be they colleagues, customers, neighbors, friends, or anyone else you interact with professionally or personally.
Step 9: Follow Up/Leverage the Connection
Meeting new people and discovering the power portals in your everyday life gets you only halfway to your goal. You have to capitalize on the connection to make it across the finish line. Until you leverage your new contact, you have made only a friend. And although friends are treasures in their own right—and sometimes the most valuable relationships begin as friendships—successful opportunity expansionists are focused on determining how to monetize the relationship. Once you have identified how this person can be of value to you and you to him or her, you will want to follow up with an e-mail, phone call, or note where you direct the next step toward whatever opportunity was unearthed in your initial encounter. Sometimes a proposal is appropriate; sometimes it’s simply another step in the process. But always it should move the relationship—and the opportunity—forward.
