Tales of the Dying Earth (101 page)

"That is not regular procedure," declared Ildefonse. "Our task at hand is to learn the whereabouts of the Blue Perciplex! We must not be diverted!"

Hache-Moncour stepped forward. "I endorse the views of Ildefonse! I now undertake to make a full, thorough and exhaustive investigation into this deplorable matter, and let the chips fall where they may! In the meantime, our normal business may well proceed, and I suggest to the Preceptor that, in view of my undertaking, Vermoulian's motion now be ruled in order."

Rhialto glanced toward Ildefonse. He raised his hand to his mouth as if to stifle a yawn, making a secret sign in the process. Ildefonse gave a wince of distaste, but nevertheless invoked the Spell of Temporal Stasis.

Rhialto and Ildefonse inspected the chamber where their associates sat or stood poised in frozen postures.

"This is a nuisance," grumbled Ildefonse. ''Everyone in the group carries a monitor, that he may not be swindled by his friends. Now each of these monitors must be searched out and justified if the deception is to succeed."

"No great matter. I have evolved a new technique which easily befuddles the monitors. I need only a pair of quampics and a red-eyed bifaulgulate sandestin."

Ildefonse brought forth an object of eccentric shape derived from a fulgurite. From the opening peered a small face with eyes as red as currants. "This is Osherl," said Ildefonse. "He is not altogether bifaulgulate, but he is clever and swift, if sometimes a trifle moody. His indenture runs to five points."

"The count is far too high," said Osherl. "Somewhere a mistake has been made."

"I believe the count to be valid and just," said Ildefonse, "Still, in due course I will check my records."

Rhialto spoke to Osherl: "You are anxious to reduce your indenture?"

"Naturally."

"A simple 'yes' or 'no' will suffice."

"Whatever you like; it is all one with me."

Rhialto went on: "Today Ildefonse and I are in a lenient mood. For a few trifling tasks we will mark you down a full point—"

"What?" roared Ildefonse. "Rhialto, you distribute points among my sandestins with a lavish hand!"

"In a good cause," said Rhialto. "Remember, I intend to impose triple damages, with total confiscation in at least one case. I will here and now stipulate that your seizure of my IOUN stones was in the nature of a safeguard, and not subject to the punitive provisions which otherwise might be applied."

Ildefonse spoke more equably: "That is taken for granted. Deal with Osherl as you will."

Osherl said persuasively: "A single point is of no great account—"

Rhialto turned to Ildefonse. "Osherl seems tired and languid. Let us use a more zestful sandestin."

"Perhaps I spoke in haste," said Osherl. "What are your requirements?"

' 'First, visit each of the persons caught in the stasis, and use these quampics to adjust each monitor so that it will fail to register this particular stasis."

"That is no great work." A gray shadow flitted about the room. "It is done, and I have won an entire point."

"Not so," said Rhialto. "The point is yours after all the tasks have been accomplished."

Osherl gave a sour grunt. "I suspected something of the sort."

"Nevertheless, you have made a good start," said Ildefonse. "Do you see how nicely things go when one is amiable?"

"They only go nicely when you are generous with your points," said Osherl. "What now?"

"Now you will go to each magician in turn," said Rhialto. "With great care remove the dust, chaff and small bits of detritus from the boots of each person present including Ildefonse and myself. Place the yield from each pair of boots in a separate bottle, identified properly with the name of the magician."

"I know none of your names," grumbled Osherl. "You all look alike to me."

"Place the yield in a series of labeled bottles. I will name off the names. First is Herark the Harbinger . . . Ao of the Opals . . . Perdustin .. . Dulce-Lolo . . . Shrue ..." Rhialto named off each of the magicians, and instantly a glass bottle containing dust and trash in greater or lesser quantity appeared on the table.

"Again, no great matter," said Osherl. "What now?"

"The next task may or may not take you afield," said Rhialto. "In any case, do not dally nor loiter along the way, as important consequences rest upon our findings."

"To a dung-beetle, a pile of brontotaubus droppings is a matter of prime significance," said Osherl.

Rhialto knit his brows. "Ildefonse and I are both perplexed by the allusion. Do you care to explain?"

