Talk to Me (15 page)

My daughter Sophia, who can fit in your pocket, picked up my driver and decided she liked the ‘big girl's' club better than the kids' version. My driver was almost as tall as she was, which made it even more adorable. What a sight it was to see her swing it like it was nothing. I know it's
something
, since I had pulled many muscles in my hand with the same motion she so effortlessly showcased for me.

Anyway, I signed up for a game called ‘Nine and Wine', which is basically nine holes of golf and, if you can still stand at the end, drinking wine to deaden the pain in your body. We also have a game called ‘Chicks with Sticks'. I was grouped with Sid, her daughter Marie, and Caroline. I was awful, but they didn't care. We laughed, connected, and I sunk two balls. I'm told that was good, but I'm pretty sure they were just being nice. Most importantly, I finished the course and conquered my past with golf.

Now it's become a therapeutic outlet for me. You're with fun people, you get to whack a ball as hard as you want and find common ground with other people who are trying to release some tension. I'm not good, but I'll learn.

So take a chance and try something new. If you have a high-stress job or just want a common hobby with your mate, take a lesson. There are public courses that are open to everyone, and you can rent your clubs there. If you are competitive like me, you'll love it and hate it at the same time. It's a challenge. So golf gets a big thumbs-up from me! It's good exercise, it lowers your stress levels and it gives you an opportunity to connect with others in a light-hearted manner. What's not to like?

My daughters all play, and one day maybe the grandkids will, too. A lot of kids participate in a sport that, as they age, will fall by the wayside because they physically can't do it anymore, or their friends can't. Golf is a sport that can help a young person get a full scholarship to the university of their choice. It's a sport that they can do with their friends throughout their life. You can teach it to your kids, grandkids, etc., and play it with them.

If you already play golf, then you know the benefits of it, too. I've also noticed that going back to nature has a way of calming your soul and soothing your nerves. By the way, golf really keeps you in shape; those ladies 40 years my senior still have amazing figures. Sign me up for that!

When you live in a big city, you can easily fall into the ‘concrete jungle' trap. Make sure you have plants and bright f lowers around you to act as a sort of escape from reality. It's part of the reason why many women are so thrilled to receive f lowers; it elevates their soul to reconnect with the fragrance and the lively colours sitting before them. There's something about nurturing a living thing, whether it be a plant or a pet, that raises your spirits. I listen to country songs that talk about ‘watching the grass grow' with the one you love, and I couldn't imagine having the time to do that. Then I figured out it wasn't that they had the time, but they
made
the time, realising what really matters in life.

I have my own version: I sit with Joe and watch the pine trees sway, and we stare at the grey squirrels with their blown-up tails as they hop from branch to branch just above our patio. If you make time to take inventory of your life and prioritise according to what is important, you'll have nothing to regret. I've been guilty of getting caught up in the rat race that we all endure professionally, but thankfully my kids keep me in check in my personal life.

I have two excellent friends named Amy and Traci who own some ‘Massage Envy' clinics in Arizona. They always look relaxed and refreshed, so I thought checking out a massage would be a good method to find balance within me. Joe and I booked appointments together, and it couldn't have been on a better day. Anyone with children will understand that kids can not only ride your nerves, they can instantly turn your hair grey. We love them; they're just challenging at times. The day of our appointments our girls were in rare form. We had gone shopping for back-to-school supplies, and the girls fought about every little thing. I thought my head was going to explode.

We returned home and Joe and I left for our appointments. No, actually, we ran to our appointments, hoping to extract our weary selves from girl-drama. My masseuse was a very nice lady named Jodi, who towered around 6 feet tall. I knew I needed someone who was strong, because I f ly on planes a lot and sleep in many uncomfortable hotel beds when I'm on the road working. I found out the hard way that this is not great on the back and shoulders. I don't think people realise the toll that life in general takes on our bodies. I had many knots in my back and, boy, did Jodi go to town on them! She explained to me that the burning sensation I felt when she worked on my muscles was blood moving back into places it hadn't been to in very a long time.

