Taking Him (Lies We Tell) (19 page)

Then, as her arms wrapped around him, and her mouth opened beneath his, his mind ceased to function and the whole world narrowed down to the tight clasp of her body around his cock and the intensity of the pleasure that built and built until he couldn’t stand it anymore. Dimly he heard her sob, her body rigid and shaking beneath his. Then he groaned her name as the universe shattered around him, breaking him into tiny pieces along with it.

Ellie turned her head into Hunter’s neck, keeping her legs locked around his waist, her hands pressed flat to his back, holding onto him tightly as shudders racked his body. She couldn’t seem to stop shaking either, the aftershocks of her own orgasm still pulsing through her.

She’d always imagined making love with Hunter would be intense. But that had been more than she could ever possibly have imagined.

There had been no detachment. No distance. When he’d looked at her, she’d known it truly was her he saw, not some other woman instead. She’d thought at first he’d be demanding and had been almost craving that part, her body aching and hungry for him. And yet, when they’d gotten upstairs he’d been…gentle. A bit hesitant. Almost as if he’d been nervous, which was weird because he’d never been like that before.

Ellie closed her eyes, running her hands down the muscular expanse of his back, his skin oiled with sweat, smooth and slick. She loved the heavy weight of him resting on her, pinning her down, holding her to the earth like an anchor. He was breathing fast and hard, and when she brushed her mouth over the damp skin of his neck, she felt the shiver go through him. And she loved that too.

She licked his shoulder, tasting salt, and his breathing hitched. Then, after a moment, he shifted, his weight easing as he gently untangled her arms and legs from around him, slipping free from her body and moving away.

It left her feeling cold, like once again he was retreating from her. Ellie rolled over, stretched out a hand. “Don’t go.”

“I’m not.” He sat up next to her, one hand running through his short black hair.

The moon through the windows fell on his tattoo, the graceful black lines of it sharply delineated in the light, and as he moved his hand the wings flexed as if in preparation for flight. Ellie gave in to temptation and put a hand on his back, running her fingers over the feathers inked onto his skin. He went still, his muscles tight.

She frowned. “What’s up?”

“Nothing.”

Same old response. Same old lie. He didn’t turn. Didn’t look at her. Just sat there with his back to her, his body tense as a wound spring.

She dropped her hand, her throat clogging with stupid hurt. Physically he was here but emotionally he’d gone. A door shutting in her face. Again.

“It’s her, isn’t it?” she said. “You’re thinking of her. Wishing she was here, not me.”

Slowly he turned around, dark brows drawn together. “What?”

“That other woman. And don’t lie, Hunter, I can see it in your eyes.”

His gaze was opaque as obsidian. And she couldn’t stand it anymore. Couldn’t bear his distance, especially after the heat and the intensity of the sex they’d had.

She turned and slipped off the bed.

“Ellie? Where the hell are you going?”

But she ignored him, not saying a word. Shit, two could play at the silence game. Her dresses were on the floor downstairs, so she grabbed the sheet off the bed instead, wrapping it around her then walking straight out of the bedroom.

“Dammit, Ellie!”

Behind her she heard movement but she didn’t wait, hurrying down the hall toward her own room, blinking back yet more freaking tears as she did so. Jesus Christ, she was so damn sick of hoping and praying for more and yet getting silence. It hurt. It hurt too damn much.

He pulled hard on the end of the sheet that was trailing along behind her, jerking her to a stop. She tried to pull back but there was another sharp tug, making her stumble, warm fingers curling around her upper arms, holding her tightly.

“For fuck’s sake, stop,” Hunter said roughly in her ear.

His body up against her spine felt hot and all she wanted to do was lean against him, melt into him. But she wouldn’t. She felt too raw, too vulnerable. And this only-so-close-and-no-farther dance he led her on was making her too unhappy.