"The concept is abstract," said Osherl. "What is the task?"

"The Adjudicator at Fader's Waft, whom we know as Sarsem, is absent from his post. Bring him here for consultation."

"For a single point? The balance becomes uneven."

"How so? I ask you to locate only one sandestin."

"The process is tedious. I must go first to La, there pull on what might be called the tails of ten thousand sandestins, then listen for the characteristic exclamations of Sarsem."

"No matter," said Ildefonse. "An entire point is an item to be cherished; you will have earned it well and honestly."

Rhialto added: "I will say this: if our business goes well, you will not have cause to complain. Mind, I promise nothing!"

"Very well. But you must dissolve the Stasis; I ride the flux of time as a sailor sails on the wind."

"A final word! Time is of the essence! For you, a second differs little from a century; we are more sensitive in this regard. Be quick!"

Rhialto cried: "Wait! We must hide the bottles of dust. Hurtiancz has the eyes of a hawk, and he might wonder to find a bottle of dust labeled with his name. Under the shelf with the lot! . . . Good. Ildefonse, remember! We must terminate this colloquy with dispatch!"

"Just so! Are you ready?"

"Not quite! There is one last bit of business!" Rhialto repossessed the glossolary which Vermoulian had obtained at Falu; then Rhialto and Ildefonse, working together and chuckling like schoolboys, fashioned a simulation of the glossolary, changing the vocabulary so that it yielded not clear and precise language but absurdities, insults and sheer nonsense. This new and faulty glossolary was then restored into Vermoulian's keeping. "Now I am ready!" said Rhialto.

Ildefonse lifted the spell and the conference proceeded as if it had never been interrupted.

Hache-Moncour's words hung in the air: "—of my undertaking, Vermoulian's motion may now be ruled in order."

Rhialto jumped up. "I move that the meeting be adjourned until such time as Hache-Moncour completes his investigation. Then we will have full information on which to base our findings."

Vermoulian gave a croak of protest; Ildefonse quickly declared: "Vermoulian seconds the motion; are all in favor? No one seems opposed; the motion is carried and the meeting is adjourned until Hache-Moncour reports his findings. The lights are about to go out and I am off to take my rest. To all: good night."

Casting dark looks toward Rhialto, the magicians departed Boumergarth and went their various ways.

Rhialto and Ildefonse repaired to the small study. Ildefonse set out double spy-guards and for a period the two sat drinking wine with their feet raised to the flicker of the fire.

 

"A dreary business," said Ildefonse at last. "It leaves an evil savor worthy of an archveult! Let us hope we can find guidance in the dust of your bottles or from the testimony of Sarsem. If not, we have no basis for action."

Rhialto gripped the arms of his chair. "Shall we study the bottles? Or would you prefer to take your rest?"

Ildefonse heaved himself to his feet. "I know no fatigue! To the work-room! We shall study each grain of dust under the pantavist: up, down, back, forth—until finally it cries out its tale! Then we drive home the nail with Sarsem's testimony!"

The two went to the work-room. "Now!" declared Ildefonse. "Let us look to your famous bottles!" He examined the contents of several. "From such nondescript sifts I expect nothing of value."

"That remains to be seen," said Rhialto. "We shall need your best macrotic enlarging pantavist, and then your latest edition of Characteristic Stuffs: Dusts and Microvies of the Latter Aeons."

"I have anticipated you," said Ildefonse. "All is here to hand. I will also order up a classificator, to make our work less tedious."

"Excellent."

The inquiry proceeded with easy efficiency. One at a time the bottles were emptied and their contents examined, identified, graded, and classified. By middle morning the work was through, and the two tired magicians went out upon the terrace to take rest and nourishment.

In the opinion of Ildefonse, the work had yielded little of significance, and his mood was glum. He said at last: "In the main, we are faced with ambiguities. We neither prove nor disprove; the 'Extraor-dinarys' are too many: specifically, the dusts of Vermoulian, Hurtiancz, Hache-Moncour, Dulce-Lolo and Byzant. Additionally, the 'Extraor-dinarys' may simply be special cases of the 'Ordinarys,' while the 'Ordinarys' may be associated with cryptic deeds beyond our detection."