Stress and tension really do manifest physically, and it's important to love yourself enough to find ways to rid yourself of as many difficulties in your life as possible. I'm working on this, too, because it's very easy to get caught up in trying to fix endless problems, and it's so necessary to take a step back. When my massage was over, I felt beyond relaxed. I felt like I was in a better version of my body, and I couldn't believe the difference it made.

I had got so used to the pain from daily wear-and-tear on my body, I just learned to live with it. I didn't realise it was making me cranky and tense. After the massage I didn't feel that way anymore. I felt relaxed, happy, renewed and a believer in the positive benefits of massage. It helps with your blood circulation, it helps your muscles stay f lexible, and it brings down your stress level—I highly recommend it.

Needless to say, Joe and I left in very good moods, laughing and feeling sensational. And, hey, it worked for Frank Sinatra, who got a daily massage for all those years. He lived a long time and he looked incredible! I will definitely have to get a massage more often.

Joe has also tried ‘hot yoga' and he really liked the way it broke down the toxins in his body, although he did think it almost killed him. We know people who love this form of relaxation so, if you're brave, it's another type of exercise to help you to focus and connect with the energy around you.

MAKING CONNECTION
S

Being relaxed and in a healthy state of mind is especially important when it comes to using your abilities. If you're distracted by kids and work, or obsessing over your past, you're not going to get clear information. When I prepare for a reading, I always light a white candle and focus on the glow of the candle. I also do some deep-breathing exercises that help put me in a clear, focused frame of mind, and it elevates my energy to connect with spirit.

I find visualising a bright light growing inside of me, and then extending outside of me, seems to act as a sort of beacon to the other side that I have strong, open energy waiting to connect with them. You can't be distracted, so you want to be in a quiet place while concentrating on connecting. If you want the opposite effect and you want to block the other side, then playing music can help you achieve that goal. When you desire quiet from the other side, any amount of noise will shut down spiritual communication.

To further open up, tell someone related to you who's on the other side to work with you on recognising signs. This would involve them giving you signs to interpret for practice, beginning a clear relationship with the deceased so you can move forward on the same energetic page. It's like allowing them to hold your hand and plug into your energy, just as you've now plugged into theirs. You can also educate yourself by using pictures of the deceased as a tool to connect with the person in the picture. Often, a physical image will conjure up a stronger sense within you, opening a door in your mind where you start feeling what their personality is, and begin to have pictures f lash through your mind from that person's life experiences.

A photograph will also make the deceased feel a connection or ‘way in' to the person gazing at their image. This puts you on the same energetic page as the deceased because both the deceased and the person looking at their image are focused on each other in that moment. Write down any impressions you get while looking at the photograph; it helps to bring focus when learning how to ‘read' people and energies.

Some mediums use objects that belonged to the deceased, and this practice is called ‘psychometry'. Sometimes objects that carry the energy of the deceased can make it easier to ‘dial in' to the entity that you wish to communicate with, due to the fact that it mattered to the deceased in both life and death. Usually, because the object connected them to somebody they love and was symbolic of their relationship, this can often be ‘felt' when you hold the artefact.

There are lots of various ways to strengthen the many facets of your abilities. Remember, they are limitless, and you are limitless when it comes to being strong enough to connect and predict. Continuing to practise is key, as well as being in the right head-space to receive clear, precise information through your senses. Whether you do yoga, garden, paint, play a musical instrument or play golf, whatever relaxes you will only make you better at performing well enough to achieve 20/20 vision with your ‘third eye'.

5
Too close to home

I
 reflect back to Mother's Day 2008, and I couldn't have been happier. I sat in a dreamy tearoom in the Phoenix Ritz-Carlton with my three babies (who aren't so little anymore), my husband, Joe, my mum, Tiena, my stepdad, Doc, and my stylist at the time, Charles McCormack. Our girls were all dressed up with ribbons and curls looking like such little ladies. Hey, at least once a year we don't have to wipe some form of dirt off their faces. Mother's Day is that day!