“Why?” Ellie wrenched herself away from him and turned round. “What’s the point? If you want more sex then go find whoever it is you keep thinking—”

“I’m not thinking about anyone,” Hunter cut her off roughly. His eyes glittered in the light, a strange, almost desperate look on his face. He ran a hand over his head again in a restless movement. “At least not in the way you’re imagining.”

Ellie pulled the sheet tighter around herself. “Then why did you let me believe that you were? Or is that another bloody lie?”

“I’m not lying and I didn’t let you believe anything.”

“Bullshit!” She stepped up close to him, staring up into his face, trembling and unable to stop. “You said you were going to prove you wanted me, but all you did was fuck me then turn away like I meant nothing!” She swallowed back the tears. “I don’t want to be nothing to you, Hunter. I don’t want the door shut in my face all the time. Making love to you was the most intense, incredible experience of my life, and I wanted it to be that way for you too. But if it wasn’t, if I was a substitute for someone—”

“You’re not a substitute! I’ve never done that before with anyone.”

“What?” She blinked at him, not understanding. “You’ve never done what before?”

“I’ve never had sex before.”

The words didn’t make any sense. She searched his face for some clues as to what the hell he was talking about. “But… You must have…” She stopped. Because when his hand rose to his head yet again, it was shaking. Her heart constricted and when he spoke it constricted even more.

“No.” His voice was thick. “I haven’t.”

The world tilted on its axis, her brain struggling to catch up with what he was saying. “You’re…you were a virgin?”

He gave a harsh laugh. “Okay, sure, why not tell it like it is? Yeah, technically, I was a virgin.”

“But you’ve had lovers. I know you have. I’ve heard you talking to Vin and—”

“I’ve had lovers.” His hand dropped, still shaking. “I never screwed any of them.”

“But they never said you didn’t…”

“Why do you think that hooker knew me? Hookers are easier. They never ask me any fucking questions.”

Oh God, back in his bed, his nervousness, his hesitations, the way he’d held her, the sound he’d made as he’d entered her… His first time. Ellie’s throat closed. She hugged the sheet tighter around herself, so she didn’t go to him and put her arms around him, his distress so obvious she could hardly bear it. But the look in his eyes made her stay where she was. Defensive anger burned there, a simmering heat that was almost palpable.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… Jesus, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why should I? What difference would it have made?”

Ellie felt her heart break a little inside her chest. “It would have made a difference to me.”

“Well, it shouldn’t.”

A fraught silence descended.

He didn’t say anything, standing so tall and powerful in the hallway. He was completely naked, so beautiful. The kind of man women threw themselves at all the time. Why had he never gone all the way with any of them?

A sudden, horrible thought occurred to her.

“Oh God,” she whispered. “Were you saving yourself for her? Is that why you never did anything with any of them?”

“Saving myself?” He said the words as if they were dirty. “Fuck no.”

“Then why?” It was getting to be too much. The silence, the unanswered questions, the secrets, the distance. The way he kept giving her the tiniest pieces of himself, crumbs to keep her hanging on. The tattoo. The hooker. The weird dynamic going on with his family. The virginity. Small glimpses of things that made up who he was and yet never revealing the whole. “Why haven’t you slept with anyone else? And why did you sleep with me?” The tightness in her chest began to spread. “I don’t understand. You gave me your body but you won’t even talk to me! Was it at all special for you? Or was I only a convenient body at a convenient time?”

“Ellie, no… Shit…” His chest heaved as if he’d run a hundred miles. “It was special. God, you’ve got no idea how much.”

“But there’s someone else, isn’t there?” She felt like she was teetering on the edge of a precipice, one missed step and she’d go over. “I know there is. Your stepmother, Elizabeth, she told me at the wedding there was another woman. That there was only one woman in your life and it wasn’t me.”

A dark flame leapt in his eyes, his expression unreadable. “Did she? And did she say who this woman was?”

“No. But it’s true, isn’t it?”