Rhialto nodded. "Your indications are accurate! Still I do not share your pessimism. Each 'Extraordinary' tells its own tale, except in one case."

"Aha! You are referring to Vermoulian, since the dust from his boots is unique in shape, colour and complexity, and different from everything classified in the catalogue."

Rhialto, smiling, shook his head. "I am not referring to Vermoulian. In his case we would seem to be investigating dream-dust, scuffed up from one or another of his dream-landscapes. The catalogues are understandably noncommittal. As for Hurtiancz, he uses medicinal powder to relieve a fungoid infection of the toes, and we can confidently place him on the 'Ordinary' list. Byzant's dust is in the main a powder of phosphatic calcars, evidently deriving from his field of interest, which again the catalogue prefers to ignore. In regard to Dulce-Lolo's amazing many-coloured particles, I recall that his part in a recent 'Charade of Folly' required that he paint each of his feet to represent a grotesque face."

Ildefonse stared at Rhialto in wonder. ' 'What purpose could possibly be served by this conduct?"

"I gather that Dulce-Lolo's role in the Pageant was thereby enhanced. Reclining on his back, he kicked his feet on high, meanwhile reciting a dialogue in two voices, falsetto and bass. Particles of the pigment evidently were trapped in his boots, and I must consider him, at least from our immediate perspective, as an 'Ordinary.' "

"And what of Hache-Moncour?"

"His dust, while 'Extraordinary,' may or may not be instructive. We lack a critical item of information, to this effect: is Hache-Moncour an amateur of caverns and underground chambers?"

Ildefonse tugged at his beard. "Not to my knowledge, but this means little. I did not realize until last week, for instance, that Zahoulik-Khuntze is an Elder at the Hub and Controller of his own distinct infinity."

"Odd but interesting! Back to Hache-Moncour, his boots were rife with a singular dust, discovered only in a few underground places of the world."

"Ha hm. The fact might mean much or nothing."

"Nevertheless, my suspicions incline toward Hache-Moncour."

Ildefonse gave a noncommittal grunt. "For proof we must await Sarsem, and hear his story."

"That goes without saying. Osherl will report at the earliest possible instant?"

"So I would expect." Ildefonse glanced thoughtfully toward the work-room. "Excuse me a moment."

Ildefonse left the terrace and almost immediately sounds of contention came from the direction of the work-room. Ildefonse presently returned to the terrace, followed by Osherl and a second sandestin using the guise of a gaunt blue bird-like creature, some six feet in height.

Ildefonse spoke in scathing tones: "Behold these two creatures! They can roam the chronoplex as easily as you or I can walk around the table; yet neither has the wit to announce his presence upon arrival. I found Osherl asleep in his fulgurite and Sarsem perched in the rafters."

"You demean our intellects," snapped Osherl. "Persons of your ilk are unpredictable; they must be dealt with on the basis of exactitude. I have learned never to act without explicit instructions. If I were to do otherwise, your complaints would rasp even more stridently upon my attention. You sent me on a mission from the work-room; with mission accomplished I returned to the work-room. If you wished me to disturb you at your vulgar ingestions you should have made this clear."

Ildefonse puffed out his cheeks. "I detect more than a trace of insolence in these rejoinders!"

"No matter," said Rhialto. "He has brought Sarsem, and this was the requirement. In the main, Osherl, you have done well!"

"And my indenture point?"

"Much depends upon Sarsem's testimony. Sarsem, will you sit?"

"In this guise, I find it more convenient to stand."

"Then why not alter to human form and join us in comfort at the table?"

"That is a good idea." Sarsem became a naked young epicene in an integument of lavender scales with puffs of purple hair like pompoms growing down his back. He seated himself at the table but declined refreshment. "This human semblance, though typical, is after all, only a guise. If I were to put such things inside myself, I might well become uneasy."

"As you like. Now to business. Where is the Blue Perciplex which you were required to guard?"

Sarsem asked cautiously: "You refer to the blue prism reposing on the pedestal? You will find such an object as sage as ever in its accustomed place."

"And why have you deserted your post?"

"Simplicity itself! One of your ilk delivered a new and official Perciplex to replace the obsolete version, which had lost its effect."