We all consumed an alarming amount of finger sandwiches with fillings such as egg salad, cream cheese with cucumber, and chicken salad with currants. They were a little girl's—or even a big girl's—culinary fantasy for a tea party. It was my idea of a perfect Mother's Day afternoon.

I had six cups of soothing tea, but my girls had me beat; they love tea even more than I do. We toasted to all the mothers who were not there in body, but were with us in spirit for sure. We talked about Charles's mum and my grandma Jenee and my great-grandma Ruth, and we all visualised them there with us. My mum Tiena drank champagne, and she laughed and cried happy tears as she opened her presents. It was one of those unforgettable days that never leaves your soul, and you spend a lifetime hoping for another that's just as memorable . . . almost too good to be true. I know when magic has occurred and I am just grateful for special days like that.

It was a sunny day in Phoenix. I bet you've never heard that before. (Just kidding, sunshine is part of Arizona's charm.) The piano music was intoxicating, like fingers tickling my soul and making me feel five years old again. In my mum's eyes, I still am. It's kind of nice to be thought of like that and called ‘Pumpkin' from time to time, especially when you're as old a soul as I am, but I don't like being called pet names in front of strangers. That's embarrassing!

Jeffrey Hattrick was our tea maitre d', singing ‘Wind Beneath My Wings' to his mother on his mobile phone, as well as to all the guests in the tearoom. It's a tradition that he performs every Mother's Day. We thunderously applauded, and there wasn't a dry eye in the house. How proud his mum must be! We also enjoyed a fashion show.

Joe is such a good sport, tolerating all of our girly adventures. He is all-male, though; he can be heard yelling at our television set every time his alma mater Ohio State plays a football game. He's really a great guy and such a phenomenal dad.

Anyway, the day ended and we all left saying, ‘We can't wait till next year!'

Three days would pass before I would hear the news that would change Mother's Day for my family. Joe and I packed up our car that Wednesday to take our girls to Los Angeles for
Medium
's Season Four wrap party. As usual, our girls bickered back and forth for the sport of it. I never had a sister, but having three girls I've noticed that sisters will argue about the sky being blue or whose eyes are darker brown. It's tiring, and anyone who has kids or has been instrumental in raising them understands what I mean. I've been told I'll miss the noise some day; I'll have to get back to you on that one.

We checked into our hotel and cleaned up for a fantastic night of seeing old friends in Los Angeles. It was a decadent affair, and we revelled in the 80s music being played by the DJ. Our daughter Fallon hung out with her best buddy Maria Lark, who coincidentally plays Fallon (who is called ‘Bridgette') on
Medium
. I think they drank one too many Shirley Temples. They had a blast together and later begged to have a sleepover. Of course, we agreed.

That night I had the pleasure of meeting Gene Kelly's son, Tim, and I knew my dad had to be there with me in spirit. My dad was a dancer, and he thought Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire were too cool for words, so he took me to see every movie of theirs that replayed at a local theatre. The last one I remember seeing Gene in was
Xanadu
. This movie dates me, but being a former competitive rollerskater, it was one of my favourite movies from the 80s.

Joe's phone rang and he pulled me aside. ‘Allison, there was an accident last Sunday.'

You know when you hear those words it's much more than just an accident.

‘Okay, what kind of accident?'

‘Your nephew little Michael's mum, Deidre, was in a car accident and she's in the hospital hooked up to machines, but there's no brain activity.'

Only a month earlier my young nephew had been to visit us, and he was so happy. I know from grown-up children who I've read that the day little Michael's mum was in the accident will be a frozen segment of time that will remain with him for the rest of his life. What made it worse was that Michael turned thirteen two days after Mother's Day. It's so unfair to a child, and so a part of what life can throw at you. Mother's Day and his birthday will feel heavy for him until possibly his own child is born one day in the month of May.