He’d gone very still. “Yeah, it’s true. There was another woman in my life. But she’s not in it anymore.”

It should have made her feel relieved, yet it didn’t. Instead, a weird foreboding gripped her, prompted by his stillness and the oddly detached look on his face. As if the precipice was crumbling under her feet and there was nothing she could do to stop it. “She’s not?”

“No. Although technically she’s still around.”

The foreboding gripped tighter. “Who? Who is it?”

Hunter held her gaze. “Liz,” he said softly. “It was Liz.”

Chapter Eleven

Fucking Liz. Of course she’d screw everything up. She always did. And now he had no option but to tell Ellie the truth. Ellie stood in front of him, naked apart from her sheet, her beautiful red hair everywhere, and he hated the look of anguish in her eyes. Hated knowing he’d put it there. She’d held him in her arms, taken him inside her body, given him an experience he’d never, ever forget, and he couldn’t bear to repay those gifts with a lie.

And what was the big deal about the truth anyway? There was nothing wrong with being a virgin. Completely screwed up for a thirty-three-year-old man, yeah, he could admit to that. But not wrong. Besides, the thing with Liz wasn’t a secret. A youthful indiscretion he’d prefer no one know about, a mistake he’d once made, sure. So telling her shouldn’t be difficult. Shouldn’t be hard.

And yet it was. The hardest thing he’d ever had to do in his life.

The colour had drained from Ellie’s face. “Liz? Your stepmother?”

“It happened a long time ago, when I was sixteen, seventeen.”

“But how old was she?”

“Thirty-eight.”

Ellie went white. “Hunter….”

Really, there wasn’t any drama telling her—it happened so long ago he barely remembered—so he might as well tell her everything. It wasn’t as if he gave a shit nowadays anyway.

“Dad was away from home at a conference. Liz came down to the pool one afternoon when I was swimming and we got talking.”

Little white bikini with gold rings holding it all together. Long tanned limbs. She was beautiful and she knew it.

“Come here, Hunter. I need some sunscreen help for my back.”

Her hands undoing the catch on the back of her bikini top, the white fabric falling onto the sun-lounger… ”You like doing that, don’t you? How about I turn over so you can do my front too?”

“She wanted me to put suntan lotion on her. So I did. Everywhere. She made it clear she liked it, and that she wanted more. I was almost seventeen and horny, and I didn’t say no.”

Ellie had a strange look in her eyes. Like pity and horror all mixed into one. “What?” he demanded, defensive anger rising. “Yeah, I was stupid and I shouldn’t have done it. But Christ, you should have seen her. She was beautiful.”

“You were sixteen, Hunter,” Ellie whispered, still looking horrified. “And she was thirty-eight.”

“So?” He ignored the twist of disgust, of shame that crawled down his back. “I was old enough to know what I wanted.”

“Were you?” She came toward him, very slowly, and he found himself tensing again, all the old feelings flooding back. The need to distance himself. Keep himself separate. “At sixteen?”

Anger knotted in his gut. He focused on it because that was easier than the other emotions that crowded inside him. “Nearly seventeen. And of course I knew what I wanted. Show me the teenage boy who would have said no to a pair of tits like that.”

The deliberate crudeness stopped her, the catch in her breath audible. After a moment she said carefully, “You didn’t sleep with her though.”

“No, but not because I didn’t want to. She wouldn’t because she didn’t want to cheat on my father.”

A silver spark of answering anger lit in Ellie’s eyes. “She didn’t want to cheat on her husband with his son, yet she had no problems with seducing said son?”

His grip on his anger loosened. “Don’t make the mistake of thinking I was innocent, Ellie. I wanted her. I wanted to fuck her, don’t ever doubt that.”

Ellie started walking again, coming right up to him, her gaze holding his with a directness that made him want to push her away. His hands curled into fists at his sides, restraining the impulse.

“Of course you did,” she said softly. “Like you said, you were nearly seventeen. So did it happen the once?”